The X-Men Evolution Telethon
By: Nagi-Oki
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not even the underwear I wore when I wrote this crap. Here's a neat idea, write all reviews as calls into the telethon.
Scene: Red curtains infront of a stage.
Apocalypse: Welcome to The X-Men Evolution Telethon! This is your omnipotent and all powerful announcer Apocalypse saying that when I take over the world, the streets will flow with the blood of all who oppose me! That includes you Debbie the intern! I'll teach you to turn me down for a date you---
[Kurt pokes his head out the curtains, he's wearing head sets and carrying a clipboard.]
Kurt: Hey Apocalypse! Ve ain't got all night! Stick to dhe teleprompter or do you VANNA be a stick figure in dhe dhird season!
Apocalypse: I don't need your crap you smurf reject!
Kurt: Ve can alvays replace your butt! You can go back to being villan extras in all dhose Final Fantasy games!
Apocalypse: Hey! I told that to you in confidence!
[Todd pokes his head out.]
Todd: Magneto says that if you don't get with the program he's gonna come up there and do it for ya yo!
Apocalypse: Alright, fine whatever. And here's your hosts for this fantastic evening professor Charles Xavier and Mystique!
Kurt: Cue music and pull the curtains!
[Kurt retreats backstage as the curtains, Mystique and professor Xavier are dressed in their best standing in the middle of the stage. To their right Juggernaut, Principal Kelly, Amanda, Forge, Taryn, Beast, and Sabretooth are sitting at a table with phones and clipboards infront of them. To their left is Jean dressed in a green dress infront of a numberboard.]
Mystique: Good evening one and all and welcome to the X-Men: Evolution Telethon! I'm Raven Darkholme but you can call me Mystique.
Professor: And I'm professor Charles Xavier, but don't call me late for dinner.
[Mystique blatantly fake laughs at his joke.]
Mystique: Oh you're SOOOOOO funny Charles. But on a serious note, you're all probably wondering why such a popular show even NEEDS a telethon. Well people, to be honest the heads of our show made a few bad investments...
Professor: They thought the Generals would beat the Harlem Globetrotters.
Mystique: And lost our entire budget for next season. That is where YOU! Our trusty and faithful audiance comes in.
Professor: Yes Mystique, to quote the famous Bobby McFarin, 'We're Worried, Need Money!'
Mystique: Charles, that's not one of his songs.
Professor: Not after HIS career.
Off-Screen Kurt: Ok this isn't vorking! Mystique you be comic relief, professor you're dhe host!
[The professor looks off-screen at Kurt.]
Professor: But I was trying my best I really was!
OS Kurt: Vell, try dhis now!
[The professor gets a hurt look on his face. Mystique elbows him and gestures to the camera. He blinks back.]
Professor: Oh! And let's look at our gracious and wonderful volunteers who will be taking your calls.
[Amanda looks down at her chained feet.]
Amanda: Volunteers?
Kelly: By 'volunteers' he must mean 'poor dolts that we tied up and forced to do this'...
Amanda: Oh...
Professor: And to our left is the lovely Jean Grey who will be monitering our number board.
[Jean poses next to the number board.]
Mystique: Maybe we should have picked someone who knows math to do that.
[Everyone on and off stage cracks up. Mystique looks surprised.]
Mystique: No, I'm serious.
Professor: You're probably saying 'ok, I'll send you the money, but what do we get in return? Are you and Mystique going to babble back and forth for god-knows-how-long?' Well, the cast of our spectacular show has put together some wonderful acts for your entertainment. And now we'll take you to our first act in studio three where some of our favorite non-mutant characters are ready to rock.
Mystique: Professor, Duncan's NOT a favorite character.
[Everyone cracks up again, Mystique just looks to the camera and shrugs. Cut to: Bayville high dance auditorium, spotlight shines down on Duncan dressed as a *NSYNC reject.]
Duncan: Dirty pop!
[Another spotlight shines down on Arcade who flips on the turn tables he's behind.]
Duncan:
Sick and tired of hearing all these people talk about
What's the deal with this pop life and when is it gonna fade out
The thing you got to realize, what we doing is not a trend
[Three more spotlights shine down on Jason, Paul, and Griff.]
All:
We got the gift of melody,
Duncan:
We gonna bring it 'til the end
C'mon now
[Duncan tosses the mike to Paul]
All:
It doesn't matter
Paul:
'Bout the car I drive or what I wear around my neck
All:
All that matters
Paul:
Is that you recognize that it's just about respect
All:
It doesn't matter
Paul:
About the clothes I wear and where I go and why
All:
All that matters
Paul:
Is that you get hyped 'cause we'll do it to you every time
Come on now
All:
Do you ever wonder why, this music gets you high?
