What Now?

Chapter1

Jay is sitting in MI his last class of the day since he will be ditching after lunch. If he were paying attention he would notice Mr. Simpson giving him odd looks…but he's not.

GodFuckingDamnIt how could I have screwed shit up so royally? Jimmy's practically crippled, Spins on my back, Alex isn't talking to me, Sean's gone, and Emma well…Emma's…she's just broken. Oh yea and who can forget I have gonorrhea. Well not anymore, but try explaining that to Alex or anybody else who got a bracelet and a sore throat among other things…Its not like I did it on fucking purpose, or like its not relatively easily treated. But whatever, its not like any of this shit means anything (except that I am gonna be springing more money on condoms, which may not even matter now that Alex is out of the picture)… God I can't wait till later, beer and relaxation… that's gonna be my whole night.

Curled up under the covers, Emma Nelson is trying to disappear. Newly gonorrhea free but dead inside, today she played sick to stay home…well its not really playing if you feel like your dying is it? Her mom and Snake weren't hard to fool, Snake won't look at her let alone come near her, and her mom has been treating her gently as if afraid Emma would break. Right after coming back from the health clinic her mom had tried to talk with her, head on like they usually did…tried and failed…something was different now, maybe her mom sensed it or maybe spike was just tired. Either way it hadn't come up again.

So now here is Emma Nelson, hiding beneath her covers from monsters she can't see. She's not crying… not even close, she's just cold and empty…wandering back and forth over her last conversation with Jay.

"Look I never told Alex about you Emma. I liked how you had virtue…, or whatever."

Looking back in to his eyes Emma told him the truth as she knew it to be, then more than ever.

"I don't… Not any of that."

"Come on, who are you trying to fool? Everybody knows! Everybody knows about the real you. Just-"

The last part was what Emma kept thinking about, she wished it were true…or at least she wished that she wished it, that she cared...about that, or anything.

She needed to see him, find out if he meant it…and she needed to look good when she did. At least now she would have something to focus on…looking as good as possible.

Jay was not having a good time. The night was not turning out how he had hoped… His beer was warm, and he was stuck wearing his sunglasses to cover what was sure to be a black eye thanks to Alex. She could hit hard when she wanted and she was tough…she had to be she had a tough life, he knew that… that's part of the reason he liked her so much, they had a lot in common and she was strong. And now he was stuck drinking a warm beer, and trying not to look as some loser who graduated 2 years ago practically fucked her up against that tree. He couldn't take it anymore he had to talk to her. He stood up and walked towards them. But before he even got halfway Alex looked up, one look and Jay knew there was nothing he could do. Alex was a big girl she made her own choices, same as him. Hell he had his own beer at home, fresh from the fridge. He didn't need this shit. So he just turned and walked away.
"Get The Fuck Off Me."

"Huh???" the moron actually looked confused.

"You heard me, I said get off!"

But as Alex started to walk away the guy grabbed her, and tried to say something. It didn't matter she didn't even blink, just turned around and kneed him right in the crotch, then kept on going. She grabbed a beer and took a seat by the fire. She almost felt sorry for him that look he gave her, and the black eye… she wanted it to go away be taken back she liked things the way they were… but now, now all she wanted was to get really drunk. That's when she noticed someone out of the corner of her eye.

What the fuck is Emma Nelson, Miss Cause Girl herself doing here?!? She wondered. She watched her for a minute… she seemed to know her way around, was even talking to a few people.

She must be more fucked up than I thought; maybe we have something in common… now that I think about it Emma has been different. Not hanging out with her old friends, not really hanging out with anyone, and her clothing had changed. Maybe there was more to the girl than she thought…who knows she has to be better than Amy right? How long has she been coming here?

Alex turned to the couple next to her and nudged um. They looked up, but seemed pretty pissed until they saw it was Alex.

"Hey Alex, what's up?"

"Nothing, look I was just wondering, you see that girl over there?"

"The blonde, yea what about her"

"You know anything about her?"

"Only that she comes here every night, usually only hangs with Jay though."

"Jay?"

"Yea, sorry bout you guys by the way."

The guy waited for Alex to say something else, but after a few seconds he decided he had waited long enough, and went back to making out.

The look on Jays face before, and the sound her fist made hitting his face suddenly became priceless to Alex, as was what she planned to do to Emma.

Tomorrow was going to be interesting.

As Emma walked home she began to cry… Jay wasn't even there! She just wanted to be close to someone… have someone tell her they cared about her, even if it was just a lie… She was scared of how tempted she was to give in to that guy at the ravine tonight… he had seemed nice, cute enough…and with Jay not there…she just couldn't though. She was just so angry at herself…look at her clothes, she was such a moron. She wanted to smash something, break it into a thousand pieces.

Emma calm down think rationally, she told herself. I mean you just went from intense sadness to anger in like 10 seconds… you're just freaking out. Everything's not so bad, you just need some sleep, and tomorrow everything will be better. Its gotta be. So Emma crawled into her basement and fell into a state of fitful dreaming.