PATCH: Hello, umm... I want to say something funny... something clever...
but it's nearly one in the morning so I'm just not quite here right now. All
I know is, we've gotta beat TLP up for that all too graphic description of
Mamo-chan's... the d-word. Y'all know what I mean. To the bacon!! ^_^
TLP: *scurries away to hide and continues writing in a darkened corner*
Jungle Fever 1/2
PG
Comedy (as if it would be anything else from the above minds...)
kittiekat90@yahoo.com
thelonepig@hotmail.com
"Ja ne Usako!" said Mamoru as he pecked his girlfriend lightly on the lips.
Usagi smiled back. "See you later tonight Mamo-chan!"
The red convertable sat in front of the two-story white house as Usagi ran
up the walk and opened the door. She turned and blew Mamoru a kiss before
entering and closing the door behind her.
Mamoru smiled to himself before signaling and pulling out into the road.
Usagi watched as the slick red car stopped at the end of the street before
it took a right turn into oncoming traffic, merged across the median, and
sped off. She sighed. No man was more perfect than her Mamo-chan, even
with his driving record...
... which is exactly what the tall, green-haired woman was thinking as she
watched the young man speed away from where her car was parked across the
street. She turned on the key, shifted into gear, and cut into traffic.
She adjusted her sunglasses, tugged slightly on her miniskirt, and reached
down for the ham-radio that sat neatly beneath the CD player. The woman's
hand hesitated at the CD player long enough to press the play button. As
her thumb pressed down the switch on the ham-radio speaker, the sound of
tribal drums filled the car.
"Kcus sbud," she pronounced through various clicks of her tongue.
Similar clicking was heard finding its way back through the radio.
"Elbatrevnoc taht gnivird ikho-oyr taht si, hsog ym ho."
Mamoru was too busy singing along to the radio to notice the steady line of
cars following him. The air pulsated with bass as another car joined the
congo-line that was being formed.
Several kids crowded in a pickup pulled alongside a Toyota Camry in the
forming line. The driver, a young boy not over the age of seventeen, did
the customary "head bob" to the women in the vehicle next to him as he eyed
their short skirts. The boy sitting next to him leaned out the window and
shouted "Hey baby, maybe you and I could rock that car without the radio on,
if you know what I mean."
The woman driving the Toyota Camry clicked her tongue violently at the boys,
who simply took the gesture as a way of flirting and continued to cat-call.
Their fun was sorely concluded as they found their car guided off the road
and into a telephone booth.
And from the car leading the motley parade of cars, Mamoru sang along with
the radio.
"Funny how our dreams come true! Like a fool..." His singing, off key and
off sync as it was, made it appear as if he were a participant in the dub of
a Hong Kong action movie.
Many a person thought this tirade of bongo-drum bass-blaring bouncing cars
was some sort of parade. And one of those afformentioned persons, an old
lady who happened to live with her cats and had a permanent frown pasted on
her wrinkly features, had decided that she did not like it one bit.
The phone rang with such ferocity that the darn thing nearly shook itself
off the secretary's desk. The blue garbed secretary stumbled over a stack
of papers in an effort to reach the telephone.
"Hello, Bokuto precinct, we're proud to serve the comm--"
"I want to report a disturbance. There's a bunch of teenagers driving on
the street with their radios too loud. It's disturbing my poor widdle
kitties..."
"Yes, ma'am... can I get your name and address?"
And Mamoru continued to drive, still singing as poorly as he had and still
blissfully unaware of the trouble stirring behind him. He stopped at the
traffic light and signaled a right turn. A parade of cars behind him
signaled right and pulled up behind him.
Mamoru stepped on the gas pedal and turned the steering wheel as he eased
out into the busy inter-city traffic. No sooner had he turned the corner
than I police car pulled out of nowhere and flipped it's lights on.
Signaling right yet again, Mamoru pulled his car up to the curb and waited
for the officer to speak with him.
"Young man?"
"Yes Occifer?"
The policeman did a doubletake. "Young man, are you drunk?"
"Ie, sir, just nervous..." replied Mamoru.
"Will you please step out of the car?"
"Sir, is this really necessary?"
"Young man, I've received calls about you causing a disturbance in the
surrounding neighborhood and-"
"Disturbance? Me?" His mind raced furiously as he tried to think of ways he
might have possible offended the community at large. Out of the corner of
his eye, he saw a group of women walking towards them, but he didn't take
much of a notice.
