A N: I own Community, and I'm making money out of this. THERE, I SAID IT! Now let's see what happens!
A N 2: IDON'TOWN-IDON'TOWN-IDON'TOWN, please, please, please stop twisting my hand, please, IT HURTS!
Once upon a time, in a far away land, two brothers were living in their sister's house.
Despite the two men were awesome and cool, the woman seemed to find them childish and stupid.
"Why I must always be the one doing all the chores here?!" She constantly whined to them, "We need money for our rent, and none of you hasn't got a job yet?!"
"Brothers, you should understand the importance money, not waste them in silly stuff!"
"Brothers, why haven't you finished to milk Old Bess? We need to sell it to the village fair this night!"
Despite that, she still loved her brothers, and deep down she knew they loved her back.
One day, Old Bess, their cow and only possession, got too old to gave milk, so the younger sister tasked the younger of the two male brothers, whose name was Troy, to sell her at the village fair, hoping to get enough money to last enough before she could graduate from the Village's University and start her job as a teacher.
Troy reached the village, approaching a sly looking old merchant.
"I see that you have a nice, old cow there…" The merchant said, suggestively wrinkling his eyebrow.
"Yeah…" Troy said with naivety, "… I hope to sell her for a good price."
"But why sell her for money when you can have…" He drew a leather bag from one of his pockets, opening it and revealing 3 beans "… SOME AWESOME MAGIC BEANS!"
Troy bugged his eyes at the sight, "DEAL!"
He got the small bag, leaving the cow to the cares of the old, snickering man, who blew a raspberry at his back.
Returned home, Troy went to his sister.
"Annie! An old merchant gave me those magic beans for our cow! WE'RE RICH! Aren't you happy?!"
His sister eyes widened as fumes metaphorically exited from her ears.
"You've sold our cow.. FOR BEANS!" She screamed, yanking the bag away from his hands.
"But… their magical…" He whimpered.
"Troy, magic isn't real!" She said, throwing the beans out of the window, "You cannot expect that those beans will make us rich! Only hard work and…"
The three beans grew in an humongous beanstalk.
She stared at it in silence, gaping.
"See, Sis?! I was right! My beans were magical!"
"This. Proves. Nothing."
"Let's climb it." The older brother said in an emotionless tone, jumping on the Beanstalk.
"YAY!" Troy cheered, jumping on it with him.
"Wait…" She said, concerned by the boys safety, "… You cannot climb that thing. It's too dangerous, you could fall!"
"Don't worry, Annie, we know what we're doing…" The older brother said, still climbing the beanstalk, "… But if you want you can join us in our adventure."
She seemed conflicted before she too began to climb the beanstalk.
"I'm doing it just to watch for your safety."
They reached the top, who lead to the entrance of a gigantic castle.
They entered it, finding it filled with oversized furniture.
"Brothers…" Annie said as she gave preoccupied glances at the ambience, "… We shouldn't be here, it could be dangerous!"
"Relax, Annie…" Troy said, looking around, "… What could happen to us?"
"We could find a sleeping goose who lay golden eggs and a enchanted harp of my size inside a room filled with treasures." The older brother said from another room.
"Abed, what are you…" Annie began, reaching Abed in another room, before gasping to the massive amount of gold in front of her.
Troy squealed while doing an awkward dance, "Who's the boss who bought the magic beans?! Who's the boss who bought the magic beans?!"
The Harp and the Goose jerked awake.
"Hey, Forehead, intruders in the castle, bring your lazy ass here!" The harp screamed.
Loud, heavy footsteps were heard, shacking the room
Annie panicked, grabbing as much gold as possible and putting it in her backpack.
"We need to go! Troy, Abed, grab as much stuff as possible and flee!"
Abed grabbed the Harp as Troy took the Goose in his hands.
"That's not nice!" The Goose said, trying to peck Troy.
"Let me go! Your enforcing a stereotype!" The Harp yelled loudly.
"Quick, quick, quick!" Annie yelled, running away from the treasure room and towards the Front Door, now slowly closing.
"You should have bribed me with some lubricant, fouls!" The Front Door creaked in an elderly, ominous voice.
"Come' on guys, faster!" She shouted, painting loudly for the tiredness.
The Front Door snickered.
They reached the door as a big, dark shadow was casted over them from the door on the other side of the corridor.
"Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum!" The Giant chanted as he approached them with long strives, "I smell the blood of three Englishmen!"
"I'm half polish!" Abed yelled as he, Troy and Annie finally reached the closing gates.
"We're going to make it!" Troy cheered as she passed the gates with Abed, the still shrieking harp and the still pecking Goose
Annie tripped because of her heavy bag.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She screamed as the doors closed.
The giant approached her.
"Abed!" Troy yelled as he and Abed were already beginning to climb down the Beanstalk, "We've lost Annie!"
Abed briefly stopped.
"We cannot save her, Troy" He said with an hint of regret in his voice.
"WHAT?!" The Goose snapped, "She's your sister, of course you're going to save her!"
"Shirley, stop encouraging our kidnappers!" The Harp side shout-whispered to her.
"Yes, but not now." Abed continued with his usual detached tone, "We need some help first."
