Imagine; you're in love with someone, for a long time. But they don't love you back, nor do they know you love them or exist.
Can you relate?
Of course you can't.
Why?
Simply because you aren't in the same situation I'm in.
But first, let me introduce myself: Natsu Dragneel; Tenth grader at the Fairy Tail Academy. I'm not the brightest student, nor am I the dumbest. There's one thing about me that make others either loathe me even more than they already do, or just pick me out as their number one victim. And that one thing is that I'm gay.
Now, your probably going to ask: What does this have to do with being in love with someone?
Well, actually, everything.
You see, Fairy Tail Acedemy is a really big and the top high school in Magnolia. It probably holds more than a thousand people here. Out of all those people, there's a certain droopy-eyed teen, a year ahead of me. He's one of the most popular and hottest guys in our school, along with Laxus, Loki, Gajeel (a transfer from Phantom Lord) and others. Girls adore him and would practically kill to be his girlfriend, especially a girl named Juvia Lockster (also a transfer from Phantom Lord).
You see, everyone is this school is ranked by popularity and how may girls (or guys, if your a girl) would want to date you. On the guys side we have Gray, Laxus, Loki and Gajeel. On the girls side, we have Mirajane and Erza, along with Cana, Juvia and Lucy.
According to popularity standards and what people think of me, I'm probably near the bottom of the chart. To be honest, I don't even have many friends. The only people that actually like being near me is Lucy, Lisanna, Wendy, Romeo and my cat, Happy. Sure, Happy's just my pet and waits for me at home while I'm at school, but he's like a friend to me – no wait, family – and always has been there for me when no one else cared. After all, I do live alone.
The girls have their own friends, too, so they'll either be with me or their own friends. Romeo is pretty popular in his grade (Ninth grade) and everyone likes being around him. But he chooses to be alone, most of the time. Sometimes he'll see me alone and join me, on the roof; I don't mind. To be honest, I'd rather he sat there quietly, like he usually did, then be up there alone and be caught by Laxus.
Yeah, about Laxus...
He's...strong...and scary... Probably one of the only guys I'm actually scared of in this school; him and his gang the Raijinshuu, as they like to be called. All together, their all four people: Laxus (The leader), Bixslow, Freed and Evergreen. A bunch of bullies, they are. They target anyone weaker and smaller than they are, and go around teasing, tripping and shoving them in the halls or on the school ground. And one of those targets is me.
They've been picking on me since the day I joined this school, and I've always been their favourite victim. Whenever I walk down the halls, they'll walk by and trip me or knock my stuff over. Once they've even held me up against a locker and hurt me. I didn't show up to school for almost an entire month, after that, until Lisanna came over and reassured me that the principal made sure they wouldn't do that again. Ever since then I've been more cautious and aware of my surroundings. But ever since someone spilled my secret of being gay, it's been harder to avoid being caught by them and being chased out of school. I can't even go to the bathroom without finding either Bixslow or Freed standing inside.
It's getting so much harder to avoid them...
Sometimes, when I see them, I drop everything and run. They chase me, laughing and calling me names. I practically have to bite my lip to hold back the tears. If I'm lucky, I'll out run them or find a place to hide until they leave. But sadly, only occasionally does that ever happen. Most of the time, they'll find me or grabbed my arm and shove me against a locker, before I can escape.
On my worse days, they'll abuse, hurt me and they won't stop until I beg and cry. Once, even, they did this in front yard of the school during lunch. Everyone watched as I screamed and cried for help, but no one moved a muscle. They just stood there and watched.
Sometimes, when they finally let me go, I crack open my teary, bruised eyes and see him walk by with his friends. And I swear, he even glanced my way! But he didn't say or do anything, he just watched, like the rest of them...
If only I was stronger... If only I could fight back and stand up for myself; tell them to go away, and go fuck themselves! If only...
I realize now that, I will never escape them and no one will ever try to help me. I will always be their puppet and be abused by them, while everyone else just watches and laughs at my weakness. I realize that nothing will ever change. It's been like this since I've joined this school and it will always, always, continue to be like this...forever.
It's never going to stop!
If only I weren't so damn small and weak.
If only I could raise my voice and be heard.
If only I could run a mile and hide far, far away.
If only I could just disappear from this cruel world.
If only... If only I weren't born!