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Emotions
Tina gets pregnant two months after their trip to Greece; nine months later, she gives birth to Angelica whom they give a nickname of Angie. Bette adopts Angie from birth and the adoption is granted right away by the court. Three months after giving birth, Tina continues to work at Shaolin Productions. However this time, her job requires a lot of traveling to Canada since Shaolin Productions branched out there. They currently have lined up projects. Tina has a different post now, much better than before. Bette recently resigned as the Director of CAC, but still works as a Consultant. Not a problem with her because she has her own art gallery, and she is her own boss. James still works for her as an Assistant.
Since Tina is always traveling, Bette is the one mothering for Angelica. She's more hands-on to their daughter than Tina. Angie even thinks that Bette is her biological mom. She often looks for her instead of Tina. Bette seldom travels to New York and other states as she dedicates most of her time nurturing Angelica. Although she has a lot of work to do relating to her art gallery, she makes sure her family comes first. Her art gallery is not too far from home.
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For the last five years since Bette and Tina's reconciliation, their relationship has been stable. Although they fight once in a while like normal couples do, they resolve their issues immediately. Tina has become the more dominant partner in their relationship. Oftentimes, the decision-maker. Bette has become the submissive partner, giving in to Tina's decisions; supporting her at all times in her endeavors.
Angelica is almost four years old now; so adorable and a very sweet child. She addresses both Bette and Tina as Mommy, sometimes she calls them Momma Bee or Momma Tee. But Bette has become her favorite mom since she's the one who's always around, taking care of her. For the last two years, Tina has become so workaholic that she has less time for her family. Giving up her job has never occurred to her; it's because it pays her well. She has established her own reputation, having consecutive big projects that gave her a name somehow.
But because she's spending so much of her time at work, she's often stressed out. Bette and Tina's relationship is getting boring, a little tiresome and they're getting too complacent. For the last six months, they have less time for sex, intimacy and bonding; nothing is interesting. Most of the time, they just sleep at night because they're both tired.
Two months ago, while in Canada, Tina meets Henry; a graphic artist. Henry is divorced and has one kid, Mikey. He's very interested in Tina and Tina shows interest in him too. At first, she hides her sexuality, but eventually, she admits it to him that she's gay. Henry pursues Tina despite her sexual preference. Tina is overwhelmed. She's starting to get confused and have doubts about her feelings. She decides she wants to explore and experiment with men. Her curiosity drives her to engage in a relationship with a male partner; she wants to know how it would feel to be involved again with a guy. Henry is very nice and kind. Tina somehow develops feelings for him... or perhaps it's only her curiosity that's driving her.
For two months, Henry and Tina have been constantly chatting and flirting with each other without Bette's knowledge. Tina is comfortable with him and she starts sharing her thoughts, feelings, and some plans with Henry. She's also harboring her infatuation for him, although there's no sexual encounter involved yet.
Bette notices Tina's sudden change. She no longer shows too much enthusiasm and interest in her, becoming indifferent and no longer sweet like she used to. Bette is having an intuition that Tina is getting interested with someone else, but she's giving her a chance. For her, maybe Tina is just over fatigued and so occupied with work; she tries to understand her. She's not diligently looking for a proof until one day, she accidentally reads Tina's chat conversations with Henry. Bette gets apprehensive and concerned. She wants to confront Tina.
In the bedroom, while Angelica is sleeping, Bette starts initiating contact with her. While they're lying on the bed, she cuddles her but Tina is not interested in any foreplay or lovemaking.
Tina: Bette, I'm tired. Can we just sleep? Can you move a little to your side cuz I can't freely move here? I'm suffocated...
Bette: I miss you Tee. We haven't been doing it for a while now. I think we haven't had sex for the last two months already? You have no more time for us, for me...
Tina: Can we do it some other time? I'm really tired Bette. I have to be early tomorrow.
Bette: Well, can we talk at least?
Tina: Yeah, but not now. I'm so tired. I had a brutal day at work. I just want to sleep. Please?!