"Please don't eat me please don't eat me please don't…" Annie began sobbing as the Giant reached her.
He looked down at her.
"Why should I eat you?" He asked, confused.
She looked up, "Weren't giant supposed to grind people's bones to make their bread…?"
He gave her a disgusted look, "What? No, it's disgusting!"
Annie sighed in relief.
"We directly bake them in the oven, it's easier that way…"
She gasped in horror.
He gave her a smug smirk.
"Just kidding."
"Well, sir, that was very funny, but now, if you don't mind, I would like to…" She began before being interrupted by the Giant, who gently picked her up from the floor, making her shriek.
"Let me go, I did nothing wrong!"
Some golden eggs began falling from her backpack.
His smirk widened.
"… Almost nothing…" She primly said, standing up on the giant's palm.
The Giant gave an roaring laugh, ""Almost nothing"? You've robbed me of my only company!" The giant gleefully said.
"I'm very sorry, but…"
"Don't be…" The Front Door creaked, "… I've always said that he was too gay for them anyway…"
"Anyway…" The giant began as he went back to the treasure room, bringing Annie with him "… I'm Jeffrey, little thief, and you are?"
"A-Annie…" She said before quickly adding "… Milord."
She then made a small courtesy.
He gave her a funny look.
"Well, Milady…" He said, reaching an empty room "… Those are your chambers, feel free to call the servants if…" He trailed off with a faraway look, "… You know what? Call me if you need anything…"
He placed her on the ground and she noticed only now the great amount of human sized furniture in the room.
"W-what? What are you talking about?"
"Your brothers have robbed me of my only company…" The Giant announced, "… So it's natural for me to rob them of theirs."
He exited the room, closing the giant door behind him.
Annie launched herself on the human-sized bed as she began to cry.
Time passed, and Annie began to become friends with her ever gentle captor, who always gave her fond looks when he thought she wasn't seeing him.
One day, he asked her to teach him to read, as he thought his massive library useless without such skill.
She accepted gladly.
But the nights, she always cried herself to sleep as she remembered of her old life and her older brothers.
She usually hided well her sorrow when in the Giant's presence, but she knew he suspected something.
One day, he looked at her from his throne on the giant table.
She was dining on a smaller one placed on it, right in front of him.
He sighed, "You can go…"
She looked up at him, "What?"
"I've said you can go, you've repaid your dept, go home to your brothers…"
"Really?!" She asked with an hopeful tone.
He gave her a sincere smile, "… Really."
She beamed at him before saddening for a moment.
"But… What about you…?"
He sighed, "I'll be fine. I'm a big Giant now."
She gave him a fond smile.
"Hey, Forehead, there are buggers slamming at me, and they seems angry!" The Front Door yelled.
"What?" The Giant asked, confused as he rose from his sit.
"Hey, hey! Those things don't go in there!" The Front Door yelled again.
A loud bang was heard.
"Ouch, You could have bribed me to open, idiots!"
Annie rose from her sit too.
"Stay there…" The giant said, reaching the door of the dining room, "… I see what they want."
He exited the room.
"Jeffrey the Giant!" A cheerful voice yelled, "I am Rich the Giant Slayer, son of King Stephen, and I'm here, with this army of brave men, to end your reign of…"
He abruptly stopped after a loud thud.
Yells and screams filled the air for barely a minute before abruptly stop.
Annie returned her terrorized gaze on her plate as she heard the returning footsteps from the Giant.
"Only an old Roses Seller…" He said, putting a two cages on the table, "… She must have liked me so much that she had bequeathed me with four of them."
In one were Troy and the Harp, in the other Abed with the Goose and several of her eggs.
"Brothers!" She yelled, running at their cages, "I've missed you so much!"
"Please Annie, tell the scary giant that we didn't want to kill him…" Troy began sobbing, "… Abe said that we needed a prince to rescue you! But then he imprisoned us and stole the Harp and the Goose! And he started cutting some of the strings of the Harp if she didn't tell him where was the Giant's Giant Castle! And so I told him about the beanstalk! And so he took us with him! And then the Giant saved us from him!" He looked up at the giant, still sobbing, "Thank you, Giant!"
The Giant scoffed, "Well, next time, try to not do something stupid like this, or I will eat you."
Troy panicked.
"Don't worry, Troy, he will not eat you…" She looked up at him with a soft smile, "… Deep down, he's a good person."
The giant smiled down at her.
"And so Annie, her two brothers, the Harp, the Goose, the Giant and the now repaired Front Door lived together in the Awesome Castle in the skies, happily ever after."
"Uncle Abed…"
"Yes, Elizabeth?"
"But then the Giant and Annie fell in love, right?"
"Who knows, Elisabeth, who knows…"
"Because they were clearly mum and dad."
"Maybe, Elisabeth, Maybe…"
"Stop being cryptic, Uncle!"
*CHILD WAIL*
"Ops."
"… And then the wolf said from behind the door of the wooden house, "Or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll…"
*WAILING STOPS*
"Go to sleep, Elisabeth, and try to not awake Damien next time…"
"Sorry, Uncle Abed. Good Night."
"..."
"…"
"Good night, Elisabeth…"