Ragnarok
By: YukaiChick
Author's Note: I like to call this little Fic my Feminist Rant for Kingdom Hearts. Kairi's passive character in the games has always bothered me, so this story is my response to it. This was written shortly after a major ice storm that struck where I live, which knocked out power for several days and put me in an "end of the world" mood.
DEFINITION OF "RAGNAROK": I'm a mythology whore. I don't only read Greek myths (though I know almost all of those like the back of my hand) but myths from other cultures as well. (I would highly recommend Egyptian myths, if you're looking for good ones, by the way.) In Norse mythology, "Ragnarok" refers to the "Judgment Day" spoken of in just about every culture, when the gods would finally lose to the forces of evil and would die. Then the mortal world would be lost forever to darkness.
WARNINGS: Language, disturbing-ness.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own "Kingdom Hearts." I make no money off the writing of this story.
Please review after reading, because out of all the things I've written, this is my favorite and I'd like to hear what you think of it.
Kairi sits on the shore and waits (because hell, that's all she was ever good for anyway,) her empty blue-violet eyes staring out at the sea, looking for them, because they promised they'd come back. And Sora is like a freakin' god at keeping promises, and she knows Riku is with Sora, so if (when, she reminds herself, if she lets herself think about ifs then she'll go mad) Sora returns, then Riku will too. (right…?)
She can't remember how long it's been now (days? weeks? months? Or those dreaded years?) because the sun doesn't set anymore. Riku and Sora got another note in a bottle from that goddamned King, who doesn't understand, and has never understood, anything. He never knew how much Kairi NEEDED Sora and Riku, because without the sky and without the land, what is there? Just water, lapping at the shore day after day after day. It erodes everything, bit by bit, and looks beautiful doing it, all blue and sparkling clean.
Kairi doesn't remember what the King's letter said (and frankly, she doesn't really want to, because it's easiest to blame the mouse for everything) but she remembers it was, as usual, more important than her. She begged and pleaded to be allowed to come, but they said no, because she's not as strong as them, not as fast, and maybe they're a little sick of saving her. Maybe they just want her somewhere safe, so they have someone to come back to when they're all done saving the Worlds again (and again and again and again!) But they don't say that. So Sora, with his characteristic big smile all over his boyish face and his big blue eyes looking right at her, says "Don't worry Kairi. We'll come back here for you. I promise. Just wait here for us, OK? Right here." And he held up her good-luck charm of thalassa shells, like it was a shield that would keep him safe from everything, and she doesn't have the heart to tell him it's just a bunch of shells, it doesn't really mean anything, and fuck it all, they're not children anymore.
And Riku nodded along with Sora, and smiled just as wide, but his ice-blue eyes didn't quite meet hers. "You must be tired of adventuring anyway, right Kairi?" He says quietly.
But she knows (and the boys know too) that she never really had a proper adventure. Getting her heart torn out of her chest and getting kidnapped by Nobodies doesn't count, because she was still waiting. Just because she wasn't doing it on Destiny Islands doesn't mean she wasn't at all, waiting for someone to save the poor, helpless Princess who can't do shit.
But she nods, and smiles a big smile that doesn't manage to meet her blue-violet eyes, and slips some extra Potions into their pockets for emergencies, and even manages to giggle like she did before the Heartless ever showed up to make them feel better as she sees them off to their Gummi Ship, and she waves good-bye as they fly away, calling "Don't forget to return my good-luck charm, Sora!" like they're still five years old.
But it's lost its appeal the second time around. Still, she's a big girl now, and so she goes to school, studies hard, and dutifully collects Sora's and Riku's homework at the end of each day so they aren't too far behind when they get back. And when people say to her "You must be so proud, having two friends off saving the world like that!" she smiles and nods and laughs, and she wonders why no one notices that it's not in her eyes.
And after school, she goes to the shore and looks out at the water and waits, and she cries her heart out, in this place where no one can see her.
Then one day, there's darkness on the horizon, darkness that speaks of glowing eyes and creeping, lithe, shadowy bodies, and twitching antennae and missing hearts and deep sorrow that will never, ever end. And Kairi thinks of storms, and wind-tossed, homemade rafts breaking up in turbulent seas, and great black orbs of energy sucking everything in, and the pain of standing in a Secret Place and getting your heart torn out.
Every day the darkness gets a little closer, creeping across the oceans and staining them grey. The sun no longer sets, but burns hot and white in the sky each day, bleaching the sands bone-white. There's no rain, not even a cloud in the sky, so all the plants die and the Islands are no longer a Paradise, but a hellish desert prison surrounded by a sparkling ocean and covered in rotting shacks and huts.
So one by one the people leave, heading off to a place where it's not as hot and nothing's dead and there are no Heartless. And all of them, especially Selphie, ("because we used to be so close, Kairi, remember, before you started spending all your time out waiting here for them and acting all weird.") beg her to come with them. But she refuses, because she's Promised that she'd wait for them. Right here. And if she's not here, then Riku and Sora will have to look for her on the other Worlds, and that really might take forever. She might never see them again, and she'll forever be Waiting.
She can't stand the thought of that.
