The One With the Funhouse
Newt sidled up to Tina as she held the worn phone to the side of her face. "So, Teenie, any good news?" he asked in a mocking tone of voice. She motioned for him to be quiet. Newt rolled his eyes and gave her a sly peck on the cheek, and strolled into the lounge. Immediately turning around when Tina squealed in excitement. She had replaced the phone on the receiver and was doing a series of twirls around the dining room table. "So I'm assuming it is good news then?" Tina couldn't get herself to roll her eyes, she was just too excited. Instead, she settled for playfully sticking out her tongue and poking him with chopsticks. Not much better in his opinion. However, Newt felt no reason not to roll his eyes, so he did. After Tina had twirled herself out and sat down to catch her breath, Newt said, "Now that you've gotten it out of your system, would you care to tell me what exactly has driven you into this state of… euphoria..?" Tina took a deep breath, "My great aunt died!" Newt gave her a blank look, "A clear reason for celebration." Tina rolled her eyes,"Oh, she was mean. Anyway, I got her dollhouse!" "That's great! Tell me why it's great." "It's great because I've always wanted her dollhouse. It is so beautiful. It's three floors and hardwood floors and beautifully painted doors! I rhyme when I'm excited." said Tina, a red tint still on her cheeks from the twirling, and excitement, but mostly twirling. Newt smiled, "Well, that's brilliant! When are Queenie and Jacob getting back?" "Around six." "Great!" said Newt, "Let's get dinner going then!"
"I'm home!" Queenie sang as she and Jacob walked through the front door. "Excellent! Queenie, I have great news! Auntie died! And I got the dollhouse!" cried Tina. "Really?! Oh, this is the best news I've heard since… well ever!" Jacob looked at Newt with a quizzical look on his face. Newt shook his head and smirked. "I can't wait to play with it," said Queenie, "I've always wanted to!" Tina was taken aback, "What do you mean 'play with it'? The dollhouse isn't to be played with, it's to be looked at." "Oh really? Well who made you the queen of everything?" "I did!" "OK then, Boring Boringston, I'll leave you to it. I'll build my own, better dollhouse, that will be meant to be played with! Come on Jacob!" Tina huffed in outrage. Newt and Jacob exchanged shrugs as Jacob was dragged off by a steaming Queenie. "Hmph, what does Queenie know anyway? We'll have just as much fun as them not playing with the dollhouse." "Of course we will." said Newt consolingly. No one even remembered dinner.
A few hours later, while Newt and Tina were asleep, Queenie stomped in "Morning!" she nearly yelled. Newt and Tina jumped up. Tina glanced out the window. "It is definitely not morning yet. Newt hasn't even started snoring yet." "What? I don't -" Newt started, but Tina waved him down. "I've just finished my dollhouse, and I would like to show it to you to sleepyheads. Come on then." said Queenie in a sickly sweet voice. "Actually, Queenie, I think we'll just -" "Now!" "Okay, okay. Breathe." Queenie quickly composed herself and let out a breath. She lead the tired couple through the lounge, past the kitchen, through the dining room to the backyard. There stood a comically large dollhouse. "Queenie - how?" asked Tina. "Jacob knows a guy," said Queenie, "This is the funhouse. We have a Bubble Room, a Carpet Room, a Room Room -" "What is a room room?" asked Newt. "A room of rooms."said Queenie, as if it were the most obvious piece of knowledge in the world. "If you say so." said Newt, "Can we go back to bed now?" "Fine, but you always wake up late, so don't go messing with the Funhouse while I'm at work tomorrow." "Since when do you actually go to work?" asked Tina skeptically. "Since tomorrow." said Queenie.
"Good morning Queenie," mumbled Newt sleepily, "Queenie! What on earth are you doing in our room?!" yelped Newt. "Reminding you not to mess with my dollhouse. Good day!" said Queenie and she flounced out of the room. "Your sister's gone mad." said Newt to an awakening Tina. "I know, it's been coming on for a while now." answered Tina sleepily.
Later that day, Newt went out for a stroll in the back garden while Tina took a shower. While he was doing his morning exercises, writing exercises of course, he took a deep breath of what he thought would be clean, spring air, but turned out to be smoke-tinted air. Coughing, Newt turned around to see the dollhouse up in flames. "FIRE! FIRE!" yelled Newt as he ran to the back of the garden where they kept the fire extinguisher. He sprayed the fire until it was gone and went to get Tina.
"I'm home." Queenie called out to the empty flat, "Hello? Tina? Newt? Hello?" She and Jacob went around the flat looking for them until they reached the back window. There they saw Tina and Newt standing in front of a very burnt and damaged "Funhouse". Queenie growled and stamped her foot in frustration, "I told them not to mess with the dollhouse, and they've gone and burnt it down?!" She ran out to the backyard with Jacob in tow, and took in the , along with a very dirty Newt, we're collecting anything not burnt by the fire. "What on earth happened here? I told you not to mess with my Funhouse! Wait, don't tell me, I already know. I can't believe it's gone. Where do you think the fire started?" she asked while Jacob hugged her and handed her a handkerchief. "Well, we suspect it started in the Carpet Room. One of the boards from the Room Room must have fallen in somehow, scraping on the carpet until it caught fire." said Newt. "We're so sorry for your loss, Queenie." said Tina. Queenie shuddered and stood up. "Oh well, that doesn't matter. I know for a fact that you two feel bad, so I'll forgive you." "How do you know that?" asked Jacob. All three of them gave him a look. He continued to look puzzled for a minute, until a look of realization passed over his face, and he nodded knowingly.
Based off a Friends Episode
"The One With the Dollhouse"
Season 3, Episode 20