People always succumb to what they desire. They may try to hold off on their longing, but eventually, like all of mankind, they find a way to get what they want. How many kings in history have become corrupt with the power given to them? How many good people have been turned bad by money? Really no matter how far back into history you go you cannot find a truly good person. And that is why Edward killed Bella. He really didn't want to you know. Even though he had super human strength, he still had a human mind. He had the mind of the man he would have become if he had stayed human. And this creature, Edward, wanted Bella Swan's blood.
He did love Bella. He loved her more deeply then he had ever loved anything else in his existence. He would kill for her, and he would die for her. Unfortunately he couldn't save her from himself. All those memories of lying in the sunny meadow together couldn't stop his desire for her blood. Because he had a human mind, because he felt human emotions, he could even hear them in his head. He knew how they worked. He knew this would happen. But can you really blame him? Do you really think he wanted this to happen?
No. He wished he had never even met Bella Swan. The images swirling in his mind of her blood covering his hands, her blood still sickly sweet in his mouth, her neck with clean bite marks glowing red against her pale skin. Do you really think he wanted to turn around when he heard Alice gasp from behind him, she had seen the vision, seen what was in his head. She knew. And she hated him for it. They all hated him. And can you really blame them? He had brought her into their lives. They had grown to love her. And now he had taken her away. Just like that. In a snap. She was gone. Forever.
One second they had been laughing about Mike Newton, the next he was on her with his teeth sunk deeply into her soft flesh, the blood sweet in his mouth, the pain stabbing his heart over and over again as her pulse faltered and then stopped, he just sat there with her broken neck in his mouth and her mangled body limp in his arms. Gone. And then a tear made its way down his cheek. But that wasn't possible because he was a vampire, and vampires can't cry. He was stuck in his misery. Stuck being the horrible creature he was and forever would be.
You would think he would go and find someone to kill him, wouldn't you? But no you don't know him like I do. He wandered around in self-hatred and misery. He knew that he couldn't end his pain. Because of what he did he had to go on like this forever. It was his punishment.
He didn't realize that I had forgiven him. I was human. From up here I can see everyone and I can see everything. Past, present, and future. I know what people really are, and it still surprises me that this place is here. After all, we all are sinners. Aren't we? But no, I couldn't tell him so he never knew that I understood. I didn't blame him. The first years here it was hard for me not to hate him. He did end my life after all. And I had so much time left, and so much more to do. At first I laughed at him and jeered as he stumbled around lost and lonely. He did deserve it after all. He killed me. But what made him so much more important then me? I wasn't perfect. Was I really better because I was dead. No I don't blame him anymore. I can't.
But he didn't know this. He didn't know anything anymore. All he knew was that he couldn't die, even though he wanted it more then anything. He had to serve out his punishment.
But then again, people are selfish. They take what they want and they get what they want. People always succumb in the end, it's human nature.