Title: Sixty Seconds
Author: aegean
E-mail: aegean11@hotmail.com
Genre: Story Angst, Romance, Clark/Lex slash
Rating: R
Summary: Lex has to make the choice.
Disclaimer: DC Comics and the WB own Smallville and all the Superman characters. I'm just borrowing them. No harm will come.
Notes: This is my first slash fanfic. I may have others following. Two are already in the works. Please R&R. Good/Bad whatever. Advice. Anything works for me.
A lot can happen in sixty seconds. You can bring the world to its knees, you can seduce a boy into your bed.
And what kind of choices are those? What kind of god lets it all come down to that? Like this.
The world or the boy.
Different options sharing a singular fate.
Always him. Always me.
Good. Evil.
They're for shit.
Life and death. That's real.
My mother died
My mother left me hope
And so I open Pandora's box once more. And that's trite I know but I've found that triteness can pass for the sublimely profound when the body and mind become overwhelmed.
*He* wonders if he can die because if he can't die life would be just too damn painful to live.
Funny that *this* makes me believe that's true.
I comfort him. I tell him he will die. And that's just *sick*
And why does that make me happy.
Because I know that one day I can give it to him.
Will give it to him.
He made me that instrument and for one second I wonder if it's really about him at all.
He saved me and now *I* seek death. Maybe he'll bring it.
And his sweet smell makes *that* thought seem so delicious.
But in -this- second even I know that too is sick.
But this is what life together will be so I must stay the course.
Always.
It's too hot in here. Can't…can't think now.
Too soon my eyes will flutter open and I know they'll meet his because they always do.
I know he's waiting for it.
He never asks what I think when I'm silent.
I'd like to think it's out of fear.
But in –this- second I know it's because he's giving me time to accept it.
For years I've known what he is. For years he's known *who* I am.
Hardly good. Though not all bad. But then again he's not all perfection underneath that flawless beauty.
And maybe that's justification enough for him…for me…for why we come together.
Or maybe it's just an explanation for why we *fit* and become indistinguishable in the moment.
Something small. Anything to grasp onto.
He's one third a man and two thirds a god. A hero. Above me.
But I will be a god among men. One who refuses to die. Or is it that I'm not allowed to.
And oh shit.
It figures he makes philosophizing that much more of a full body experience.
To save. To destroy.
He teaches life.
I suppose that leaves me death.
The two are never alone. Never understood without the other.
Question life. Fear death.
*Savor* life. Curse dea-…god… fuck -oh forget it. I could already too easily hate him.
He always wins and that makes me more an inferior bastard than losing to a stratagem of my father's creation.
And did I just growl?
I think I'm pulling hair.
Not there yet…waiting for it. I need an answer first.
Not much time.
If the aristocracy perverts the bourgeois, hhhhhh -and god in this iteration of life, the maxim dictates, is king of kings…
Hmmm…hhhhh
-then
hhhhh…uhhhhh…uhhhhh
-god must pervert man. And it's simple. Transitory principles applied to life.
And only a second ago I thought I would taint.
But…
uhhhhh!
He's more I god than I'll ever be. He defiles me.
He knows it but can't help it.
I'm warping doctrine.
god hh-hhh-hhh
Why is that so hot? Bend it to suit my whims. I could be so good.
He knows this too. Somehow he knows. He's already responding to the power I could wield. Wants me to have it in the chance I could harness him. Ill prepared to live without boundaries. Experiencing the effects now. He is steady.
I guess he'll walk his course and I'll walk mine.
But *this.*
He allowed this and I
-*understand* it.
It's for shit because I can't tell if I'm leaping in my own quest for omniscience? Or if I'm being pulled? Is he there waiting…pleading with me to join him?
Trusting me?
My legs tingle. God they'll be liquid soon - close.
Though if I know him at all, then I'm being violently pushed into the vast pit of cognition. He must figure I can take it or maybe he just can't fight an unarmed man.
* Needs * me to know so that he can do what he must in time.
Till now he was leading me. Making me drink. Now it's force.
I'm almost there and I'm still not sure. He is *so* weak. And that's funny too. Because he *asked* to be that way. He brought it to me.
I'm almost at the end and I still don't know.
What will I lose?
The agent of my death. And *that* is unacceptable because life must mean something.
Destiny without death is empty.
What do I stand to lose?
On the edge now and I still don't know.
I don't know and oh god if I see him without knowing what does that mean?
I
Can't
Wait
If I chose him do I really lose the world? Does it…does it mat..
Release.
My eyes are open now.
Locked on dark eyes.
Not quite lust anymore and so much more than love.
Eternal companionship. The world is only temporary.
The box closed in time.