(Hello! Rikahara here to warn you of the impending STUPIDITY of this fic, just a random story I had floating around in my head. Please read and tell me what you think. You want it to be more of a crack-fic? ok. You want me to shut up and stop my poor attempts at humor because I'm making you sick? Right away! Anywho, carry on, and thanks! :) )
The edge of the rift, where fires burned deep and shadow mixed with light. The portal rippled and fluctuated with a life of its own, ready to go. All it needed now was a Kaiju to go through it.
Thing was, the Kaiju was having misgivings. It shuffled on the edge, its four arms rubbing its claws together nervously. Hesitating, it swiveled its elongated neck around and growled a question at the alien minds watching it.
"I'm not so sure about this….I'm scared." *
*(the author has tried her best to translate Kaiju gibberish into something mildly understandable)
"You have been created for a singular purpose," the minds intoned. "Your purpose lies beyond that portal. Fear is an alien concept that has not been programmed into you; nothing should hold you from your goal."
"Yeah..I-I guess." Its six eyes squinted at the portal, nervous blue blush lighting up its grey scales. "B-b-but will I be okay? What lies over there?"
"A world for the taking. The possibilities are endless."
The Kaiju immediately brightened up. "Could….could my mommy be over there?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever. Just go already."
"Okay!" The Kaiju jumped, feeling the pull as it was dragged through the hole. Streams of light flashed past its face as it soared up and up. It flew through shadow and water, finally bursting force into a sea of crashing waves and foam. The light was blinding, it had never seen a sky like that before.
Out of the corner of its half-blinded vision it saw a figure approach, moving the ocean around it. It was big like the Kaiju, so that only meant one thing…
"Mommy?" It cried out hopefully, in response it got a metal fist to its face.
"One more brainless monster taken care of!" Chuck moved his arm, his jaeger giving a victorious fist pump in response. Herc merely rolled his eyes at his son. Thanks to being mentally linked, he didn't even have to say anything for his son to realize how annoyed he was.
"Celebrate later, we still need to get back and wash all this Kaiju crap offa' us. " Striker Eureka brushed some of the guts off of its mechanical body as the elder Hansen sounded the all clear. "Targeted eliminated, you hear?"
"Loud and clear," Tendo's voice crackled over the comms. "Alright, get nice and comfy for pickup, and when you get back to base don't say I didn't warn you."
'Warn us of what?!" The two Hansens asked simultaneously.
"Look, I didn't do it!" He spluttered before the comm went dead, leaving the father-son team in confused silence.
Chuck stood in the doorway to his room, jaw tight, a white-knuckled grip on Max's leash. For once, his father didn't have anything to say. He just stood there, grizzled mouth hanging loosely open at the scene before him. He wasn't going to say it out loud, but he was actually pretty impressed that someone had managed pull of something like that in the short time they were away.
"Raleigh…" Chuck growled, a dangerous glint in his eyes. "I'm going to kill that son of a-" the last word came out as a guttural snarl as he turned and stomped down the hall, a man on the war path.
Meanwhile, Raleigh was blissfully ignorant of his impending doom as he lounged on a stack of crates with Mako, idly watching the triplets' attempts to challenge any passerby to a game of basketball. Suddenly a hand gripped the back of his military jacket and pulled. Before he knew it he was falling, his head bashing against the concrete floor.
Groaning in pain, he looked up at the very angry, very red face of his rival.
"Alright, what's it this time, Chuck? Throwing a fit because your daddy gave you a time-out again?"
"You know what you did! Your handiwork is splattered all over my walls!"
Raleigh sat up, shaking his aching head in confusion. "I don't know what you're talking about!"
"Shaddup!" The Aussie clenched his fist and brought it swinging towards his face. Raleigh ducked back, grabbing Chuck's arm and planting his heavy-duty boots straight into his stomach. The impact sent the young man reeling back, gasping painfully.
Chuck struggled to regain his balance, and failed. His foot caught, sending him flying into a hapless passerby.
"Oof!" Sasha let out an irritated grunt as she was sent crashing unceremoniously to the floor, the lunch tray she was carrying flying into open air and hitting one of the triplet's in the back of the head. A string of Chinese curses flew from his mouth as he stumbled, mis-shooting the basketball. It rocketed from his grip, hitting Mako squarely in the chest and flipping her off the crates with a surprised squeal.
Chuck would of laughed, but he was suddenly enveloped by a hulking shadow. Only when he looked up into the dark, smoldering eyes of Aleksis did he realize that he was still lying on top of the Russian's wife.
"Uh-" His eyes widened, "easy there, what are you going to do? "
Aleksis shrugged nonchalantly," you hurt lunch, you hurt wife. Now I hurt you. FATALLY."
Chuck's anger was replaced by sheer terror.
Marshal Pentecost was feeling as relaxed as a man leading the fight against humanity's extinction could feel. His uniform was clean, the work-force was on schedule, and he had his coffee. Considering how his emotions usually were, he actually felt pretty good. It all changed when he entered the hanger.
It was an all-out jaeger pilot brawl. Aleksis was in killer-Russian-bear-shark mode, his wife scooped protectively over his shoulder, Chuck flailing and gasping in his iron choke-hold. Raleigh also wanted a piece of the Aussia, throwing punches at him as he simultaneously tried to kick at the Wei triplets for hitting Mako with a basketball. The three brothers swarmed over the American, trying to scale up Aleksis's back in order to assault Sasha with the dented lunch tray. She merely laughed and head-butted the third triplet before going back to yelling at Mako for being too weak to withstand random sports equipment to the chest.
They were surrounded on all sides by cheering workers and engineers, glad to have a different type of excitement in their lives. They immediately silenced and parted in way of the Admiral, suddenly stone-faced and chagrined.
"AH-TEEEEENNNNN-SHUN!" Pentecost's commanding roar brought the brawling pile into a neat line of scuffed and bloody jaeger pilots. They stood there, backs straight and without a word between them. No excuses or accusations could save them in the face of the Marshal's wrath.
Hands behind back, he proceeded down the line. "Don't say anything. I don't care how this started, what I do care is how it would of ended up. Do you think the Kaiju will take a day off knowing that our entire last line of defense is stuck in the hospital because they were attacking each other?! The enemy isn't in here, it's OUT THERE! I am sick of these squabbles, luckily for you I have a program that will whip your attitudes into shape."
"What is it, sir?" Raleigh asked with a twinge of apprehension.
Pentecost gave a cold smile, "CO-WORKER BONDING EXERCISES! "
The hanger was suddenly filled will agonized screams and groans.