"Hai. We received a call from a few of the elderly and-"
Suddenly the noise of deep tribal drums filled the air. The police officer
noticed Mamoru's mouth fall open and his eyes go wide as he stared at
something behind him. Curious, the officer pivoted around
slowly, his hand automatically going for his gun, his body ready for any
kind of assault.
All thoughts of intelligence left both men's minds as they stared at the
scene in front of them. Four women dressed quite scantily in leaves...
leaves? Yes, leaves and rough cloth were dancing in front of them, their
hips swaying a bit too provactively for any
man's peace of mind.
"What in tarnations...?" the police man mumbled, his eyes slightly glazing
over at the *very* nice sight in front of him. Suddenly, he was conscious no
more, as a club struck the back of his head and he went down to kiss the
gravel.
"Nani?" Mamoru suddenly yelled, breaking out of his trance. Usako would
kill him, he thought frantically, if she ever heard word about this. He
knelt down next to the officer, turning him over on his back.
"Sir? Sir! Wake up, sir! What happened?"
The congo drums became louder as people began to gather a few feet away
watching this spectacle in amazement. They were either too dumbstruck to do
anything or just too interested in watching what these *lovely* ladies would
do next.
Mamoru looked up and his eyes nearly popped out when he found a pair of legs
right in front of him. He gulped and craned his neck upwards. Up and up...
until he met the smiling face of a beautiful blonde.
"Kami... I am dead," Mamoru breathed and the next thing he knew he had been
picked up, lugged over someone's shoulder and was being taken away.
"Put me down! Hey, put me down!"
No one paid him any heed and for his yelling a hand slapped his butt. He
yowled at such an indignity. "No one can touch me there except Usako!"
He was shoved unceremoniously into the backseat of a car and two bodies...
womanly bodies... squeezed next to him on either side.
Why me? he thought miserably.
Indeed, why Chiba Mamoru? Is he the man of every woman's dreams? Does he
give off a suave, sophisticated air that just screams for attention? Is his
butt just that cute? But returning to the subject at hand, Mamoru found the
drive a long and hard one as the line of cars swiftly drove to the nearest
highway and began their journey to the Tokyo International Airport.
"Where are you taking me?! I'll have you know that I am a respectable
citizen of Japan and have no intention of leaving this country!"
The woman to the right clicked her tongue at the woman on his left. The
other woman nodded and reached into a bag made of leaves. She pulled out a
solid looking stick of bamboo that had been fashioned into a make-shift
club.
"What the..." managed Mamoru before the blunt object struck him on the head
and he blacked out.
A waiter spilled the tray he was carrying. A valet parking attendant ran
the front of his car into a light post. A man dropped his luggage on his
own foot, but was too busy staring slack jawed to notice. The busty brigade
made its way across the airport and checked in only one piece of luggage: a
black bag similar in weight and size to that of a human male -- the size, to
be exact, of Chiba Mamoru.
Aboard the plane, thirty women sat in their various seats among the other
passengers. One of them, dressed in a tight-fitting, low-cut black dress
stood and made her way to the cockpit.
"Hey, passengers aren't allowed in the cockpit!" exclaimed one of the
stewardesses as the amazon pushed passed her.
"Keep her steady, I'm going to get a drink," said the captain, as he stood
to leave the cockpit. He reached down to open the door that led to the rest
of the plane, only to find his way blocked by a tall, scantily clad woman.
The old captain's jaw dropped. The amazon bent down and kissed him on the
lips. The captain smiled for a minute, before falling over, his lips blue
from the poison.
The copilot stood up and turned around. "What's going on he--" he managed,
before falling to the floor unconcious. The amazon placed her club back
into her bag and sat down in the pilot's chair. Another scanty seductress
climbed into the cockpit and sat in the copilot seat. Both women fitted the
headphones over their ears and adjusted the seats. Flipping a few dials and
checking through the instrument readouts, the amazons turned the plane to a
sharp Southern angle.
Behind them, in the passenger section, the remaining amazons had lined up
passengers and were busily engaged in handing them parachutes and pushing
them from the plane's emergency exit.
In the cargo hold, a very uncomfortable Mamoru bumped into and was squished
with various parcels, baggage, and cages.
"Why me?!" he wailed.
Three days later:
Tsukino Usagi had not seen her boyfriend in three long days. She pouted.
