Notes: This fanfic switches from first person view (italicized) to third person view (unitalicized) a lot. First person=the character is thinking or a memory, third person=present. The fanfic is set pre-City of Bones, and will have very little to do with my other fanfictions. I am aware that Raphael would have grown up in a different time period; however, no one knows how old he actually is. So, I may say something was X years ago but there may be references that are very close to the present or as the world is now, such as music, political events, etc. Don't shoot me for it, I just know the present best so that is what I'm going to use. (Basically, I suck at history).

Rated M: I don't want to hear any outrageously, negative reviews about content or themes in this fanfiction, they will not be welcome. If you've read Falling Stars, then you already have an idea of how this fanfiction is going to go; you've been warned.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything; it all belongs to Cassandra Clare, except maybe the plot line. (I don't know anything official about the characters' pasts before the series).

The problem with drugs is once they're in you, in your blood, in your heart, in your mind, and in your very soul, is you just can't get away. It's the same with vampire blood; there's no way out, even if you think there is.

Remembrance

Chapter 1 Regret but Not

"You're a fucking murderer, you little bitch!" Technically the blonde, overly attractive bloodsucker in front me well, cornering me, was about the same height as I was; but the heroine that was laced though my veins only made me braver, or maybe that was the feeling of being so close to death…

"How'd you get in here?" It, she, asked. Like I cared, like I could actually remember how I and the others had gotten in here. I was too doped up to care.

"Fuck you." I spat back at her face. That was a bad idea; she growled, like actually growled at me, and I could see those two little fangs in her mouth. They weren't big like those fake, plastic things you bought at a costume store; they were like needles, very tiny, hollow needles to drink up the blood. Thinking about needles made me think of shooting up again, as if I had not done enough already.

"Do you know what the laws pertaining to trespassers on vampire territory are, mundane?" She asked. She was right up in my face now, her green eyes glowing like a cat's even in this dim light. Her lips were red, but my mind couldn't figure out if they were red from blood or just naturally red.

"I go where ever I want, puta." I said, trying to mimic her threatening tone. I raised the knife I had that had been blessed by the priest, I had forgotten I even had it, and swung at her. The tip cut her shoulder and I heard her cry out; but I was too slow and she knocked the blade away leaving me defenseless.

"Now you're going to die, mundane." Those were the last words I ever heard as a human.

"Raphael!" Raphael turned to see who was approaching him, only to see Elliot, one of the few that Raphael considered a friend these days. "Raphael, what are you doing?" It's almost sunrise; please tell me you're not considering suicide again?"

The thought had occurred to Raphael before, but that was years ago, when he still regretted entering the hotel only to end up as one of the undead. Now he had a reason to live his undead life: revenge, because Raphael might be in charge of the coven, but Camille was still alive. "No," Raphael answered plainly, and started heading in the direction of the Dumont.

"You were with your family." It was not a question, Elliot knew about Raphael visiting his family every Sunday, despite the fact that he was not supposed to visit them. Technically the whole coven knew now, but since Raphael was in charge, he got to set the rules.

"Yes," Raphael replied. There were no more questions between the two of them as they returned to the Dumont, which only left the silence of the night, which only reminded Raphael more of the night he had been turned. "Where do you think we would be if we had never attacked the vampires?" Raphael asked. Although Elliot and Raphael had been two of the seven boys to attack the vampires, they rarely discussed the night.

"Six feet under," Elliot replied; there was a hint of humor in his voice and when Raphael turned to look at Elliot, there was a grin plastered on Elliot's face; Raphael couldn't help but grin back. "Dead, diseased, point of no return," Elliot was laughing now and Raphael joined in, partially because it was funny and partially because it was true: with the life the two of them had been living, they would have kicked it decades ago; and now they were immortal, how ironic.

Elliot and Raphael parted ways as they headed for their individual rooms, Elliot's on the twelfth floor, and Raphael's on the fifteenth; Camille's old room, the room that was designated for the head vampire.

Raphael had been head of the New York coven for three years now, but in vampire time, that was about three months. However, he had dealt directly with the clave for the past ten years, acting as head vampire so much that the Nephilim had come to believe he was the head vampire; which only made the transition from one leader to another less difficult when he had overthrown Camille.

Camille was one of the oldest vampires alive in the world. She was cunning, beautiful, and above all, ruthless; but she was still no match for Raphael. Having been Camille's second for fifteen years, and having spent another four years before that as a regular member of the coven, Raphael had a pretty good idea of how to get rid of Camille, because Raphael was second to no one. There was only one problem now: Camille was still alive and so were the questioning few that were her devoted followers.

Yes, it's short, but all my first chapters are short. This is going to be a fanfiction that I update when I have inspiration, mainly because there's no gigantic plot line, maybe a small one but not much, it's a background story for Raphael's life and how he got where he is today. So if anyone has any ideas for certain moments in his life, let me know and I'll come up with something. :)

Also if anyone has a good category for this fanfiction to go into please tell me. I put down supernatural because it has to do with being a vampire and then also crime because it has to do with Raphael's past, but if someone has a better category I beg you to tell me.