Edit: Don't worry about the edit. I just wanted to change a few words around... There may be another edit sometime in the future because I'm fucking insane... -.-UU
Summary: (One-shot) In which Sasuke and Naruto are arrested and deal with the outcomes for getting "caught in the act". AU, shounen-ai, mild SasuNaru.
Disclaimer: Gel does not own Naruto/Naruto Shippūden or have any word whatsoever in the makings of them, otherwise the sexual frustration between Naruto and Sasuke would have long been relinquished by now… Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto-sensei. Respect it bitches. (X3)
Author's Note: Yay! My first Naruto fanfiction! My first shounen-ai one too! :3 This has to be the fastest story I have ever wrote and finished. It's a major accomplishment! But I'm sorry I'm giving you guys a false pretense of hope for a lemon or lime, but there's none. At least I'm saving you all from the horror that would have been!! o.o;; This story is really rated for language and other content, because the author has a potty-mouth and an indirect perverted mind... X3
…I desperately tried to resist the urge to not name the story Don't Get Caught—Mousetrap! It's from the old Mousetrap board game commercial, remember? …No? …Okay… :sweat drops:
WARNINGS: A perverted Sasuke, language, crappy writing, and other shit the author can't remember… --;; The author is sorry if anything offends anyone ahead of time. You've been warned.
Bleeping Guy: Start the story!
Always stealing the lines… T.T
Don't Get Caught
Written By: Gel
Beta-Reader: darkrunner
x.X.x.X.x
"I can't believe you got us ARRESTED, teme!"
"Hn,"
"They were going to let us go with just a summons, but NOOOOOO you had to harass and ATTACK the freaking police officer!"
"He had it coming when he started frisking you for no apparent reason. It being a standard procedure was a bullshit excuse. Where the hell are you going to hide any concealed weapons when you're not wearing any clothes to begin with?"
"I have you to thank for that asshole! The guy was doing his job anyway…" Naruto decided to keep to himself he secretly agreed with Sasuke about the frisking ordeal… He shivered when he recalled the perverted officer's hands slowly roam across and patting down his nude body implying the officer was enjoying it more than he should have been…
Aren't policemen supposed to be using gloves when frisking a suspect? Just my luck to get a fucking gay cop…
Luckily, Naruto and Sasuke were allowed to pull their undergarments and pants back up before they were taken downtown. At least that much of their humility was left, which in retrospect wasn't a lot…
"Tch… You're ass is mine, dobe, meaning no one else is allowed to touch it. Remember that." Sasuke leaned towards Naruto, placing his lips close to the blonde's ear. "Or do I have to make you remember later?" the raven huskily whispered, followed by nipping Naruto's earlobe.
Naruto shuddered, "Possessive bastard…"
"Hn,"
With much will power, the blonde pushed Sasuke away with force before his "innocent" nipping and sucking escalated into anything further, much to the raven's disappointment.
Naruto sighed, "This whole experience has been so embarrassing… I should have known better that we would get caught…AGAIN! I swear this is the last time we're doing that again in public!"
The ravened haired man rolled his onyx eyes, "Dobe, admit it. You enjoyed every minute of it. You're addicted to the adrenaline rush. And…I'm just that good."
"B-Bastard! Go fuck yourself!"
Sasuke stared at Naruto with a predatory look. "I rather fuck you instead,dobe."
Naruto flushed.
Well fuck…
"Teme… What are you doing—NO! Bad Sasuke! BAD! We're in the middle of the freaking police station for crying out loud...! Heel! HEEL! Don't you dare touch me…! Don't you dare move that lecherous hand any further down—HELP! RAPE! RAAAAPPPPEEEE—oooh…"
Smirk.
"Ahem…"
SHIT!
"OMPH!"
Naruto quickly pushed Sasuke off him, causing the raven to fall to the cold, dirty floor. He landed painfully, and awkwardly considering his left wrist was currently handcuffed to the armrest of the bench he and Naruto were sitting on.
"Usuratonkachi!"
"If you two "love birds" are done," a sharp voice cut in, "I'd appreciate it if you both restrained your homoerotic desires in my police precinct!" A blonde, busty woman who stood before the two "criminals" with her arms crossed spat.
"Tsunade no baachan, it's this bastard's fault!" Naruto pointed an accusing finger at Sasuke who only quirked a brow in response. "I don't deserve to be here! I'm an innocent victim! He's the criminal mastermind!"
