The Signs We Didn't See

By Spunky0ne

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Awash in his happiness at finally being married to Yuuri, Victor has no idea what is about to take place. A heartbreaking loss leaves the newlyweds devastated and leaves Victor wondering if what happened could be his fault…Warning: This story deals with the topic of suicide and the devastating consequences. If you or anyone you know is, or could be contemplating suicide, please reach out for help. This story is dedicated to anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide.

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Chapter 1: Kiss the Groom and Make Him Cry

Victor stood in front of a three panel, full length mirror, watching as his best man helped him dress for the wedding about to take place. He smiled affectionately at the reflection of his blonde, blue-eyed friend, but his expression betrayed more than a little anxiety.

"It's hard to believe this is happening," the two men said at the same time.

They paused in their efforts, breaking into amused smirks at the oddity, then the two laughed and hugged each other.

"It does seem kind of strange, though," Victor commented, "To be honest, I resisted falling in love for a long time."

He paused, lowering his eyes for a moment.

"I know," Patya said reassuringly, laying a hand on Victor's forearm, "but whether or not you meant to fall in love again, here it is. We don't decide everything, you know. Some things just happen because they are meant to."

Patya finished tying Victor's tie for him, then stepped aside to do a final inspection.

"And sometimes, things we thought were meant to happen…just don't. The important thing is that you are happy."

"I am happy," Victor confessed, "happier than I ever thought I could be. Yuuri is…so very special. And to think, all of this time while I was agonizing over whether I could ever fall in love again…even before that, while I was trying and failing and trying again and failing, Yuuri was out there, loving me already and just waiting for the time to come when we would meet on the ice. I mean, he didn't dream that I would ever notice him. I'm so thankful for those little girls posting that video of Yuuri performing my free skate. It's because of that video that all of this happened."

Victor sighed contentedly, not noticing the slight change in his best man's bearing. Patya's looked aside focusing his attention once again on Victor's clothing.

"Well, you should never worry that you failed in any way with me," he commented softly, "I was the one who left, so if anyone failed someone, I failed you."

Victor gave his friend a kind smile.

"We failed together," he assured Patya, "You may have left, but I'm sure I gave you a reason. There are always two sides. The important thing is that you are still my very best friend. We didn't lose that, even though we failed at love. I'm glad that you're here. I can't imagine doing this without you beside me. Yuuri is glad you're here too. I appreciate how you've reached out to him and helped him feel comfortable with the move to Saint Petersburg."

Patya's blue eyes closed for a moment and he bit at his lips forcing them to keep smiling.

"What are best friends for?" he mused half-heartedly.

Victor took a steadying breath and turned his attention to the mirror, swallowing hard as he thought about Yuuri going through the same preparation in another room, with his sister, Mari and the rest of his family supporting him.

"How does it look, Patya?" the silvery-haired Russian asked his longtime friend, "It needs to be perfect. After all, I don't marry the love of my life every day."

Patya hesitated, admiring Victor's perfect body and the handsome tuxedo he wore. His eyes grew affectionate as the image took him back to a similar scene before his friend's first competition in the senior men's division.

"Stop fidgeting," Patya laughed as he tied the blue sash at his anxious boyfriend's waist, "You're going to be fine…and you're going to win."

"Hmm, you're that sure?" Victor asked, looking at his newly shortened hair and biting his lip nervously at his own reflection, "I wish I could be. Do you think they'll even know who I am?"

Patya grinned and moved in to embrace him, placing a bracing kiss on Victor's frowning mouth and bringing back hos lover's charming smile instantly.

"Of course they'll know it's you," he chuckled, "Everyone knows how you like surprising people, and this is a very good surprise."

He sighed, standing behind Victor and curling an arm around his waist.

"Victor Nikiforov, you have transformed yourself from a fairy prince to real one. After tonight, the world will be at your feet…and I will be lucky to be able to say that the one you love…is me."

Victor gave him a melting smile and sank into his embrace.

"Forget the rest of the world. I'd be happy to just be your real prince forever. You know that, don't you, Patya?"

Patya stepped back slightly, admiring Victor's breathtakingly handsome and more mature look.

"No," he said softly, curving a palm around his lover's soft cheek, "The world needs beauty like yours. There are a lot of things in the world that steal people's happiness, Victor…things like war, shocking crimes and devastating events. Even too many little things can pile up and make people's hearts heavy."

He moved in closer and took Victor's face in his hands, looking deeply into the silvery-haired skater's dreamy blue-green eyes.

"I guarantee you, when people look at you, when they see your beautiful costumes, hear that wonderful music and watch you dance the way you do on the ice, for that time while you are out there, you make all of their sadness and their fears disappear. Your performance makes your fans happy, right down to the core. That…is your gift, Victor. That is why everyone loves you. That…is why I love you so much."

