Once a Reality, Now a Dream
By: LaughWhileCrying
Disclaimer: I, in no way, own Harry Potter or any of its affiliated branches. All rights to Harry Potter are the sole property of JK. Rowling and Warners Bros. No copyright infringement is intended.
Rating: K+
Summary: "Because Lily Evans was, in fact, the victim, and had every right to be angry at Severus Snape. After all, he had called her a mudblood - wasn't that reason enough?"
A/N: This little one-shot was inspired by the many stories I have read about the fight between Lily's and Severus's crumblimg friendship. Authors tend to place all the blame on Severus (making Lily the victim) or on Lily (making Severus the victim). For me, they're both to blame. (Although I do personally think that Lily has a lot more to do with their faliure than people usually portray. I like Lily, I really do. But I don't think that she deserved Severus Snape.) Anyway, enjoy!
Lily Evans did not consider herself to be a difficult person to please.
All she truly wanted was nice, intelligent conversation, a good book, and a big scoop of ice cream from Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour (chocolate with raspberries and nuts, please). And for the most part, she was always happy (except for when Potter was acting like a prat, or Remus wasn't performing his Perfect duties correctly, or when Black was being immature, or when her fellow Gryffindors simply refused to take their studies seriously...).
And except, of course, for right now.
It was nearly curfew, and Lily was tired. The last thing she wanted to do was listen to Severus Snape attempt to "apologize" (if it could even be called that). She mentally scoffed. Apologize, lie was more like it. Why would Sev be sorry for calling her a mudblood? He and his friends said it all the time when he thought that she couldn't hear.
"Lily, please," Severus practically begged in front of her. She couldn't deny that he looked like a mess. His hair, despite always being in an unhygienic state, was even messier than usual, and his eyes were bloodshot. For a moment, Lily wondered if he had been...crying. She banished the thought as soon as he thought it. Severus Snape did not cry. "Please, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it, Lily, I didn't mean it!"
"You 'didn't mean it'?" Lily shot back, utterly irritated with his pitiful excuses. What, did he think she was an idiot? Or just gullible enough to believe him? "You didn't mean to call me a 'mudblood'? How could you not? I hardly think it just, 'slipped out.'"
"Lily, I'm so sor-"
"Save your breath. I don't want to hear it."
"Lily," Severus said lowly, attempting to grab her arm.
"No, Sev!" She said, yanking her arm away from his, letting his hand fall onto empty space. "You hurt me, Severus, and not just today."
Severus stopped trying to meet her eyes now, simply staring into empty space. He took a deep breath, "And what have I done to hurt you, Lily?" A dark look ran fleetingly across his face, so fast that Lily wasn't even sure if it had been there. She wasn't quite sure what it was, but something in Snape's voice kept her from screaming at him. For a moment, it seemed that Severus was almost... dangerous.
"You- you- I hear you in the corridors," she stuttered. "I hear you with your friends – the horrid things you say. You say m-mudblood all the time, Severus." She ignored his wince at the word. "You and your friends hate muggleborns, don't they? You hate muggles, don't you?"
The young Snape attempted to interrupt. "No, Lily, I-"
"Do you hate me too?" she continued, completely ignoring the interruption. "Or what about my mum, Snape? You remember my mum, right? She's that 'filthy muggle' that used to pack you a lunch when your mum forgot or when it was stolen. She's the one that would take care of you when you had a cold; the one that loved you more than your own mum! Do you hate here for being a mudblood too?!"
Severus froze in shock and anger. "How- how dare," he stuttered, his eyes narrowing more and more by the second. "Don't you dare bring my mother or yours into this, Evans!" If it had been any person other than Lily at that point, he would have no doubt spat on her shoes. She knew it was a low blow, but it was necessary to make Severus see sense.
Wasn't it?
She shook her head, attempting to clear out her thoughts. "No, I can't forgive you Severus. You've done too much – gone too far this time. I've helped you with your screw ups in the past, Severus, but not anymore."
He opened his mouth to object, but Lily cut him off.
"You can't deny it, Snape. I've protected you, and been your friend, and have been by your side since we were children." She looked up into his eyes, trying to stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks. She would not cry. She would not break. "Did our friendship really mean that little to you that you would just throw it away?" She paused for a brief moment to take a deep breath. "Did I mean that little that you would just throw me away, Sev?" She hated how pitiful and weak her voice sounded. Where was he Gryffindor courage?
Gone. Cast away along with her heart – lost when Severus had chosen his side.
