Summary: Two sorting songs I wrote. One, the first one, is old and a joke. The other one I wrote just to see if I could. Review please and tell me what you think.

The Sorting Song #1:

"Oh woe is me,
Oh fee, oh fie,
I've seen so many things, No one can deny,
My heart would tingle,
If I had one,
And I would gasp,
If I had lungs,
But as a bodiless sorting hat,
I am much lower than a rat.

Filthy, dusty, patched and old,
Smelling vaguely of snot and mold,
I live in a noble magic school,
Just a hat held together by mildew,
Year after year I am taken from my bed,
So I can run rampant in some runty child's head.

Songs and ditties I must spew,
But this one is a secret just for you.
Your fellows stand waiting nervously,
Like thousands had before,
But you tell even one of them,
Of this sad and tragic tale,
I will make you rue the day,
You had committed such a fail.

So what house, you must ask,
Shall I put you in?
Will it be Gryffindor, or Slytherin?
Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff,
Maybe none of the above.
Should I send you home to cry?
Or would you rather learn to fly?

I say none,
Sort yourself,
But go easy on your brain.
Time is much better wasted,
Staring at the rain."

Sorting Song #2

"You who come to Hogwarts School,
Also come and sit on my old stool,
Listen closely to this song,
And my sorting will not take long.

I am here to choose your house, you see,
I will tell you were you long to be,
In this house you will find the key,
To your heart and personality.

Bravely, boldly, standing tall,
Gryffindor is where you'll be after all,
You stand up for what you believe is right,
And never ever run from a fight.

Wise, gentle and aware,
In Ravenclaw is where you'll flare,
You analyze and think ahead,
Always comparing life to what you've read.

Sweet, loyal and a friend,
Hufflepuff is where you'll end,
Kind and fairly do you act,
But not with an ounce of tact!

Sly, cunning and ambitious,
Slytherin is for those willing to be vicious,
You'll do anything to win,
Even betray friend and kin!

So come on up and do not fear,
I will search you and find your gear,
The one that works and spins your mind,
Then I will place you, using everything I find."