The New Power
By Richie Wraggs
Author's note
Ooarr! This be Richie Wraggs 'ere be making an introduction section to this 'ere fanfic. It be called The New Power about some kid who be thinking he 'as superpowers or something loike that. Anyways Oi be writing now!
Eric Normal is a student at a school for superheros however he has no superpowers or anything to warrent superhero status other than having the fashion sense of a retard wearing briefs outside his trousers, rubber gloves, a cape and a totally gay T-shirt. Due to being normal naturally he fails at being a superhero and was lumped into the rejects like the Brass Butt (no shit that's what he's actually called,) Changarella and Buzzgirl and even among the rejects he's a failure in comparion. One day Eric walked home miserbly from a terrible day at school of being bullied and humiliated. He went to the newsagents to find a magazine with tips on how to be stronger unfortunatly Men's Health was sold out however Eric saw a magazine on the top shelf that featured a buff dude posing on the cover. Eric grabbed the magazine and took it to the counter, the morbidly obese shopkeeper asks him;
Shopkeeper: Do you have any ID?
Eric: Er... no...
Shopkeeper: You can't buy this without any proof that you're eighteen, I'm afraid!
Eric got annoyed because he wanted to get stronger and tougher so he can at least compete with his peers at school, besides what the hell could be so bad on the magazine for people under 18? He just grabbed the magazine and run the hell out of the newsagent. The fatass didn't even give chase he just squealled like a pig and that was pretty much it. Eric made it back to home and immediatly ran to his room. Eric opened the magazine but instead of finding anything about working out he just saw pictures of naked beefy dudes jacking off, sucking each other off and doing each other up the ass, Eric was surprised, shocked but aroused.
Eric: What the!? This isn't what I wanted, although it makes me weird inside. Maybe this'll be good...
Eric liked what he saw and drooled with perverted glee then he began getting an erection and wanted to play with it so he jerked his little pecker off. Eric repeatedly beats off and wanked faster and faster and faster until he ejeculates all over the magazine.
Eric: Oh god I got yogurt all over the magazine! Wait a minute, I could shoot yogurt from my penis! Yes I got a power wait till I show my parents!
Eric ran downstairs and told his parents that he has a new power and wanted to show them. His parents sit on the couch waiting for Eric to show them his power.
Eric: Here it comes!
Eric pulls his stiffy out of his pants.
Eric: My new power, the yogurt cannon!
The parent were stunned in shock. Eric then masturbates in front of them. His mother screemed and his father was fucking disgusted and pissed. He did what any sensible dad would do in this situation and kicked the filthy arab out of the fucking house. Eric was homeless that night and goes to sleep in an alleyway. He couldn't sleep because everyone in the buildings he was between were taunting him and chucking rubbish at him and at one point someone pissed all over him from a high level in one of the buildings.
The next day Eric went to school without a cosume and was stinking like piss, he met up with his rejected friends The Brass Butthole, Changerella and Buzzgirl.
BB: Duh... Hello Eric you smell lovely today.
Eric: Guess what guys? I got a new superpower but my parents threw me out. They probably thought I was trying to kill them or something.
Said Eric failing to reflect on himself of why his parents threw him out of the house.
Changerella: OMG! You have a new power I'm so excited! I wanna see it!
Buzzgirl: Just how did you get a power? Your not even a Superhero!
Eric: I'll show you in class.
When everyone sat down in the classroom, Eric asked the teacher The Roving Eye if he can demonstrate his new power in front of the class.
The Roving Eye: Listen up class! Eric has a new superpower he wants to show you!
Eric was in front of the whole classroom. Like before he took out his solid pencil dick wanked hard on it.
Eric: I call this one the yogurt cannon!
Unsurprisingly just like before everyone was shocked and disgusted at Eric's live preformance except Captain Scrumptious the world's gayest superhero, he was escorted outside the premesis by the caretaker Mr Sweep and got his ass booted out of school and told him not to come back. Mr Sweep then reveils himself to be Mr Bad and cackled at him as he fell face first onto the pavement cracking his head open.
Eric wandered through the city searching for the alley he slept in last night and eventually found it. But there was some creepy guy in a T-shirt reading Slayer and his arms were covered with tattoos of the devil. Eric assumed this man couldn't be good.
Man: Hey kid, want to be one of the cool kids? Buy some of this weed! It's twenty dollars for a joint!
"Oh man, drugs!" Eric thought, "He is certainly evil and must be stopped before he tries to poison more kids!" Now we stop the story right here and a guess what he does next. Here are the questions;
A. He alerts the local authorities.
B. He just says no and avoids him like a plague.
C. He whips out the yogurt cannon.
If you picked any answer other than C, you're fucking retarded. Not learning from his mistakes from the last two fucking times he ruined his own fucking life once more he whips out his peanut sized manhood and tries to bring the dealer to justice by shooting his "yogurt" at him. As if by repetition the dealer was grossed out at the sight of Eric beating his meat furiously.
Man: Oh fuck man! Hey cops check this crazy kid out! He's obviously high and he's whackin' the weasel in public!
