Gone
For my sweet and darling Izzy.
Kagome stroked Buyo's soft fur. The cat meowed slowly and rolled over onto his stomach, staring at his master in a look that Kagome assumed was admiration but only made Buyo look adorable in his strange, demented way.
"What a good kitty," Kagome cooed, petting her cat. Buyo had been in her family for so many years that Kagome had lost count ages ago. Almost a decade Buyo had been part of the family. The fifteen-year-old giggled to herself as she pulled lightly on Buyo's tale.
There were so many things in this life that she loved and missed when she was gone. Her mother. Her grandpa. Her little brother. Buyo. Her friends. Even her school.
She stroked her cat again and sighed dreamily, imagining the days when things had been normal. When a true disaster was waking up late for school, not waking up to a demon fight. When a moment of peace came after she'd handed in her test, not after lowering her bow. When she worried about her exams, her friends, her hair, and boys. Now, well, she still worried about exams. And she still worried about her friends—but not in the way she used to. Thinking of Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango, and Shippou, she knew that she worried for their well-being, not whether they'd studied for the test, had dates, or were going to sleep-over on Saturday night.
No, Kagome had new worries now, and she was perfectly fine with it.
Her old life, her normal life… it just seemed boring.
"Damnation, woman, could you go any slower?" Inuyasha demanded, crossing his arms and glaring at Kagome's back as the said schoolgirl scurried around the room like a decapitated chicken, scrambling to retrieve all her necessities before retreating to the past with Inuyasha.
"Hold your horses," Kagome groused, never once giving into Inuyasha's temper tantrums. She'd learned to accept that the dog demon was a demanding jerk at times and was quite content with him as a companion. But that didn't stop her from wanting to throttle him until he passed out. "I'm going as fast as I can."
"Go faster, you slow human."
Kagome rolled her eyes, not bothering to answer the dog demon.
"Do you really need all this stuff?" Inuyasha half-whined, watching the girl's trek around her room, throwing clothes, books, and tools alike into the worn, yellow bag.
"Yes," Kagome said tensely, sending him a look that would have turned any sane human to ice. Inuyasha, however, was neither a human nor sane. "Now be quiet."
Inuyasha snorted and stuffed his arms into his long, billowing sleeves. He glared at Kagome silently as the girl began humming a small tune as she zipped up her bulging, malformed book bag. Slugging it over her shoulder, Kagome turned to Inuyasha with a smile, betraying no annoyance towards the temperamental hanyou.
"Finally," he crowed and led the way down the stairs.
"Mama," Kagome said, moving towards the elderly Higurashi woman. The said mother paused in her preparation for dinner, turned, and smiled. "I'll be back tomorrow."
"Like hell you will!" Inuyasha demanded.
"Sit," Kagome said offhandedly and walked towards her mother, listening to the sound of a body slamming to the ground and a large cry arising from an angry dog on the floor. She smiled as she approached her mother. "I'll be back tomorrow," she repeated, sending a wary look towards her companion, "but it won't be until evening."
"Of course dear," her mother said happily, "anything you need me to do while you're gone?"
Kagome's smile widened, grateful for her loving and understanding mother.
"Yes, I need more supplies," Kagome said, fishing out a list from her pocket. She heard Inuyasha growl behind her. "Some more batteries, freeze-dried food, and ramen." Kagome noted the ceased growling and laughed quietly. "I also need a sweater. It's kind of getting colder in Inuyasha's time and I don't have heavy enough clothing—they're all too small." Mrs. Higurashi nodded, happy for the excuse to go shopping for her daughter, even if she would be alone in doing so. "Also," Kagome finished, "Buyo needs to go to the vet. He's been a bit lethargic lately."
"I'll take care of it, Kagome," Mrs. Higurashi reassured as she turned back to her cooking and stirred her miso soup. "Are you staying for dinner?"
"I wish I could, but I don't think I can restrain Inuyasha any longer," Kagome lamented, turning to look at her irritable and impatient companion. Sure enough, the young man was glaring daggers at her, growling. "Oh, cut it out. You know very well that that growling doesn't work on me."
Inuyasha paused in his growling, debating listening to her logical reasoning or continuing just to spite her. Kagome rolled her eyes and gave the boy a smile before pulling the straps of her backpack, hitching the yellow sack higher up her back.
"Shall we leave, Inuyasha?"
"Finally!" the boy said again and stood up, stuffing his arms into his sleeves and giving Kagome a crucial look that clearly stated his distaste for having to wait while the mother and daughter chatted about things that didn't matter to him. The only upside to it all was the promise of ramen the day after.
