Title: A Desire for his Emotions
A Death Note Doujinshi Oneshot
Pairing: Mello x Near, MxM
Disclaimer: In no way will I ever be able to own Death Note or Death Note's content. If I did, it would be baked in the oven with yaoi goodness.
Warning: This fanfic is rated M for mature audiences.
Yaoi is coming ahead, meaning guys with guys. If you do not want to read about
male x male relationships, read no further! I cannot stress this fact enough.

I shall have you know, once again, that this is in fact, yaoi.

Now here's some yaoi for those who have read the above and are still here!
^o^

- + -

"Pure as Snow: A Desire for his Emotions"

Wammy's House; Midnight
Mello's POV

'Just seeing Near all high and mighty with his emotionless I'm-way-more-intelligent-than-you attitude sent my temper over the line. I couldn't help but notice how he always secluded himself away from the rest of the children, like he thinks he's way too good to play with the rest of us just because he's number one! I don't see how that fucking L-wannabe could be on top of the school, he never even studies!

'So two nights ago I decided to put that little bastard in his place, he needed to know who was the real boss and deserves every single punishment he gets. The whole time I kicked and punched at his hunched form he didn't make a sound, which just ticked me off more than anyone could ever imagine. But because I lost control over myself so easily, I couldn't help but yell out my frustrations, all my complaints, and wanting him to die. At that moment he didn't seem deserving of the life he has.

'When I was finished with the weak albino, I walked out and met face-to-face with my best friend, Matt. Apparently he had heard screaming from Near's room, but the door was locked, so he couldn't get in. Just like always, Matt yelled and scolded at me for my actions against Near. Then he started watching my every move, making sure I wouldn't do it again. What a pain he can be! I felt like a suspect for murder the whole damn time, and if I wasn't caught after I walked out, I might've just been.'

- + -

Everytime I see him it's like a fire ignites in my head that causes my eyebrows to furrow in the center and my teeth to clench, but today I wouldn't dare go near him. I prayed to god last night for blankets upon blankets of snow to cover the ground to where if you walked outside a few feet from Wammy's entrance you'd feel like you just stepped off into a blank white nothingness. To my great surprise, it snowed! Sadly it wasn't as much as I had hoped for, but it was still quite a lot so I was most pleased.

In my excitement I jumped up from my bed without even bothering to tug on a pair of pants or a shirt and woke up my closest friend, Matt, who apparently isn't quite the morning person. Matt has always been there for me when things were tough and he was my only real friend that I have ever had. Since my parents died when I was young, as were they, I never did get any siblings or close friends because I never talked to anyone after I was dropped off here. No one wanted to test out the new kid, and I took it as a good thing though because back then I thought, 'would they really accept my defects?'

"Matt!" I yelled with such delight that no one but Matt would ever see or hear coming from me. "Last night I prayed for a little snow," a huge smile swept across my face with emphasis on the 'little.' "and there's a whole lot of it outside our window!" I couldn't hold in my excitement at all as I tackled Matt on his bed just as he was about to get up. "We need to go out, Matt! Please com with me! Oh, please, please, Please~ !"

He sighed and sat up a little bit but my weight wouldn't let him get up all the way completely. After a few tries and fails at releasing himself from underneath me -although it was obvious he could have easily thrown me off- he smiled and gave up with another sigh from his lips. "If I do go outside in the snow with you, what will you do for me?" asked Matt slyly as ever. It was one of his good points about his personality.

"Well..." I began with a smile, this was one of my favorite games of his and mine that we play. "What do you desire the most?" I asked with a smirk on my face and half-lidded eyes.

This particular game always started with a plea from one of us and the other would ask how far would the other go in means of pleasing to get what he wanted from the said person. Of course, this game is just as naughty as it sounds in all the means of sexual desire and pleasure. Mostly it would turn into sex, or a blow, whatever the one who was asked of something wanted at the time. Although we played this game with much enthusiasm I wasn't sure if I liked the game itself, or the person involved and the actions that were done with each other. In other words, I wasn't really sure myself what my sexual orientation was.

Matt pretended to look up with a complex thought in his head. "I'm not quite sure, Mello. It is pretty early, so what is Mello willing to do?" His face was all smiles of enjoyment at our way of talking this over like he had it all planned out although it always led to my decision because he always saw me as his superior, someone to follow, a leader. It was dead obvious, he had a way of not hiding anything.