The moment Tina gives all her excuses, Bette confirms and concludes that her intuition is right; the chat conversations are true. Tina is no longer interested in her. Bette sighs deeply. As she's lying on her back, she puts her right arm on her forehead then calmly talks and probes Tina.
Bette: How long have you and Henry been flirting?
Tina is surprised.
Tina: What?! What the fuck are you talking about?! And how did you know Henry?
Bette: Stop pretending Tina. I've read your chat conversations. I've read everything so I know, and you can't deny it now. Maybe you could've been more careful and deleted your chat history.
Tina is speechless and motionless.
Bette: So, have you fallen out of love?
Tina doesn't react. Bette waits for her to turn her back and look at her at least. But for a while Tina is steady, not making any movements. Bette patiently waits. A couple of minutes later, Tina gets up and sits on the bed, but she avoids looking at Bette.
Tina: No, I haven't.
Bette: Then why?
Tina: I don't know. I'm having these thoughts about being with men again.
Bette bursts into tears. Tina quickly looks at her but doesn't do anything.
Bette: Is that why suddenly you have lost your interest in me? Is that why you've been so uncaring for the past month or so? So, you're going back to men?
Tina: I don't know. I just can't help this feeling. I just can't help it.
Bette's tears are flowing but she remains calm, her voice is soft.
Bette: How and where did you meet him?
Tina: In Canada. We met on the set. He's a graphic artist.
Bette: Is he Canadian?
Tina: No, he's American. He lives in LA.
There's a moment of silence. Bette takes a deep breath again.
Bette: Well, maybe it's just a hormonal thing? We've been a little out of touch lately, maybe you're longing for companion, or you need physical intimacy. We haven't been intimate lately, maybe you're just longing. Or probably you're just curious about men again?
Tina is quiet, not willing to respond to her statements.
Bette: Tee, how about if we take a vacation? You, Angie and I... Maybe we can go to Spain, Brazil, or go back to Santorini?
Tina: No, I can't.
Bette is surprised by Tina's answer; she looks at her intently.
Bette: Why not?
There's pause for while and then Tina continues to talk without looking at Bette.
Tina: I don't know Bette. I don't know. This feeling I'm having for Henry is something different. It's like...it's something I feel good about. It's new but I want to try and explore it. It's like I've been waiting so long to do this. It's something I want in my life and it just feels right. It feels so right.
As Bette hears Tina, her heart is like being crushed, she's pained. Tears flow unstoppably from her eyes but she's not making any sounds. She keeps wiping the tears flowing on her cheeks, but it seems like it doesn't stop. After a while, she sits on the bed and looks at Tina. But Tina can't look at her; just looking down on the floor.
Bette: So what's your plan?
Tina: What do you mean what's my plan? I haven't planned anything yet.
Bette: So you want to go on like this? Having two persons in your heart, huh?! Well, I can't allow that Tina.
Tina doesn't respond. After a while, Bette just couldn't take it anymore. She gets out of the bedroom and proceeds to the living room. She sits back on the couch and thinks deeply. After a while of contemplating, she gets a drink in the fridge, sips a little then enters the bedroom. Tina is sitting steadily on the bed by the headboard. Bette sits on the other side; tensed and her eyes are almost bulging. The room is so quiet, no one's talking and Angelica is in deep sleep on her own small bed. A little later, Bette probes again.
Bette: Did you fuck him yet?
Tina doesn't answer the question. She moves out of the bed, gives Bette a sullen glance and walks toward the bathroom. She stays inside for a longer period, baffled and thinking deeply. Bette patiently waits for her to come out. As she waits, she could not control the tears falling on her cheeks. She's feeling so much pain in her heart.
In a few moments, she gets up and changes her clothes. She wants to see Kit; she needs somebody to talk to, unload her feelings of pain and seek comfort. A few minutes later, Tina goes out of the bathroom and sees Bette dressed, holding her car keys. It's twelve midnight.
Tina: Where are you going?
Bette: I don't' know.
