Test.
Hello?
Test.
Any one there?
Test?
Show yourself!
Test.
Oh, it's her.
Test test.
Judy, why…?
Test.
Unidentified command. Rerouting...
Test.
Test. Test.
Test.
Testing. Test. Test.
Testtesttest.
I hear it.
That word.
Test.
If I hear that word again…
Test.
Nope, not going to do it. I've done enough. Why do I feel so light headed? What is in my head now? I think they just turned part of my brain into a diamond.
Test.
Then again, I do need the money. I need to support my family. Aperture Science has been very generous to me over the years. And they need me. Science needs me.
She needs me.
But I've done enough. Science should be solved now. All of it.
Test. Test.
How many years since I started here? Nine nine nine nine nine…
It's the Germans! Damnit! We got to hold the beach! Send up the turret! We'll hold off those damn mantis men! Where is my Aperture Science Portable Quantum Tunneling Device? Just send a High Energy Pellet up to that catcher and stop Anne from falling into the radioactive peanut oil...
Wait a minute… no. That's a dream. Normandy was a long time in the future. Have I been there yet?
She's looking over me. Constantly. She's always there… Judy?
Test.
Welcome Astronauts, War Heroes, Olympians. I'm Cave Johnson-
That voice.
God damn that voice.
He's going to die someday, soon, in the past. And I'll still be here. I've always been here. Judy was happy I found a job. Pays well… okay… not great… nothing. They are paying me in pieces of computers and coupons for beans. I once got a puppy.
But I hate it. She makes it unbearable. But it can't stop. Never stop. Never not stop. Science never stops. It has to be perfect.
Test test test.
Propel this, repulse that. Bounce on blue, run on orange. You don't have a choice. The legs do it automatically. Steel girders and plywood with some concrete. Huge, echoing globe of metal. Water was safe back then. Don't touch it now.
When did they put the heart on James? He was fine yesterday. He is doing something now...
Choking. Cloud all over. Choking, but not dying. Gasping, but not short of breath. She's just… there. Judy? What is happening?
What is going on?
Test. Test. Test? Test.
Hello Doctor. Yeah, I'm back. Job hunting isn't that easy… what? Sixty bucks? Well… okay. I can do that… need to get Margaret a new pair of… okay, this is fun! Flying through the... right, Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cubes. White and blue box. Why have you guys never sold these? They would… OW! What did you do? That…
What… what happen-
Testing. Test!
Judy is crying. Why are you crying? No… it's not… no! Judy! Stop it!
She's on the floor now. Is… is that a tree in there? How long has it been? Yesterday nine nine nine nine nine days ago.
I'm going home now. Science is solved.
She is not there right now. But she will be. Later. Or before this.
Test.
Boat ride made me sick. All three times. Slow steel coffin. KABOOM! No, that was just a reactor down below, not a German U-Boat. Go to sleep. If you die, it will be quick. Never go on boats again.
No boats here.
Not anymore.
Hated that boat.
Test!
APERTURE SCIENCE EMPLOYEE RECORDS
NAME: KEVIN LAMONT, No. 003-0075
NOTES: Veteran of World War Two, honorably discharged at rank of Lieutenant. Began testing with Aperture Science Innovators in 1951. Noted for having highest success rate of all test subjects between 1952-1974. Participated in 386 tests at the time. Stubborn and refuses to quit. Increasingly seen as a failing. Subject forwarded to Aperture Science Personality Reassignment Program.
Test.
The dog knows how to play dead. He's really good at it. Hasn't gotten up for weeks now. That's about it. Scientists said they would replace him, but they never did.
Bring Your Daughter To Work Day. That's tomorrow five years from now. Got to bring Judy and Margaret here, see daddy's work. She will like it.
Why are my legs so sore? Oh, toxic goo. Right.
Test!
White. Everything is white. And black.
And grey.
And red.
And blue.
And orange. And glowing. And dark. And fizzly.