It takes you on a ride, feel it when your body starts to rock
Paul:
Body starts to rock.
All:
Baby you can't stop
Paul:
You can't stop
All:
And the music's all you got,
Paul:
Come on now
All:
This must be, pop
Duncan:
Dirty pop, that you can't stop
I know you like this dirty pop
All:
This must be,
Paul:
Now, why you wanna try to classify the type of thing we do
All:
Cause were just fine doing what we like,
Paul:
Can we say the same for you
Tired of feeling all around me
[Guys make claw gestures at the cameras.]
All:
Animosity
Paul:
Just worry about trust cause I'ma get mine, people can't you see
[Paul passes the mike back to Duncan.]
All:
It doesn't matter
Duncan:
'Bout the car I drive or the ice around my neck
All:
All that matters,
Duncan:
Is that you recognize that it's just about respect, Oh
All:
It doesn't matter,
Duncan:
About the clothes I wear or where I go and why
All:
All that matters,
Duncan:
Is that you get hyped and we'll do it to you every time
Come on
[Duncan passes the mike back to Paul.]
All:
Do you ever wonder why
Paul:
Why
All:
This music gets you high?
Paul:
Gets you high
[Paul passes the mike back to Duncan.]
All:
It takes you on a ride, feel it when your body starts to rock
Duncan:
Body starts to rock
All:
Baby you can't stop
Duncan:
You can't stop
All:
And the music's all you got,
Duncan:
Baby come on
All:
This must be, pop
Duncan:
OooOoooOoooooh
Duncan: Man I'm tired of singing
[The four guys fly into their dance routine, until mysteriously their pants fall down around their ankles. They glare off stage as they try to continue but end up tripping and falling over.]
Duncan:
Dirty, dirty, dirty pop
Dirty pop
All:
Do you ever wonder
[Tabitha's laughter can be heard as the guys get up and fix their pants ready for their finale.]
All:
Do you ever wonder why
Paul:
Ever wonder why
All:
This music gets you high?
Paul:
Gets you high
All:
It takes you on a ride, feel it when your body starts to rock
Duncan:
When your body starts to rock
All:
Baby you can't stop
Paul:
Baby don't stop
All:
And the music's all you got,
Duncan + Paul:
Come on now
All:
This must be...
All:
Do you ever wonder why
Duncan:
Ever wonder why
All:
This music gets you high?
Paul:
Music gets you high
All:
It takes you on a ride, feel it when your body starts to rock
Duncan:
Your body starts to rock
All:
Baby you can't stop, the music's all you got
This must be, pop
[The guys pose infront of the turn tables as an off-screen audiance applauds them. Cut to: Mystique and the professor clapping for the boys.]
Professor: Wonderful! Simply wonderful! Those boys sure are N SYNC with each other!
OS Kurt: Professor!
Professor: Sorry Kurt, I couldn't help myself.
Mystique: Let's go to our volunteers, how're we doing?
Taryn: The phone's lighting up!
[Cut to: A camera by Taryn, only two lights are flashing.]
Taryn: Two callers!^^
[Taryn presses one button.]
Taryn: Hello...no Doris doesn't live here...
[Taryn presses another button.]
Taryn: Hello...Oh Debbie! I was just about to call you!...Yea that's me on the TV...
[Taryn waves hi to the camera as it cuts back to a very sweatdroppy Mystique and professor.]
Mystique: Was that trip really necessary? Ok people, let me put it to you this way, there are a BILLION *NSYNC and BACKSTREET BOYS songs out there and those idiots will sing each and every one of them until you call in.
[Suddenly the phones light up and everyone starts writing down information.]
Professor: Way to throw the fear of god into them 'stique.
Mystique: I know, I still got it.
Professor: I'm sure all of you are looking forward to our third season, how about we look at some choice moment that we have planned.
[The professor points a clicker at the huge screen behind him. An image of Scott trapped under a car in an auto-shop class comes up.]
Professor: Scott will learn that cars are heavy.
[He presses the clicker again, The ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future are hovering around Magneto in his bed.]
Professor: Three ghosts will convince Magneto to change his ways.
[He presses the clicker again. It's Evan holding a velvet box with a diamond ring in it to Pietro who looks surprised and happy.]
Professor: Evan will finally propose to Pietro.