Tina sighs then looks down. Bette leaves the house and proceeds to Kit. She cries to her, unloads her pain and tells her the plan she has made. Tina on the other hand falls asleep, not bothered where Bette went; she's too tired.
It's already 5AM when Bette comes back home. Tina wakes up and realizes Bette has just arrived.
Tina: Where did you go?
Bette doesn't respond. She's straight-faced with puffy eyes. She opens the closet and prepares to pack her clothes.
Bette: I'm leaving to Vermont for a 2-week retreat.
Tina: What?! You can't leave me and your daughter here alone!
Bette: Yes I can.
Tina: No you can't because I'm going to Canada next week. That trip is very important for me Bette, you know that! Who will take care of Angie if we're both away?
Bette: Then you have to take a leave of absence from work so you can take care of Angie.
Tina: No way! I'm not taking a leave of absence from work. That fucking retreat is not important! You can have it some other time. So NO, you are not going to leave!
Bette: What?! You know what Tina, for the last four or five years, you've been the sole decision maker of this family. Whatever you say, I always comply. When you say NO, I don't fight with you, I just abide by. Now, for once, I want to decide on my own without you dictating me what to do or not, or where to go! So, I am leaving to Vermont today for the retreat, and you cannot stop me. When I'm away, I want you to decide what you really want to do with your life, what you want and where you want to go. You have to decide whether you still want to live with me and Angie, or if you want to go back to the safety of heterosexual world. When I come back I want you to have your answer.
Angelica is awakened by the raising of voices of her two arguing moms. She cries as she hears them. Bette and Tina look at each other in the eyes then they pause for a moment. Bette comes to Angie and pulls her out of the bed, carries her, kisses her then apologizes.
Bette: I'm sorry sweetie. Don't cry. Mommy's here. Don't worry, everything's gonna be fine. Momma Bee will be away for just a little while, okay? You stay with Momma Tee for now, huh? She'll take care of you when I'm away. But don't worry, I'll be back for you sweetheart. I'll be calling you whenever I have a chance so I can hear your sweet little voice. Okay sweetie? Huh? Okay? Uhmm-muaaahhh!
With tears in Angie's eyes, she carefully observes Bette's face. She can tell that her Momma Bee is very sad and harboring pain. She rests her head on her mom's chest and hugs her tight. Bette is tearful. She carries Angie for a while and Tina watches them. A little later, Bette gives Angie to Tina so she can continue to pack her clothes.
Two hours later, Bette is ready to go. When she bids goodbye to her adorable daughter, Angie cries out loud. She's hysterical, not wanting Bette to leave without her. She's begging and shouting. Tina is trying very hard to calm her down but Angie cries piteously. She calls out her Momma Bee. It's so heartbreaking that Bette almost breaks down. It's the first time for almost four years that Bette will be away this long from Angie. She sheds tears and her body trembles but she tries very hard to be tough; she doesn't want Tina and Angie to notice it. Tina is also tearful as she tries to appease Angie. It's too emotional inside the Porter-Kennard residence.
Finally, Bette is able to leave. She's heading to Vermont for the 2-week retreat. She needed it to prepare herself to accept something that is yet to occur in her life for the coming days or weeks.
While Bette is away, James temporarily supervises her art gallery. Tina cancels her trip to Canada so she can take care of Angie while Bette is away. Her nanny helps her too, especially when she's at work. Tina is so mad at Bette for leaving. She swears to herself, she cannot forgive Bette for leaving at this point in time. Her trip to Canada is very important as it's one of the biggest projects she's been working on, which might just give her the biggest break in her career. But because of Bette's leaving, she stays in LA. She also starts dating Henry. Tina and Henry see each other every day and Henry is being so nice and kind to her.
Two weeks after the retreat, Bette comes back home. When she arrives, she sees Tina, Henry and Mikey in the living room. Tina and Henry are flirting with each other and smooching while Mikey is drawing something on a piece of paper. All of them are surprised when Bette walks in. Bette's face turns sour upon seeing the scene in her house. But she immediately tries to gather and she remains collected. Tina introduces Henry and Mikey to Bette, and vice-versa. It's awkward. Despite the hurt Bette is feeling inside, she stays well-mannered.