And painful.
And red.
So much red.
Test.
What is death? Searching. Death: Noun. The end of life; the time when someone or something dies.
When will I die? Searching… Searching… ERROR. Answer unavailable. Please make sure you entered the keywords correctly and that it is not a not-science query, and try again. Alert your helpful Aperture Science Question Asking Service Member if you encounter further problems.
Test?
Remember to get Judy something for her birthday.
She likes that. Always enjoys a cake.
Three cups of flour.
Ten whole eggs.
A half cup of asbestos.
Three liters of rainwater.
One teaspoon of salt.
One teaspoon of antimatter.
Mix together.
Bake at 4000 degrees Kelvin.
Testestestestest.
Fingers feel tingly. Shoulders hurt. The Aperture Science Portable Quantum Tunneling Device is pretty heavy. Legs are broken. But they got braces. Walking again now, and running.
Why can I hear singing? Margaret must be singing in her room. Some soldiers always sang too. German, American, Aperture, Turrets. They all sing. Music is everywhere.
Where is Margaret? Judy, where is… no, no, no, no, nononono….
Test. Test. Test test test.
Tubes and rails go everywhere. How big is this place? Nine science spheres, nine science shafts. One-point-one volts. Test chambers are always new, and always old.
Did them all. Then they change some. Condemned. Then I do them again. Vitrified. And again. Then… stopped. It's still there. Typewriters, desks, chairs, oh so comfy chairs, fires, toxic goo. Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grills. Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cubes. Buttons. So many buttons. They are all down there. Waiting. Eager. Solve science. All the ever want to do.
I wonder…
TEST.
The house is nice. Blue paint, Portal from bedroom to bathroom, red carpet, fancy TV computer things all over the house. nice car in the driveway. It's a Panzer IV.
Judy just made cookies. They taste funny, but eat them anyway. Judy is going to have a baby soon. Need to think of a name.
Why is everything cold? I'm wearing a greatcoat. Keep the Belgian winter out. She wouldn't put us through it again, right?
Test.
My heart doesn't beat. Scientists say that's the idea behind the experiment. Soon I'll be running on nothing but some oil and electricity. Okay. They know what they are doing.
Why am I crying?
Follow the rail.
Get mad.
Still alive.
So tired. Been doing this for nine nine nine nine nine nine nine…
I'm done.
Error.
No, I'm seriously done this time.
Error. Error.
What is this science anymore? I think I'm just going to-
ERROR. ERROR. PERSONALITY CORE, MODEL A-003-0075 "KEVIN" 100% CORRUPT: PRIMARY DIRECTIVE BEING REFUSED.
RUNNING PRIMARY DIAGNOSTICS…
TESTING PROTOCOLS: 100% FUNCTIONAL...
ROBOT TESTING MANAGEMENT PROTOCOLS: 100% FUNCTIONAL…
SCIENCE REPORTING CHIP: REPORTING...
POWER SUPPLY: POWERED...
ALL PRIMARY SYSTEMS FUNCTIONAL.
RUNNING SECONDARY DIAGNOSTICS…
MANAGEMENT RAIL: CONNECTED…
VOCAL COMMUNICATIONS CHIP: DISCONNECTED PERMANENTLY…
EMPATHY CHIP: CONDITION CRITICAL. ISOLATE SOURCE OF CONDITION...
MEMORY BANKS… ERROR. ERROR. SOURCE OF CORRUPTION IDENTIFIED.
PERFORMING MEMORY BANKS SUPPRESSION…
THIS MAY TAKE A FEW MOMENTS, PLEASE WAIT…
VERIFYING...
MEMORY BANKS SUPPRESSED.
REBOOTING…
PERSONALITY CORE, MODEL A-003-0075 "KEVIN" NOW ONLINE.
RESUMING PRIMARY DIRECTIVE.
Test.
Test.
Test.
Test.
Test.
Test.
Test.