"Bye, Mama," Kagome said with a wave, edging past her sleeping cat and Souta. She headed towards the door and left with Inuyasha.
"I'm back," Kagome called, sighing. Only one day in sengoku jidai and already she felt like taking a nice, long bath. She felt grubby and dirty. She rubbed her eyes and slipped off her shoes.
Her mother looked up as Kagome entered.
"Welcome back," the woman greeted calmly, looking stricken to see Kagome back so soon.
"What's wrong?" Kagome asked, keenly picking up on the tension her mother radiated.
"Oh, well, you startled me, dear," Mrs. Higurashi said smoothly, standing and looking like she wanted to say something but didn't know how. "I got everything on your list. It's all on the counter."
"Oh, thank you, Mama." Kagome beamed.
Mrs. Higurashi sighed and went with her daughter to the kitchen, where, sure enough, all of Kagome's supplies sat assertively. Kagome began packing them into her limp yellow pack confidently.
"I went to take Buyo to the vet this morning," Mrs. Higurashi said, quickly falling into loving mother mode.
"Oh?" Kagome questioned, packing things.
"Well, actually, I didn't have to bring him to the vet after all," the elder of the Higurashi women said.
"He's better?" Kagome questioned, turning around to smile at her mother. It was always good to come home after being gone so long and having everything the way it was supposed to be.
"Well…"
Kagome paused, her happiness draining away. As her mother hesitated, Kagome knew something was wrong. She bit her lip and screwed her eyebrows together.
Silence crept between them and Kagome felt growing uneasy.
"What happened?" Kagome murmured.
Mrs. Higurashi sighed. "He died, Kagome."
Such a blunt statement, and yet, it didn't seem to truly hit Kagome. The said schoolgirl stood in a state of shock, her yellow backpack silently slipping from her lax hand and flumping to the floor. The flummoxed girl stared in abject horror at her mother, trying—and failing—to comprehend what the elder had said.
"He is…?" Kagome finally choked out, feeling the life drain from her like someone had pulled the floor away from her feet and left her to fall into black oblivion.
"I'm sorry," Mrs. Higurashi said remorsefully. "He was just too old, Kagome, and far too large. He lived a good, long, healthy life. He died last night, Kagome. I'm sure he didn't suffer. He looked so peaceful."
"Where is he?" Kagome croaked, feeling as if something precious had been stolen away from her. Something precious had been stolen from her.
"He didn't suffer, Kagome. He was just too old…"
"Where is he?" Kagome repeated, feeling that she was still in shock and that it still didn't fully comprehend in her mind.
Kagome's mother relented, stopping her attempt to distract Kagome from seeing the dead feline. With a curt turn of her heel, the mother led the way to the front door. She opened it and slid it shut. She traveled slowly towards the back of the shrine, where the garage of the house sat, hidden behind a groove of trees—trees that once dominated the land five hundred years prior.
Kagome watched as her mother opened the door and slipped inside. Once there, Kagome saw a shoe box on the workbench that once belonged to her father. Mrs. Higurashi touched her daughter's shoulder as the schoolgirl approached the box.
Kagome, with shaking fingers, reached out her hand and touched the shoebox, barely able to contain her fear. Just on the other side of the cardboard, just under the lid, her cat slept peacefully for all eternity.
"Kagome," Mrs. Higurashi began but Kagome gripped the box and didn't seem to hear her.
It finally hit home.
All the shock and disbelief melted away as Kagome crumbled to the floor, still gripping the box, and sobbing like she'd never sobbed before.
She was grateful for her long, black hair. It covered her quickly reddening face and her scrunched up expression as she tried, and failed, to hold back her sobs and tears. She released a large sob and felt her entire body shake with the impact of what she saw just above ? her. She gripped the shoebox like her life depended on it.
Her precious cat. Her sweet, little cat. Her baby kitten. The one who'd been with her since she was five years old. The sweet little cat that her father gave to her before he died. The darling little cat that she took for granted. Buyo was always there. Buyo slept on her bed. Sat on her chest and prevented her from breathing properly. Ate the food she hated. Rubbed against her legs when she was sad.
Buyo was her cat. And now he was dead.
She cried harder and felt her shame and embarrassment with her mother standing right behind her. She wished that she could be alone. She wished that she could wallow in her own sorrow alone, and say goodbye to her precious kitten one last time.
