Pain.
What do you think of when you see that word?
Perhaps you think of a punch in the face from that school bully that won't leave you the heck alone.
Or perhaps you think of the time you broke your arm riding your bicycle.
But, have you ever thought of considering emotional pain?
It comes from having your heart broken, and many people have their heart broken.
Like me.
Pain.
It's a horrible ache that follows you around constantly. It is a nasty, festering wound that may heal or may not. Unfortunately, it will always leave a scar; a remembrance of what you had endured. The scar may be titanic or microscopic, but it's always there.
Most people get over it fairly quickly. They spend a few days in their room crying and blubbering to friends while eating Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream.
Then, they just…stop. I'm not sure if a pep talk is involved or what, but they do stop. Their wounds heal with time and they learn to love again. They trust again.
And that is what broke me, Maximum Ride. I loved and trusted once. I gave my heart to him, and it was thrown brutally into a canyon; irretrievable. And, with every kissed shared with him, I was just setting myself up for disaster.
Pain
They want me with Dylan. He wants him to protect me while he's gone.
For twenty years.
But, I don't want to.
It may be because I'm stubborn.
It just doesn't feel right with Dylan, though. He's too open, too perfect. Not like me, queen of imperfection.
If Dylan died, I wouldn't be devastated. Sure, it would be sad, but I wouldn't kick myself every night for it. I wouldn't have a wound open on my heart from his death.
But, if Fang were to die, even after he left me, my heart would look like it had been through a meat grinder. Actually, I think it already does. Ok, meat grinder times ten.
My heart would never heal if that happened. Everyday without him, a new wound would open.
It would kill me.
It is killing me.
Because he isn't here.
And I will probably never see him again. Never smell him again. Never see his obsidian orbs looking at me with a love-filled gaze that was just for me. Never feel his warm but firm lips pressed against mine so sweetly. Never see him with blood-lust painted on his face as we battle, protecting our flock. Never see his poker face in place as we smart talk to the white coats.
No more Fang.
Ever.
Pain.
I cry harder, clinging to the bed sheets with an iron-like grip as if it would help me release my distress. He's truly and officially gone. He isn't by my side, holding me in his arms. He doesn't have my back. He never will again.
My sobs bounce around the room softly, like a kitten playing with a ball of yarn. My face is hot and puffy; sticky with my salty tears that continue to fall.
This is my moment of true weakness, and I can't stop.
But, you wouldn't blame me, would you? I just got back from an event celebrating two people loving each other to find that Fang left. The one I love.
Gone.
Leaving a note.
Gone.
For twenty years.
Pain.
My pain.
It's a searing pain. White hot. A laser piercing my heart every time I move.
It aches, too.
Worse than a broken hip and broken leg put together.
My worse- than -laser -burnt, worse- than- broken –hip- and- legs heart. Got to love that a boy made it that way. He made me finally let my heart out of it's bullet-proof container only to drop it off a cliff, then land on it while carrying an elephant with a major weight problem.
And no one can heal it except him.
Fang.
Is he going through this torture, too? Or is he sailing happily with the clouds, shedding his old life like a worn jacket?
Pain.
They tell me that I, a fifteen year old mutant girl, must save the world from whatever impending doom.
But what about myself?
How can I save the world when I can't even save myself from this hurricane of heartbreak and emotion?
When I can't even save myself from my pain?
This torture that was caused by him.
This emotional pain.
This endless pain.
Pain.
Now what do you imagine when you see that word?
~L~L~L~L~W~W~W~Q~Q~Q~Q~Q
So, I know Max was a little OOC but, I really wanted to show how much Fang pierced her heart when he left.
Reviews are lovely but not pressured.