[He presses the clicker again. It's a picture of Kurt with three more Kurts, one is red with his hair in dredlocks, one is green with a short haircut and glasses, and the last one is yellow with really long hair.]
Professor: Kurt finds his long lost quartuplet brothers Sanka, Lee, and Bruce.
[He presses the clicker and there's Tabitha in a guilotinne.]
Professor: We're finally killing off Tabitha!
[There's thunderous applause from off screen.]
OS Tabitha: Hey! I resent that!
[He presses the clicker again, it's a pregnant Lance and a shocked Kitty.]
Professor: Guess who's having a baby!
[He presses presses the clicker again, it's Principal Kelly posing in a leopard skin speedo.]
Mystique: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Professor: Oops, how did that get in there...Jean makes her final decision!
[Professor clicks, Jean's holding up the green sweatshirt.]
Professor: And she's stickin' to it.
[He clicks, it's a picture of Rogue looking angrily at a chimpanzee sitting next to her.]
Professor: Rogue gets a boyfriend named Gambit!
[He ducks as the audiance throws rotten fruit at him. He presses the clicker again, it's Logan holding a lighsaber infront of Sabretooth dressed as Darth Vader.]
Professor: And finally, Logan will finally confront Darth Tooth and find out what happened to his father.
Mystique: It's a real nail biter too, who would have thought that Sabretooth is ACTUALLY Logan's father!
[The audiance boos and the volunteers look pissed.]
Juggernaut: Thanks a lot Mystique! You ruined the whole season! Now the writers have to start all over again!
Mystique: Don't you have some calls to be taking!
Juggernaut: What you wanna piece 'a me!?
Mystique: Bring it on jail bait!
[Mystique lunges at Juggernaut and two start killing each other, the professor tries to keep his cool and move along.]
Professor: Ok, Jean, how's the numbers coming?
Jean: Well, before Mystique went ballistic, we were at $2,000.50...
Professor: Why that's the amount of money we usually spend on morphine for Hank!
[Jean turns and the numbers stop spinning at $5,013.50.]
Jean: NOW we're at $5,013.50...
[Jean smiles as the audiance applauds.]
Professor: That's wonderful, but we're still far from our goal!
Amanda: Um, this caller wants to know exactly how much money we need for the third season.
Professor: An amount? That's a hard question...Well, we do our own stunts so that saves us money there. But there are other things, like the elaborate sets...
Forge: Well, we also need to buy bananas for all those monkies.
Professor: What monkies? OH! The writers! I forgot about them.
Jean: And my wardrobe! Don't forget my wardrobe!
Beast: Don't forget the prozac we take between takes.
Taryn: I don't get any prozac.
Kelly: You don't need it the adult actors do.
Apocalypse: Don't forget my devestatingly awe-inspiring powers that will make this planet bow to my knees!
[Magneto runs onto the stage from the side.]
Magneto: No we don't! We need the money to fund my sinister plots to enslave humanity because I'm a bitter prune faced----HEY! KURT! Toad's screwing with the teleprompter!
OS Todd: Hee hee hee.^^
Apocalypse: Forget him! What about me!? I'm the all-powerful Apocalypse! People shall quake before me and stuff!
Magneto: Oh get lost ya HACK! You sucked on the FOX show too!
Apocalypse: Did not! Anyway you're an old geezer in the movie! What, you taking steroids to beef up your physique!?
Forge: Oh yea, that's another thing we need money for.
Magneto: HEY!
OS Kurt: OK OK CALM DOWN PEOPLE! Apocalypse, shut up about taking over dhe vorld! Magneto, help pull Mystique and Juggernaut appart! Forge, get back to taking calls! Toad, knock it off mit dhe teleprompter! Professor, move it along!
Amanda: What do I tell the caller?
OS Kurt: I don't know, vhatever ve don't make ve'll auction of each other to get.
[Amanda nods and goes back to the caller. Magneto pulls Mystique away who's still clawing to get at Juggernaut.]
Mystique: Lemme atim! Lemme atim!
Professor: Mystique, calm down you can kill my brother later, we have a show to do.
[Mystique straightened her dress and hair.]
Mystique: Hmph, ok Xavier, what else do we have lined up for our viewers.
Professor: We have a lot of fun stuff lined up for our viewers Mystique. A fun cavalcade of whimsy...
Mystique: You have no freaking idea until the teleprompter tells you, don't you.
Professor: No ma'am.
Mystique: We'll be right back after this capitalist propaganda.