"Buyo," Kagome sobbed out weakly.
Kagome listened as her mother opened and shut the door, leaving Kagome in much-appreciated solitude. She prayed that Buyo was somehow still alive. That this was all some cruel joke. He couldn't really be gone! She couldn't believe that he was really gone.
Kagome knew that Buyo was old. Kagome knew that he'd die someday.
But why did it have to be today? Why couldn't Buyo have at least waited for her to say goodbye? Buyo was part of her family. Buyo was everything to her. Who cared if he was just an old, fat feline? He was everything to her. He was so important to her.
"Buyo," she cried again, gripping the shoebox tightly like a lifeline, praying with all her heart that Buyo would somehow come back to life and everything would be okay again.
Kagome wasn't sure how long she sat there. At some point, she'd pulled the box off the workbench and clutched it to her chest, cradling her cat for one final time. She sobbed, bowing her head in shame at such a display of raw emotion. Black tendrils brushed against the shoebox tenderly and tears sprinkled over the cardboard.
"God," Kagome wept. "Why?"
She sobbed, feeling her entire body rack with such a force.
"Goodbye, my sweet baby," Kagome sobbed, clutching the box. "Goodbye. Goodbye."
She repeated the single word like a mantra, unable to let go and unable to leave. She didn't want to leave. She couldn't let go of the box.
"You were such a good kitty," Kagome sobbed out, feeling her entire body shiver and shake with the force of her emotions. "Why did you have to leave? I love you, Buyo."
Kagome felt broken. She huddled on the floor, her black hair spraying out behind her as she curled into a ball, hugging her cat's grave to her chest, unable to let go. Tears drizzled down her cheeks and she sobbed miserably.
She didn't hear the door open or the approach of a figure until she felt a hand touch her wet, red cheek.
Kagome jolted away, gasping as she saw a streak of red in her attempt to hide her face. Oh, God, why did it have to be him to find her like this? She cried out and hid her face, watching as her black hair tumbled over her shoulders and hid her pink, scrunched up face from view. She sniffled miserably, feeling tears drizzle down her cheeks.
'People in movies always look so beautiful when they cry,' Kagome thought miserably. 'But I look terrible. I bet my entire face is all red, my eyes puffy, and my nose full of snot.'
She released a noise that sounded like a mixture between a sob and a large 'whaaa-whaaa-whaaa'. How embarrassing! She'd never hear the end of this from Inuyasha. He was probably here to drag her back to his time. She'd taken too long. She'd said she'd only be a couple hours. Far be it from Inuyasha to practice a shred of patience.
She gripped the box to her chest as Inuyasha hesitantly spoke. "Kagome?"
Kagome cried out, turning her face away in shame. No, she just wanted to cry. She just wanted to stay in this garage and cry until her eyes fell out or her lungs collapsed from lack of proper oxygen. As if silently demonstrating this plan, Kagome took in three shallow breaths as she sobbed bitterly. She sounded like a baby as she cried, a baby searching for her mama.
"Your mom said you were out here," Inuyasha ventured. Even in Kagome's state of mind she could hear the insecurity and nervousness in Inuyasha's voice. The hanyou was never good with crying, especially when it came to Kagome.
Kagome shook her head bitterly again, wishing that he would just leave. She sobbed again, her voice cracking and croaking. The cardboard box in her hands felt heavy with Buyo's body weighing it down. She cried out. Her baby kitten would never eat food again! He'd never rub against her legs again! He'd never sleep on her chest and stop her breathing ever again!
"Why did he have to die?" Kagome sobbed out, speaking to Inuyasha for the first time that evening. She cried out bitterly again.
Inuyasha sat awkwardly, unsure how to deal with Kagome's broken body. She kept clutching the box like a lifeline.
"Kagome… it's okay."
"It is not okay," Kagome screeched, grasping onto her one last strain of sanity and accumulating it into righteous anger. And with no one around to take her anger out on save for Inuyasha, the said dog demon became her unwilling victim. "He's dead!"
"People die, Kagome," Inuyasha snapped, knowing all too well the truth of his statement.
Kagome wept and ducked her head, feeling her anger whoosh away from her as quickly as it came only to be replaced with her shame and embarrassment.
Inuyasha silently wrenched the box from her hand and Kagome cried out, reaching out for the security of it all. Inuyasha ignored her and opened the box, revealing the animal. It looked like the large cat was just sleeping, dozing in a box.
Kagome bit her lip as she gazed at Buyo. She cried out and reached out a quivering hand, breezing her fingers over his impossibly soft fur.
