The Babe and the Beast
A Parody
Once upon a time, in a faraway land (aka some distant part of France), there was a castle. Inside this castle lived a nameless prince who was a spoiled brat. His nonexistent parents let him have all the parties and ho's he wanted, but he was unsatisfied with all that he had. In other words, this kid was a total jerk who only cared about himself. One winter's night, since the power had gone out at the castle, the prince decided to do the one thing he knew how to do best: throw a huge rave party. He invited everyone in the kingdom except for one person, the town's local enchantress. More than a little offended at the lack of an invite, the enchantress decided to spank some sense into the brat and went to crash the party. As a decoy, she disguised herself as an old beggar woman in ragged clothes. She realized she had made a huge mistake after she trudged twenty miles through the blizzard to reach the castle. Once she did, she was in the first stages of hypothermia and her feet were blackened with frostbite. Anyway, when she knocked on the door of the castle, the party bouncer answered and refused to let her in. The enchantress, already pissed off from walking through the blizzard, simply punched the man out (and succeeded in breaking all of the bones in her arm, as she was still disguised as an old woman). The prince came over to see what all of the commotion was about, and the enchantress asked him if she could be invited to the party. He responded quite understandably:
"Who are you and what the hell are you doing in my castle?"
This pissed the enchantress off even more, and so she lost her temper and revealed her true self to the prince. This greatly troubled him, and he tried to explain that her invite to the party had gotten lost in the mail, but the enchantress would have none of it. As revenge, she transformed him into a beast and turned all of his servants into household appliances. She also gave him a rose and a mirror as an insult to remind him of how ugly he was. The rose also had magical powers of staying alive for lengthy periods of time, and would stay alive until he turned twenty-one. If he could learn to truly love another person without getting her into bed with him first (thus earning her love in return), then the spell would be broken. If he failed, he would remain a beast forever and would never throw another party again. As the years passed, he fell into a deep despair, for how could he ever learn to live without his ho's?