"Patya!"

Victor's sudden exclamation jarred his friend out of the memory, and Patya felt a jolt inside at finding himself pressed up against his surprised ex-lover, with Victor's back pushed up against the mirror and his blue-green eyes filled with shock.

"What are you doing?" Victor asked in a panicked voice, shivering as Patya's grip on him tightened and he leaned forward, forcing a sudden, impulsive kiss.

Victor struggled underneath his hands and after a moment, pushed him away, his blue-green eyes flashing with confusion and anger.

"Why the hell would you do that?" he snapped furiously, "Are you drunk already? What were you thinking?"

Patya stared back at Victor in silence, stymied by his own behavior and at the same time very much wanting to kiss his former lover again.

"You are my best friend! My brat! Why in god's name would you step over that line now? Today, of all days? Why, Patya?" Victor scolded him.

"S-sorry," Patya managed, finding his voice, "I am sorry, Vitya. It was wrong, I know."

"It was wrong?" Victor asked scathingly, "Is that all you have to say? It was wrong, Patya? It wasn't just wrong. It was unthinkable! Yuuri trusts you! I trusted you. Why would you mess that up by insulting us both at our wedding like that?"

"I'm sorry," Patya said more softly, "I don't know what came over me. I was drinking a bit. I…I didn't mean it."

Victor's anger faded slightly as he read the more penitent expression on his former lover's reddened face. He took a breath and relaxed a little, calming as he continued.

"Why were you drinking?" he asked, frowning, "Is there something going on? If there's something wrong, then you should just tell me."

Patya lowered his gaze again and shook his head.

"Now is not the time for that," he said quietly, "I apologize for my behavior, Vitya. I promise I will not ever let it happen again."

"But, why did this happen?" Victor persisted, "Why did you kiss me like that? That was not the kiss you give a best friend getting married to someone else. That was a lover's kiss, Patya!"

"I know," Patya said sadly, "I meant it when I said I was sorry. I didn't mean to actually kiss you."

"Patya, what is going on with you?" Victor asked more worriedly, studying his old friend's anguished visage, "I thought we settled things ages ago. I forgave you for leaving me for the woman you married. I remained your friend. I've helped take care of your children, especially after their mother died."

"I know. You have been the perfect friend, just like you were the perfect boyfriend before," Patya confessed, tears coming to his eyes, "I don't mean to threaten that. It was an accident. I swear to you, it will never happen again. I won't let it. Just…before you marry Yuuri, I have to tell you."

"I don't know if I can hear this," Victor said, paling, "Patya, you should go."

"No," his friend said firmly, taking hold of Victor's forearms and holding him still with their eyes locked, "I need to say this, Vitya. It's God's own truth and you need to know. I apologized for leaving you, but I was never honest about why."

"I know why," Victor said in a shaky voice, his face going a shade whiter, "You wanted a family! I couldn't give you that. I understood that. I let you go."

"Vitya, that was a lie I told you…to protect you."

"What?" Victor exclaimed, giving him a confused look.

"I know you don't remember very well the last night that you and I were together, Vitya."

"I don't want to remember that," Victor said, coloring, "You were married to her for almost two years already…but you came to my house that night…"

"And we got drunk and made love," Patya finished, "I didn't tell you, but…"

"No!" Victor hissed, covering Patya's mouth with his hand, "Don't say a word more. Not right now. You are my best friend and you are my best man. You need to go out there and stand up for Yuuri and for me. When that is over, you can explain to both of us, anything that you need to. I understand that me getting married to someone else is hard for you. I, of all people know that, because after you left me, I came to your wedding. I stood there and watched you vow to love, honor and cherish Letya instead of me!"

"And I did," Patya agreed, "I gave Letya and the children all of the love I wanted to give to you. Vitya, I will stop, but I do need to tell you that there is nothing in my life that I regret more than leaving you. Letya knew that I was going against my heart and she comforted me as I got over you. I could not have asked for a better wife, and I honored her for as long as she lived. Then, I punished myself for making her do all of that by never confessing that…that leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life. I didn't come back to you, even after she died, because I didn't want to forget the gift she was. I didn't deserve her, just like I don't deserve you. Vitya, I only left you because I was too cowardly to marry you and try to find a way to have children we could raise together. I was afraid because you were a celebrity, and we couldn't even really be married in Russia. I was afraid of someone trying to hurt us because we were men who were in love and that is not accepted there. In truth, I was afraid to fight for our love. I see now how stupid that was, and I am happy that you are marrying Yuuri and having the life that we once wanted."

"Then, why?" Victor asked in an agonized voice, "Why would you endanger our friendship by kissing me like that? On my wedding day?"

Patya's expression softened and he released Victor's arms and took his hands instead.

