The Beard

AN: this kinda combines all their college years I guess? specifically somewhere around season 6 or 7?

It was a normal Friday afternoon for the college students. Cory and Topanga were leaning on each other on the couch; beside them Shawn held Angela on his lap. They were hanging in Eric and Jack's apartment, and as to be expected the older brothers weren't far away. Eric sat on a nearby love seat, and Jack was leaning on the back of the couch. They were all watching cartoons lazily except for Cory. Cory Matthews could not stop staring at that thing on his best friend's face. Prickly stubble was growing in patches, some areas longer than others, and despite the grooming he knew his friend put into it, it looked absolutely hideous in Cory's opinion. It was bad enough when Shawn chopped off his long locks - Cory wouldn't admit to having cried about it, but he did have a memorial service in their shared dorm - but now he decided to taint his face with that jumbled mess of scruff.

As if sensing Cory's thoughts, Shawn scratched at the scruff on his chin, causing Cory's face to crinkle at the harsh sand-paper sound that came from the action. "I don't like your beard," he says pointedly, voicing his distaste.

Shawn looked like he was going to reply, but Eric snapped back before he could get a word in. "Cory, don't say that; Angela is a nice girl!"

The room fell deathly silent, the sound of Wiley Coyote falling off a cliff hanging heavily in the air. Jack moved first, going over to smack Eric on the back of the head. Cory looks confused; Shawn looks uncomfortable. Angela looks at Shawn expectantly, waiting for him to come to her defense. Shawn's jaw opens and closes like a nutcracker, and his face is beet red. Angela looks hurt and leaves in a huff; Topanga follows closely after her. Jack drags Eric by the ear into his room saying something about tact.

This left Cory and Shawn alone. Shawn's breathing was uneven, and he went to run his fingers through hair that was no longer there - a nervous habit Cory knew. "Shawn, what's going on?" Cory asks confused, slightly upset at being seemingly the only one out of the loop.

Shawn stared into space, shaking his head. Not completely present he mutters, "Fuckin' Eric…" Cory goes to touch his friend's shoulder in comfort, but he gets shrugged off angrily. "Idiot…" Shawn mutters now.

Cory looks desperately at his best friend. He wanted more than anything to comfort him, but he didn't understand. "Shawn, whatever I did I want to fix it… I'm sorry, but I don't understand what I did."

Shawn shakes his head and finally looks in Cory's direction. It's only a glance, but Cory's relieved to know his friend is still with him. "You didn't do anything, and you can't fix this," Shawn says matter-of-factly. Cory looks crestfallen, his mind working at record speed to try to connect dots, but nothing was adding up. Shawn could tell his friend didn't know what was happening, and he tried to ground himself enough to explain. "Cory… when you said beard… Eric thought you meant something else."

Cory put one piece of the puzzle together. "But Angela is nothing like a beard. She's a person." Shawn looks exasperated at Cory's naïveté, so Cory tries to think harder. "Is it… like a metaphor or something?"

Shawn nodded, going to run his fingers through the ghost of his hair again and sighing frustratedly as he realized he had nothing to cling to. "Yeah, a metaphor…" he says, taking a deep breath. "A metaphor that implies something about my relationship with Angela."

Cory reaches out to grab Shawn's hand, and this time he doesn't flinch away, "Oh Shawnie, I was just talking about the hair on your face. You know I love Angela. I'm sorry; I'll talk to her. I'll fix it-"

"No, Cory!" Shawn interjects looking sternly at his friend. "You can't fix this. What Eric said means… that I'm dating Angela to hide that I'm gay, and that's not something you can fix."

Another piece fits into place. That's why she was so upset! "But you're not gay, Shawn. You're with Angela-" he explains to himself, and at Shawn's pitiful look, Cory pauses. The last piece clicks into place. "Shawnie…" he exhales softly.

Shawn then pulls his hand away from Cory and turns his body to face away from Cory. He takes on a defensive posture and mutters bitterly, "Now you see the problem."

Cory tries to move closer to his friend, but Shawn deflects him every step of the way. "Shawnie, why didn't you tell me?" he asks, trying not to sound hurt.

Shawn sighs exasperatedly and clenches his fists. "I couldn't, Cor!" he exclaims through gritted teeth. Cory couldn't hide the hurt on his face after he heard those words. The pain in his chest only worsened when Shawn turned to reveal tears threatening to spill over his cheeks.

