"H iyhvava bml'y yfhlq yfhi hi kumhlku ym zmpq," Danny huffed, crossing his arms unhappily as he stood in his ghost form watching his friends.
His statement went ignored as Sam and Tucker riffled through the boxes shoved in the back of the lab. They were for his parents uncompleted or unsuccessful inventions, and there was plenty to go through.
At this point, Sam and Tucker had done a great job of filtering out the nonsense Danny was spouting. He didn't appreciate being ignored, but he understood where they were coming from. To him, everything he said sounded perfectly understandable, but he couldn't expect them to understand the jumble of unusually placed y's and x's that came from his mouth uncontrollably. If they couldn't understand him, then there was little point in acknowledging that he spoke.
What would they say, anyway? To them, everything he said sounded "eerie." According to Sam, he sounded like wind whistling through bare trees, words that were faint and difficult to focus on. Tucker claimed that it reminded him of radio static and sent a chill down his spine. Whatever it was, it was definitely not a language that humans could grasp.
It hadn't been so bad, at first. Danny hadn't noticed when he started slipping into it during conversations until Sam pointed it out. He had thought it was weird, but it hadn't been a problem until he started losing control. As the hours wore by, his grasp on it grew weaker and weaker, until nothing Danny said came out in English anymore. His writing had followed it soon after — every attempt to write in English only produced squiggles and alien letters.
That had been three days ago. He was officially willing to do anything to make it stop.
"Found it!" Tucker climbed to his feet, triumphantly holding the Fenton Ghost Gabber above his head. "Now all we have to do is figure out how to turn it on."
Danny scowled but didn't try to stop them. "Kuogsi, yfxy nhcjc md oglq hil'y kummb dmp xlsyfhlku. H'e ycvavahlku smog, hy zml'y zmpq." Again, he received no response. He rolled his eyes. As much as he disliked the Ghost Gabber, he knew that it was a better option than going to Vlad, as Sam had suggested. If he went to his archenemy asking for help, Vlad would never let him forget it.
There was a long pause while Tucker and Sam tinkered with the old invention, but then the screen lit up, bathing the area around it in faint, green-tinted light. Sam took it from Tucker's hands, frowning at the simple screen. "Well… I guess there's only one way to see if it works." She held it out for Danny to speak into. "Try it."
For a moment, Danny considered refusing, but then he sighed. It didn't hurt to try. "Yfhi hi x zxiyc md yhec," he spoke dryly into the speaker.
The device didn't say anything, and Danny started to relax. Then, abruptly, the speaker on it crackled to life. "This is a waste of time," the machine spoke in a cold, feminine voice. "Fear and obey me."
Even though it wasn't his voice, Danny felt a surprising rush of relief. Finally. Tucker looked just as surprised as he was, whereas Sam was excited. "Was that right, Danny? It translated, didn't it? I can tell from your face — you look like you just got told that your mom was going to be moving in with Vlad." She teased.
Danny's face crinkled in distaste. "Bml'y ctcl mqc xrmogy yfxy, Sam. Yfxy'i yfc qhlb md iyogdd h icc hl lhkufyexpci."
They all looked to the Ghost Gabber expectantly. Sure enough, it again spoke up after a moment of processing. "Don't even joke about that, Sam. That's the kind of stuff I see in nightmares. I am a ghost. Cower before me." It said.
It was nice to be understood again after three days of speaking gibberish, but Danny still grimaced. He hated the way the machine translated him — why did it have to add things like "fear me," at the end of everything he said? He was a scrawny fifteen-year-old boy. There wasn't much for people to fear in the first place.
"Alright, well… at least we're sure now that it's a ghost language." Tucker shrugged, giving Danny a half-hearted smile that the hero couldn't muster up the will to return. The fact that this was a ghost language didn't help. Danny still had zero control over it. "Do you think your parents will know anything about it? I mean, they did design this." He held up the Ghost Gabber for emphasis.
"We could also ask another ghost about it," Sam suggested, "but I know you have way more enemies than friends when it comes to ghosts. What do you think, Danny?"
He frowned, thinking over his options. His parents could be very excitable, and he didn't want to try getting around the question of how he spoke a ghost language so well. Then again, he could list the ghosts that actually liked him on one hand and still have fingers left over. Finding one of them who could actually help would be near impossible. There was also the third option to talk to Vlad, but Danny had already decided against that.
"Vacy'i xiq es nxpclyi. Zc jxl yxvaq ym kufmiyi hd lmyfhlku yogpli ogn zhyf yfce," Danny said. He concentrated for a moment and let his ghost core fade into the background, taking his ghostly appearance with it with a flash of bright light. Unfortunately, being in his human form didn't make speaking English any easier, but at least he looked like a normal teenager.
His transformation seemed to be enough of an answer for Sam and Tucker, even as the Ghost Gabber parroted back, "Let's ask my parents. We can talk to ghosts if nothing turns up with them. Tremble before me."
Danny made a mental note to thank Sam and Tucker later for not laughing at the translations.
He shook his head, muttering under his breath as they made their way upstairs. Luckily, the Ghost Gabber didn't pick any of it up. It would have repeated some very unsavory words. At the top of the stairs, Danny quickly glanced into the kitchen. His parents weren't there, but the noises coming from the backyard told him that they were busy working on something outside. Likely another addition to the Ghost Assault Vehicle.
