Chapter One

His eyes were closed as the harsh winds thrashed around him. His face was numb- everything was numb-he felt nothing, frozen from the inside out, the snow and slush steepening into his veins and its all he felt- cold and numb. He dared to open his eyes and they watered over due to the gust of wind. His vision was greeted with nothing but shades of white. Everything around him was being covered in snow except him, the only black figure standing on what would have been a perfectly white blanket of ice. Realizing this he felt something out of the numbness.

He felt fear; he felt it deep in the bottom of his chest. The fear gripped at him mercilessly. He couldn't breathe, despite the open space around him. The snowstorm continued to envelop him in a numb embrace. The air stung his lungs but he took deep breaths regardless wanting to ebb away the fear that seemed to have penetrated through the numbness of the ice storm. He looked around seeing nothing, no one until he turned around and saw a figure standing at the end of the street. He began to run towards it.

As he ran, he felt his strides grow smaller, his strength receding with every step he took in the slush. The closer he got, the clearer he could see the figure, it was taller than him and it was familiar in beauty and in despair.

"Mother-" he choked out and he heard his own voice, which sounded young and high. It felt like his insides were concaving within itself underneath the disapproving gaze of his mother.

"I don't know what is wrong with you…. I don't know how you turned out to be such a disgrace," she hissed at him as the arctic winds billowed around them. "Not to me, but to you whole entire family… how can you shame all of us?" Now he felt cold but it wasn't because of the snow. Her words were like ice and it choked at him.

"Mama…, " he heard his young voice plea, "Mama please…"

There was a rush of wind and his mother was toppled over yards away and into a heap on the snowy ground. He rushed over to her and with every step he took he felt his legs lengthen; he felt his muscles rebound with strength as he slid to her side.

"Mother?" he said his voice normal and deep again. He swallowed hard and turned her over.

"You said you were going to help me," said the girl sitting on the snowy ground before him as she wept quietly. Her silver eyes looked like two hurricanes as she looked up at him. "How could you?"

"I-" he was at a loss for words as he looked down at the girl. She was fair as snow and her eyes as piercing as the ice around her. Her curtains of ink black hair whipping violently around her thin face as she glared up at him. "I didn't-"

"You left me!" She stood up and pushed him and it seemed as if the wind assist her in throwing him a few yards down. He stumbled and tried to get up, but he was slipping and he was on all fours as the girl approached.

"I didn't!" he shouted over the howling wind as he looked up at her. He felt the guilt swallow him completely, why couldn't the cold numb this? Why was everything else cold and desolate except this? "I just couldn't-"

"You did!" she yelled at him ferociously. She looked like she was the physical representation of despair. "You abandoned me and left me to rot!" she cried as the winds howled and wailed around her. "Now I will do the same to you."

"No!" he yelled, his voice echoed and it was as if the power of his yell made the storm roar one last time and then suddenly stop and everything was still. He looked up and saw nothing but white. He looked to his left, nothing, to his right, nothing.

A sense of panic engulfed him he couldn't breathe. He tried widening his eyes as if willing to see something beyond the layer of white around him. "Please…" he choked out looking around frantically as he got to his feet. "Come back, I didn't mean…I" He couldn't breathe, he felt as if he was being weighed down by the fear, the guilt the…. the loneliness. "Come back…" He looked up at the empty path ahead of him where the girl used to stand.

"COME BACK!"

His eyes snapped open and he sat up instantly as he gasped for air. The room was dark except for the light soft flickering of the lantern on his nightstand. He ran a rough hand through his drenched hair trying to get a grip on himself.

"Padfoot?" grumbled a voice from the semi-darkness. "You al 'right?"

"Yea, go back to sleep Prongs," he said trying to sound calm. His response was a muffled agreement and then a soft snore as his friend went back to sleep. He sighed scrubbing his face with the palm of his hand as he thought back to the girl and how she vanished.

"You abandoned me and left me to rot!"

He laid back down on his bed and turned off the light recalling the voices of his nightmare.

"Now I will do the same to you"

Recalling those words, her voice as shrill and cold as the snowstorm made his eyes sting with guilt. He put his arm over his eyes sighing deeply.

"Fuck"

Note: He really did make a mess of his life didn't he? Let me know what you think, will reply :)