Hello! This is my first HxH fic. I just love this anime, and I couldn't resist making a fanfic on it. Don't worry, I will be finishing the Gokusen fic. I just wrote this down in case I forget.

I was in the middle of doing my assignment when I did this and I wasn't really able to edit it. I said I'd edit it when I find some spare time, and now I do, so I did. Please point out my errors, should you still find any anyway.

This will be a pretty long fic, basically 10-20 chaps, no more (hey, that's long enough for me). I am determined to finish this one, too. So please have patience with me if I cannot update immediately. Because I will. That is a promise. I don't like breaking promises.

Anyways, let's move on! Here's the prologue! I hope you like it. And please don't forget to review! I won't know if it is worth anything if you don't.

Disclaimers: The usual. HxH could only be owned by its sick mangaka. I hope he gets well soon!

Hide and Seek

I. Goodbye

How could everything feel so cold?

Distant?

Surreal?

Illuminated by the much coveted sun, I thrived and clung

Spoilt by that heat, that warmth.

Now the light has gone.

And I am no better than the

Filth which scrounge the earth.

The note hung limply between trembling pale fingers. When it slipped unheedingly from the loose grip, the thin paper fell in a lazy pendulum motion and, hitting the cracked red cement, was consumed in flames before imploding, disappearing without a single speck or trace. It was a letter infused with Nen; the hidden message would appear when touched by the intended Nen-user, could be read only by using Gyo, and would self-destruct when released by the holder.

The reader of the message, a pale sixteen year old with a shock of fiery white hair, could well remember the day his best friend theorized the makings of the exploding telegram. He remembered the cheerful voice, the excited expression as he rattled off with the possibility, making him feel mutually excited as well. But their missions during the past months coupled with the never-ending search for his father made their schedules erratic. He never managed to actually create an output. Watching the paper disappear, a tiny surge of pride pushed through the young heir of the Zaoldyeck family; Gon Freecs never failed to amaze him, not once in the travels and pursuits they spent in the last four years. But the feeling was immediately quelled by the ice-cold burst of realization. Killua won't be congratulating him, won't be slapping his back in appreciation, won't be laughing merrily with him; in fact, it seems that they won't be braving dangers together, won't be worrying and fussing over each other, won't be complimenting, commenting, remarking on each others skills. There won't be any of those any more.

No more bickering.

No more light and serious conversations.

No more friendly rivalry.

No more endless trainings together.

And…

No more whispered conversations while watching the moonlight.

No more afternoons with those comforting arms wrapped loosely over his shoulder.

No more nights staring peaceably at each other, tired bodies entangled…

A shudder passed through his insides, killing his body of feeling, of movement. The avalanche of "no mores" was system breakdown. But his clouded brain had not had enough torture. It ticked off three more in its list, so basic and yet so full, in sheer masochistic glory.

No more warmth.

No more sun.

No more Gon.

Killua's eyes widened and he suddenly found his numb body jumping out of the window; nine floors didn't matter anyway. The moment his feet touched solid dirt, he plummeted off, sending his energy radar in all directions. Anger, indignation, irritation, despair seemed to pulsate through his veins. 'No more Gon' was unacceptable. He would find him. And he would punch the living daylights out of him, tie him down on a fifty ton chair with ten-ton chains, and never ever let him loose.

If he found him. He cursed furiously beneath his breath, pumping his legs faster. "Damn it! Where the hell are you, you idiot!"

The glowing golden scrawl which half-blinded him and recreated itself vividly in his memories. He seemed to be reading the letter again as he ran, this time he imagined Gon's own voice as though hearing him say the fateful words himself…

Killua. You must be mad at me. You must hate me. I know if I told you about leaving that you'd stop me. You'd say it's unnecessary, that I'm being foolish. I honestly think I am, too.

The years we spent together on adventures and on searching for Ging were the best times in my life. But these past few weeks I've been realizing some things. Last week especially. You've helped me so much, taught me a lot of things. You're my best friend, Killua, and a lot more. I am a selfish person. And I've been pulling you down.

I guess I'm like Ging. Like him, I've forgotten how other people would feel because of my own selfish reasons. Now I know. It'd be great to be together forever, but I've decided: I'll stop being selfish and leave so you could have a better life. I know you'll be wanting to meet me; I don't want to meet you. If we do meet, I don't think I can stop myself from being selfish again, so I'll do my best to be two steps ahead of you.

Thank you for the memories, Killua. I will miss you. I'm sorry.

"You stupid, simple-minded idiot!" he shouted. People he whizzed by stared at him as though he were a mad man. Fuck them! Who cares anyway? Reinforcement people are generally simple-minded—where did he get that shit? Pulling me down, selfishness—what the hell was he talking about anyway?

Last week especially.

The Hunter stopped dead in his tracks.

"Illumi!" he roared. Luckily, he was in an abandoned playground but he could care less if it were the opposite. He called again, infusing his voice with Nen as he learned to do during his travels and trainings with Gon. He suddenly sensed the familiar presence and looked to his right sharply. "I know you're watching, Illumi. Come out."

Ten meters from him, a pale hand poked out of the earth, followed by a whole arm, head, shoulders, torso and then the rest of the body. With a sigh, the eldest Zaoldyeck dusted away tiny particles of brown which clung to his outfit.

