Sesame Street
Ernie Meets Joey Garcia
Note: This is only a parody from the original SpongeBob episode from October 11th, 2004 from Season 3. Joseph Brendan Garcia had originally thought of it from December 16th, 2015.
Sesame Street Characters:
Ernie (Jim Henson, the Muppet performer who died 28 years ago)
"On-time percentage" voice (Voiced by RoboSoft Four from Speakonia)
Bert (Frank Oz)
Joseph Brendan Garcia (Himself)
Light Purple Anything Muppet Officer
Officer Michelle Muppet
Officer Stuart James Nicholson IV
Yellow Anything Muppet
Officer Donovan Muppet
Kermit the Frog
Cookie Monster
Oscar the Grouch
Eric Wiggle and William Wiggle (a.k.a The Wiggle Brothers from Wiggle Studios)
Darius Alan Matthews as The French Narrator
gameboy1982 (Anthony Nichols)
Elmo
Betty Lou
Herry Monster
Harvey Monster
Clancy Monster
Kermit the Forg
Fozzie Bear
Miss Piggy
Gonzo
Rowlf the Dog
Mario
Garfield the Cat
Sonic the Hedgehog
Pac-Man
Transcript:
Ernie: Wait for it...{The clock stops at 7:59. Ernie looks shocked. The clock changes to 8:00. Ernie punches the paper in then jumps in the air. The scene pauses him in mid-air.}
Automated Voice: On Time Percentage: 100%. [The scene starts again. Bert walks up to the time clock.]
Bert: Another day, another bowl of oatmeal. {chuckles} Oat...[scene pauses again]
Automated Voice: On Time Percentage: 12%. [the screen un-pauses]
Bert: ...meal. {chuckles}
Ernie: Ahh, isn't it great living here on Sesame Street, Bert? Huh, isn't it? Living here?
Bert: Yeah, great.
Ernie: Yeah.
Bert: Yeah.
Ernie: Aww, yeah.
Bert: {getting annoyed} Yes.
Ernie: Uh, hold that thought, Bert. I'm about to read the signs right here on the Sesame Street place. May Rubber Duckie shine brightly on my sign reading. {chuckles, Ernie walks out with a bag and a long, pointy stick. Ernie reads the sign that says, "garbage".} Garbage. {picks it up with the stick} Looks like someone read a sign already, huh, Mr. Sign Reader? {chuckles} Kids these days. {another piece of garbage falls to the ground next to Ernie.} I've never seen garbage before. Well, at least I can find a trash can near me. {more of the trash keeps falling to the ground around him and he picks them up quickly. He breathes, exhausted, as the last piece of garbage, that's called an X-BOX falls down that's attached to a parachute. Ernie finally snaps.} Where is all this garbage coming from?! {Ernie notices someone tossing garbage out of the car.} Not on my watch. {Walks up to the car} Sir, I will have you know it's against the law to throw garbage.
Joseph Brendan Garcia: Heh, what're you gonna do, call the police?
Ernie: Yes. {The Anything Muppet police begin to handcuff Joey. They walk past him in single file line and continue to cuff him.}
Bert: How's it going, Old Timer?
Ernie: Well, let's just say I hope this man out there throwing garbage has just saved room for his just desserts. Heh, heh heh, Yeah. Just desserts. Heh heh ha eh heh heh heh.
Bert: Whatever, Ernie. Huh? {notices Joey} Ernie, don't you know who that is?
Ernie: Who, Bert?
Bert: That's Joseph Brendan Garcia.
Ernie: Who?
Bert: Joseph Brendan Garcia! {shows Bert a "WANTED" poster of Joseph Brendan Garcia, wearing a red hoodie, and a blue shirt.} He's promised to punish anyone who turns him in. {Joseph growls. Bert and Ernie are scared.}
Ernie: He seems kind of angry with us, eh, Bert? {Bert's gone, and Ernie started searching for him.} Bert? Bert?
