Disclaimer: I own nothing! Not even this story idea. This whole concept came from RenzokukenZ.

Mystic: Time for another giftfic! Well, welcome back giftfic. RenzokukenZ has finally returned to the world of fanfiction after one very long month. To welcome him back properly, I've decided to write him a oneshot--maybe. This idea he gave me might turn out to be a two parter. Who knows? Anyway, his idea was this: Cloud discovers in Tifa's diary that she's been having some steamy affairs with the other males of FF. Okay, steamy affair? Oh, yeah... However, I'm going to narrow it down to just one male in particular because his idea was just a bit too similar to dantesdarkqueen's fic, Seed. Good, good fic by the way. Check it out if you get the chance. Also, RenzokukenZ has apparently figured it out that I don't like Cloud. He's not my favorite. As much as I like some fics portraying him as happy and normal, I personally prefer chocobo-head all angsty and emo and totally guilt-ridden.

Since that's out of the way, on with the fic!

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"How could you Tifa?!"

"How could I what, Cloud?"

The martial artist and owner of the Seventh Heaven bar wasn't expecting her blond friend to try and make her feel guilty over nights of incredible, steamy, and tantric-filled sex.

"Vincent! You're having sex with Vincent!" The blond swordsman accused.

"... And that's a problem... how?" Tifa asked nonchalantely, while drying off some wine glasses.

Cloud only stood dumbfounded behind the counter as he watched his best friend and business partner just shrug off her affair with the former Turk.

"It is a problem, Tifa!" Wasn't it? I mean, Cloud hadn't given any hints that he wanted to be more than just good friends. So, how was it a problem? Wait, aha! "What about the kids? Denzel and Marlene?" Perfect, how you've backed her into a corner.

Of course, according to page sixty-nine (it just had to be that number) of Tifa's journal, Vincent not only backed Tifa up to a corner, but proceeded to send her straight to the damn, sexual moon.

Tifa only looked at Cloud in utter confusion, her face twisting in a sort of scowl. "What kind of girl do you think I am, Cloud? I'm not going to screw Vincent with the kids in the same room."

Damn! That one backfired. "So, what then?" The swordfighter asked. "You just tell them to watch TV or go outside to play whenever you and Turk-boy have an urge?"

Tifa was now even more confused. "Turk-boy?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. "I'm sleeping with Vincent, not Reno." The red-head seemed to be a bit too kinky for her tastes. Well, that's what Yuffie said anyway.

"What. About. The kids?"

The martial artist sighed and lifted her hand to her forehead. "Marlene and Denzel like Vincent." Somebody please tell her why she had to explain her fun and exciting actions? She was a grown woman for crying out loud! "He helps them with their homework."

Cloud just had to ask his next question. He just had to. "Where does this leave us?"

Oh, dear bahamut, Tifa sighed again. Any more sighing and she might as well break out the razor blades. "What us, Cloud? I said we'd always be friends."

Cloud's heart dropped. Just friends? That's it?

"I mean, you really weren't expecting us to become lovers..." Tifa noticed the slightly pouty expression on her friend's face. "Did you?"

Her friend since childhood looked at her straight in the eyes. He was opening his heart and soul to her. "Well, yeah."

"Oh, ew." Tifa not so successfully repressed a shudder.

Ew? Did she just say ew? "What was that, Tifa?" Surely, she didn't say something as childish as "ew".

"Yes, ew. Vincent is sexy and yummy." Her eyes kind of glazed over at the mention of her red-caped lover and her hands even clasped over her heart. "That cape is so dreamy and manly."

"Did you just swoon?" Cloud asked in disbelief. What was with tall, dark, and handsome guys? Weren't blonds supposed to have more fun?

Sigh, swoon, and almost faint. "Yeah..."

Cloud waltzed over to the large couch in the living room and slumped down into the cushions. "You have successfully turned me, completely emo, Tifa."

Tifa giggled and skipped back to the dishes she had been drying. "My razor is on the bathroom sink if you need it."

What? No sympathy? What the fuck has gotten into his friend? Wait, Vincent has gotten in to her. According to pages seventy-three through ninety-six of her journal by the way. Cloud never should have read the thing. "I tell you that I'm going emo, and you don't care?"

The brunette beauty's mouth turned up in a sly grin. "Vincent is coming over soon and the kids are at school." Teehee, she just said the word 'coming'.

"You suck."

"Vincent says very well."

That's it! The former hero of Gaia had heard enough of the fighter's active sex life. The blond man bolted to the door and took refuge outside.

This was utterly the worst day of his life. More so than the time he had to don a dress to infiltrate the HoneyBee Inn. Wait a tick. Was that place still open?

A horny grin appeared on Cloud's face as he strode down the sidewalk.

Maybe this wasn't the worst day of his life.

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Mystic: This... just kinda wrote itself. I hope I didn't disappoint RenzokukenZ! Don't forget to leave a kind review, guys!