Barney Stinson opened his eyes and let the blinding hospital lights greet him after a very long nap. He squinted and blinked, trying to get focused and take in his surroundings. "OK, Stinson, focus. I'm in the hospital, every bone in my body is shattered, and I strangely feel no pain." That last part was a relief. Had he looked both ways before crossing the street, like Mom had always taught him, he would've seen the bus and he wouldn't be in this sorry state right now. But, he hadn't and now he was no suit and all cast. No swag and all swog. No 'oh-so-debonair' and all fragmented.
He'd only been asleep three hours since after the gang had dissipated, and now he was hungry. And his foot itched. Where was the staff in this place? As if reading his thoughts, the door opened and a pretty blond nurse with a big chest came into the room. "The doctor on staff is going to come check on you in just a few moments, Mr. Stinson. Can I get you anything meanwhile?"
"Yes." Barney said in his confident way. "I'll have a scotch."
The nurse laughed. "You're funny. I'll get you a water bottle." And then she was gone.
"I wasn't joking." Barney pointed out to his empty hospital room.
The door opened again and a blond, short kid walked in. "Alright, Mr. Stinson, let's have a look at your chart." The kid, who couldn't have been any older than 16, walked over to Barney's chart at the foot of the bed and began to scan the information. He had on blue scrubs under his white coat and was chewing his lip in concentration. Barney let out a small chuckle. "Alright kid, where are your parents? Do they know you're in here messing with medical equipment?"
The teen sighed, rolled his eyes, and said in a rehearsed sounding way, "I am Dr. Douglass Howser. Call me Doogie. I have a legitimate license and I'm a real employee at this hospital. Now, you broke quite a few important bones, so how are you feeling?"
"Like I got hit by a bus." Barney bit sarcastically. "Kid, I don't have time for this. Go play doctor somewhere else and leave me to my healing." He tried to shift a little in the bed and winced as a sharp pain shot through his spinal cord.
"Don't move. " Doogie said in all seriousness. "Too much jerking around could rip something open. You have a lot of internal damage."
"I will say this one more time, kid. You are wasting my time. Please. Get out. Or I'll call the nurses or the cops." Barney was starting to feel the pain of his accident to a more real extent now, and the threat came out through gasps of pain.
The blond teen frowned deeply and looked ready to spit back a remark, when the nurse came back with a water bottle in her hand. "Oh, there you are Dr. Howser. Dr. Matthews wants to how much morphine you would like given to Mr. Stinson here for his next dosage." Barney couldn't believe his ears. This teen was actually a doctor. And in charge of his morphine…
Doctor Howser looked Barney right in the eyes as he said, "I think Mr. Stinson is fine for a few hours on the last dose he was given." Then the doctor turned on his heels and left the room.
Barney laid his head back on the pillow and groaned. The nurse, oblivious to his plight, just set the water bottle down on the side table and said, "Doctor Howser sure is great, you know. Brilliant, too. But, stubborn at times. I guess that comes with the age, though."
"You know, he reminds me a little of myself when I was that age." Barney laughed a little, but quickly stopped due to the miniature Rockettes of pain doing a kick line on his body. He cursed the little brat for withholding the pain meds from him, but, then again, he did deserve it. Barney closed his eyes and sighed deeply, trying to conjure a nice memory of Scooter as he drifted off to sleep again.