I copied his moves and smiled as I knelt on top of him so my lips went down to meet with his in a rough kind of fashion. His lips always tasted of either chewing gum or cigarettes from his bad habit and how he tries to deal with it when the teacher's and Wammy staff are watching. With a meeting of our tongues I explored his mouth as he followed what I did, and both of us gained more excitement in a contrasting way to my feelings towards the snow: lustful kisses and innocent joy. "How about I give you the night of your life?" I whispered sweetly in his ear.

He stayed silent and a blush crept across his face even though he was probably already used to my ways of seduction. I decided to use this moment of interest to my better use.

"But first the snow!" I exclaimed excitedly as I jumped up from his bed and out the door. Before turning away I faced Matt again. "Don't make me wait."

With a smile that would have been perfect for loyal dog or servant he replied, "Never."

Satisfied, I grinned and ran out to the direction of my room to grab a warm fluffy black coat and my regular wears then the public bathroom for the showers. This was probably the best day I've had all month! Near always seemed to bring down my mood greatly and it disturbed me just how perfect he looked out on his surface. It always tickled my curiosity about what would really make this seemingly perfect child tick. Maybe I'd find out someday, maybe not, but there was no harm for me in trying.

After getting all washed up for the day and dressed with dry clothes I snuck my way out to the front entrance of Wammy's to meet up with Matt since it wasn't allowed that any orphans went outside unless it was for recess which was the greatest time of the day in my opinion.

Looking in all directions to make sure Linda, any of the orphans, staff, or Roger was anywhere near I slowly opened the front door and stepped out into the cold winter weather. Next I had to either wait or look for Matt which would probably be pretty easy seeing as everything is snow white and Matt has bright red hair. The snow crumbled underneath my feet as I walked across the snow and spotted my red-headed best friend. "Matt!" I called out with a wave.

In response he waved back with a smile and ran over to where I walked closer and closer to him. "Mello!" He exclaimed happily. "We should go clear off that bench next to the tree over there! I bet we could reach up to the trees and climb up a little easier so we could see the rest of the snow." My red-headed friend was way more excited than he had appeared earlier in his room. "That is, if you'd like." he added with a little embarrassment at his childlike behavior.

With a grin I replied back, "Then let's go!" Then I took his hand and ran over with him shortly lagging behind through the snow. His shoots were not the best for this type of weather and neither were mine, but they were better. At least our shoes didn't soak up the wetness of the snow. If it did, we would have been caught later on for sure!

The bench Matt had indicated had been there since the founding of this orphanage by Mr. Watari himself and most likely it would stay that way according to how steadily it still stood throughout all the harassment of weather and kids it's been put through. What a poor bench and somehow it felt like I was related to such an inanimate object in a way.

We began our work slowly, thinking it was going to be easy to get to the wood but the snow was caked and ice hid beneath it as we pushed off more and more of the fluffy substance. Even though it wasn't quite fun, we always changed things around to suit to our better taste and advantage, so with a snowball in-hand I flung it out as fast as I could at Matt.

"Bah!" shouted out the startled Matt. "Jesus christ!" he cried out with laugh as he scooped up his own snowball and shot it back, which I blocked. Matt's bad smoking habit got in the way of physical education classes so he wasn't quite athletic and his gaming didn't help to add to his physical capabilities although he always passed the exams when they came.

Our laughter echoed across the landscape and our noses went red with cold but we didn't care at all. It was like nothing could get in our way, nothing bad could happen at this moment, but I spoke too soon. A soft noise sounded behind me and Matt looked up with a little bit of shock on his face. Instantly I freaked out, afraid we had been caught although it wouldn't be the first.

I turned around as quickly as I had thrown the snowballs earlier at Matt to face who had made the noise, my worst enemy, Near. 'He would definitely tell! I don't need this to ruin my day! If he ruins mine, I'll wreck his, no matter what Matt says.'

"What the fuck are you looking at?" I snarled at the small boy, I couldn't help letting out this tone. It was just who I was and he pissed me off to no other extreme that I could think of.

"Mello..." whined Matt behind me. Of course he would, Matt didn't like my quick temper, nor did he enjoy my harsh words that I used daily to everyone I disliked, but Near especially.

I couldn't help but snap back with, "Shut up." I'd probably regret that later, but right now he wasn't who I wanted to hear, and I was in no mood for his whining because of my so called 'ill behavior.' "So what the hell do you think you're doing, huh?"

But he didn't and my anger grew every second he kept up his stupid silence. I completely lost it.

My hands reached out and violently thrusted his small frail shoulders back and forth, nearly knocking his ligaments out of place. "SPEAK DAMNIT!!" I yelled with spit shooting from my mouth and anger far beyond normality. "WHY THE HELL WON'T YOU SPEAK?!"