[Cut to Commericial.]
By: Nagi-Oki
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not even the underwear I wore when I wrote this crap. Here's a neat idea, write all reviews as calls into the telethon.
Scene: Red curtains infront of a stage.
Apocalypse: Welcome to The X-Men Evolution Telethon! This is your omnipotent and all powerful announcer Apocalypse saying that when I take over the world, the streets will flow with the blood of all who oppose me! That includes you Debbie the intern! I'll teach you to turn me down for a date you---
[Kurt pokes his head out the curtains, he's wearing head sets and carrying a clipboard.]
Kurt: Hey Apocalypse! Ve ain't got all night! Stick to dhe teleprompter or do you VANNA be a stick figure in dhe dhird season!
Apocalypse: I don't need your crap you smurf reject!
Kurt: Ve can alvays replace your butt! You can go back to being villan extras in all dhose Final Fantasy games!
Apocalypse: Hey! I told that to you in confidence!
[Todd pokes his head out.]
Todd: Magneto says that if you don't get with the program he's gonna come up there and do it for ya yo!
Apocalypse: Alright, fine whatever. And here's your hosts for this fantastic evening professor Charles Xavier and Mystique!
Kurt: Cue music and pull the curtains!
[Kurt retreats backstage as the curtains, Mystique and professor Xavier are dressed in their best standing in the middle of the stage. To their right Juggernaut, Principal Kelly, Amanda, Forge, Taryn, Beast, and Sabretooth are sitting at a table with phones and clipboards infront of them. To their left is Jean dressed in a green dress infront of a numberboard.]
Mystique: Good evening one and all and welcome to the X-Men: Evolution Telethon! I'm Raven Darkholme but you can call me Mystique.
Professor: And I'm professor Charles Xavier, but don't call me late for dinner.
[Mystique blatantly fake laughs at his joke.]
Mystique: Oh you're SOOOOOO funny Charles. But on a serious note, you're all probably wondering why such a popular show even NEEDS a telethon. Well people, to be honest the heads of our show made a few bad investments...
Professor: They thought the Generals would beat the Harlem Globetrotters.
Mystique: And lost our entire budget for next season. That is where YOU! Our trusty and faithful audiance comes in.
Professor: Yes Mystique, to quote the famous Bobby McFarin, 'We're Worried, Need Money!'
Mystique: Charles, that's not one of his songs.
Professor: Not after HIS career.
Off-Screen Kurt: Ok this isn't vorking! Mystique you be comic relief, professor you're dhe host!
[The professor looks off-screen at Kurt.]
Professor: But I was trying my best I really was!
OS Kurt: Vell, try dhis now!
[The professor gets a hurt look on his face. Mystique elbows him and gestures to the camera. He blinks back.]
Professor: Oh! And let's look at our gracious and wonderful volunteers who will be taking your calls.
[Amanda looks down at her chained feet.]
Amanda: Volunteers?
Kelly: By 'volunteers' he must mean 'poor dolts that we tied up and forced to do this'...
Amanda: Oh...
Professor: And to our left is the lovely Jean Grey who will be monitering our number board.
[Jean poses next to the number board.]
Mystique: Maybe we should have picked someone who knows math to do that.
[Everyone on and off stage cracks up. Mystique looks surprised.]
Mystique: No, I'm serious.
Professor: You're probably saying 'ok, I'll send you the money, but what do we get in return? Are you and Mystique going to babble back and forth for god-knows-how-long?' Well, the cast of our spectacular show has put together some wonderful acts for your entertainment. And now we'll take you to our first act in studio three where some of our favorite non-mutant characters are ready to rock.
Mystique: Professor, Duncan's NOT a favorite character.
[Everyone cracks up again, Mystique just looks to the camera and shrugs. Cut to: Bayville high dance auditorium, spotlight shines down on Duncan dressed as a *NSYNC reject.]
Duncan: Dirty pop!
[Another spotlight shines down on Arcade who flips on the turn tables he's behind.]
Duncan:
Sick and tired of hearing all these people talk about
What's the deal with this pop life and when is it gonna fade out
The thing you got to realize, what we doing is not a trend
[Three more spotlights shine down on Jason, Paul, and Griff.]
All:
We got the gift of melody,
Duncan:
We gonna bring it 'til the end
C'mon now
[Duncan tosses the mike to Paul]
All:
It doesn't matter
Paul:
'Bout the car I drive or what I wear around my neck
All:
All that matters
Paul:
Is that you recognize that it's just about respect
All:
It doesn't matter
Paul:
About the clothes I wear and where I go and why
All:
All that matters
Paul:
Is that you get hyped 'cause we'll do it to you every time
Come on now
All:
Do you ever wonder why, this music gets you high?
