DISCLAIMERS: I do not own the game Valkyrie Profile or its characters. I am not making any money from this fanfiction.

Valkyrie Profile is owned by tri-ace and Square Enix.

PlayStation 3 is owned by Sony.

"Get the Party Started" is owned by Pink and Lefty Paw Print, LLC.

Lezard had done plenty of strange things in his lifetime, but this was by far the strangest, the most disturbing, and the most unpleasant. One thing he had to admit, however, was that it was not boring.

"And what would you like for Christmas, little girl?" asked the young genius, his voice muffled through the fake beard covering his face.

"Ummm...Let's see," mused the young girl sitting on his lap. His legs were getting numb. Why did the damn kids have to always take so long? Surely they had plenty of time to think it over in the endless line that stretched as far as he could see.

"I want a pony," the girl finally decided. "And some pretty ribbons for my hair." She flipped her blond, curly hair with her hand to demonstrate for him.

"Pretty ribbons for a pretty girl," Lezard chuckled, secretly wanting to gag. Why did little girls always want ponies and ribbons? Lenneth would never ask for something so petty.

Speaking of Lenneth, he thought suddenly.

For just across down the hall, walking into Gottschalk's, was Lenneth, the love of his life, walking arm-in-arm with her fiancé, Lucio.

"Your hair is so perfect for the holiday season," Lucio was saying.

"Really?" replied Lenneth. "You think so, Lucio?"

"Yeah." Lucio smiled softly and ran one of his hands through her shimmering, silvery hair. "It's like tinsel, only more beautiful. You're better than any Christmas tree."

Lezard saw Lenneth's cheeks flush just a little bit as reached up and tousled his hair in return. "That's a really nice thing to say, Lucio."

Oh, she's so gorgeous! Lezard sighed loudly as he stared at the female half of the happy couple. That lucky bastard, Lucio. How the hell did he score such a wonderful woman? How is it that I, the smartest, best-looking man in town, am still single? It made him sick.

But then, she was so beautiful...He couldn't feel sick while staring at such a lovely woman.

He didn't understand why he was so entranced by her. Maybe it was her silver hair, or her cold blue eyes, or her stern, unyielding personality. Yet even when he saw her smile and warm up around Lucio, his heart was still full of love for her. Or was it lust? Either way, it was a fascination bordering on obsession.

"And I want a PlayStation 3, and...Hey, Santa, are you listening?" a sandy-haired, freckled boy demanded.

"Huh? Yeah, yeah," Lezard answered quickly. "I mean, of course I'm listening, ho ho ho." God, I hate this job. "All right now, be a good boy and I'll stop by your house on Christmas Eve! Until then, here's a candy cane!" Lezard reached into the bag next to the giant chair he was sitting in and pulled out a tiny candy cane.

"That's not very big," the boy scoffed.

I'm about ready to strangle this kid, Lezard thought as he said, "I have to be fair to the other children! Run along now, little boy!"

And so it went. One by one, Lezard listened to each child's complaints about poor parents and small candy canes until finally, it was almost time for him to go home. Fortunately, this was only a temporary job.

Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of silver. Could it be?

Yes! It was her! His beloved Lenneth! His precious silvery-haired goddess!

"Young lady!" he called out before thinking it through. "Would you like to sit on my lap?"

Lenneth and Lucio took one look at him...and took off running.

"Waaaaaiiiiit!" he yelled, but they only ran faster.

He sighed. Why was it that she wouldn't even give him the time of day? He had a sinking feeling the reasons could fill an entire New York Times bestseller.

Things took a turn for the worse when he heard his employer shout, "Hey, you! Valeth! Stop flirting with the customers! You're done for the day, now get lost!"

Lezard groaned as he got out of the chair, much to the dismay of the children (and parents) who had been waiting for over an hour. "Sorry, folks. Show's over."

"Please, can't you just give my kid a turn?" asked the distressed mother at the very front of the line.

"And mine, too?" begged a distraught father holding a screaming baby.

"I'd love to stay and listen to each one of your children tell me what they want for Christmas," Lezard said in the jolliest voice he could muster, "but old Mr. Scrooge over there needs me to get back to the North Pole before I spread too much holiday cheer." Lezard had had enough. He'd rather make something for Lenneth than have to endure one more day of this Hel on earth.

He shook his head. For some reason, every time he envisioned the word "hell," it was always spelled "Hel." It didn't make any sense.

As he was driving home, he mulled over ways he might earn Lenneth's trust. After all, he wasn't a bad guy. Not really. Sure, he was a bit eccentric...and conceited. And he knew he was beautiful; was that such a bad thing? And he was a bit selfish, pursuing Lenneth even though he knew she was engaged. And it was true he wasn't exactly nice to others...

Jeez, he thought, I'm a loser. And if that wasn't bad enough, the radio was playing his least-favorite song, "Get the Party Started"...

"That's it!" he cried suddenly, startling himself with the sound of his voice. (His rides home were often very quiet, as he had nobody to talk to.) "I'll throw a party! A Christmas party! A come-as-you-are party! And I'll invite everyone I know!"

The second he got home, he bolted out the door of his car and bolted in the door of his house, scaring his cat in the process. "Sorry, Loki," he said quickly, and ran into his room to dig up that corny Christmas stationary his mother had sent him six years ago.

"Great! I've got enough for everyone! This'll be awesome! This'll be the best Christmas I've ever had! It'll be the first Christmas I don't have to spend with my parents!"

He was visibly excited as he sat down at his desk to write out an invitation to his beloved:

Dearest Lenneth,

It is I, Lezard Valeth. I will be hosting a party this year, and I would be most honored if you would show up.

It will be a come-as-you-are party. The theme? Christmas!

Date: December 21

From: As early as you want

To: As late as you want

Address: 1252 Flenceburg Drive

Phone # (RSVP): 611-8221

Yours truly,

Lezard Valeth

P.S. You may also bring your manservant, if you like.