Just then, Matt grabbed onto me, scolding me, yelling out at me, but it took a while to register his words. "Mello. stop!" his hands got in between both Near and I. "Knock it off! Now!" I could feel his arms trying to pull me away but his gamer hands did no good, I had a far stronger grip and all I could see was red and that little albino.

Then my eyes went wide, but it wasn't what I felt before. My fury had ended and it was now replaced with confusion and astonishment; he was smiling. Near showed emotion, and he was smiling at the harassment he was given! 'Does Near like pain? Is he a... masochist?' He smiled for a while longer and seemed to be lost into a different world until he realized himself that he was grinning and immediately went back to his blank stare though I guessed it was simply to hide what he was truly feeling. 'So does Near really have emotion? What's his motive to conceal whatever his emotion is? Does he not like having emotions? Does he not want people to see his as he is? Ugh... too many hypothesizes and not enough time.'

With a sigh I slumped my shoulders and gave up any hope of trying to figure this out for the moment. "Whatever you're trying to hide inside yourself," I began with a try at a mature tone and spoke from experience. "will eventually burst out if you keep it locked-up for so long." I thought that just telling Near that he didn't have to be fake would be enough for now to get him to move on and set off back to Wammy's house.

Matt must have been a little stunned from my words because he stayed where he stood for a while before calling out "Wait up!" and running in my direction to catch back up to me.

Like I said before he was my best friend and he knew me better than anyone else, including my past, so he knew what I said just now was right. Someday, Near would explode, and a part of me wished that when that day came, he would come to me. Then a loud sound that echoed outside but was probably silenced from the inside reached my ears. It wasn't recognizable as any word I knew until I heard it the second time, my name.

As instantly as I had heard my name the second time I whipped around in the direction I had left the small boy. "Near!" I called out with fear that he might have gotten himself hurt, was ready to open up, or was in some kind of danger. "Matt! Go back to Wammy's and get help!" As I spoke quickly I still faced Near's direction and ran off. "Hurry!" I yelled at Matt.

"I'll be right back!" called back Matt as he ran in Wammy's front door's direction.

Any trouble we get in would be far less worse than what could happen to Near. If I remember correctly, he wasn't quite dressed for such weather and was still dressed in pajamas. "Near!" I called out, hoping for an answer, but there was no response. "Near!" I tried again, but still nothing of his voice was heard. Then when I finally made it to where I was before I saw a crumpled figure on the ground that had been quickly covered in heavy buckets of snow. "Near!" I cried with tears in my eyes. "Near!"

I fell to the ground instantly into the snow from my own stupid mistake of being to rushed. Even though I had crashed right through the soft padding into hard ice I struggled back up and tried with all my might to pick up Near. Surprisingly he was lighter than I thought and I wondered if he ate right and fed himself correctly, or if he was just really small, it was hard to figure it out since his pajamas were so huge on him.

Without further adieu, I held Near behind my back and wrapped his arms around my neck with his legs strapped to my hands in a death grip. My first try to stand was difficult, and I almost fell back down, but eventually I was walking through the snow to Wammy's door which was incredibly far with a person on my back. His bodice was as slim as a girl's and I blushed a little when I realized his lower regions rubbed against my back. I also didn't think of this when I tried picking him up because I was overly worried, but he was surprisingly cute in his sleeping state and the rubbing of his groin was turning me on. I did my best to hold it in with hopes of Matt later on tonight like we had planned.

It took a while, but I reached the door which was opened for me by Matt that had gotten the nurse.

When she saw Near she gasped and asked, "Is he all right?" Her expression was kind of funny in a way because she had a mole beneath her nose that reminded me greatly of a movie I had seen that dealt with a strange guy that went around time to stop this other bald guy that had a mini him and a son he didn't care for at all.

"I don't know." I replied, and I really didn't. "I heard him call my name earlier, you see, and I was worried something happened to him so I ran back for him and saw him laying in the snow. I carried him on my back the entire way and he needs to see the infirmary now!" The last sentence I had snapped at her, but I didn't really mean to.

The next thing I knew, Near was in bed next to me in one of the infirmary rooms' beds, sleeping away. His face was so serene and much more colored since he had warmed up some from the layers of blankets that covered him from head to toe. As I listened to his soft breathing and his inhales and exhales repetitively, I couldn't help but fall into a trance just by looking at him and shortly joined him in the realm of dreams.

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To Be Continued...