"When I get my hands on that jerk, he'll know better than to not piss off
his girlfriend!" She rolled over onto her back and stared at the ceiling.
"Oh, Mamo-chan... where are you?"
Sitting back up, she turned on the TV, hoping *maybe* her Mamo-chan would
appear on the 6 o'clock news... in a good way... meaning she hoped he
wouldn't be found gagged and drowned in a creek...
"Baka Usagi! Stop thinking such evil thoughts!" Usagi yelled at herself and
then began to flick through the channels.
It was still a bit too early for the news and she came to a stop when
something green on the screen caught her eye. She turned up the volume and
began to listen.
"Today on Nature! You thought they had vanished from the face of the Earth!
You thought they had never existed! You thought they were a legend made
up by an insignificant ecchi man from the backwoods of Arkansas who had too
much spare time on his hands! *deep breath* Well you're wrong because today
we will take you *live* to the jungle... to
see... the Beauties of the Amazon!"
Usagi quirked an eyebrow as the corny Indiana Jones music began to play. Now
this she had to see, she thought.
The camera began to show different parts of the Amazon jungle, until it
stopped at a village and began to close in.
"Yes," the narrator began, "here in the deep depths of the Amazon live the
Amazon Beauties! Women of extraordinary beauty and extraordinary strength.
Careful! If you get too close, these lovely ladies
have been known to give the 'Kiss of Death.' Which is why," and here the
narrator laughed nervously, "we'll be keeping our distance. We've already
had our share of kisses... But anyway! Let us take a closer look at the
lives of these luscious... er... lascivious... er...
interesting women!"
The camera closed in on the village and viewers saw that these women were
indeed *quite* the nice looking replicas of Aphrodite. They were scantily
clad, wearing nothing but short, grass skirts and cocunut shells for bikini
tops. It made for an interesting picture.
"What fashion," Usagi said, staring at the screen. "Any man's dream, I would
think."
Not every man's, as we will soon find out.
"In the past three days," the narrator began again, "we have noticed an
unusual commotion at the Amazon's village. Some of the women came back
from the forest carrying a large black bag over their shoulders. That very
same evening they celebrated, having a huge feast and some very interesting
dancing. They have continued to celebrate every day
after that."
"Pig," Usagi mumbled. "You can practically hear the lust in the guy's
voice." But her eyes continued to stay glued to the screen.
Suddenly, the women began to gather in the center of the village where a
pole had been stuck in the ground. They all crowded around it
and then parted, forming a path between them.
"Now this has been a common occurance as of late. The women have gathered
at the pole everyday for a very long time. They dance and sing for a while
and then go back to their normal routine... but wait... what is this? I do
believe something is about to happen!" the narrator spoke excitedly.
Four women walked through the crowd, a long figure propped up between them.
They walked up to the pole and then leaned the person against the pole as
two other women tied the person to it.
The figure moved a bit, as though he/she was struggling. The women began to
murmur excitedly and then they began to shout and then
they began to dance and then.... and then... they began to do something very
odd.
"What can they be doing?" the narrator asked to no one in particular, quite
puzzled himself.
"What are they doing?" Usagi asked also, sitting up and leaning forward a
little.
The women were dancing in a circle. Occasionally, a woman would separate
herself from the circle and dance up to the figure and then sway her hips
*quite* provactively against the figure's.
"Kami... what I would do to be in that person's place..." the narrator
drooled.
Usagi rolled her eyes and then leaned in closer to get a better look at the
fortunate... or unfortunate --depending on how you look at it--
person tied to the pole.
"Oh Kami..." her eyes grew wide and she rubbed them once and rubbed them
again.
As she watched the narrator spoke again.
"Ah, we see what they're doing! Camera man get in closer! You see, ladies
and gentleman, our fortunate victim, a man at that, has become lucky enough
to become the breeding stud of the Amazons!"
The camera panned in showing a tall, very good looking man, with a mop of
thick black hair and sexy blue eyes. A woman's dream and an Amazon's prize
possession.
Somewhere in the world a shrill scream rent the air and was soon followed by
a very prominent *thump*... the sound of a girlfriend
falling to the floor in a dead faint.
