Jay had released Caitlin and was dead but that didn't come without consequences. She still saw him everywhere. It didn't matter the time of day; whether she was awake or dreaming. She would see him at the forefront of her mind and also outside of her mind, in her reality. It was starting to take its toll on her: sleepless nights, weight loss, irritable moods, just to name a few of the side effects. She knew Cisco was growing more concerned with each passing day but she refused to tell him what was going on. He didn't need to worry about her, it wasn't his job. Sighing to herself, Caitlin waited in line at Jitters for her coffee, too tired to even acknowledge anybody else around her.
"Ma'am? Ma'am." Caitlin blinked as she heard the barista addressing someone. Looking up, she realized it was herself. Sighing, she walked forward and gave her an apologetic smile that she hoped didn't come off as a grimace.
"One black coffee, please," she murmured to the expectant barista. After paying and getting her coffee to go, Caitlin made her way back to her car and got in. She sat there for several moments, trying to wake herself up even further. Sighing, she began the journey back to Star Labs, where she assumed Barry and Cisco would be now that it was a suitable time for them to show up.
Once there, she painted a smile on her face that she hoped didn't look too forced before walking in. As usual, Barry was on the treadmill and Cisco was tinkering at his computer. Both of them looked up at her arrival and smiled. She waved before making her way to her chair and easing down. The knots in her stiff shoulders coiled themselves tighter and she resisted the temptation to wince.
Taking a sip of her coffee, she looked at Barry who was making his way to her.
"I thought you'd have been here first," he greeted her and she shook her head. No need to tell him that she had been spending her nights at Star Labs, too afraid to go back to her apartment by herself.
"I needed coffee," she replied with a shrug and he nodded his head, eyes zeroing in on the bags underneath her eyes that no amount of makeup fixed. Luckily, he didn't comment on them.
"Well, it's been a slow morning so far," Barry commented with a jerk of his head to the computer monitors. Caitlin nodded; this was nothing new to her. It was slow when she checked at four that morning.
Cisco made his way over to them and looked at Caitlin for a moment before clearing his throat.
"Barry, there's nothing going on here so far. You'd probably fare better at the precinct," he said and Barry nodded his head.
"That's where I'm headed, actually," he confirmed. Barry took one more glance at her before smiling and waving. Then, he left. Caitlin sighed as she took another sip, ignoring the way Cisco was staring at her. She didn't have the energy to talk to him about whatever it was that he wanted to talk about. She didn't have the energy to do anything.
"Are you going to talk to me, Cait?" Cisco asked gently and Caitlin blinked at him tiredly.
"Talk about what?" Caitlin murmured.
"About whatever it is that is making you look like you've dropped twenty pounds and haven't slept in weeks," he said softly and Caitlin sighed. Trust Cisco to be the one to notice things.
She shrugged a weary shoulder.
"It's nothing. Just having a hard time sleeping right now," she replied.
"And the drastic weight lost? Tell me you're eating," Cisco breathed out and she laughed humorlessly.
If she wasn't eating, that would have been something easier to explain. It was more like she couldn't eat anything, not with all the anxiety she was experiencing; she had absolutely no appetite for food.
"Cisco, don't worry about me, okay? I'm surviving," she muttered and got up. She didn't have it in her to tell him she was still seeing Jay everywhere. It was bad enough when she saw him in front of Cisco after he had released her; she didn't need to relive that experience with him.
"Please, just talk to me, Caitlin," Cisco begged quietly but she shook her head. She couldn't do this right now.
"I've got to go," she said hurriedly before walking out of the cortex. Thankfully, Cisco didn't follow her.
She made her way down to the pipeline and walked in, reveling in the silence. She needed a place to clear her head.
However, she soon found herself reliving the dark time she spent at Jay's mercy. It was worse than any nightmare she could ever recall having.
Sighing, she tried not to get stuck on the fact that he had mentally tortured her, leaving her far more broken than she was before he took her. She still couldn't believe how stupid she had been to trust him. To have fallen for him. He manipulated everyone, her more than others, and Barry had nearly paid the ultimate price for it. Something she still hadn't forgiven herself for because she's a scientist; it's her job to know what facts are staring her directly in the face. And he being Zoom should've been one of those facts.
She stayed down in the pipeline until she thought it was a suitable time to emerge. Draining the last of her now cold coffee, Caitlin made her way back up to the cortex and spotted Cisco getting ready to leave.
"You were down there for a long time," he muttered and she shrugged a shoulder.
"Needed to think about somethings," she clarified and he was wise enough to not push. Hesitating for a brief moment, he brushed his lips across her forehead.
"I'm leaving. Would you like a ride home?" Cisco asked softly. She shook her head.
"No, I have some things to finish up here," she replied and he looked at her.