Criminal mastermind…? Sasuke admitted he liked the sound of that, but God was the blonde idiot overreacting… They just got caught having sex in public. It's not like they were stealing the Mona Lisa from the Louvre while having sex… Hmmm…
Sasuke shook his head from the thought. He really did have an overactive imagination controlled by the mercy of his groin…
"Can it brat!" Tsunade retorted in response to Naruto's rambling, causing the blonde to shrink back with an 'eep'. She wasn't in a good mood at the moment since she didn't have her afternoon sake yet, and the two idiots in her sight right now weren't lightening her temper at all…
"Loitering in a non-loitering area, indecent exposure, having intercourse in public, assaulting a police officer, and resisting arrest..." the woman reviewed the list of charges the two men were accused of. "This definitely takes the cake… Do I have to send both of your asses to prison for life to get the point across that I don't want to see your faces in my police compound again? Especially for something as stupid as having fucking sex in public! This is the third time this month!"
"It's actually the seventh. We weren't caught the other four times…" Sasuke smugly said.
Naruto gaped in horror. Was the bastard trying to send them away for life, or worse—killed by the wrath of a pissed off Granny Tsunade?! He paled when he noticed a vein popping out of her forehead as she tried to suppress her rage.
"Consider yourself lucky Uchiha that in this day and age they crack down on police brutality. Otherwise if I had it my way your head would be bashed against the fucking wall…" Tsunade growled through gritted teeth.
"Hn," was all the raven said, indifferently.
Naruto wanted to die… Someone up there please put him out of his misery... He didn't know how much more he could take of Sasuke purposely bringing Tsunade to the edge before she finally snapped. Naruto witnessed the last strings of her self-restraint break once before… Let's just say ero-sennin has to go to physical therapy for the next six months. The beast within the fifty+ year old woman was something Naruto never wanted to see again…Ever.
"Because of you two dumbasses," Tsunade finally said after taking a moment to calm down, "I have a load of paperwork piling on my desk, and parents reporting in constantly saying their children are asking why a man was attacking another man while they're both naked! For the love of kami you had to do it near a fucking playground!! FUCKING. KIDS. They shouldn't be seeing this kind of thing!"
"They have to find out eventually..." Sasuke muttered.
"TEME!!" Naruto elbowed his lover in the gut.
"Well they have to." The raven retorted, not appreciating the elbow jab.
"JUST SHUT-UP BEFORE YOU HAVE US KILLED!!"
Tsunade ran her fingers through her long blonde bangs out of frustration.
"Just tell me, why of all places must you have intercourse in public? What's wrong with your bedroom? Remember that place? The place where this kind of intimate thing is supposed to occur? Both of you have no decency!"
Naruto blushed, "It's the teme's fault… He has these urges and then there's no stopping him!"
"It's true." Sasuke added his two cents. "My uke is just so fuckable, so it's really his fault."
"Oh screw you!"
"Now, now, we both know who does the screwing around here, dobe."
"GAH!!"
Tsunade groaned, regretting she ever asked the question in the first place.
"You don't seem to understand just how much deep shit you're in… Not only did some kids get to see a live-action XXX-rated show, but you assaulted a police officer! Do you know how serious this is? I don't care if you're Uchiha fucking Sasuke! As long as you're in this town, no one attacks one of my men and gets away with it so long as I'm Police Chief!"
"He should suck it up; I didn't hurt him that bad."
"You sent the officer to the hospital!" Hyuuga Neji would give her so much lip later about police officers needing better protection in the streets once he got out of the hospital… Tsunade looked forward to the conversation—sarcasm.
"He was trespassing on my property." For emphasis, the Uchiha placed his hand on the unsuspecting blonde's crotch.
"WHAT—GAH!!" Naruto screeched, scandalized. He punched the bastard in the face for violating and referring to him as an object. "No sex for two weeks!"
The punch didn't faze the Uchiha… It was Naruto's declaration that did the job.
"TWO WEEKS!" It was Sasuke's turn to be scandalized. He desperately hoped the blonde was joking.
"I mean it! After everything you've done, just be glad I'm not dumping your ass!"
Sasuke crossed his arms, sulking at his punishment, except he wasn't sulking because Uchihas don't sulk. To hell with Naruto's punishment! He was going to drill into his little uke's head who the seme was around here!
Tsunade shook her head. What she wouldn't give just to have a cup of sake…
"Baachan! Sasuke's touching me!"
Make that a bottle…
"A night in the slammer is in order for both of you… A court date will be mailed to your addresses in a few weeks, which you must attend."
The duo groaned. Great, just what they needed…another trial…
"Awe c'mon Tsunade no baachaaan… Why do we have to spend a night in jail? Can't you pull some strings?"