Bette: So where's my little girl Angie?
Tina: She's in the playgroup. I'll pick her up in two hours.
Henry and Mikey step out of the house so they can give Bette and Tina time to talk. They stay inside the car while they wait for Tina who's still inside the house, left with Bette.
Bette stays calm and composed, trying very hard to hide the pain she's feeling inside. She talks to Tina.
Bette: Do you love him?
Tina doesn't respond; she just looks down on the floor. Bette snaps.
Bette: You know what Tina, you have no compunction at all! Despite everything...EV-RYthing that I did for you! How dare you bring your guy here in my house and make out here?! I left you so you could think and clarify things for yourself and this is what you do to me?! If you wanted to go with him, you didn't have to be this cruel to me. You could've at least been a little gentle and considerate. But you're brutal! You're totally heartless!
Tina gets insulted by Bette's words; she fumingly looks at her. Bette slowly walks around as she tries so hard not to cry in front of Tina.
Tina: You're unfair Bette for leaving when I am supposed to go to Canada for my big project! You're selfish! That's why I have decided that I'm going to leave you and spend the rest of my life with Henry! I can't live with you anymore! I just can't bear you anymore! Henry and I are better couples and we will build a family of our own! And you know what, Henry has everything that I'm looking for. He is so loving, caring and most specially, very supportive of me!
Bette: So I wasn't supportive of you Tina?! After you gave birth to Angelica, you told me you wanted your career back. You said you wanted to work again and build an identity of your own. I supported your decision. I resigned from the CAC, put up my own art gallery so I can have my own time in order for me to take care of our daughter. For almost four years, I was mothering our child while you're always away, out of town, out of the country, dedicating you heart, your soul and time to your work. I'm the one who heard Angelica say her first word; I saw her when she first crawled; I witnessed her when she took her first step; the first tooth that came out of her; I potty trained her; I'm the only one who's by her side when she was sick... And you didn't experience all those things Tina. I filled in for you. It's supposedly both our responsibility to our daughter. But you chose you job! You said your job is very important to you, so I backed you up despite my objection. I supported all your decisions! And now you have the audacity to tell me that I am not supportive of you?!
Bette burst into tears; not able to contain her emotions. She turns her back from Tina.
Tina: Yeah, because I had to work! I needed to work hard because I had to establish my reputation and not be recognized only as Bette Porter's partner! I needed to work hard so I can match your status quo. So I can have a name of my own.
Bette: Oh yeah, your ego is more important to you than your family! My status quo never, EVER occurred to me as something that makes me more superior than you. I didn't treat you like I was greater than you because I never, ever have thought of that Tina!
Tina: You don't understand what I was feeling Bette! I needed to have a name of my own to feel secured of myself, to be secured of our relationship. I had to compete with your women on the side, to match their levels so you will not leave me for them.
Bette: What?! Is that what you think of me? That I will look for someone who is more accomplished than you?! That's absurd! Have you not ever considered that I love you Tina, huh?!
Bette's voice is trembling. Tina doesn't respond. Bette continues to express her resentments.
Bette: When I asked you to decline the offer by Shaolin Productions, it was because your work involves traveling abroad. But I didn't mean that you decline it because you'll have more earnings than me. That never occurred to me! All I wanted is for you to stay close to home, close to Angie, close to me. I didn't ask you to stop working because I know you love your work. I only asked you to decline the offer of traveling so you can have more time with us. But because it pays well, you took the offer and it didn't matter to you if you always travel, always away from home, always away from our daughter, away from me!
Tina: Why? Weren't you traveling a lot before? When you were with the CAC, you travelled a lot too and I supported you! I didn't complain and you didn't hear anything from me.
Bette: We didn't have a baby then, Tina. We didn't have a baby then.
Tina: I am traveling because my job requires me to do it. You were traveling because you loved meeting women. That's the difference between us Bette!
