A/N: UPDATE! This is now starting off a year after the first Avengers movie. It's all just cute stuff I imagine happened between the first Avengers and the new one. I will point out times where they left to be in other movies, idk. Keep in mind this is spread out over a nice chunk of time. I'm rating it T for the slight chance they discuss nightmares in detail.
Avengers and Marvel characters don't belong to me. Just writing about them.
The Avengers had established a routine, as odd of a routine as it was. During the day, when they weren't saving the world, their days flow together in a perfect rhythm. Everyone had their own things to do, to keep them busy. It was a sort of normalcy one wouldn't expect for superheroes, the sort of normalcy that made Natasha unsettled. Their days were good; everyone kept themselves busy and could pretend to be alright. Nights were the hardest part. It became evident no one could sleep and when they did, they were plagued with nightmares. She knew because she was in the same situation as everyone else.
Tonight was the same as most: Natasha's eyes flashed open as she forced herself to wake up from her nightmare. Slowly, she sat up, wiping the cold sweat from her forehead. Her eyes ran over the dark room, making sure she was alone before she let out a breath she had been holding far too long. With slumped shoulders, she got out of bed and pulled on her robe over her cotton tank top and shorts.
This was part of their routine. Getting a full night's sleep was a rare accomplishment for the team members that lived on base. Instead of sleeping, the team could usually be found in pairs throughout the building. It was rarely the same two; they sought out whoever was awake or were doing something that suited their needs that night. After all they had seen since they became heroes, it was hard to deal with the weight they carried, especially at night. The nights were the worst part. It made the weight so heavy that they would seek out companions, just someone to sit quietly with you and pretend everything was alright. Even Natasha found herself needing that.
Tonight was a night she needed to pretend with someone, so she exited her room. She made her way down the hallway that had all their rooms, even for the members who only lived here part time. Where the hall ended, it opened into a large living room connected to a kitchen. A wall separated the two rooms, but it had a hole in it so you could see into the other room.
At the couch was Clint, his usual spot when he wasn't home with Laura and the kids. Clint was the most likely to have company at night. Natasha believed it was a mixture of Clint's personality, the odd father role he was forming with the group, and the fact that killing things on video games had a way of distracting a person. He was slumped over, Xbox controller on the ground in front of him. The television still flashed brightly in the dark room, but was on mute. Quietly, Natasha turned off the television and console. She picked up a blanket from under the coffee table and draped it over her partner. Out of everyone, she was the closest to Clint and was so relieved he was getting sleep. Out of everyone, he was the second person that slept the most.
Next, she made her way to the kitchen. On nights where she couldn't sleep, she searched the areas they usually met. She would accompany any woken soul or take care of the few that managed sleep. Today, the kitchen held another two sleeping souls. Heads down on the counter, mugs in hand were Tony and Rhodey. Tony lived here part time technically, but with each month he was spending more time here than home. Pepper was very busy with the business and Natasha knew he didn't want to stay alone. Rhodey had gotten back the day before and was spending some time at base. The two friends were fast asleep. Natasha carefully removed their cups from their hands and emptied out the cold cups of tea. She made herself one and turned the lights off as she left.
Natasha got in the elevator and headed down to the ground floor. The only people left tonight were Bruce and Steve. Thor was off planet for the next week.
She knew Steve was running laps tonight, she saw him from the living room window. Some nights that was exactly what she needed: to burn off as much energy and frustration as possible. Tonight wasn't one of those nights. Her last option was Bruce. Usually, Bruce was passed out in a lab (Tony's usually place too). Natasha usually checked on him when she made her way back to bed. He would be lying on a counter, glasses askew on his face, and twitching. His dreams seemed to be the most intense.
Tonight wasn't one of Bruce's usually nights. Tonight was one of his rare excursions out of the lab. Once Natasha stepped outside, she could see his figure sitting on one of their benches outside. Slowly, she made her way to him. It was a cool summer night and the air against her skin was exactly what she needed. It reminded her she was here, now, in the present and not trapped in her dreams.
She sat down next to Bruce, who was staring up at the clear night sky. He was still dressed in his usual dress shirt and slacks. Bruce was one of the few that never even bothered trying to sleep. He just let it take him when it could.
"Hey," Natasha spoke quietly. She held her warm mug with both hands, watching the steam rise slowly.
"Couldn't sleep either?" he asked. He sounded so tired, but the exhaustion hadn't been enough to win. She felt for him.
"I rarely do," she admitted. Her voice was somber. It was the truth.
"Do any of us?"
"No, not really." She watched him as he purposely avoided looking at her. She knew how he was feeling. He was suffering like the rest of them, but unlike everyone else, he had never sought out another's company for comfort.
It was quiet for a long moment and Natasha sipped her tea, closing her eyes for a moment. The sounds of summer nights filled her ears: crickets chirping, light breezes rustling leaves. "You know," she said softly, opening her eyes to look at him, "we all worry about you." Banner just shook his head.
"Everyone is having a hard time sleeping, Bruce, we all get the nightmares. We get it—"
"No, you don't," he said evenly, eyes closed in pain.
"Then explain to me what's so different for you."
"I see them, all the people I…the Other Guy has killed. The looks of terror everyone has when I change. They…They haunt me."
The quiet night took over once again. Neither of them spoke for a couple of moments.
"You think I don't get that?" Natasha whispered. Her voice filled with emotion. "You think I don't have the same sort of dreams? Bloodied bodies, screaming, crying, begging? You aren't the only one that's killed people, Bruce." Her voice cracked and she took a pause for a deep breath. "You aren't the only one…"
Natasha stared up at the sky for a moment, trying to fight the oncoming tears. She rarely spoke of her pain; only in late night talks with Clint did she ever reveal the weight she carried, the lives she had stolen. The weight of hundreds of souls rested on her shoulders. She was a trained assassin. Her only purpose on this world was to kill and she was desperately trying to change her fate.
"I'm sorry," Bruce said quietly eventually. He always assumed he was the only who did damage. "I…You understand." In his conceding, he was letting her know he understood her as well. It was the first step to unlocking the door that he hid all his pain behind. He wasn't the only one who was a killer; just the only one that had no control over it.
"Do you want some tea?" Natasha asked softly. She held the warm mug out to him and he took it awkwardly.
"Yeah," he murmured. Neither of them wanted to talk about what they had done. Tonight wasn't one of those nights.
"You can talk to us about your pain," she told him, making eye contact. The concern in her eyes was so genuine. "Not everyone has been through the same thing, but we all are suffering and we all want to help." As odd as it was, her team was the closest thing she had had for family besides Clint in a long time.
Bruce nodded. "I'll keep that in mind," he promised. He handed Natasha back her cup of tea. "Thank you, Natasha." His eyes showed he meant it.
"You're welcome, Bruce."
A/N: Hope you liked the first segment. I have no idea how many I'll make, especially since finals are coming up, but I have four parts completed at this moment. Hope you enjoyed it!