"Why not?" Cory asks softly, worried his friend didn't trust him with his life anymore. We're best friends, he thinks. They've always told each other everything, and it felt like a betrayal to hear that Shawn was keeping such secrets.

Shawn looked down and sighed defeatedly, "Because… I want what you and Topanga have."

He refused to look at his friend, so Cory bargains, "You can have that, Shawn! There's some great guy out there somewhere that's perfect for you, and we can find him together."

Shawn shakes his head and chuckles sadly, "No, Cor, I already found the guy…" Cory felt another blow to his chest at that. His friend was in love and hadn't told him. Shawn looks up solemnly and makes deliberate eye contact. "I want what you and Topanga have…" he repeats. Cory processes the words before he gets it. His jaw falls loose, and his eyes widen to the size of saucers. Oh. Shawn sighs at his reaction and nods sadly. "That's why I couldn't tell you."

Cory blinked a few times, slowly coming to grips with this new information about his friend. Shawn was gay… that never felt like an option, and now his best friend was telling him that he was someone just a few minutes ago he couldn't be. Of course, Cory knew gay people existed, it just didn't feel real that anyone he knew was gay. "That's… okay, Shawn," Cory finally said. He wasn't exactly sure what to say, but seeing the relief wash over Shawn's face made him feel better. Cory purses his lips, still pensive. "This doesn't change anything between us, does it?" he asked nervously.

Shawn just stares at him as if he'd grown another head. Then he's laughing, a full bellied laugh, and even though Cory doesn't get the joke he's proud to have made his best friend a little more comfortable. Shawn wipes away at the tears still in his eyes and shakes his head. "You're asking me that?" he sounds disbelieving. Cory pouts, and Shawn quiets slightly. "Cor, I've been in love with you for five years now; if you can handle it, I think I can manage to still be your best friend." Cory beamed at his friend's reassurance and nodded too quickly. "I can handle it," he declares.

He couldn't handle it. Angela and Shawn had broken up civilly, and Shawn was living single. No dates, no kissing, no girls. Cory was getting antsy; he wanted Shawn to get a boyfriend ASAP. The sooner Shawn gets a boyfriend, the sooner he stops being in love with Cory, and the sooner Cory gets to stop thinking about Shawn being in love with him.

When Topanga's parents announced they were getting a divorce, he was only slightly shaken when she called it quits with him. Sure a part of him was saddened by it, but Cory couldn't stop thinking about how this all affected Shawn. I want what you and Topanga have. How does that change now that they're no longer together? Would Shawn give up on love too? Would that mean his feelings for Cory would go away? Would Shawn be even more distressed about his feelings now that Cory was on the market? The last thing he wanted was for Shawn to feel worse, so he used his resources.

Cory saw Mr. Feeny sitting peacefully at a table in the Pennbrook student union, sipping coffee and grading papers. Cory planted his hands on the table aggressively and demanded, "Alright, Feeney, talk. I've got problems, and you're gonna fix them. Got it?"

Mr. Feeny looked up at his student with raised brows, expecting some long winded story overdramatizing the personal problems Mr. Matthews was dealing with this week. "What is it, Mr. Matthews?" he asks in a deadpan.

Cory sat down, maintaining his stern look before clasping his hands. Immediately his face falls into a nervous expression, and he fidgets with his fingers. "Well, you see," he starts almost shyly, "I have this friend, okay?" Mr. Feeny raises his eyebrows again bemused. Cory never referred to Shawn as "this friend", and Feeny knew from Cory's body language that there was no other "friend" he could be talking about. He nods, prompting Cory to go on. "So this friend is in a sticky situation. This friend is in love with… someone and I- the person happened to find out about it." He stopped, and stared. Mr. Feeny waited, expecting more. Cory just gestured to the older man, "Okay, your turn. Whatcha got?"

Mr Feeny pursed his lips to avoid any implications. So Mr. Hunter loves Mr. Matthews? He couldn't say he's terribly surprised, but it did catch him off guard hearing this so soon after Shawn ended his relationship with Angela Moore. Perhaps this was the explanation. "Does this person feel the same way?" Mr. Feeny asks casually, pretending to not know who they were so obviously talking about.

Cory went to respond but didn't make a sound before he slumped in his chair. It hadn't occurred to him that that was a possibility either. Cory had found himself once again stumped, and he felt more confused than before he had come to Feeny. Cory at first thought he couldn't be in love with Shawn; he'd loved Topanga since they were kids. The idea nagged at him. This was Shawn - his Shawn. He gulped, realizing the possessive thought he'd never noticed before. His Shawn. He tried to think through everything at once, but it all came back to the same thing. Shawn was in love with him, but what was wrong with that? He thought he must be the biggest idiot to not have considered this. Here he is trying to make his best friend happy, and he hasn't even wondered if reciprocating his feelings would work out. "Would that be okay?" He said distractedly, more to himself than Feeny.