Lily did not wait for a reply, nor did she honestly expect one. She spun around on her heel, starting back for the Gryffindor common room, expecting to leave a sputtering Severus behind her. With any hope, he would be a little remorseful of his actions, most likely attempting to apologize some more.
His reaction was entirely different.
As she turned for her house dorm, she did not hear incoherent apologies or sniffles or sobs. Instead, a low voice hissed, "Dear Merlin, when are you going to stop acting like the victim, Evans?"
Lily spun back around to face Severus still standing there behind her, hurt and fury radiating in midnight black eyes. She could have sworn he was nearly shaking with rage.
"This is as much your fault as it is mine," he spat.
Any grief she had felt was immediately replaced with anger. Indignation swelled inside of her at the accusation. How dare he suggest that this was her doing? How dare he accuse her of "acting like the victim?" He was the one that called her a mudblood, not vice-versa. She had every right to be hurt and angry! She had tried to steer him away from those Soon-to-be-Death Eaters and help him out of trouble! How was it her fault that he wouldn't listen to her advice? Didn't he say that he had come to apologize? Well, he certainly was doing a fine job at it.
"And how is this my fault, Snivellus?" She hissed, a tiny part of her cringing at the use of the horrid nickname. In any other circumstance, she would have immediately apologized. Of course, in any other circumstance, she wouldn't have used the name to begin with. "I've tried so hard to help you all of these years, but you've just changed so much, haven't you? What happened, Severus? What happened to that little boy on Spinner's End? You were sweet and smart and wanted to fit in, but now you're cruel! You're cruel and heartless and you don't care about anyone but yourself!"
Tears were threatening to erupt from her eyes, but Lily held them back as best as she could. She would not let Severus see her cry. She had to make her point before it was too late.
"I tried Severus; I tried to help you, to steer you away from bad influences, but you just wouldn't listen! You hang around people like Mulciber and Nott without even a second thought! They're bad people-"
"Because Potter and Black are saints, aren't they, Lily?" Severus's voice was thick with bitter sarcasm. "You tell me I am associating with bad people but the ones you hang around are not much better."
"At least they aren't Junior Death Eaters!"
"Oh, so you're buying into those rumours now, are you Evans? And here I thought you preferred to abstain from gossip. Has McKinnon hooked her claws into you, is that it? She does seem to enjoy rumours a little too much if you ask me."
"Well I didn't ask you. And don't bring my friends into this, Snape. This is between you and me. No one else."
"Then keep it that way Lily, and please refrain from bringing my friends into this as well. You keep talking and insulting and sneering at me in such a way that would put Potter's ego to shame, but not once have you even acknowledged the hypocrisy in everything you have just said."
Lily's eyes narrowed slightly, the tension growing even tighter. "Like what?"
"I'm not the only one who has changed, Lily. You've changed as well, and not for the better I might add."
"I've barely changed at all; it only seems like that to you because you've changed so much. If anything, I've simply grown more mature. Other than that, I'm still very much the same girl you met all those years ago."
His beady black eyes narrowed into slits, very much resembling that of a snake. Very fitting, Lily mused, for a Slytherin like himself.
"You are as blind as the sun is bright, Lily Evans," he hissed dangerously.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" she demanded, tired of the Slytherin's riddles.
"You're smart Lily; figure it out."
She shook her head growing weary of his presence. All she wanted to do was sleep and forget that Severus Snape ever existed. "Just leave, Snape."
He stared into her emerald eyes for a long moment, the silence more deafening than the Gryffindor common room during a party. "You used," he said finally, and then took a sharp breath, "to call me Sev." He then turned on his heel and began walking swiftly (albeit with a slight limp) down the corridor, most likely back to the Slytherin dormitory.
That night, Lily barely slept at all. Instead, she spent the night tossing and turning in her bed, whispers of her Ex-best friend's words playing on repeat in her chaotic mind. Too restless to even contemplate sleep, Lily eventually gave up even trying, deciding to sit and stare out the wide window of her dorm instead. By dawn, the redhead had already decided to cut off all ties to the greasy-haired fifteen-year-old. It wasn't good for her to spend time with such bad influences anyway.
And Severus Snape was, after all, the worst of influences to spend time with.
By this point, Lily had to look away from the window, the risen sun too bright in her blind eyes.
Hope you enjoyed that. This actually took about 3 months to complete. I know, I write slow.
Anyway, please leave a review, regardless if you loved it or hated it. :) if you see any spelling or grammatical errors, please let me know! Flames will be used to perfect my firebending.
Until next time,
LaughWhileCrying