I had just too much pain. Rory Gilmore had been through so much pain. I had struggled ever so much with men. They seemed to be a plague. Let's not forget Tristan – good 'ole Tristan from long ago at Chilton. Tristan had this habit of calling me 'Mary' all the time, because he secretly liked me. I remember because it started the very first day at my new school. He was jealous of Dean and Dean hated him on sight which was... they were like raging bulls. First there was Dean, my first true love. Anyway, I remember after Dean married Lindsay, he and I got back together and were the talk of the town, much to my mother's displeasure. I gave him my virginity. I gave him everything and it turned out to be nothing. Though I have to say, for Dean, I gave him my first 'I Love You' and that was something special. Something I'll always cherish and remember till my dying day. Then came Jess with his wildness and how he pulled me from Dean's loving arms. How I went so willingly though, didn't I, or did I? After Jess' disappearing act before graduation, I had decided to go stag. You know, be men free for awhile. Jess was wild, I mean, the day Dean was supposed to buy my basket filled with goodies at some Stars Hollow event, Jess outbid him for $75, knowing Dean wouldn't have that kind of money. What a jerk, right? Right. Right! At my twenty-first birthday party Dean was supposed to pick me up. and I was drunk and forgot and ran outside later with a troll of men behind me including one gorgeous Logan Huntzberger. Dean told me it was over that night. I stood there, cold, mortified, on my birthday. A birthday where I was not even speaking to my mother. A birthday that I didn't even want to be at. I got drunk and took the limo of Logan's home with him and his friends, something I'd never normally do. It was wild and I loved it. I began seeing Logan a few months later if you can call it "seeing". I mean, we went out, he saw other women. We fought, he screwed his sister Honor's entire row of bridesmaids. Let me tell you, there were plenty of them to go around, but he had them all. No, Logan was a ladies' man but... I just couldn't let go. I couldn't resist. I couldn't resist the pain. The pain of a man. Logan, I think in the end Logan was the one that got me. He asked me to marry him and I said no. Why? Because I didn't love him? Of course not. Because I wasn't ready. However, being Logan, and being the youthful soul he still was down underneath, he couldn't take it and ran away. Tristan, Dean, Jess, and Logan – four men and they all hurt me and for what? For love? For some sort of relationship? For nothing.