It takes you on a ride, feel it when your body starts to rock
Paul:
Body starts to rock.
All:
Baby you can't stop
Paul:
You can't stop
All:
And the music's all you got,
Paul:
Come on now
All:
This must be, pop
Duncan:
Dirty pop, that you can't stop
I know you like this dirty pop
All:
This must be,
Paul:
Now, why you wanna try to classify the type of thing we do
All:
Cause were just fine doing what we like,
Paul:
Can we say the same for you
Tired of feeling all around me
[Guys make claw gestures at the cameras.]
All:
Animosity
Paul:
Just worry about trust cause I'ma get mine, people can't you see
[Paul passes the mike back to Duncan.]
All:
It doesn't matter
Duncan:
'Bout the car I drive or the ice around my neck
All:
All that matters,
Duncan:
Is that you recognize that it's just about respect, Oh
All:
It doesn't matter,
Duncan:
About the clothes I wear or where I go and why
All:
All that matters,
Duncan:
Is that you get hyped and we'll do it to you every time
Come on
[Duncan passes the mike back to Paul.]
All:
Do you ever wonder why
Paul:
Why
All:
This music gets you high?
Paul:
Gets you high
[Paul passes the mike back to Duncan.]
All:
It takes you on a ride, feel it when your body starts to rock
Duncan:
Body starts to rock
All:
Baby you can't stop
Duncan:
You can't stop
All:
And the music's all you got,
Duncan:
Baby come on
All:
This must be, pop
Duncan:
OooOoooOoooooh
Duncan: Man I'm tired of singing
[The four guys fly into their dance routine, until mysteriously their pants fall down around their ankles. They glare off stage as they try to continue but end up tripping and falling over.]
Duncan:
Dirty, dirty, dirty pop
Dirty pop
All:
Do you ever wonder
[Tabitha's laughter can be heard as the guys get up and fix their pants ready for their finale.]
All:
Do you ever wonder why
Paul:
Ever wonder why
All:
This music gets you high?
Paul:
Gets you high
All:
It takes you on a ride, feel it when your body starts to rock
Duncan:
When your body starts to rock
All:
Baby you can't stop
Paul:
Baby don't stop
All:
And the music's all you got,
Duncan + Paul:
Come on now
All:
This must be...
All:
Do you ever wonder why
Duncan:
Ever wonder why
All:
This music gets you high?
Paul:
Music gets you high
All:
It takes you on a ride, feel it when your body starts to rock
Duncan:
Your body starts to rock
All:
Baby you can't stop, the music's all you got
This must be, pop
[The guys pose infront of the turn tables as an off-screen audiance applauds them. Cut to: Mystique and the professor clapping for the boys.]
Professor: Wonderful! Simply wonderful! Those boys sure are N SYNC with each other!
OS Kurt: Professor!
Professor: Sorry Kurt, I couldn't help myself.
Mystique: Let's go to our volunteers, how're we doing?
Taryn: The phone's lighting up!
[Cut to: A camera by Taryn, only two lights are flashing.]
Taryn: Two callers!^^
[Taryn presses one button.]
Taryn: Hello...no Doris doesn't live here...
[Taryn presses another button.]
Taryn: Hello...Oh Debbie! I was just about to call you!...Yea that's me on the TV...
[Taryn waves hi to the camera as it cuts back to a very sweatdroppy Mystique and professor.]
Mystique: Was that trip really necessary? Ok people, let me put it to you this way, there are a BILLION *NSYNC and BACKSTREET BOYS songs out there and those idiots will sing each and every one of them until you call in.
[Suddenly the phones light up and everyone starts writing down information.]
Professor: Way to throw the fear of god into them 'stique.
Mystique: I know, I still got it.
Professor: I'm sure all of you are looking forward to our third season, how about we look at some choice moment that we have planned.
[The professor points a clicker at the huge screen behind him. An image of Scott trapped under a car in an auto-shop class comes up.]
Professor: Scott will learn that cars are heavy.
[He presses the clicker again, The ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future are hovering around Magneto in his bed.]
Professor: Three ghosts will convince Magneto to change his ways.
[He presses the clicker again. It's Evan holding a velvet box with a diamond ring in it to Pietro who looks surprised and happy.]
Professor: Evan will finally propose to Pietro.