"I am sorry, Vitya. I really didn't mean it."

Victor gave him a wounded look.

"It felt like you meant it," he said sadly, "Thinking about it, I suppose it makes sense that if you have regrets, this would be the time they would be at their worst. You've apologized several times and I trust your promise that it will never happen again."

Patya gave Victor a heartbroken look.

"Even now, you can forgive me?" he asked, blinking back tears, "Vitya, you truly deserve an angel like your Yuuri. You were an angel to me. I would have nothing without you."

"Stop it!" Victor said, regaining a measure of equilibrium as his anger faded, "We had a wonderful love affair that lasted for two years. It was a good two years and I don't regret falling in love with you."

"Are you sure?" Patya asked, smirking and shaking his head ruefully, "The hell I gave you after…"

"Don't think about that anymore," Victor said firmly, "We are family now. We are like brothers. We will always have that."

"Yes," Patya said gratefully, "of course we will. I wish you and Yuuri every happiness."

"You don't mean that," Victor accused him half-heartedly, "any more than I could really mean that when I wished you the same at your wedding to Letya. But I promise you, it will get better. And if you just keep trying. If you just keep going, I know you will find love again, Patya."

"Eh," Patya sighed ruefully, "I had true love and I stupidly let it get away. Now, I have two children, and I am committed to doing the right thing for them. No matter what, I will see that they have everything they need."

"They already do," Victor said, embracing his friend firmly, "Those two just need their father."

Patya breath caught for a moment and he hugged Victor more tightly.

"Yes, they do," he agreed softly, "And he will be there for them."

The two men let go of each other as a knock sounded on the dressing room door.

"Vitya," Yakov's voice called from outside the door, "it's time now."

Victor and Patya took steadying breaths and their eyes met more warmly again.

"Come, brat," Victor said encouragingly, "It's never good to keep a loved one waiting."

The two left the dressing room and met Yakov, who guided the two to their place in front of the gathering of family and friends.

Yuuri has more family here, of course, because my parents died of an accident, and I have no siblings. That's why I feel so attached to Patya, since we remained such close friends, even after he broke up with me. I have a few cousins who came, and an aunt and uncle, but Yakov and Lilia seem more like family, since they practically raised me when my parents died. I was living in the dorms at the skating academy by then, so losing my parents didn't even seem real for awhile. I only went back to my childhood home once after they died…and Patya was with me…just a friend, then, but his friendship, his brotherhood was everything while I was adjusting to losing my parents. I had so many fears, and he was so kind. It was probably a mistake becoming lovers. We could have lost our friendship too, but we didn't. And at different times, Patya and I have really been there for each other.

He stole a glance at his friend, who stood, smiling warmly, at his side and showing no sign of the sadness and confusion from before.

I'm worried about him. He was acting different today, and it wasn't just that he kissed me. I've been feeling something was off since we arrived in Denmark for the wedding. I thought it was just nerves and the stress of it hitting him that I have moved on love-wise. I didn't do that for a long time, and I know he felt guilty for that. He's not a bad person. I can understand why he left me. He was scared because gays are treated badly sometimes in Russia. In Saint Petersburg, it is easier, but Yuuri and I will have to be careful, just the same. It's not unreasonable, what Patya did, although, I wish he would have told me about his fears back then. I would have tried to help him through them. I wonder why he couldn't just tell me back then. We were so close.

Victor's attention was brought back as the wedding march began to play on a piano in the room, and Toshiya and Hiroko led their white-clad son to meet Victor, Mari and Patya where they waited with the officiant.

Yuuri looks nervous.

Victor's eyes locked on his fiancé's and Yuuri's expression calmed almost instantly. He took a breath and walked forward more confidently, keeping his eyes on Victor and smiling as he reached the front of the room and Victor accepted his hand from Toshiya.

The rest of the day disappeared into a haze of happy laughter, food, wine and ecstatic celebration. Patya watched quietly as Victor and Yuuri danced for the first time together as spouses, then he nodded to Mari, and the two joined the celebrating couple on the dance floor. The celebration lasted until late into the night and was followed with an enthusiastic consummation in the grand suite of a nearby hotel. Soaked in joy and entwined with his new husband, Victor was distracted from what had happened before, relegating the whole incident to things that are best forgotten.

And as friends, he was sure that what happened would be forgotten…until late morning when the ringing of his cell phone brought Victor out of sleep and he felt an instant knot in his insides.

"Vitya," Yakov's voice said in a low, serious rumble Victor knew instantly was disaster, "You need to dress and come to the lobby. Patya seems to have had an accident. He…fell from the balcony outside his suite."

Victor stiffened and barely heard the next words as a rushing went through his ears and his insides were heavily jolted.

"He didn't survive the fall."

Patya?

"Patya is dead."