A/N: I'm literal trash. I have chapter long fics that I haven't updated in forever and now I give you a very heartbreaking Linzin oneshot.
It's based on the song Happier by Ed Sheeran. So go ahead listen to the song and read the fic and feel all the feels. Please leave comments/kudos/etc!
Lin was walking home from work, alone. She did most things alone nowadays. The sun had just started to set, the days now growing shorter as the cool autumn winds started to blow more and more, especially at night. Lin hadn't brought a jacket, so she decided to take a few shortcuts on her way home so she could escape to her warm apartment and continue to be alone.
Lin walked with her head held high, despite the heavy feeling she still carried in her heart. Just because her normal had changed recently, didn't mean she had to let everyone else in the world know, even though they did. Unfortunately, her relationship with the son of the aged Avatar, the only one who was born with the gift of airbending, had always been a hot topic in the local gossip circles and tabloids. Well, at least they tried to think of it as a gift, most days it felt like a curse, especially for the two of them. Well, just her, she told herself. There was no them anymore. Only her. All alone.
Lin was wandering toward home, lost in her sorrowful thoughts. She almost didn't notice them, but how could she forget that laugh so easily? That laugh that used to cause her the same amount of glee, no matter when or where they were. Whenever she heard his laugh, she laughed too. The sound snapped her out of her thoughts and grounded her in the here and now. There they were. A tall, bald young man, whose robes were flowing as every inch of his body shook with his laugh. Next to him, was a shorter, curvy young woman, her whole face lighting up as she watched the smile dance on his face, a small one beginning to form on hers as well. Lin would have been smiling too, laughing even, if she were in the other woman's place.
Lin stopped and tried to hide herself behind one of the stalls that dotted the ever growing city. She wasn't expecting to see them. Not here. Not now. Especially not this happy. It used to be her next to him, matching him smile for smile, tear for tear. Not anymore. Not since that night a few weeks ago…
Admittedly though, that night was not out of the blue. A rift had been growing between the couple for a while. With the Avatar's health slowly declining, the pressure on the two of them to take their relationship forward into full fledged adulthood, one that can only be shared as man and wife. They had both wanted that. The whole professing their love for one another in front of all their family and friends, vowing to do so for the rest of their lives, shoving cake in each others' faces, dancing together while her mom called him Twinkle Toes Jr. from her seat. But they never really discussed the other aspects of marriage: including starting a family. The two had started their relationship from the moment they were born. It had started as a fast friendship, and as they grew crushes began, and they eventually their love blossomed with the whole city's eyes on them. They had even gone as far as living together as husband and wife would. The future and their choices had never really seemed up in the air. Everyone knew Lin and Tenzin would last, forever. At least, everyone who wasn't privy to Lin's personal life. From a young age, Lin never felt motherly, she never felt like she needed children to validate herself as a woman, as a person. And why should she? There are plenty of other things that define a person, the yearning for children was definitely not high on any gender's list of qualifications. But still, a part of her knew that he had to have children. Even if he didn't really want them too.
As time went on, they were pressed more and more for updates on their personal lives, from both the public and their close family and friends. Questions like When's the wedding? When do we get to see more airbenders in the world? People were nosy and relentless. Unfortunately, despite both of their feelings on bringing children into the world, it started to become obvious that Aang wasn't going to be around forever and that he had instilled in Tenzin a duty to his culture and his people. Yes, the air acolytes were amazing at spreading the culture, but it was obvious none of them were ever going to produce a real live airbender. That task fell on Tenzin's shoulders, and much to her displeasure, Lin's shoulders as well.
They had discussed the possibility of following their own desires, not that of Aang's, but when it was brought up, the look Aang gave the young couple was devastating. So hurtful, that even Lin started contemplating alternatives. However, neither enjoyed the idea of surrogacy, and adoption was clearly out of the question. Lin could have broke down and willed herself to be a mother, but there was always something inside of her that told her to stick with her instincts, which always screamed and argued against having children of her own. When Lin and Tenzin had one of their final discussions on the matter, Lin could see Tenzin's face fall and heart crack. He had wanted to make this work. He even volunteered to be a stay-at-home parent, despite his total lack of child-rearing experience. No matter what he said though, Lin held fast to her beliefs. She never tried to convince him that she was right because she knew what Aang meant to him. After that last conversation on the topic, it seemed like the sun was setting on their relationship.