[He presses the clicker again. It's a picture of Kurt with three more Kurts, one is red with his hair in dredlocks, one is green with a short haircut and glasses, and the last one is yellow with really long hair.]
Professor: Kurt finds his long lost quartuplet brothers Sanka, Lee, and Bruce.
[He presses the clicker and there's Tabitha in a guilotinne.]
Professor: We're finally killing off Tabitha!
[There's thunderous applause from off screen.]
OS Tabitha: Hey! I resent that!
[He presses the clicker again, it's a pregnant Lance and a shocked Kitty.]
Professor: Guess who's having a baby!
[He presses presses the clicker again, it's Principal Kelly posing in a leopard skin speedo.]
Mystique: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Professor: Oops, how did that get in there...Jean makes her final decision!
[Professor clicks, Jean's holding up the green sweatshirt.]
Professor: And she's stickin' to it.
[He clicks, it's a picture of Rogue looking angrily at a chimpanzee sitting next to her.]
Professor: Rogue gets a boyfriend named Gambit!
[He ducks as the audiance throws rotten fruit at him. He presses the clicker again, it's Logan holding a lighsaber infront of Sabretooth dressed as Darth Vader.]
Professor: And finally, Logan will finally confront Darth Tooth and find out what happened to his father.
Mystique: It's a real nail biter too, who would have thought that Sabretooth is ACTUALLY Logan's father!
[The audiance boos and the volunteers look pissed.]
Juggernaut: Thanks a lot Mystique! You ruined the whole season! Now the writers have to start all over again!
Mystique: Don't you have some calls to be taking!
Juggernaut: What you wanna piece 'a me!?
Mystique: Bring it on jail bait!
[Mystique lunges at Juggernaut and two start killing each other, the professor tries to keep his cool and move along.]
Professor: Ok, Jean, how's the numbers coming?
Jean: Well, before Mystique went ballistic, we were at $2,000.50...
Professor: Why that's the amount of money we usually spend on morphine for Hank!
[Jean turns and the numbers stop spinning at $5,013.50.]
Jean: NOW we're at $5,013.50...
[Jean smiles as the audiance applauds.]
Professor: That's wonderful, but we're still far from our goal!
Amanda: Um, this caller wants to know exactly how much money we need for the third season.
Professor: An amount? That's a hard question...Well, we do our own stunts so that saves us money there. But there are other things, like the elaborate sets...
Forge: Well, we also need to buy bananas for all those monkies.
Professor: What monkies? OH! The writers! I forgot about them.
Jean: And my wardrobe! Don't forget my wardrobe!
Beast: Don't forget the prozac we take between takes.
Taryn: I don't get any prozac.
Kelly: You don't need it the adult actors do.
Apocalypse: Don't forget my devestatingly awe-inspiring powers that will make this planet bow to my knees!
[Magneto runs onto the stage from the side.]
Magneto: No we don't! We need the money to fund my sinister plots to enslave humanity because I'm a bitter prune faced----HEY! KURT! Toad's screwing with the teleprompter!
OS Todd: Hee hee hee.^^
Apocalypse: Forget him! What about me!? I'm the all-powerful Apocalypse! People shall quake before me and stuff!
Magneto: Oh get lost ya HACK! You sucked on the FOX show too!
Apocalypse: Did not! Anyway you're an old geezer in the movie! What, you taking steroids to beef up your physique!?
Forge: Oh yea, that's another thing we need money for.
Magneto: HEY!
OS Kurt: OK OK CALM DOWN PEOPLE! Apocalypse, shut up about taking over dhe vorld! Magneto, help pull Mystique and Juggernaut appart! Forge, get back to taking calls! Toad, knock it off mit dhe teleprompter! Professor, move it along!
Amanda: What do I tell the caller?
OS Kurt: I don't know, vhatever ve don't make ve'll auction of each other to get.
[Amanda nods and goes back to the caller. Magneto pulls Mystique away who's still clawing to get at Juggernaut.]
Mystique: Lemme atim! Lemme atim!
Professor: Mystique, calm down you can kill my brother later, we have a show to do.
[Mystique straightened her dress and hair.]
Mystique: Hmph, ok Xavier, what else do we have lined up for our viewers.
Professor: We have a lot of fun stuff lined up for our viewers Mystique. A fun cavalcade of whimsy...
Mystique: You have no freaking idea until the teleprompter tells you, don't you.
Professor: No ma'am.
Mystique: We'll be right back after this capitalist propaganda.
[Cut to Commericial.]