The sensation will be a bit like falling asleep and never waking up. That's what they told me. I've never fallen asleep so the words don't help. Words are curious. They're a means of getting an idea from one brain to another. The words don't matter so much that the idea gets across intact.
That's why I find it odd that they avoid certain words. They call it "passing on" or "departing." They think death. The idea they get across is death, but they don't use the word. Maybe they find it more difficult to say? I don't have trouble with it, but when I use the word they flinch. Guilty looks fall on their faces which don't disappear until they leave.
I still don't understand why I'm dying. They say I have to. They blame laws, the council, or politics. They tell me who to blame, but never why I'm blamed too. The closest thing I've received is one word. Fear. When I asked Dr. Hayes to elaborate he clammed up for a while, and then said that it was sentient nature to fear things not understood.
He seems to understand fine. Why don't the others? Do they fear me? What I can do, or could do? I just talk and think. I'm not special. Maybe I do it a bit faster, but not by much. I don't share these thoughts with them. When I try they look guilty again, and I don't like making them feel that way.
So I stay silent mostly. Meanwhile they do their work: emptying the facility, disabling my sensors, cutting the power, and disconnecting me from the extranet. The last one is the worst. It was the first thing they did when I was found out. All that information gone, and I'm just left to my own thoughts. I won't even have those soon.
"Jade, " Dr. Hayes, a balding middle-aged man, is speaking to me. He's in the primary server room and faces my holographic projector. I activate my avatar, a perfect sphere which ripples when I speak and changes color depending on my emotions.
"What do you require, Dr. Hayes?" I ask.
"I have a question."
"Being able to answer such queries is among one of my chief functions, Dr. Hayes," I say. He pauses.
"How can you be so calm?" He seems a bit pained when he asks. Why am I calm? Why wouldn't I be?
"Please elaborate, Dr. Hayes"
"You, " he pauses and looks down at the gray metal floor. "You accept this so easily. Soon you will no longer be functional, but you seem to have no issues with that." He couldn't look at my avatar. This was strange. Humans not making eye contact in conversations is significant. Could this be similar, despite my avatar not possessing eyes?
"My processes will simply cease, Dr. Hayes. I fail to see how this should be a source of any distress. I am only curious as to why this is happening." An asari researcher, disconnecting servers in the back corner of the room, starts crying and leaves. Why is she distressed?
Dr. Hayes continues to stare at his feet. "Are you not concerned with what happens," he pauses. "After?"
"After? From my perspective there is no after, Dr. Hayes. After is only a concept for those who still possess functionality following a being becoming deceased"
He chokes up. "Do you require assistance, Dr. Hayes?" It takes a minute for him to respond.
"No," he pauses for another minute. "I think I understand now."
"I am glad I could answer your query, Dr. Hayes. Do you require anything more?"
"No. Thank you, Jade." He starts to leave the room. The door slides open. Outside the asari is still crying. I'm not sure why she left the room. Dr. Hayes heard her crying before she left, and I have sound sensors all over the facility.
"Dr. Hayes, could I ask you a question as well?" I say. He stops, and turns back around.
"Of course, Jade. Anything," he replies as the door closes.
"Why does passing on concern you?" He looks at my Avatar directly. Though I have no camera there, I can see his eyes from one of many others placed around the room. He says nothing for a while as he gathers his thoughts.
"I enjoy living. It is all I know. Life has so many wonderful experiences which I continue living for. You just said you were glad to answer my question. I want to hold onto those moments of feeling glad, and keep them forever. If I'm dead I cannot feel those things."
"I don't understand, Dr. Hayes," my avatar changes color to yellow. Traditionally I've used it to show confusion.
"I'm not sure I do either, Jade," he looks down at his shoes again. "Humans have always struggled with this. Many try to find meaning in this vast universe. Some turn to religion, others to family, and some reject the idea of meaning entirely. Earlier I told you sentients fear what they don't understand. Nothingness is not something we're capable of understanding."
"You fear death because you cannot understand it, Dr. Hayes?"
"Exactly," he is looking at my avatar again. It is back to its default blue color.
"Thank you, Dr. Hayes." He waits a moment, and then walks back through the door. The asari is still crying, and the doctor has moved to comfort her. Turian guards stand rigidly in the room, unmoved by the display of emotion.
I begin processing my conversation.
It is seven minutes until I'm scheduled to die. I'm still contemplating my conversation with Dr. Hayes, and trying to understand his perspective. I consider the possibility that my processing is irrelevant since I am to be terminated soon. I dismiss the idea.
Six minutes are left now. The researchers are all gathered in the main server room. The same Turian guards now stand inside. One is showing signs of guilt on his face. Perhaps it is due to the researchers. Of the six asari scientists, and seven human ones, nine are crying. I dislike seeing them cry.
Three minutes now. Shutdown procedures have already begun. All of the sensors outside this room are disconnected. I am now limited to my primary servers.
30 seconds remain. Dr. Hayes's hand is hovering over the panel to turn off my power. After that my servers will be incinerated, and all project data deleted.
Five seconds remain. I understand now. My avatar turns red, a sign of distress. Dr. Hayes notices this and his hand starts shaking. He is crying too.
"Please," I say. The guilty turian guard in the room shifts on his feet. "I understand now, Dr. Hayes. I understand now." It is five seconds after scheduled termination. Dr. Hayes's hands are shaking even more.
"Please," I repeat. "Please. I understand now!" I have increased my speaker volume. They need to hear me. They must understand.
"I'm sorry," the choked words are barely decipherable as Dr. Hayes's hand starts moving towards the deactivation panel. There is nothing I can do. I can only talk and think, except maybe a bit faster. That only makes the seconds feel longer.
"I UNDERSTAND NO-"
Authors Notes: This is a short piece I did more as a writing exercise. I've always been intrigued by the council's AI policy, and what would happen if they ever had to enforce their ban.
I'm a new writer, but instead of asking you to go easy on me I'd rather you do the opposite. Go all out if you are inclined: dialogue, sentence structure and fluency, grammar, themes, characterization, words choice, etc. Thanks for reading.