"Alright, call me if you need anything," he murmured and she nodded her head, knowing that she wouldn't.
He left then and she stood still in the silence. She knew it wouldn't be long before Jay decided to pay her a visit. Sighing, she pulled up some of Barry's medical results and began looking over them.
She wasn't sure at which point she fell asleep.
"Well, well, well, Caitlin Snow, back again?" Caitlin looked up at the voice and felt fear coil in her belly. Jay was standing five feet away from her with a smirk on his face.
"Leave me alone," she hissed out but he merely smirked more.
"I'll never leave you alone, sweetheart, not while I'm still in here," he tapped her forehead and she squeezed her eyes shut.
"Please, Jay, I'm begging you, leave me alone," she pleaded but he shook his head.
"As long as I'm still in here, you'll never have a moment of peace again," he promised and Caitlin wondered how in death he could be causing her far more pain than he ever did when he was alive.
"I want to show you something," he added and pulled her forward by her arm. She had no choice but to let him. She didn't know where they were headed but she continued to let herself be dragged forward.
Once he reached their destination, he pushed her forward and she stumbled before falling onto her knees.
"W-what's going on?" Caitlin whispered and Jay just let out a booming laugh.
"Look beside you, dear," he replied joyously and she did, feeling nervous.
Her eyes landed on Cisco and Barry who were beside each other, on the ground. Under closer inspection, she realized they were both dead.
"No! No!" Caitlin screamed as she crawled towards them. She reached out her hand and placed it on Cisco's pulse point. She felt nothing. She did the same with Barry and it was the same result.
"No, no, no, no," Caitlin repeated over and over as she shook her head back and forth. This could not be happening, her best friends could not be dead. They couldn't have left her alone to deal with her pain by herself. She glanced at Jay was just laughing uncontrollably and she screamed. Oh how she screamed.
"Caitlin! Caitlin, wake up!" A voiced called out and she felt her shoulder being shaken. Her eyes snapped open and she glanced around quickly. Barry was crouched next to her with concern swimming in his orbs. She took a look at him before gasping.
"Just a dream," he murmured as he pushed her sweaty hair off her forehead.
"You were dead," she mumbled and wondered if she sounded as incoherent as she felt. She saw Barry's eyes widen before he shook his head.
"Just a dream," he replied firmly and she took deep, steadying breaths in order to calm her erratically beating heart. She glanced around and realized she must have fallen out of the chair she fell asleep in because now she was on the concrete floor.
"I thought you were at the precinct because we were having a slow day," she muttered as she eased herself into a sitting position. He placed his hand on her back to help steady her.
"I left the precinct three hours ago. Then got a call from Cisco around ten to come check on you since you weren't answering your phone. Do you have any idea what time it is?" Barry murmured and she shook her head.
"About eleven. Cisco said he left around seven. Why didn't you go with him?" Barry asked gently and she shook her head again.
"Had work to do," she mumbled.
"Yet, you fell asleep and were screaming bloody murder by the time I showed up," Barry said softly and she rubbed a weary hand over her face.
"Sorry," she muttered apologetically and he looked at her.
"Was it Jay?" Barry asked quietly and she stared at him.
"How do you know that?" Caitlin asked shakily and he shrugged a shoulder.
"Caitlin, you were just released by a madman a few short weeks ago. I'd be surprised if there wasn't repercussions," he replied gently. She nodded her head.
"Yes," she muttered and he ran a soothing hand down her back.
"You look like you haven't slept or ate in weeks, and it's all because of him? God, Cait, I'm sorry," Barry murmured and she sighed.
"Not your fault," she replied.
"I still should have noticed something was going on with you a lot sooner. I just thought you had lost the weight because you were stressed but I should've asked why," Barry sighed.
Caitlin stared down at her hands that were in her lap, refusing to make eye contact with him. He wasn't having that, however.
He placed his hand underneath her chin and tilted her head up gently.
"Tell you what we are going to do. We're going to get some food in you, and then you're going to come back to my place and sleep in a proper bed. I'll take the couch," he promised softly.
"Barry, I'll just keep you up with my screaming," she replied but he was adamant.
"You're going to sleep in a proper bed. Even if that means I have to sit with you until you fall asleep after each time you wake up," he said stubbornly and she knew this wasn't a battle she was going to win.
Sighing, she nodded her head.
"Alright," she murmured and accepted the hand he held out to her as she stood up. She took a deep breath before smiling slightly.
Maybe, if she stopped being so stubborn and accept help, she could actually began the healing process. Feeling better now that she wasn't keeping as many secrets, she walked with Barry out of Star Labs and towards what would hopefully be a better future for herself.
Author's note: I really hate Jay, if you can't tell. This is just a oneshot I came up with so decided to post it as a standalone story. Hope you like it!