"You called, little brother?" His eyes remained as lifeless as ever despite the pert tone he used. A long time ago, Killua would have sweated, backed down from such an intimidating figure and aura. But the years and practice elevated his power, bringing him to a much mature level. Hisoka would have called him early ripened fruit; Bisuke would have preferred polished Sapphire gem. No matter the analogies, he was definitely stronger and better than the twelve year old assassin he had grown out of. He wasn't perfectly ripe yet, or faultlessly polished but battle experience over the years greatly improved his strength, speed and stamina. His potentials were definitely reached, though not fully; he knew he'd be able to fight Illumi on equal footing, if not more.

"Where is Gon?" he growled, clenching his morphing hands. "What did you tell him?"

The effeminate man placed his finger on his lower lip in mock thought. "Gon? Ah, he's that—friend of yours, is he not?"

"Don't play dumb on me! You told him something last week!"

The meeting place was Central Park. The duo's mission was retrieving a priceless artifact of the Cambrian period, the Fossilized Trilobite. It was guarded by several pro-Hunters in the classiest museum in the city, Jay Di Arr Museum. Wanting to avoid conflict (mainly wanting to avoid hurting the innocent pro-Hunters) they decided to split; Gon would distract the guards while Killua would opt to steal the target.

The Zaoldyeck flexed his neck, left to right, as he jumped nimbly out of the air vent. The mission was just too easy. He wished he could be the one to do the distracting; Gon always had the most fun. Grinning victoriously at the valve which contained the Trilobite (it's just too gnarled, he mused. How could anyone want it?), he planned what he would be doing with his 2 Billion share. Chocolates were always a must. Killua also wanted to try the new fudgey flavor his favorite ice cream shop released; of course he'd be dragging Gon with him—he'll be paying for his own cone—and then maybe they could take a break and go to that amusement park they passed earlier…

Gon was already at the Central Park, he could feel it. The close bond he shared with Gon created a connection between them; he always felt his presence instinctively, and vise versa. He swore incredulously; how could he have outrun him? He frowned and closed his eyes to sharpen his senses. There also seemed to be a separate presence aside from his partner. Blinking, he raced faster. The park lights soon gleamed into view.

Indeed, Gon was there, and as he surmised, he was not alone.

Illumi was there.

"Gon!" he called out, running towards the dark-haired Reinforcement user. But he seemed not to hear; there was a strange expression on his face as he looked at his brother. It was not fear, nor anger. It was purely an expression of great shock and anguish. For some reason, Killua felt himself growing afraid and angry for Gon—what is his brother doing here?

Finally reaching the lean teenager, Killua placed a protective hand on his shoulder. This woke Gon from his reverie, and he looked away from Illumi, meeting the other's worried gaze with his anxious ones. "Gon, are you all right?" Before Gon could answer, he already turned angrily at his brother. It had been years since he met Illumi and he had not changed. Even the outlandish outfit was sickeningly the same. "What do you want?"

"Is that how we taught you to greet family? Really, father would be disappointed," he smiled joylessly. Eyes fixated onto Gon, he continued. "Such disappointment, Killua. You could have had the world at your feet, too."

"Shut up! We have no business with you. Come on, Gon." When the teen refused to move, Killua grabbed his arm and forcefully dragged him off.

But Illumi wasn't finished yet. "Remember…"

"'Remember' what?" said Killua, pausing a moment to look back. He regretted it immediately; a cold gleam was set on his marble-black orbs, effectively sending shivers to his spine.

"Just…remember." And with that last faint murmur, he walked off into the opposite direction, disappearing in the darkness.

Since that night, Gon seemed oddly quiet and contemplative. When he had asked Gon what happened, he would answer with a large reassuring grin, "Nothing. He was just looking for you."

Killua was not convinced, yet he thought that Gon would tell him if it were something important. He felt so stupid now.

"Illumi! What did you tell Gon that night?" he demanded.

Lips curling maliciously, he whispered. "I told him nothing big. Only the truth."

"What do you mean—"

"I meant what I said. Only the truth."

"You—" Killua's blood ran cold as realization hit him. Knowing Gon…if he knew…he would definitely...

Illumi observed him and clucked his tongue in mock sympathy. "Well then, I'll be leaving you to woe here. But don't woe too long. It wouldn't be—"

"I'll find him." His voice came quietly from his bowed head.

Cocking a brow, the other man mused, lacing his voice with Nen. Weak moments were ideal targets. "Find him? That's quite impossible for you. You can't do it. You'll never find—"

There was a sudden burst of energy and Illumi stepped back. "I'll find Gon!" The expression on Killua's face was full of anger and determination; his dilating pupils were as beetle-black's as his brother's. "I don't care what you say! No one will tell me what to do! Not anymore! I'll find him—no matter how long it takes! I WILL find Gon!"

This time, it was Killua who left first, bolting past the stunned Illumi. When the younger one's presence was gone, the man recovered and chuckled lightly. "We'll see, my foolish brother. We'll see."

Killua ran furiously, mind racing, chest pumping too quickly in too much adrenaline, too much emotion. Yet he didn't stop. His thoughts were fixated on one thing, one goal.

You didn't even say good-bye there. I won't be accepting this! There won't be a good bye! I will find you, Gon! I will!

So?! Tell me, how was it? Please? See the teeny button over there? When you press it, you get to review—guess who?—yes! Me! So please press that button. I'm just a teeny click away!