===================================================
Oh dear, what difficulties has our dear Mamo-chan gotten himself into? What
will happen to him? Why can't I be in his place? Tune in next time for the
exciting conclusion of Jungle Fever!
but it's nearly one in the morning so I'm just not quite here right now. All
I know is, we've gotta beat TLP up for that all too graphic description of
Mamo-chan's... the d-word. Y'all know what I mean. To the bacon!! ^_^
TLP: *scurries away to hide and continues writing in a darkened corner*
Jungle Fever 1/2
PG
Comedy (as if it would be anything else from the above minds...)
kittiekat90@yahoo.com
thelonepig@hotmail.com
"Ja ne Usako!" said Mamoru as he pecked his girlfriend lightly on the lips.
Usagi smiled back. "See you later tonight Mamo-chan!"
The red convertable sat in front of the two-story white house as Usagi ran
up the walk and opened the door. She turned and blew Mamoru a kiss before
entering and closing the door behind her.
Mamoru smiled to himself before signaling and pulling out into the road.
Usagi watched as the slick red car stopped at the end of the street before
it took a right turn into oncoming traffic, merged across the median, and
sped off. She sighed. No man was more perfect than her Mamo-chan, even
with his driving record...
... which is exactly what the tall, green-haired woman was thinking as she
watched the young man speed away from where her car was parked across the
street. She turned on the key, shifted into gear, and cut into traffic.
She adjusted her sunglasses, tugged slightly on her miniskirt, and reached
down for the ham-radio that sat neatly beneath the CD player. The woman's
hand hesitated at the CD player long enough to press the play button. As
her thumb pressed down the switch on the ham-radio speaker, the sound of
tribal drums filled the car.
"Kcus sbud," she pronounced through various clicks of her tongue.
Similar clicking was heard finding its way back through the radio.
"Elbatrevnoc taht gnivird ikho-oyr taht si, hsog ym ho."
Mamoru was too busy singing along to the radio to notice the steady line of
cars following him. The air pulsated with bass as another car joined the
congo-line that was being formed.
Several kids crowded in a pickup pulled alongside a Toyota Camry in the
forming line. The driver, a young boy not over the age of seventeen, did
the customary "head bob" to the women in the vehicle next to him as he eyed
their short skirts. The boy sitting next to him leaned out the window and
shouted "Hey baby, maybe you and I could rock that car without the radio on,
if you know what I mean."
The woman driving the Toyota Camry clicked her tongue violently at the boys,
who simply took the gesture as a way of flirting and continued to cat-call.
Their fun was sorely concluded as they found their car guided off the road
and into a telephone booth.
And from the car leading the motley parade of cars, Mamoru sang along with
the radio.
"Funny how our dreams come true! Like a fool..." His singing, off key and
off sync as it was, made it appear as if he were a participant in the dub of
a Hong Kong action movie.
Many a person thought this tirade of bongo-drum bass-blaring bouncing cars
was some sort of parade. And one of those afformentioned persons, an old
lady who happened to live with her cats and had a permanent frown pasted on
her wrinkly features, had decided that she did not like it one bit.
The phone rang with such ferocity that the darn thing nearly shook itself
off the secretary's desk. The blue garbed secretary stumbled over a stack
of papers in an effort to reach the telephone.
"Hello, Bokuto precinct, we're proud to serve the comm--"
"I want to report a disturbance. There's a bunch of teenagers driving on
the street with their radios too loud. It's disturbing my poor widdle
kitties..."
"Yes, ma'am... can I get your name and address?"
And Mamoru continued to drive, still singing as poorly as he had and still
blissfully unaware of the trouble stirring behind him. He stopped at the
traffic light and signaled a right turn. A parade of cars behind him
signaled right and pulled up behind him.
Mamoru stepped on the gas pedal and turned the steering wheel as he eased
out into the busy inter-city traffic. No sooner had he turned the corner
than I police car pulled out of nowhere and flipped it's lights on.
Signaling right yet again, Mamoru pulled his car up to the curb and waited
for the officer to speak with him.
"Young man?"
"Yes Occifer?"
The policeman did a doubletake. "Young man, are you drunk?"
"Ie, sir, just nervous..." replied Mamoru.
"Will you please step out of the car?"
"Sir, is this really necessary?"
"Young man, I've received calls about you causing a disturbance in the
surrounding neighborhood and-"
"Disturbance? Me?" His mind raced furiously as he tried to think of ways he
might have possible offended the community at large. Out of the corner of
his eye, he saw a group of women walking towards them, but he didn't take
much of a notice.