Officer Stuart: You're gonna do time, Joey, hard time. {Ernie walks up to the police.}
Ernie: Hi, officers. So, he's going to jail, right?
Officer Michelle: Who, Joseph?
Ernie: Yeah, Joseph.
Officer Michelle: Oh yeah, he's going to jail for a long time. {Joey draws on the back of the driver's seat's headrest, and flips it to reavel an exact likeness of Ernie's face.}
Ernie: Hey, that looks like me! {Joey starts to get angry, and grounds Ernie for whatever reason. Joey starts to attack the headrest, killing the "Ernie" drawing, and chuckles evilly. Ernie screams}
Officer Michelle: Don't worry, Ernie, he won't be able to punish you.
Officer Stuart: Yeah, we got him chained up real good, and we also took his X-Box away. Now he'll never get away this time.
Officer Michelle: Hubba-wha? Oh crud, not again. {Joey is gone, with his handcuffs in his place in the police car.}
Officer Stuart: Yep, he got away. {Ernie screams then falls over, then walks up to the police.}
Ernie: Uh, you nice officers will protect me, right?
Officer Michelle: We ain't bodyguards, Ern.
Officer Stuart: Yeah, give us a call if you see him again...troublemaker. {they drive off, leaving dust that made Ernie cough}
Ernie: Those officers are right. I need a bodyguard! {runs into Cookie Monster} Cookie Monster! There's a teenager after me! I need a bodyguard!
Cookie Monster: {laughs} Me wasn't five-time "Cookie Eater" in eating contest for nothing! When he see me eat, then he be get disgusted. So, where this punisher at? Down at park? The Cookie Factory? What does he look like, Ernie? Me want to know.
Ernie: This would be him, Cookie Monster. {takes out the wanted poster of Joey Garcia}
Cookie Monster: {gasps in fear} JOSEPH BRENDAN GARCIA?! {hides in the tablecloth} Go away, Ernie! Take troubled guy with ya! {scene cuts to Ernie showing the wanted poster to people. First he shows it to Kermit the Frog, doing some news reporting around here. Kermit sees it, and turns into a real frog, croaking away, then Oscar the Grouch who hides on his trashcan, and the Wiggles from Wiggle Studios, and only Eric Wiggle and William Wiggle run away while yelling "HOLD ME, HOLD ME!", leaving Ernie distraught}
Ernie: {at the bus stop} Ugh, that does it. I've gotta get out of town so I can find a bodyguard. {Joey sits on a bench reading a newspaper}
Joey: Bodyguard, huh? I might be able to help you out. {Ernie walks over}
Ernie: You don't understand, mister. I need protection from the worst troublemaker in town. Here's his picture. {holds up the wanted poster. Joey reveals himself wearing a red hoodie with a star on it, just like Leap wears it from 2003.}
Joey: Heh heh, he doesn't look so bad.
Ernie: He's been causing trouble everywhere, and now he wants to ground me with his hands! I hope they're not dirty. {Joey shows his filthy hands and laughs. Before Joey starts to ground Ernie, a bus stops next to them and Joey puts his hands behind his back and smiles, as the bus drives off.}
Joey: Huh? Uh-oh. Uhh, there's too many people around here. {walks up to Ernie} I could be your bodyguard. Here's my card. {Shows Joey his drawn-over fake ID card}
Ernie: Hmm, looks good to me! You're hired, and ungrounded! I feel better and safer already! Now, what's next? {a sticker is shown on Joey's shirt.}
Joey: Well, the teenager could be anywhere, hanging by a tree, getting caught, while wearing a disguise. {He points to Warren Cook, making fake VHS openings.} He could be Warren Cook, or that Yoshi. {points to Yoshi on Yoshi's Island}
Ernie: Or that Kirby. {points to a pink puffball} Or that ham. {points to the ham which looks like one but green from Dr. Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham} Or that receipt for the GameStop Employees!