"That's what you would like for me to do, right? Completely disregard every rule that was broken and let you go with a pat on your backs…"
"Well…"
"You're sadly mistaken, brat! I am an enforcer of the law, and I will see to it that justice has been served!"
Naruto began to inwardly panic. He didn't want to spend another night in the county jail. It was cold, and dirty, and all the town drunks, thugs, and rapists were there! Desperate times called for desperate measures… really desperate measures…
"Aren't we innocent till proven guilty?!"
"You're in the wrong precinct for that." Tsunade said with arms crossed.
"But you just said—"
"Are you questioning my authority, brat?!"
"…No…"
She smiled in a sickly sweet way, "Good."
Sasuke, however, was one to question Tsunade's authority. "What kind of justice system is this where we're not innocent till proven guilty?"
Naruto groaned, he really was going to die today…
"You were caught red-handed with your pants down!"
"Prove it."
"There are witnesses!"
"Its hearsay,"
Tsunade's right eye twitched. She had all she could take with the two dumbasses. "Oi, Hatake! Take these two sex fiends to the holding cell!"
A silver haired man with a surgical mask covering his face stopped pretending doing paper work at his desk to follow his chief's orders. "Yes sir!"
Kakashi hid his precious orange porn book he was reading in his desk drawer, making sure to lock the draw so his prize possession wouldn't be stolen from the other pervs on duty. Taking his time getting over to Naruto, and Sasuke, he freed them from the handcuffs with his set of keys.
"Wait," Sasuke said before they were taken away.
"What now?" Tsunade growled exasperatedly, hands curling into fists. Her patience was wearing thin.
"Question."
"Make. It. Quick."
"…Do we have conjugal visits?"
Naruto's jaw dropped. Sometimes Sasuke was too abrupt for his own good… "Teme!"
"Get them out of here!" Tsunade roared.
Kakashi chuckled softly. "You're the boss." Turning to the teenaged boys, he said, "Did you learn your lesson from this experience, boys?"
"Yes," Naruto and Sasuke replied simultaneously,
"And that is?"
"Don't have sex."
"Don't get caught."
The raven and blonde glared at the other for their less than preferred answers.
Kakashi sweat dropped. "Not getting caught is always good to remember too…" He led the two "criminals" away to the holding cells, the blonde whining about dying and the raven muttering a few colorful words…
Tsunade sighed as she watched them walk away. Dealing with those two always wore her out.
Now where's that sake bottle…
"Mission accomplished, boss." Kakashi returned only mere moments later. "Those two boys are…interesting, ne?" Despite the mask the woman made out the smirk that was hidden beneath it.
"That's one way of putting it…"
"OI! SASUKE! Quit groping my ass, bastard!"
"Just shut-up, usuratonkachi, and let me have my way with you!"
"Didn't I say there would be no sex for two weeks, teme?!"
"I don't recall…"
"BULLSHIT!!"
Tsunade's eye began twitching again. No they weren't…
"I'll quiet them down, Tsunade-sama." Kakashi said. He headed back towards the holding cell but not for the reason he told his boss. He had other perverted intentions in mind… Dear Penthouse Forum…
"Stop trying to take my pants off, bastard! There are other people in here watching! I don't like the way they're looking at us with their perversely gleaming eyes… And now that creepy police officer with the mask is back with a video camera!"
"Hn, let them watch."
"TEM—MMPH!"
They were…
Passionate filled moans erupted from down in the direction of the holding cell, causing the other occupants to shout catcalls and wolf whistles.
Tsunade punched the poor unsuspecting wall with her fist, leaving a rather large dent. Her whole police station was turning into a sex club! Those morons are dead…
"Oh, S-Sasuke…!"
Make that three bottles of sake and some rum.
FIN
………………I'm sorry.
X3 Yeah this is definitely not my best work but it's not the worst either. It's a pretty damn good piece of crap! The problem is I'm too lazy to go all out on it (because the author has the Shikamaru-syndrome…).
There are no Words to Know because 'teme', 'dobe', 'usuratonkachi', 'seme', and 'uke' should be apart of every SasuNaru fangirl's vocabulary. :)
Reviews are loved; flames are tolerated because the author laughs at them. However homophobic remarks are not welcomed… YOU MORONS WHY ARE YOU WASTING YOUR LIFE READING YAOI IF YOU DON'T EFFING LIKE IT!!
Everything will go towards the "find the cure for the Shikamaru-syndrome" fund.
Cya.