Disclaimer- I own nothing…

Summary-This story is based very loosely on The Russell Girl. I used an idea from it to help develop the story. I don't want to give up too much but it is about Casey coming home after barely visiting but she has a secret. She came home to tell her family something but is afraid that finally telling someone will make it all real. Meanwhile Derek is battling with his own demons. He finally had gotten over her only to have her return and mess with his head and heart again. It doesn't help that Casey has no idea of how Derek felt about her.

Prologue

It started out as a tiny flame. Over time it developed. Let's say that it became a smoldering fire after a while. Then the fire grew until it consumed me. It went from smoldering fire to inferno. Every part of my body ached when she was around and when she wasn't. I couldn't stop the thoughts that fleeted through my head.

Every moment of my life was obsessed with thinking of her. Time away from her hurt as strange as it sounded. Every moment I was away from her drove me absolutely crazy. I met her when I was fifteen. I sometimes would stare at her and wonder how I had lived without her. I would wonder how I could have existed without her in my life. I still think about it. How could I have possibly lived without this girl in my life? It didn't make sense to me. It seemed as if any purpose I had had before her was erased. Every goal was now replaced. My life goal was now to be with her in any way possible. If it meant as stepbrother I would have done it just so I could be close to her.

Casey made me who I am today, even if she never knows it. She made me want to be better. She made me want to prove everyone who had ever told me I would fail, that I could succeed. She tested me. She irritated me. She made me try.

We fought at first. I was hiding from my feelings and she was just being stubborn. We bonded only when she lost her dad. She was willful the weeks following his death. It was as if Casey was gone and a walking zombie was in her place. Her mom didn't know what to do, Lizzie was too wrapped up in her own pain to notice, Edwin was never that good with feelings, my dad was afraid of overstepping his boundaries, and Marti was a kid. That left me…Derek, to the rescue. I like to think I did save her. She talked to me but that just made that fire devour me faster. She became one of my best friends after that.

That was even more annoying. Casey, my best friend and crush. It was the last thing I wanted or needed. I wanted the fire to go away. I was tired of feeling as if I was going to explode when ever I was around her. I wanted to tell her but could you imagine what she would say? I did…I thought up so many responses that it drove me crazy. One was the normal, 'Eww Derek, that's gross. We are step sibs'. There was also the not so great, 'Derek how perverted are you?! That's like you saying you want to date Marti'.

I thought over and over again what I could do. I dated more girls than ever. It didn't help. She dated guys. There was Sam, Max, and Noel. Those were the main guys. There were dates in between; they never really mattered…at least in my eyes. Sam didn't worry me. I knew that would be over without me having to help it along and at that point, I was still hopeful. I was still hopeful that the fire would go away during this time. By the time the Max era had passed and Noel was the new star, I was consumed.

I sometimes wonder if maybe Casey knew all along and thought it was funny. Derek, the player, falling for her clumsy spacey Casey. But then I realize she could have never known. She wasn't that good an actress. She never noticed the way I stared at her. She never noticed the way I always tried to make her laugh and how disappointed I got when she wouldn't laugh at my carefully thought-out jokes. She didn't notice that whenever we went to the beach I was spent the majority of the time in the water due to various bikinis. She never seemed to notice the glares I sent her boyfriends, even Sam. She didn't notice that after she came, I never missed a day of school except for the chicken pox drama. Missing a day of school would have meant being away from her. She didn't notice what pushy little Lizzie saw, what Edwin the weirdo saw, or what oblivious little Marti saw. Even Sam noticed after a while. Sam noticed the way I got extremely happy when I learned Casey would be attending one of our hockey games or how unhappy I was while they sat around at my house while Casey was out with Max or Noel.

I once looked up love in the dictionary. I wanted to figure out if that was what I was feeling. There were several definitions on the Merriam Webster online dictionary. One was 'strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties'. I discarded this as the love I could feel towards her. I had never thought of her as a sibling. The second was 'attraction based on sexual desire'. This would I could see applying to us. I definitely felt some sexual desires when I was around her. I had to be careful not to think too deeply into my fantasies in her presence. The third was 'affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests'. I admired her sure but that didn't seem right. I liked the second one but I couldn't help but feel like my feeling went beyond my hormones.

I tried to move past all thoughts of love though. I tried to be her friend. I thought it would get easier but it just got worse. I managed to control it though. I had the fire contained. It wasn't gone but he could control it. The worst and best thing that happened was her leaving. She had gotten accepted to medical school. She was going to be Casey the doctor. I had been so proud of her. I had been sad too though. The idea of her all the way in America, where she had chosen to go scare me, although I would never admit it even in my drunkest stupor. She had promised to call though. She had too at first. But as time passed the calls grew farther and father apart. I was glad to get a postcard with a note once a month.

Hey!! Sorry I haven't called but everything is so hectic. Love and miss you.

Casey

I managed to contain the fire while she was gone. Having her away helped. After a few months, the inferno died down and turned to its status as a smoldering fire. The fire and I waited for her to return and rekindle it. Waited for her to come back and the fire to assume its normal intensity. She didn't come back though. Tickets were bought but always excuses would follow. Finally, none of them expected her to come back. I gave up. I was done waiting for a girl who wouldn't return. I was done waiting for Casey.

I heard that once you let someone go and forget about them, they pop back up. It seemed to be a rather inconvenient idea to me. I thought it was stupid because what's the chances of that happening? This was probably before I met Casey.

- - -

Casey was twenty four and averting back to her old ways. Or at least that was what her best friend Morgan had told her this morning. When Casey had asked her what her old ways were, Morgan had said oppressing her feelings and allowing them to build up until she exploded. Casey sometimes wondered whether or not Morgan should be a doctor. She made a much better psychiatrist.

"I am only going back for the summer," Casey said. Morgan was lying across her bed, watching her disdainfully. Morgan and Casey both went to med school and shared an apartment. They had been friends for too long though. Morgan knew whenever Casey lied. She knew when Casey was hiding something. She also knew when Casey was scared.

"That is what you tell yourself now. Once you allow yourself to fall back into familiar patterns, you are going to find it hard to come back," Morgan told her.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Casey said as she threw another shirt haphazardly into her open suitcase. She was in front of her closet, trying to decide what to bring home with her.

"I don't think that this is a good idea…at all," Morgan mumbled.

"Why are you so against me going home?" Casey asked, wheeling around to look at her blonde best friend. Morgan pulled on one of her curls and examined it carefully.

"Morgan?" Casey said, impatiently.

"If you go there, who's to say you'll come back? Then what will I do for food," Morgan asked. Casey laughed at the guilty look on her friend's face.

"Trust me, I'll be back. There is nothing there for me. Although my mom is going to want me to visit more often after this. I can feel it," Casey added.

"How are you going to tell them?" Morgan asked, curiously.

"Bluntly. I might wait a while but I will tell them while I am there," Casey said, turning back to the closet to avoid meeting Morgan's knowledge-filled eyes.

"You want me to come?" Morgan asked.

"No, I'll be fine. It's better if I deal with this on my own anyway," Casey answered.

"Well, if at any point you want me to come there, I will," Morgan assured her.

"Don't worry, I've got this figured out," Casey said. She had planned it out. How she would address this. She had always planned everything out. Lately though, even she had to admit that her plans weren't working. Things just kept getting out of her control. Not even she could fix this, no matter how much she wished she could.

(A/N-Hope you liked it!! Next chapter, Casey goes home! Please review and tell me what you think!)