Cory thought of all of Shawn's past relationships, of his own relationship with Topanga… could he and Shawn have that? He thought of kissing Shawn, or holding his hand, of being even closer to him than he was… He thought of all the jokes and comments people made over the years. Was he just so stupid he didn't see what was already there? What had always been there?

"Mr. Matthews, if two people care about one another, then I don't see why that wouldn't be okay," Feeny says, snapping Cory back to reality.

Cory nodded, still slightly dazed. "Yeah…" he replies , "Excuse me, Mr. Feeny, but I have to go talk to Shawn."

Shawn was sat on his bed with a book for his poetry class in front of him when Cory barged in in the most typical of Cory fashions. "Shawn!" he shouted, pointing exasperatedly at his best friend.

Shawn raised a bemused eyebrow wondering what kind of Cory thing was happening today. "Yeah, Cor?" he asks, dog-earring his book. By the veins popping out of his neurotic friend's neck, he had a feeling he wouldn't get back to poetry anytime soon.

Cory stands in front of Shawn's bed, firmly planted, and he begins to explain as if he had discovered the secret to life. "Listen, Shawn, it's possible." Shawn didn't think his brows could raise much higher, but he kept surprising himself. He stared at Cory wordlessly, waiting for more details. "It's possible. We can do it."

Shawn chuckles at such vague yet dramatic declarations. "You gotta help me out here, Cor," he smiles.

Cory looks like he loses his concentration for a second at the sight, but he quickly snaps back into action. "Shawn, the person you love," he starts cautiously, and Shawn's face immediately falls into a worrying look, "it's possible that he…" Cory pauses, looking into Shawn's eyes. They hold each other's gaze for a moment before Cory takes a deep breath, "It's possible that he feels the same way."

Shawn doesn't move, doesn't even blink, for a long time. Cory is about to check on him when he opens his mouth and slowly responds, "What?" Cory furrows his brow; saying it once was hard enough. Shawn shakes his head, "You love Topanga," he says as if explaining something to a toddler.

Cory nods, "Yeah, I do…" he stops and gathers his courage, "but I'm… in love with you." Shawn looks like he's short-circuited, mouth opening and closing without rhyme nor reason. Cory decides to be brave and moves to sit on the bed in front of his best friend. "Shawnie, it's you… it's always been you," he professes, "I love Topanga, but my future… my life… my world. It's always revolved around you. You're the person I want, Shawn."

Shawn is once again still, struck by Cory's surprising words. "Cory…" he exhales, "You think you love me?"

Cory shook his head and scoots closer, "I don't think, Shawnie," he leans forward and rests his weight on a hand beside Shawn's head, "I know."

Neither boy was sure who kissed whom first, but when they pull apart they're both breathless. Shawn's ears are thumping, and he doesn't know if he's hearing his own heartbeat or Cory's, and he really doesn't mind not knowing. Cory's eyes are glimmering, and Shawn can't help but reach a hand out to run his fingers through messy curls. "I've always wanted to do this," Shawn whispers, twirling and untwirling a lock.

Cory pecks his lips at the sweet comment and mumbles nearly mouth to mouth, "It's not fair though; you went and chopped off yours before I got the chance."

Shawn laughs wholeheartedly and brushes his fingers over Cory's pouty lips. "Would you be happy if I grew it out for you, babe?"

Cory's face immediately brightens, and he nods enthusiastically. "And lose the beard?" he adds hopeful.

Shawn pulls back and pretends to look offended. "Cory, how could you," he starts, "Angela's a nice girl."

Cory rolls his eyes before dramatically throwing his face into the nape of Shawn's neck. He groans absurdly loudly, and Shawn tries to hide the shiver of pleasure down his spine. "Shawnie?" Cory mumbles, barely audible from his crevice.

Shawn chuckles again and combs more fingers through brown curls. "Yeah, Cor?" he asks once again.

Cory looks up and examines his best friend with a bashful expression. "Do you want to be my boyfriend?" His face flushes as he says the words.

Shawn's heart melts as he looks up at his lifelong friend. "Cory," he states clearly, "nothing would make me happier."

And then they made out forever and ever the end.