So she shakes her head, and smiles, and says things like "I'll be fine, don't worry about me. You guys go ahead; I'll find you later." So eventually they give up trying to convince her. And so as they all sail away, they look at her, staring after them on the shore. Her adopted parents are crying, and so is Selphie, and her teachers look pretty sad too. Even Tidus and Wakka have tears in their eyes, though they're trying to hold it together and be all strong and manly. The rest just stare blankly, shaking their heads, or look at her as if she's mad. (and maybe she is?)
She smiles her empty, broken smile at them until they disappear over the horizon, and she knows she'll never see them again.
She doesn't want to ruin her dark-red hair by attempting to cut it herself, so it grows down to the small of her back, long and loose in the hot, dry wind. She washes it every day in the ocean, but she's run out of shampoo, and it's starting to get greasy. She only brushes it because she wants to look good for when they come back and put everything right again.
Her only outfit left is a short, strapless, pink and white dress that reaches her kness and has a few too many zippers. It's been faded by the sun so that it looks filthy, even though she washes it carefully every night along with her hair. It's getting to be more hole than dress now, but she makes do. Her purple sneakers are falling apart at the toes and the soles, but she only sits in one place now, she doesn't run and play like she used to, so that doesn't matter. She keeps her worn gray school satchel, tied shut with a frayed ribbon, by her side, even though school's not going to be open again and she forgets how long it's been closed, how long everyone's been gone. But hey, she's allowed some nostalgia.
She tries not to think about what will happen when she runs out of food.
The only thing that's the same are her eyes, still the broken, empty blue-violet orbs they were when Sora and Riku left.
Every day the Heartless have come closer, and they're getting more excited now. She thinks they can smell her Heart (her perfect, pure Princess Heart, she thinks, and is disgusted,) and she feels worried, but quickly crushes it with the knowledge that the boys have never let her down before, and they'll come back, in a perfectly heroic, nick-of-time fashion to save her, the forever damsel in distress.
She doesn't bother sleeping in her bed anymore. Since it doesn't rain now, she just sleeps out on the hot, bone-dry beach, not missing a beat in her waiting. She's scared that if she goes inside, even for a minute, Sora and Riku will think she's left the Islands along with everyone else and they'll just skip right over her in their Gummi Ship.
She has nightmares about that.
Then one day (at least, she thinks it's a day, but she can't be sure,) when the Heartless are close enough to touch, Kairi can feel, deep down in her perfect Princess Heart, that Sora and Riku are coming back today. So she doesn't eat, doesn't sleep, just sits out and stares at the ocean (because two boys could come swimming across it, they ARE that crazy) and at the sky (because hell, they fell right out of it once, back to the Islands from The World That Never Was, and they were ON FIRE too, like a meteor shower or something.)
But although she's waiting all day long, Right There, they don't come back.
And finally, towards the end of the forever day, the ocean sucks itself in, so that the entire shoreline is exposed to the water for the first time in Kairi's life, dropping off a foot or so into the water like a miniature cliff. Then the entire ocean rises up up up, into a wave so big that it scrapes the sky, a veritable wall of water.
Kairi thinks this isn't all that surprising. She should've seen it coming, really.
But then-oh, then-she sees them. They're standing, right in front of that monstrous tidal wave, holding their hands out for her. A boy with spiky brown hair that looks like it's never seen a comb, smiling a big smile all over his face just for her, eyes like the ocean he's standing in front of. Another boy with long, silky silver hair, looking serious and steady, like a rock, his icy blue eyes filling her with strength. They're leaning forward slightly, hands and arms still stretching out for her, and she yells herself hoarse at them to run, to get to shore and safety, but her voice must be getting carried away by the wind (because that's picking up now, something fierce,) or that wave, because they don't hear her.
So she runs, straight into the water, and the only reason she doesn't slip and fall on a rock or a shell or a plant is years of practice ingrained into her system, because she's only looking at them, still shouting herself hoarse. She's at the point now where the water would be up to her neck, but it's still only lapping around her ankles, because holy shit, is the entire ocean in that wave?
Then the wave crashes, down, down, down onto the shore, right over Kairi.
She tumbles, head over heels over head again, through the water, and the current is pushing her down, to the bottom of the ocean, and she can't breathe. She flails around in the water, kicking her legs and waving her arms, but she doesn't know which way is up, and there's no land to catch her or comforting blue sky to fall into. She reaches out for strong, firm hands to grasp her and pull her out and up, but that never comes, either.
Then she realizes that they're not coming back, are never coming back, and she was such a damn, naïve fool to stay on the Islands.
This is her last thought before her eyes close, and she sinks into soft, sweet darkness.
When the Heartless arrive on the Island, swarming all over and covering it with their black shadow-bodies, bringing everlasting night to end the everlasting day, they are sorely disappointed. They show this by their high, keening, echoing wails and shrieks heard on the next World over that bring many a sleepless night. For there are no Hearts here for them to take.
The only person left on Destiny Islands is gone.
K. A I. R. I.
Waiting's not good enough.
Author's Note: I freaked myself out after reading this again and making the necessary edits. I've heard of authors who've given themselves nightmares from their works, and I'm starting to think I'll give myself nightmares now too...O.O
Um...REVIEW???
Happy Holidays to all, and to all a Good Night.
~YukaiChick~