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Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit.
"Not a word," said Kili.
Fili trying hard not to laugh ( only because he needed to talk), said, "How did you even get there?"
He was lying flat on his stomach staring down at his brother.
"Does it matter?" Kili asked furiously. "Just get me out of here!"
Fili considered. "No really, I think it matters."
"Get me out of here!" Kili roared at him. Fili looked down at him almost impressed. "Did you channel Thorin there?" he asked.
"Fili son of Fain," said his little brother, with infinite patience, "If you don't get me out of here, then I will find a way out of here and trust me you do not want to be in that position."
Fili considered this, then, "I can run faster than you can."
"I have a long-distance weapon," Kili hissed.
"It's currently being occupied," Fili pointed out.
"When I get out," Kili told him witheringly, it no longer will be."
"Hmmm," said Fili, "You're not wrong." He pulled back contemplated his choice of action.
He contemplated it so long, curses began to rise up from the well in which his little brother was currently stuck in, hanging from his bow which had ben wide enough to jam into the well's walls, thus saving his brother from a drop into knee deep mud. The well had been abandoned some time ago. Had that not been the case he would have been hauling Kili up form there before his brother even had the chance to ask him. But Kili had nothing to fear save excruciating embarrassment and it was not as if his bother hadn't faced that and survived.
"Fili!" Kili yelled. "I'm slipping!"
Fili stuck his head over the edge to see one of Kili's hands slipping from the bow. Kil looked at him pleading, eyes wide and vulnerable. He sighed. Kili was faking the vulnerable look and he knew it. Didn't stop him from being a sucker.
"You owe me a drink," he grumbled and reached down and grabbed the hand still on the bow and yanked at it. He managed to drag Kili up far enough that the younger dwarf was able to reach the rim of the well and help himself up onto the ground, along with his poor bow.
Unfortunately, Kili yanked so hard on his arm, Fili tipped over and they both fell into the well.
There was a loud disgusting squelch and the two dwarves found themselves knee deep in mud. Fili sighed.
"Next time," Fili told him, "Get yourself out. Better yet, don't get yourself into this." He paused, "How did you get here?"
Kili straightened up and whacked him with his bow. "That's for taking so long."
"I saved you," Fili said, "At least I tried to. You threw us both down."
"Well if you weren't so top heavy this wouldn't have happened."
"I am not top heavy."
"If you wore your swords around your waist like normal people…."
"Oh shut it." A pause. "How are we going to get out of here?"
"How should I know?" asked Kili. "As demonstrated earlier, I am not much good at getting out of wells."
"Well if you aren't going to offer up some ideas you should at last told me how you got down here."
Kili leaned back against the well wall. "I'm not telling you. My wounded dignity will be soothed by the fact that this mystery will plague for the rest of your life."
The bad thing, Fili thought, was that it would plague him for the rest of his life. Kili did not need to know this. He looked over at his brother. Who was he kidding? Kili already knew this.
"I'll buy you a pint of ale if you tell me," he offered.
"I'll buy you a pint of ale if you figure out how to get us out of here," Kili said, "Minus the story."
Fili considered and then sighed. Looks like he was going to get plagued for the rest of his life.
"Can you shoot from in here?" he asked.
Kili considered. "It'll be a bit tight but yeah."
"Good, shoot your arrows up. Somebody ought to notice."
"You're kidding," said Kili. "That' your plan?"
"Do you want to stay here until the mud worms become one with our legs." Asked Fili.
Kili squirmed. "I hate parasites," he hissed. After a moment, he pulled an arrow free and shot it out the well.
They both watched the arrow sail out fly high into the air and then arched and fell nearby.
"If that was supposed to kill me," a familiar voice said from above them, "You failed completely."
Both the young dwarves looked up into the impassive face of their uncle.
"Thorin," said Fili jovially after an awkward and horrified pause.
"You're stuck," said Thorin flatly.
Fili deflated. "Yeah."
Thorin sighed. "I'll be back."
Fifteen minutes later, the dwarves were hauling themselves up via a rope Thorin had let down for them.
"When they were safely up, Thorin looked at them and said, "Do I really want to know?"
"Do you want more silver hairs?" Kili asked innocently.
Thorin narrowed his eyes at him. Then considered. "No."
"Good," said Kili. "We can just chalk this up to one of those mysteries."
"So long," said Thorin, "As we don't have more of these mysteries."
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