"Hai. We received a call from a few of the elderly and-"
Suddenly the noise of deep tribal drums filled the air. The police officer
noticed Mamoru's mouth fall open and his eyes go wide as he stared at
something behind him. Curious, the officer pivoted around
slowly, his hand automatically going for his gun, his body ready for any
kind of assault.
All thoughts of intelligence left both men's minds as they stared at the
scene in front of them. Four women dressed quite scantily in leaves...
leaves? Yes, leaves and rough cloth were dancing in front of them, their
hips swaying a bit too provactively for any
man's peace of mind.
"What in tarnations...?" the police man mumbled, his eyes slightly glazing
over at the *very* nice sight in front of him. Suddenly, he was conscious no
more, as a club struck the back of his head and he went down to kiss the
gravel.
"Nani?" Mamoru suddenly yelled, breaking out of his trance. Usako would
kill him, he thought frantically, if she ever heard word about this. He
knelt down next to the officer, turning him over on his back.
"Sir? Sir! Wake up, sir! What happened?"
The congo drums became louder as people began to gather a few feet away
watching this spectacle in amazement. They were either too dumbstruck to do
anything or just too interested in watching what these *lovely* ladies would
do next.
Mamoru looked up and his eyes nearly popped out when he found a pair of legs
right in front of him. He gulped and craned his neck upwards. Up and up...
until he met the smiling face of a beautiful blonde.
"Kami... I am dead," Mamoru breathed and the next thing he knew he had been
picked up, lugged over someone's shoulder and was being taken away.
"Put me down! Hey, put me down!"
No one paid him any heed and for his yelling a hand slapped his butt. He
yowled at such an indignity. "No one can touch me there except Usako!"
He was shoved unceremoniously into the backseat of a car and two bodies...
womanly bodies... squeezed next to him on either side.
Why me? he thought miserably.
Indeed, why Chiba Mamoru? Is he the man of every woman's dreams? Does he
give off a suave, sophisticated air that just screams for attention? Is his
butt just that cute? But returning to the subject at hand, Mamoru found the
drive a long and hard one as the line of cars swiftly drove to the nearest
highway and began their journey to the Tokyo International Airport.
"Where are you taking me?! I'll have you know that I am a respectable
citizen of Japan and have no intention of leaving this country!"
The woman to the right clicked her tongue at the woman on his left. The
other woman nodded and reached into a bag made of leaves. She pulled out a
solid looking stick of bamboo that had been fashioned into a make-shift
club.
"What the..." managed Mamoru before the blunt object struck him on the head
and he blacked out.
A waiter spilled the tray he was carrying. A valet parking attendant ran
the front of his car into a light post. A man dropped his luggage on his
own foot, but was too busy staring slack jawed to notice. The busty brigade
made its way across the airport and checked in only one piece of luggage: a
black bag similar in weight and size to that of a human male -- the size, to
be exact, of Chiba Mamoru.
Aboard the plane, thirty women sat in their various seats among the other
passengers. One of them, dressed in a tight-fitting, low-cut black dress
stood and made her way to the cockpit.
"Hey, passengers aren't allowed in the cockpit!" exclaimed one of the
stewardesses as the amazon pushed passed her.
"Keep her steady, I'm going to get a drink," said the captain, as he stood
to leave the cockpit. He reached down to open the door that led to the rest
of the plane, only to find his way blocked by a tall, scantily clad woman.
The old captain's jaw dropped. The amazon bent down and kissed him on the
lips. The captain smiled for a minute, before falling over, his lips blue
from the poison.
The copilot stood up and turned around. "What's going on he--" he managed,
before falling to the floor unconcious. The amazon placed her club back
into her bag and sat down in the pilot's chair. Another scanty seductress
climbed into the cockpit and sat in the copilot seat. Both women fitted the
headphones over their ears and adjusted the seats. Flipping a few dials and
checking through the instrument readouts, the amazons turned the plane to a
sharp Southern angle.
Behind them, in the passenger section, the remaining amazons had lined up
passengers and were busily engaged in handing them parachutes and pushing
them from the plane's emergency exit.
In the cargo hold, a very uncomfortable Mamoru bumped into and was squished
with various parcels, baggage, and cages.
"Why me?!" he wailed.
Three days later:
Tsukino Usagi had not seen her boyfriend in three long days. She pouted.