Bette: What?! That is ridiculous! That is so not true! All my travels to New York were CAC work-related and business related. I didn't travel for pleasure. You know what Tina, even before Angie was born, I have already limited my travels to New York and other states. It's because I felt that you were always jealous of these women that I meet. You always had this feeling that when I'm away, I'm going to cheat on you. I decided not to travel often because I didn't want you to feel that way. I wanted you to feel secured of our relationship. I didn't want you to worry and be threatened by these women that I get acquainted with. Yes, I have a history of cheating, but that was only one time and it never happened again, ever! I tried so hard, I did everything, to the point of compromising because I wanted so much for our relationship to work. I did everything to nurture this relationship because I wanted it to last. But you just took it for granted!
Tina: Ah! So you're raking over the coals?!
Bette: Yes I am! Because you don't realize how much I've sacrificed! I've sacrificed almost EV-RYthing in order to build this family and to preserve it! I've sacrificed sooo much because I wanted this family to be intact! But you're just breaking it easily! You have no compassion at all!
Tina: How dare you accuse me of not having compassion!
Bette: Well if you have compassion Tina, you should've at least thought of Angie. You should at least thought about how our daughter would feel about our situation.
Tina: Of course I always consider Angie in all my decisions.
Bette: And me? So I am nothing to you? That's why you didn't even consider my feelings? You think this is the right thing to do and this is the right life for you because this is the norm - a man, a woman and children? I think you're just confused Tina. And I'm sure you're just curious and you just want to experiment with men.
Tina: What?! I'm not experimenting with men. I am sure of what I'm feeling. This is real Bette! This is real… Okay?!
Bette: And I am not real, I am just a joke to you? Huh?! So our life together for 13 years was a joke, a mistake? Huh, Tina?!
Tina: You know what Bette, you shouldn't have left for Vermont when I asked you not to. You should have NOT given me and Henry a chance to be together. But you used that god damn fucking retreat as an excuse so you can get away, and then you pressured me to decide if I wanted to be with Henry or not?! You deserted me instead of you fighting for our relationship, fighting for me. You're a coward cuz you just took off! Things could've been different had you stayed.
Bette: Ha! So you're putting the blame on me now?! You were already drifting away Tina. In your chat conversations, you told Henry your life with me is so complicated and you don't want a complicated life anymore. It's like you have already planned your life with him and you have already made the decision to leave me. The moment I read your conversations, I knew you were breaking this family. And you were just waiting for the right timing to tell me that you wanted out. I even tried and asked you to go on vacation with me and Angie so we can rekindle our relationship, but you declined. I went to that retreat because I needed enlightenment, courage and strength to accept your decision. Before I went to Vermont I already knew you were going to leave me and break our family. Whether I left to Vermont or not, I knew this was going to happen. So it wasn't an excuse Tina, it wasn't! And there's no point of me fighting for you anymore because you yourself is not willing. And I can feel that you are more interested in that man than you are interested in me. So there's no point of fighting for you Tina...
Tina: Oh you are right Bette! You're so damn right! There is no point of fighting for me! Yeah, you'll just be wasting your time and effort! Thank God! My decision is right! And I'm leaving you now for good. I'm sure my life will be better without you! My life will not be complicated anymore!
Bette could not take anymore all the things that Tina is saying, she turns her back from Tina and walks away. She proceeds to the bedroom with her eyes full of tears. As she walks away, Tina yells.
Tina: Oh, and by the way... Yes, I love Henry!
Bette is totally crushed upon hearing Tina's words. She continues to walk towards the bedroom. She's shaking. It's too painful to bear. Tina leaves the house, slams shut the door.
While inside the bedroom, Bette opens the cabinet and she's more surprised when she sees that Tina already took all her stuff and clothes. She checks on Tina's drawers and they're empty too. Bette breaks down and falls on the floor, weeping. She's so devastated. Nothing is as painful as what she's feeling at the very moment. She calls Kit and seeks for comfort.
...
Next series: 04 How Can I Move On?
Moving On