Joey: Huh? Uhh, that's mine. {picks it up and puts it in his pocket}
Ernie: Oh, Joey. My body is in your guarding hands. What do we do first, Joey?
Joey: Well, I suggest we go to a nice, quiet, secluded location. Like behind an old trashcan, or Waldo's place...
Ernie: We could go to my house and turn off all the lights.
Joey: Perfect, that way no one can hear you being grounded, uh, ungrounded. {laughs evilly as the lights grow dim}
Ernie: Yes, excellent. {laughs with Joey} Oh, but first I gotta run a few errands.
Joey: Okay, but make it quick.
Ernie: Quick is my middle name! {scene cuts to Ernie and Joey at the grocery store} Let's see, rubber ducks...this one says, best rubber duckie in town, and this one says, "best rubber duckie around". In town, around. In town, around...what do you think, Joey?
Joey: Whatever gets us to your house quicker.
Ernie: I'll take both! {scene cuts to 'Dry Cleaning While U Wait'}
Dry Cleaner: Here you go, Mr. Ernest. {he hands him his red-blue shirt white white-yellow stripes.}
Ernie: Hmmmm.
Dry Cleaner: Is there something wrong?
Ernie: I'm not sure if this is my shirt. {Joey groans. Scene cuts to the deodorant store where Ernie sprays some deodorant on his wrist and holds it up to Joey} How about this, Joey? Too overbearing?
Joey: Can we just go to your house? {scene cuts to Ernie and Bert's apartment}
Ernie: Here we are. Bert and Ernie Manor! Joey, let me take this opportunity to say you're the best bodyguard a fella could hope.
Joey: All right, enough of the sappy talk. Open the door so I can punish you, uh, punch you, uh, play you on the X-Box...gah, I mean...
Ernie: Protect me?
Joey: Thanks.
Ernie: Don't mention it, Joseph. I mean, Joey. Now where'd I put my key. {Ernie tries to search for his key by checking everything on him.}
Darius Alan Matthews: Twenty minutes later...{Ernie is still searching for his key. Joey gets even more angry.}
Ernie: Well, I can't find them. You wanna take a look?
Joey: Oh, forget the key! Let's just climb through this window. {struggles reaching for the window} I can't reach it. Do you think you could hop up on my shoulders, muppet? {Ernie is wearing cleats}
Ernie: Sure! With these spiky cleats, anything is possible! {jumps onto Joey}
Joey: Cleats?! {Ernie's feet lands on Joey's hair. Joey screams in pain.} Get your feet out of my black hair! {Ernie starts tugging at his legs}
Ernie: I'm trying, but my cleats are stuck on your head! {Joey runs around in pain}
Darius Alan Matthews: Six hours later...{Joey is still running around until he pulls Ernie's feet out of his head. Scene cuts to Joey with a big band-aid on his head.}
Ernie: Don't be mad, Joey. Here, let me just get the key under the mat so we can get inside. {The band-aid pops out of Joey's head. Joey growls in anger as a nuclear explosion comes out of his head} There you are, you little rascal. Now, to put the key on the lock, which should activate the tumblers, thus opening the door. {Joey sneaks up behind Ernie ready to punish him. Ernie opens the door and walks inside.} Step inside...
Joey: {closes the door} Close the door...
Ernie: Well, here we are!
Joey: I've finally got you all alone! {laughs evilly}
Ernie: I know, isn't it great! {laughs, Joey picks up Ernie} Ooh.
