I don't own M*A*S*H. CBS does. (I thin. Some yank company does, anyhow.)
Many thanks to my wonderful co-author, BeaHawk.
Maddening M*A*S*Hers
He was feeling rather frazzled. And not because there had been a sudden rush of patients. Oh no, THAT he could deal with. It was when they didn't have any patients that everything often went to hell. Just like today Army training hadn't prepared him for how to deal with a bunch of screwballs who didn't have anything to do.
The 4077th was bored out of its skull. So bored that Klinger's new unit magazine sounded like a good idea. So bored that they wanted to write columns for it, and were angry when someone mixed the columns up, even though the results were often quite humorous, once you got used to them.
Well, you really have to admit it, fashion advice and cooking advice should not go together, but it is funny to read about how to dress a lobster, and how to boil a velvet gown. Makeup and animal care shouldn't go together, but learning to apply rouge to a guinea pig is actually funny, once you realise it isn't realistic, but it could be cute if it was drawn as a cartoon.
And beauty tips really don't belong in the horoscope, but it could be funny to see which moisturisers etc were best for each sign of the zodiac. Really. Well, maybe it could. If the whole outfit wasn't so mad about it. Really, it was funny. Very funny. It was a real shame no=one else saw it that way. And everyone was so damn easily riled up, these days.
Honestly, he felt like leaving behind a few lists, of what to avoid doing or allowing to happen, should one wish to lead a relatively peaceful life, just to warn whoever the poor misguided fool who took over the camp when he finally shipped out to the funny farm was. God knows, he would have appreciated a few lists when he first joined the unit. Might have avoided a few conflicts. Then again, maybe not.
Finally, smiling at the idea of telling someone, even if it was just a piece of paper, he picked up his favourite pen, and placed it thoughtfully on the blank sheet in front of him. Who should the first list be about? What should the first list be? Ways to annoy? Ways to placate? Camp activities?
At last he reached a decision. He would start with Hawkeye. List what annoyed the man, what made him laugh, what he enjoyed doing. Then he would do the same process with Margaret. Then he'd see who he wanted to warn his successor of next. Probably Burns. Maybe MacIntyre or Hunnicut. Possibly Winchester. Nah, they could wait. Once he had finished with Margaret's list, he was writing one on Klinger.
Well, just in case you hadn't noticed, this first chapter is from the point of view on Col. Sherman Potter, sitting at his desk, reading an issue of the 4077's daily magazine.