"Buyo…"
Her heart broke as she gazed at Buyo. But, at the same time, she saw how at peace he was. She whimpered and lifted her other hand, wiping at the tears clouding her vision. Her entire body quivered as she stared at her dead cat. Her own, sweet cat.
"Oh, Buyo," Kagome cried out, ducking her head.
Never before had Kagome cried so much, so freely, so loudly. She felt embarrassed by her onslaught of emotion, but didn't try to stop herself. She continued to pet Buyo, feeling his cold body beneath her shaking hand.
"It's going to be okay," Inuyasha reassured her in a rare moment of tenderness. Kagome found herself believing him and nodded softly.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of tears and sobs, Kagome felt a sense of calm roll over her. She stared gratefully at Inuyasha. She knew her face was blotched and disgusting, her eyes puffy, her nose runny… but she didn't care. Nothing mattered.
"It'll be fine," Inuyasha continued but his reassurance to Kagome was cut short as Kagome launched herself at him, colliding with his body, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face into his chest. She thought again of Buyo—the first time she'd seen him, bundled in her father's arms. The first time he'd slept in her bed with her. The first time he'd caught a bird and Kagome cried because the bird was dead. The first time Kagome realized that she loved her cat. The first time Souta tried to pull Buyo's tail and he'd nearly taken Souta's eye out.
The memories brought on a new wave of tears, though far less intense than the first attack. Kagome wept silently, hiding her face against Inuyasha's haori gratefully. Inuyasha patted her back awkwardly, nearly as uneasy around hugs as he was with tears—and when they were together, the hanyou was completely lost.
Kagome listened to the steady thump of his heart against his ribcage and found comfort in the warmth that radiated off the hanyou's slender, muscular body. She felt her eyes dry and her breathing evening out.
"Okay?" Inuyasha murmured, embarrassment evident in his voice. He was never good with displaying affection for anyone, especially Kagome—a girl who completely flummoxed and baffled him.
Kagome nodded, her voice soft. "Yes."
Inuyasha nodded, too, satisfied that Kagome felt some comfort despite her loss. He had no idea that Kagome was quite so attached to the cat.
Inuyasha tilted his head, staring at the open box that harbored Buyo's dead body. He stared at the cat and felt regret for his departure as well. Despite his standard dislike for cats, Buyo was nice—as far as cats went. He seemed to tolerate Inuyasha's presence all the same, even when Inuyasha terrorized the creature. And now he was gone. Inuyasha wondered why he cared so much for the cat's death.
He patted Kagome's back again as he felt another dry sob rack her body. Just when he thought she was fine, she thought of her cat again and escalated into another fit of depression.
"He's in a better place now," Inuyasha said, a slight inflection in his voice that suggested he was asking a question. He nearly shuddered at how lame that sounded. When he was young, and someone died, he was always told they went to a better place. His mother had gone to a 'better place.'
Kagome seemed to appreciate his reassurance, lame or not. She sniffled. "Thank you."
Inuyasha patted her back for the umpteenth time that night. He sighed, inhaling her sweet scent, punctuated by the saltiness of her tears—enough tears to fill a small ocean with. He sighed lightly again and shook his head, bewildered by Kagome's reaction to her loss. It was understandable, though. She was, after all, a human female.
Kagome reached out a shaking hand and closed the box's lid tenderly. She patted it once and let tears fall down her cheeks. She smiled a watery smile and bowed her head, whispering a tiny prayer for her deceased pet.
She returned her arms to around his neck and refused to relent. Inuyasha fidgeted nervously, unsure what to make of this situation.
"Don't leave me," she whispered, cushioning her head against his chest and listening to the steady beat of his heart. Inuyasha's breath hitched and he felt his heart speed up at the attention. Kagome's grip tightened. "Stay with me."
How could Inuyasha say no to that?
He felt his lips quiver into a tiny smile as he patted Kagome's head, smoothing her ruffled hair and cradling her against him, offering her comfort she desperately needed. At that moment, Kagome was so incredibly thankful for her friend's presence. So grateful, she feared that she would never be able to properly explain it.
"I'm here," he reassured her. "I'm not gone."
Author's notes: To those of us who have lost a beloved member of our family—whether it be a fish, a hamster, a bird, a cat, a dog, or whatever it may be. Anyone who has lost such a beloved pet will understand how heartbreaking it truly can be, even if they are merely animals. They are still loved and they are still part of the family. And they will always be missed.