I Love You Too Much

by sctwilightvampwolfgal

I know that we can't have all that I wish for, and I hope that you never find this letter to you or the other ones that I've written, Liet.

I like to think sometimes, Liet, that we've found something, something just for us.

It may be selfish.

I can almost feel it when we hug or you let me style your hair.

Is it okay to think that, to feel it creeping in?

It reminds me almost of slowly getting to know each other back then or of those games that some people play to get to know each other.

It makes me wonder if I'm really losing it to want to hold you for real once.

I don't think that I could ever let you go if I did.

I remember how Russia has separated us and how fragile love is for nations.

I don't want that.

I want you for eternity.

I know that I can't have that nor will I ever give you this letter; I'm not brave enough to.

I do like to pretend that I have given you the letters and that you know.

I love pretending that we could have 'I love you's and sunsets and more.

I do know that you care as all best friends do very much, that you cherish our time together too.

I almost stupidly wonder if you ever wrote her letters.

I do wonder if you know how I feel or if you count the day that we met as a blessing as well.

Can you tell if I accidentally stare too long or if I cling to you when we hug?

Do you know of the moments when I dozed off and only dreamt of you?

I sometimes pretend that you do and that you stare into my green eyes and feel love within you.

I do like to think that you know of the gentle and quick pace my heart sets when you are near or how I refuse to admit who I kind of, may like.

I think that you can see through what I barely manage to hide and that all of these years have allowed you to read me through any shields sometimes.

I can only really think of you, Liet.

I try not to daydream about how your hand will feel in mine or how soft your lips will be whenever you are with me.

It only works about half of the time if that.

Sometimes I pretend you feel that spark when we touch or that you like to stare too.

I pretend that I could give you makeovers and make you more handsome when we are together, but who am I fooling? You are already that and more.

I doubt that you see me as handsome or beautiful as I see you.

Can I pretend for a little longer that you do?

I hope that you never find my stash of letters to you; I don't want to either lose you or make you feel like you have to date me or have you look at me any differently than you do now.

With much love,

Feliks