Turning back to Sam and Tucker, Danny made sure that the Ghost Gabber was pointed at him before he began speaking. "Xvaphkufy, smog kuogsota xpc kumhlku ym fxtc ym bm yfc yxvaqhlku. Ogidh exqc ogn aymecyfhlku xrmogdh x ijfmmva pcnmpdh ml bcxb vaxlkuogxkuci, mqxs?"
They were nice enough to look at Danny until he stopped talking but soon directed their attention to the Ghost Gabber. It took longer to process his words this time, but it eventually spoke back. "Alright, you guys are going to have to do the talking. Just make-up something about a school report on dead languages, okay? Obey me. Fear me." This time, Tucker snickered. Sam elbowed him in the side, though Danny noticed that she was biting back a smile of her own.
He rolled his eyes, heading through the basement door and into the kitchen. Wisely, Tucker and Sam stayed quiet as they headed to the backyard. Of course, Danny would never hurt either of them, but he hadn't been able to communicate for three days. Not even in writing — it all came out the same way as spoken words did. He was frustrated and confused and tired, and he really didn't need his patience to be pushed anymore than it already had been.
The three of them stepped into the backyard and, sure enough, his parents were tinkering with something underneath the GAV. Jack was under it while Maddie crouched next to him, talking in a chipper voice about ideas for their next project while she handed him the parts and tools he asked for.
Danny shot Tucker and Sam a meaningful look, and they took the lead in front of him. Oblivious as always, Danny's parents didn't notice their approach until the three teens stopped right next to them.
Even then, Maddie made no move to stand up. She handed Jack the screwdriver he had asked for, then shot a smile up at them. "Do you kids need something? Danny, hun?" She craned her neck to look at him but he didn't acknowledge that she had spoken. Confusion flitted across Maddie's face with a dash of concern, but it was quickly wiped away as Sam cleared her throat and grabbed her attention.
"Um, actually Mrs. Fenton, we were hoping for your advice on this." Sam held the Ghost Gabber out for the scientist to see.
Maddie frowned, absentmindedly passing Jack a wrench as she observed her abandoned invention. "That?" She seemed confused. "We scrapped it months ago. Communication with ghosts has always been difficult, and we realized that there was no point to them when the ghosts we are most interested in studying speak English." She didn't say it directly, but Danny knew that she was talking about Phantom. He shuddered but otherwise didn't react. Gingerly, Maddie reached out, taking her invention from Sam's hands and turning it over. "It's been turned on," she remarked, surprised. "Have you been trying to use it? Why?"
Tucker and Sam shared a look. "Oh, um, it's for a school project," he said hastily. "Lancer's having us research a dead language, and we thought what's better than an actual language of the dead?" He joked, visibly nervous.
Luckily, Maddie didn't notice. She got to her feet, having apparently forgotten about her husband still working on the car behind her. "Well…" she started slowly, pushing her goggles up to rest on her head before placing her free hand on her hip, "it was created to translate Kumiyx."
Danny's head snapped up, and his mom suddenly had his full attention. "Kumiyx?" He repeated. His voice was sharp, the word rolling perfectly off of his tongue. Sam and Tucker stiffened, hoping that Mrs. Fenton didn't notice. Thankfully, she only nodded.
"Yes," Maddie remarked. "Kumiyx is the language of ghosts. Not everyone who dies speaks English. Kumiyx is a way for every ghost to communicate with each other, and the language is ingrained into their brains from the moment of creation. That's why it's so difficult for humans to learn it." She held up the translator for emphasis. "Hence, the need for translation," she explained.
"Do you speak any of it, Mrs. Fenton?" Sam asked politely. It was obvious that she was itching with curiosity, though.
Maddie went to shake her head but then paused. She frowned like she was thinking over something, and then managed a tight-lipped smile as she spoke. "X vahyyvac, rogdh H'e lmdh tcps kummb."
At the words, Danny visibly cringed. Her pronunciation was horrible, and her accent was so thick that if Danny hadn't spent the last fifteen years of his life listening to her voice, he wouldn't have been able to even guess at what she was saying.
Before he could think his actions through, Danny snorted. ""lmdh tcps kummb"? X eciixkuc zhyf x eh md Empsi jmbc, rhlxps, xlb Cincpxlym zmogvab fxtc exbc empc iclsi." He didn't catch his mother's look of shock or the pale faces of Tucker and Sam. However, they all stiffened when the Ghost Gabber came to life in Maddie's hands.
""Not very good"?" It said, and Danny recoiled as his smart remark was repeated for everyone to hear. "A message with a mix of Morse code, binary, and Esperanto would have made more sense. I am a ghost. Fear my power."
The silence between them was heavy with tension. No one spoke, but there was the scrape of wheels on asphalt as Jack pulled himself out from under the car. He had been laying back on a wheeled back support, but now he sat up. Like Maddie, he didn't look at all concerned with the insulting remark. Instead, his expression was a mixture of pride and confusion. "Danny," he spoke, causing his son to wince, "where did you learn to speak a ghost language?"
Danny felt the blood drain from his face. He licked his lips and said the only thing that came to his mind. "Dogjq."
The Ghost Gabber had no problem with that one. It blinked to life once more. "Fuck."
A/N: I was thinking about continuing with this, but I think I like it better to just leave it as a oneshot. I hope you enjoyed reading it, though! I made a custom translator so that I didn't have to painstakingly type out everything Danny said with the help of a key. A = X, B = R, and C = I'm too lazy to do that for every sentence.
This was fun to write, though. I love the ghost speak headcanons.