"When I get my hands on that jerk, he'll know better than to not piss off
his girlfriend!" She rolled over onto her back and stared at the ceiling.
"Oh, Mamo-chan... where are you?"
Sitting back up, she turned on the TV, hoping *maybe* her Mamo-chan would
appear on the 6 o'clock news... in a good way... meaning she hoped he
wouldn't be found gagged and drowned in a creek...
"Baka Usagi! Stop thinking such evil thoughts!" Usagi yelled at herself and
then began to flick through the channels.
It was still a bit too early for the news and she came to a stop when
something green on the screen caught her eye. She turned up the volume and
began to listen.
"Today on Nature! You thought they had vanished from the face of the Earth!
You thought they had never existed! You thought they were a legend made
up by an insignificant ecchi man from the backwoods of Arkansas who had too
much spare time on his hands! *deep breath* Well you're wrong because today
we will take you *live* to the jungle... to
see... the Beauties of the Amazon!"
Usagi quirked an eyebrow as the corny Indiana Jones music began to play. Now
this she had to see, she thought.
The camera began to show different parts of the Amazon jungle, until it
stopped at a village and began to close in.
"Yes," the narrator began, "here in the deep depths of the Amazon live the
Amazon Beauties! Women of extraordinary beauty and extraordinary strength.
Careful! If you get too close, these lovely ladies
have been known to give the 'Kiss of Death.' Which is why," and here the
narrator laughed nervously, "we'll be keeping our distance. We've already
had our share of kisses... But anyway! Let us take a closer look at the
lives of these luscious... er... lascivious... er...
interesting women!"
The camera closed in on the village and viewers saw that these women were
indeed *quite* the nice looking replicas of Aphrodite. They were scantily
clad, wearing nothing but short, grass skirts and cocunut shells for bikini
tops. It made for an interesting picture.
"What fashion," Usagi said, staring at the screen. "Any man's dream, I would
think."
Not every man's, as we will soon find out.
"In the past three days," the narrator began again, "we have noticed an
unusual commotion at the Amazon's village. Some of the women came back
from the forest carrying a large black bag over their shoulders. That very
same evening they celebrated, having a huge feast and some very interesting
dancing. They have continued to celebrate every day
after that."
"Pig," Usagi mumbled. "You can practically hear the lust in the guy's
voice." But her eyes continued to stay glued to the screen.
Suddenly, the women began to gather in the center of the village where a
pole had been stuck in the ground. They all crowded around it
and then parted, forming a path between them.
"Now this has been a common occurance as of late. The women have gathered
at the pole everyday for a very long time. They dance and sing for a while
and then go back to their normal routine... but wait... what is this? I do
believe something is about to happen!" the narrator spoke excitedly.
Four women walked through the crowd, a long figure propped up between them.
They walked up to the pole and then leaned the person against the pole as
two other women tied the person to it.
The figure moved a bit, as though he/she was struggling. The women began to
murmur excitedly and then they began to shout and then
they began to dance and then.... and then... they began to do something very
odd.
"What can they be doing?" the narrator asked to no one in particular, quite
puzzled himself.
"What are they doing?" Usagi asked also, sitting up and leaning forward a
little.
The women were dancing in a circle. Occasionally, a woman would separate
herself from the circle and dance up to the figure and then sway her hips
*quite* provactively against the figure's.
"Kami... what I would do to be in that person's place..." the narrator
drooled.
Usagi rolled her eyes and then leaned in closer to get a better look at the
fortunate... or unfortunate --depending on how you look at it--
person tied to the pole.
"Oh Kami..." her eyes grew wide and she rubbed them once and rubbed them
again.
As she watched the narrator spoke again.
"Ah, we see what they're doing! Camera man get in closer! You see, ladies
and gentleman, our fortunate victim, a man at that, has become lucky enough
to become the breeding stud of the Amazons!"
The camera panned in showing a tall, very good looking man, with a mop of
thick black hair and sexy blue eyes. A woman's dream and an Amazon's prize
possession.
Somewhere in the world a shrill scream rent the air and was soon followed by
a very prominent *thump*... the sound of a girlfriend
falling to the floor in a dead faint.
===================================================
Oh dear, what difficulties has our dear Mamo-chan gotten himself into? What
will happen to him? Why can't I be in his place? Tune in next time for the
exciting conclusion of Jungle Fever!