Joey: Now you're gonna get yours...troublemaker! {lights turn on}
All of the Sesame Street Muppets, and everybody else: Surprise! {all of the Sesame Street Muppets, and everybody else are cheering. They all drop a sign that says "CONGRATULATIONS, ERNIE! 100% ON TIME!"}
Ernie: A surprise party to celebrate my perfect on-time percentage at Sesame Street? {chuckles} Oh, how'd you guys know? {Joey places his hands behind his back}
Fozzie Bear: It's on the invitations you sent us! Let's boogie! {everyone starts to party. Joey sits down on Ernie's bed. Scene cuts to the end of the party.}
Ernie: Bye, everybody, thanks, for coming! Bye, Bert, Bye, Yellow, Bye, Anthony, Bye, Kermit, Bye, Elmo, Bye, Fozzie, Bye, Kermit, Bye, Rowlf, Bye, Betty Lou, Bye, Harvey, Bye, Clancy, Bye, Kermit the Forg, Bye, Miss Piggy, Bye, Gonzo, Bye, Mario, Bye, Sonic, Bye, Pac-Man, Bye, eh, the rest. {everyone else leaves the house and Ernie chuckles} Ahh, alone at last!
Joey: {wakes up} What, Huh? Huh, what, huh? {Ernie closes the door} So we're all alone now?
Ernie: Just you, me, and the duckie. {Ernie and Joey begin to laugh again, but there's a knock on the door. Ernie opens it.}
All: Happy Birthday, Ernie!
Ernie: How'd you guys know today was my birthday?
Fozzie Bear: We just do what the invitations say. Let's boogie some more! {everyone parties again, and the scene cuts to the end of the party}
Ernie: Thanks for coming! {closes door} Alone again.
Joey: Is it true? Everybody's gone? No more parties today, you got everything you need now, nobody's left, we're completely alone?
Ernie: Oh yeah.
Joey: In that case...{laughs evilly until Elmo appears out of nowhere}
Elmo: Great parties, huh?
Joey: Oh...sorry, Red, you've got to go.
Ernie: Wait! We can trust Elmo! He's my friend.
Joey: Well, I couldn't trust this furry monster, for all you know, he could be grounded.
Elmo: Elmo's grounded? Oh, he should have known! He gotta tell his parents about this! {Elmo runs and breaks through the wall}
Ernie: So Elmo's grounded. Gee, you think you know a guy.
Joey: {growls} HE'S NOT GROUNDED!
Ernie: He's not!
Joey: {rips off the star from his red hoodie} I AM!
Ernie: Hey, how'd you rip the sticker off your shirt?
Joey: Oh, it's a fake, you orange moron! I bought it at the gaming store! {everyone comes back inside}
Bert: Did someone say "games"? {Joey screams and runs out through the wall}
Joey: I can't take it!
Ernie: {runs after him} Wait, Joey! I need protection! {Joey gets into a taxi}
Joey: Step on it! I'm being chased by that kid again! {Ernie chases after the taxi}
Ernie: I'm not safe! Come back! {The Taxi comes to a stop at the Sesame Street Airport and an airplane takes off}
Joey: Finally! Away from that guy!
Ernie: {on the airplane a row behind Joey} Good idea, Joey. He'll never find us up here. {Joey jumps out of the plane, screaming, he opens his parachute, but it's actually Ernie.} Good thinking, Joey. Joseph Garcia could have been on that plane. {Joey takes a giant pair of scissors and cuts the strings off the Ernie parachute and plummets right into the station jail. Ernie runs up to him.} Joey! Joey!
Joey: Look, kid...I'm not your Joey! {cries} I'm Joseph Brendan Garcia! See?! {Looks toward his "WANTED" poster on the wall}
Ernie: {gasps} Joseph Garcia! {Anything Muppet Police Officers walk up}
Officer Michelle: Good work, Ernie! You put Joseph Garcia behind bars.
Joseph Brendan Garcia: At least I'm safe from that orange idiot.
Oscar: Hey, Joe. {Joseph turns around and sees Oscar in the cell with him} What're you in for?
All Muppets belong to Sesame Workshop, Jim Henson, and Muppets Incorporated.
SpongeBob SquarePants belongs to Viacom and Nickelodeon, and Stephen McDonnell Hillenburg.
Pac-Man belongs to Bandai Namco. Mario and Yoshi belong to Nintendo. Sonic the Hedgehog (c) Sega. Kirby (c) HAL Laboratory. Garfield (c) Jim Davis.
END