This is a two shot, even though this first part isn't all that long. It just felt right.

For Rissa. Love you, girl. You're a rockstar.

He wakes to the beat of the dim winter sun against his face, her warm nose nestled in the crook of his neck, her fingers pressing into the skin of his back, like she can't quite get close enough to him.

He brushes her hair back from her face carefully, doesn't want to wake her in case she'd gotten up at all in the middle of the night. His breath catches when he finds the dried mascara tracks down her cheeks, following the length of her jaw. He shouldn't be surprised.

He's not surprised. But he'd hoped -

He hoped she'd wake him if she needed him.

But she's here now, curled up next to him - breathing him in - and that makes it better. He doesn't need to be needed - he just wants it so. But he knows that's selfish of him.

He lets out a little sigh, leans down to brush his mouth against her forehead, holds her a little tighter until she wakes up.

He's got a book clutched in his left hand, his right thumb soothing circles at her hip when she wakes, a soft sigh at his ear. She lays a hand on his chest then, keeping the beat of his heart under his fingertips where she can't lose it.

He sets the book onto the nightstand and locks his hand over hers, turning into her, burrowing himself under the covers again.

"Hey," he says softly, smoothing the line of her jaw with his thumb.

"Hey," she rasps back, lifting her head slightly to press a soft, fleeting kiss to his lips.

"You were up?" he asks,

She nods, stroking her fingers down his chest, a soothing balm for the ache in his chest. "Around four. Didn't want to wake you."

He nods.

"How'd you know?"

"Your mascara isn't waterproof," he says gently. "You should've woken me."

"There's nothing you could've done."

"Not true," he murmurs against her temple. "I could've held you."

"You're holding me now," she replies. "Sometimes I gotta work it out for myself, you know?"

"And the rest of today?"

"Want you with me," she sighs against him.

"This isn't about me. If you don't want - if you need to be alone, I can - "

She presses her fingers to his lips, shushing him. "I got up in the middle of the night without you, Castle. So if I tell you that I want to be with you today, I mean that."

"Right - Yeah."

He sounds like such a foolish idiot, but it's - well, it's new waters for both of them. She's never let him spend this day with her. And now, well -

He's terrified of putting his foot in his mouth.

She props herself up on her elbow, piercing him with her deep hazel eyes. "Don't walk on eggshells around me, Rick. Just be here with me."

"And where exactly is here?"

She sighs, her eyes slipping closed for a moment. "I need to feel the sun on my face and the ground beneath my feet. I need you and my father and - "

Her eyes flutter open then, her jaw trembling as her voice cracks. "I need a reminder of what's good in the world."

He leans his forehead against hers. "I can do that."

She gives him a watery smile. "Good."

She's tugging on a cream-colored turtleneck sweater when he steps out of the shower, towel slung around his waist. He pulls out a pair of jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt when he feels her lips at his back.

"I was thinking lunch with my dad first," she murmurs, resting her chin on his shoulder. "You good with that?"

"You're the boss," he jokes.

She gives him a little half-roll of her eyes, but it doesn't quite fully come through.

He reaches around for her then, presses his palm against her cheek. "Taking your lead here, Kate," he says softly.

She shakes her head. "Need you beside me, Castle. Not behind me."

In his silence, she squeezes his hand. "I'm gonna make some coffee. Want a cup?"

He swallows. "Love some."

She leaves him then, a slow walk out of his bedroom, his clothes balled in his fists, feeling so very helpless against the ache in her heart.

Their clasped hands rest inside the pocket of her coat for warmth as they walk a few blocks to a small restaurant on the corner where they'll meet her father for lunch. She's silent next to him, her eyes slipping closed every few moments to tilt her head into the winter sun, expelling frosty breath. He only watches, mesmerized by her as always.

He knows she feels him watching her, but she doesn't call him out on it, lets him have this for today.

"There's something I haven't told you," he hears her say quietly.

He cocks his head. "What is it?"

She sighs. "This is the first year - " She pauses, takes a moment. "It's the first year I've spent this day with anyone else."

"What about J-"

"It's the first year that I'll spend it with my dad, too."

"Why now?"

She bites at her lip. "Do you remember what you said to me when you proposed?"

"Not word for word, but - "

"You said that you had to scratch and claw for every inch," she reminds him softly. "And you were right. And I realized that you weren't the only one I was shutting out." She looks away from him then, gathering her thoughts. "I realized I've been shutting him out, too."

They stop in front of the diner, off to the side and out of pedestrian traffic. He peers in through the window, finds Jim sipping on a coffee in a booth in the corner. Castle thinks he looks somewhat relaxed actually, but he wonders if it'll be a different story when they're in front of him.

He turns back to Kate, her smile a little sad. "I just didn't want you to be blindsided in case things got a little awkward," she admits.

"I think he probably understands more than you think."

She nods slowly. "Only one way to find out, right?" Before she can tug him inside, he pulls her into him for a slow kiss.

"Love you," he reminds her.

He feels her smile against his cheek. "You, too."