Another night without any sleep. All Alec could think of was Magnus kissing Camille. He spent all that time convincing Alec that he had nothing going on with camille, that what they had is history, but what was it now? He kissed her and it hurt. Alec felt as if his heart is gong to break. He laid in his bed trying not to think about how screwed up his life was at the point, but there was no use. All his mind could focus on was Magnus and how much he loved him. He picked up his phone and sighed. There were eleven missed calls from Magnus, twenty seven messages. In each and every one of them Magnus tried to explain himself, but it didn't matter anymore. Magnus broke up with Alec because of Camille. Because what Alec did, going behind Magnus's back, was wrong. Magnus was the one who told him not to trust Camille. Not to trust her? He kissed her, for Angel's sake.
Rolling out of the bed, Alec walked towards the window. Skyline over NYC was always a beautiful sight, but at the moment that was the last thing Alec wanted to think of. Quickly, he dressed up in his grey sweater and black jeans. As he pulled his combat boots on, he noticed a purple scarf Magnus bought for him hanging on a chair across from the bed. He bit his lip hard. Alec grabbed the scarf and ran out of the room.
Soon enough he found himself in the park in front of Magnus's apartment. He just sat there staring. Nt sure if he should get up and finally talk to Magnus face to face, or if he shold just get up and leave. In that moment, he saw Magnus standing on the balcony. Alec felt his heart racing. As he turned to leave, there he was. Standing face to face with Magnus Bane.
„Oh Alec. As if I didn't know you were going to run away", Magnus said. He touched Alec's cheek softly, just like he used to do whenever he kissed him. But that seemed so far away now.
„Why are you here Magnus? Why did you come down?" Alec asked as he moved away from Magnus's touch. As much as he hated it, he couldn't show him how hurt he really was.
„Better question is, what were you doing here? I called you so mny times. Texted you... I wanted to apologize for what happened, but you never answered any of my calls or messages."
„Magnus... You broke up wih me because I went behnd your back. Because of this stupid thing I did with Camille. And I begged you to forgive me. I begged you to take me back. You haven't answered any of my calls then, why now? Because you feel guilty? Bad? Like you lied to me?" Alec shook his head. All the anger and pain he felt inside finally reached surface and he felt tears streaming down his face.
„Alec I..." Magnus whispered as he made a step towards Alec. He took Alec's hand into his and pulled him closer. Now they were so close, Alec could feel Magnus's heartbeat on his skin. Their bodies were pinned togeher. Magnus rose his head and smiled. He brushed away Alec's tears and in that second pulled him in for a kiss. Alec did not struggle. He wanted this. He needed this. Feeling Magnus's body this close to his. Feeling his lips, his skin, his breath... It all made Alec feel as if he was finally alive again.
But Magnus pulled away. „I am sorry Alec" ,he said.
„Sorry for what?" Alec asked. He was not sure what magnus meant by saying he was sorry.
„I can't... We can't..." Magnus tried to explain himself, but there was no need. Alec knew exactly what he wanted to say.
„You just wanted to say that it wasn't your fault, right? Kissing Camille?" Alec looked down. „You just wanted one last kiss." Alec took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
„I am sorry, Alexander." Magnus said and in the time Alec opened his eyes, Magnus was nowhere to be seen. Another day, another heartbreak for Alexander Lightwood. What he didn't know was that Magnus Bane was experiencing exactly the same thing just across the street in his apartment. His love for Alec never faded. He loved him more than anything.
Magnus felt as if he has to fight himself. Every morning and every evening. All he wanted was to call Alec. To tell him how sorry he is and that he lvoes him. He wanted to hold Alec until they both fall asleep in eachother's arms. But he knew that by doing it, he would hurt Alec once again.
Right now there were two souls on the opposite sides of the street staring at each other's picture in the cellphone. Both heartbroken. Both lost.
„I love you", Alec whispered as he put his phone back to his pocket. Magnus's picture will forever be on his screen. His smile forever captured in a photo that would cause so many skipped beats of Alec's heart.
„I love you", Magnus whispered as he held a framed photo of hmself and Alec in Paris. They wanted to travel the world. Magnus wanted to show him everything. Teach him everything. But he lost him. And with that he lost himself.
Returning home, Alec saw Isabelle and Jace in the trainng room. He tried to pass by them un-noticed, but he failed. „You went to see him, didn't you?" Jace asked not even turning to face him.
Alec leaned on the door frame crossing his arms. „Yea."
„And? How did it go?" Isabelle asked with a smile, but as she noticed Alec's face, she was horrified. He looked as if he cried for days. His skn was white and his eyes were dark blue.
„I lost him Iz." Alec said and hugged his sister tightly. „I lost him forever this time."
„Don't worry Alec. He loves you. He will forgive you evetually", Isabelle said. „But you have to forgive him as well."
Alec nodded and turned to go back to his room. He was too tired to even think about anythng. All that he could think of was Magnus's face and his words. „I'm sorry."
Was it really the end? It can't end like this. No. He was not going to give up on Magnus.