Lin and Tenzin continued to have a relationship as best they could, but it was obvious that conversation was the start of the end. Smiles and laughter started to disappear and the silly rows they used to have over what temperature to have the room at or whose turn it was to wash the dishes grew into whole fights with mud slung from both sides. Their intimacy faded as well, the bed sheets forever growing colder. Night was falling fast on this chapter of their intertwined lives, and Lin knew it had to end before they became completely bitter. She didn't want to hurt him, but she knew she had no other choice…
Lin heard the front door open from the bedroom where she had been trying to mediate.
"Tez?" she called, waiting for him to come in.
"Hello," he said politely as he walked across the room to plant a chaste kiss on her cheek.
She bit her lip and requested, "Will you sit on the bed with me, please?"
He nodded and sat straight-backed on the bed the two had shared for several years. Lin studied him and took deep breaths while she sat down. He hadn't shaved in a few days and stubble was forming along his tense jaw line. She looked at him more closely and noticed that his whole body was tense, as if he were waiting for a fight.
She took a final breath and managed, "I think it would be best for the both of us if we stopped." He sat there, staring blankly at her. She continued, "It's clear that we can't go back to being happy like we were. We can't change what has been said and done. It's probably best if we stop pretending like this is all fine and normal and that we can work things out."
He dropped his head, unable to hold her gaze and sighed deeply. She waited for a response.
"Tez, please say something," she begged after what seemed like an eternity, tears starting to slip down her cheeks.
When he finally responded, his voice was so soft she had to lean towards him to hear, "I had hoped… that we… that you… You really won't change your mind?"
She dropped her gaze too, and took his hands in hers, "I'm sorry," she confessed, "I just can't. It's unfair to the children we would bring into this world. It's bad enough having one parent not want you, but two?" she had to stop, she was freely crying now, mindlessly stroking her thumb over his hands.
"Who says anything about not wanting them?" he asked.
"We talked before and you admitted to not wanting babies either and I thought we were on the same page and that we would last."
"I remember that, but I have a duty. It doesn't matter what we want, Lin. Our duty matters. I thought you of all people would know that."
"I do," she replied, lifting her head as he lifted his, meeting each others' tear filled gaze, "That's why I'm doing this. I have my own duty. I know it seems selfish, but Tez, please remember, I'm doing this because I love you. We both deserved to be happier than this."
"We can be!" he interrupted her, "If you just say yes and help with my duty! We've discussed this."
She kissed him soflty to stop his argument. "I know," she whispered, "I remember all of our talks. But I just can't. Please, just let this end. We'll be happier. You'll see."
He finally conceded. "Fine," he breathed, "Goodbye, Lin. I love you, with my whole being. I hope you're right. That we'll both be happier." He planted one last deep, passionate kiss on her lips, stood up, and left. At that moment, she knew both their hearts had finally shattered.
Lin finally snapped out of the hurtful flashbacks. She tried giving herself a pep talk. She told herself that he looked happier. She continued that mantra until she got back to her flat. She immediately stripped her uniform and went to the kitchen where she found a bottle of plum wine. She skipped looking for a clean cup and took the whole bottle to the sitting room, turning the radio on quietly and slumping into the pillow filled couch. It was the same place she had lived with Tenzin. Everything still reminded her of him. From the way the books were organized on the bookshelf, to the way the room still faintly smelled of incense. It took a lot of energy for Lin to hold back the tears that were ready to burst at any moment.
"He's happier," she said aloud, "and someday I will be too." She set the bottle of wine down on an end table and turned to grab a blanket from the back of the couch. Turning, she caught a glimpse of an old photograph of the once happy couple. A faint smiled danced across her lips as she remembered what had happened right before the picture was taken. "I was happier with you," she whispered as she wrapped herself in the blanket and finally allowed the tears to spill.
Lin awoke as the light from the sunrise began to peek through the shutters. She had cried herself to sleep that night after seeing the two of them together, looking happier than she's seen him in a while. Then a thought flickered in her mind: If he's happier, then someday I will be too.