A nearby policeman ran up to the dealer, he saw Eric mangling the midget.
Police: Oi! Put your wanger away or you'll get a fine, son!
Eric: But this man is trying to sell me drugs!
Police: Stop playing with yourself and put your dick away, last warning now!
Eric thought it was strange that this cop wasn't taking any notice of the dealer even though he just told him about it however it might've helped if he stopped manning the yogurt cannon and put it away before telling him but fuck it! If Eric had anything that made him special it's his lack of common sense. In his mind it might look strange for someone relieving himself in public but if there's a drug dealer right next to him shouldn't he focus on him instead. "Unless" thought Eric "He must be dirty cop!" So Eric pointed his little hard one at the cop and tossed off increasingly harder until semen spurts from his one eyed pocket monster and on to the cop's uniform.
Police: Bastard! My new uniform!
The officer was exceptionally peeved and pulled out his tazer and fired it at Eric's testicles. The sheer pain was so bad Eric dropped on the floor without making a sound and squirmed like a worm being tortured. The cop finally stopped after Eric was shocked to the point where he was unable to move. The officer then pulls out a baton and proceeds to beat the shit out of poor Eric. After one helluva beatdown Eric lies motionless on the pavement in a unconscience state he was also covered with bruises and bumps and some of his limbs were bent in funny angles. He started dreaming. In his dream he was in an episode of 30 Rock. He is in an office like place with Tracy Jorden, Liz Lemon (Not related to the actually funny Keith Lemmon) and Kenneth Parcel (who I bet if anything is gay.)
Eric: Wow! It's all the characters from my dad's DVD that he hides under the bed!
Liz: Tracy, why did you bring in this badly dressed kid?
Tracy: I don't know, I was being random.
Kenneth: We can't let Jack see him or we'll be so fired, darlings!
Eric: Don't worry I'll deal with this Jack, whoever he is!
Jack: Did somebody say my name?
Jack walked into the room dressed as a klansman like the bigoted republican he is not knowing about Eric.
Eric: So you must be Jack!
Jack: Who the hell is this and what is he doing in the building?
Liz: Tracy brought him in for no reason what so ever.
Tracy: You should see what he does sir! It will blow your mind!
Eric: I was supernormal! Now I'm the yogurt
Then Eric pulled out his slug and again he was making glue in front of someone he shouldn't.
Jack: What the fuck is this kid doing!? I'm calling security! Brown person you're fired, you too, faggot!
Kenneth: Why me, sweetie?
Jack: You helped that nigger bring his little turd sandwich into my building. You homos are always in it together.
Then Eric shoots his salty mayonase all over Jack.
Jack: Ahh! No! He's poisoned me with his queer seeds! I'm melting! What a world!
Jack melted just like the witch from Wizard of Oz. Everyone cheered!
Tracy: That was some tight shit there, my nigga! Here, have the rest of my mega-bucket for your troubles!
Tracy hands Eric a KFC mega-bucket. Eric munched on them as if he had the munchies.
Kenneth: Today, I'm coming out of the closet! Can I have the rest of your yogurt?
Eric: Mmm... Okay! Om!
Kenneth got on his knees and gave Eric a blowjob. "Wow!" thought Eric "Guest starring in a popular sitcom getting some free KFC and having my dick sucked on television! Yeah baby! This is the greatest day in history!"
Liz: I just like to say thank you from my male pig of a boss! He would beat me and rape me! The fucking pervert! I'm a dyke goddamn it, why else would I look like a gross pig! By the way would you like a part on TGS? I could write all your lines if you want! Wake up! Wake up Eric! Wake up!
Back in reality Eric opens his eyes and finds his reject friend the Brass Butthole telling him to wake up. Eric is lying in the same place he lost conscience.
Eric: BB where the fuck am I? What happened?
BB: Uhh... Saw you lying there for an hour I also saw some kids peeing on you and one of them recorded on his phone one of them borrowed that thing you keep your money in.
Eric: Holy shit! My wallet! Great! Oh, well! At least it can't get any worse!
But then Eric vision started warping like a terrible trip and an unfamiliar voice was heard saying "Wake up! Wake up sexy! Wake up sexy boy! Wake up!" as it turned out that was another dream and Eric has truly come to this time. He found himself behind steal bars and noticed a bloody sore feeling up his backside. The voice he heard started to sound different from before, "Wake up bitch!" He then realised that he was being anal raped by a black man twice the size of the Brass Butt. Eric died within hours in jail after getting massive internal bleeding after being raped by too many oversized cocks.
Oh and here's the epilogue.
The other heroes of the school murder the Roving Eye because the evil caretaker told them to and because of no school they ran amok in city like delinquent teenagers killing most of the innocent people of Crumptonville for kicks. Fortunatly Spiderman showed and binded all of them with his web so the cops can line them up and shoot them all in the head with dum-dum bullets like pigs. However there was no one to stop Mr Bad from dropping a nucular bomb on Crumptonville which he does and levels the city to the ground.
The end