Sitting at her vanity, Rachel turned her head from side to side, examining her profile. With the help of her friends, she decided not to go through with her plan to have reconstructive rhinoplasty in order to streamline her nose. She was all right with the decision.
On stage, wearing a shirt inscribed with NOSE and singing with the others, she publicly embraced her imperfection and it had been extremely cathartic. Still, she couldn't help but think that the world would be easier to navigate if she were a little more traditionally beautiful, like Quinn.
Quinn, who had re-invented herself and now had everyone eating out of her little hands. She obviously embodied the ideal and that was enough to cause others to overlook.
Take Finn for example. He was willing to forgive Quinn for cheating on him, for sleeping with Noah and lying to him about the baby, but he couldn't forgive her for kissing Noah. Clearly, he didn't see the hypocrisy of his choice and actions.
She was startled by a knock on her door. "Yes?" she asked, turning to face the entry and smiling when her daddy swung the door open.
"Sweetheart, Noah's here to see you," he said, ushering the boy into the room with a smile.
Rachel hadn't been expecting him, but she noted his dejected demeanor as he said, "Thanks, Mr. Berry."
Daddy nodded, walking away but leaving the door ajar.
"To what do I owe this surprise, Noah," she asked as he sat on the foot of her bed, resting his elbows on his knees.
"You know Lauren's running for prom queen, right?"
The non sequitor made her blink, but Rachel prided herself on being able to follow seemingly random lines of thought. "Yes," she replied with a nod. "Competition is a good thing."
"No argument there," he agreed, then looked up at her with troubled eyes. "She freaking loves competition. And apparently being with me was dragging her down. Said the other students would assume a vote for her meant having to vote for me as king and no one wanted to vote for the guy who tosses people into dumpsters. I stopped doing that! Well, okay, Jewfro went into the trash last week, but that was an exception. So she broke up with me."
"Oh, Noah, I'm sorry," Rachel said, rising to step over to the bed and sit beside him to pat his back consolingly. "I know you really liked her. Are you all right?"
He shrugged. "Yeah. I mean, I'm not happy, but…It just sucks, you know? Never being good enough. Shit, I hate talking about this stuff. I was going to go to the liquor store but I found myself on your porch. Weird."
Rubbing comforting circles on his back, Rachel said, "I'm glad you came here instead of drinking yourself into a stupor and doing something stupid."
"You know me too well," he said, quirking a wry shadow of a smile at her.
With an exasperated huff, she said, "Well, I should hope so. I'd like to think we're friends."
"Course we're friends," he mumbled and she let her head rest against his shoulder.
"I know how you feel though," she sighed. "We're a bit alike in that way. Everyone sees our faults and glossed over the good parts. I think that's a part of why I want a nose job. Quinn basically said that if you're pretty enough on the outside, people bend over to be nice to you."
The muscles in his shoulder tensed slightly under her cheek. "I thought you didn't want a nose job anymore," he said, seeming glad to have something other than his feelings about his failed relationship to think about.
Looking across the room, Rachel saw her reflection looking back at her and sighed. "I said I'm not going to have one, not that I don't want one," she said, touching her nose, then glancing at his troubled expression. "Don't worry, Noah, much to the distress of my Type A personality, I have realized I'm never going to be someone's perfect girl. I have no plans to alter my noses distinctive appearance."
"Good," he said forcefully and met her eyes in the mirror. "'Cause you're hot, you know? Fuckin' beautiful, Rachel."
"Thank you, Noah," she murmured, blushing. He'd called her hot before, but the beautiful bit was new. It was nice, but she knew he was trying to make her feel better. He was always sweet when they were alone together. "I made brownies earlier. Would you like one?"
He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "When have I ever turned down your cooking?"
A few days later, Rachel sat with Kurt, Mercedes and Sam, discussing song choices for Nationals. She was feeling good, but perhaps not her usual dauntless self. Around them, the couples were being all lovey dovey and cute while Santana and Lauren were insulting each other. Noah was having a quiet talk with Mr. Shue, who looked a bit troubled but was nodding.
All in all, it was a fairly normal practice.
"All right," Mr. Shue called out, calling the practice to order…or perhaps it was better to say calling it to slightly less disorder. The sounds of separate conversations quieted down as Noah drifted over to the band, nodding to them and picking up his guitar. "Okay, today we're going to talk about our song list for Nationals, but first Puck would like to play something for us."
Everyone turned to look over at Noah as he finished whispering to the musicians, clearly curious. Usually, when Noah got up to sing, he was singing to someone. And it was always good.
"Made a wrong turn, once or twice,
Dug my way out, blood and fire,
Bad decisions, that's alright,
Welcome to my, silly life.
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood,
Miss, no it is all good,
It didn't slow me , always second guessing,
Under-estimated, look I'm still around.
Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel,
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect,
Pretty ,pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fuckin' perfect to me."
The first few lines he sung accompanied only by his guitar, then the others joined in. Rachel drew a quick breath as his eyes met hers and she realized he was again serenading her in front of the entire club. In front of their friends and ex-significant others (save Jesse…and Noah's cougars) and he was singing a song that meant something to her.
"You're so mean (You're so mean), when you talk (when you talk)
About yourself, you were wrong,
Change the voices (change the voices) in your head (in your head),
Make them like you instead,So complicated, look how we all make it,
Filled with so much hatred,
Such a tired enough, I've done all i can think of,
Chased down all my demons,
Lets see you do the same,
(ohh ohhhh)
Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel,
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect,
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever fee
lLike you're nothing, you're fuckin' perfect to me.
The whole worlds scared, so I swallow the fear,
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer,
So cool in line, and we try, try, try, but we try too hard,
Its a waste of my time,
Done looking for the critics, cos' they're everywhere,
They don't like my jeans, they dont get my hair,
Estrange our selves and we do it all the time,
Why do we do that?, why do I do that?,
(why do I do that?)"
Most of the club joined in on the chorus with Noah and Rachel felt Kurt nudge her conspirital. He, along with everyone else, knew Noah was singing to her. She felt the smile splitting her face and the sting of pleased tears in her eyes. Sure, she'd been sung to in the past, by Noah, Finn and Jesse, but this was different.
He was singing to build her up, publicly declaring that he thought she was perfect as she was. When she thought about it, it wasn't much of a stretch. During the brief period when they dated (and after), Noah never tried to change her into what he wanted her to be. He accepted her, her ambitions, the way she dressed, even her vegan diet.
"(Yeaaaaah)
(Ohhhh)
(Oh pretty, pretty plee-ohhhh)
Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel,
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect,
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel,
Like you're nothing, you're fuckin' perfect to me,
(Yeaaah)
(you're perfect, your perfect)
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel,
Like you're nothing, you're fuckin' perfect to me."
He hadn't sung to her to apologize or be romantic. He was singing to boost her self confidence. Something everyone always thought she had way too much of.
It was a good feeling and she rose to toss her arms around Noah who hugged her tight and whispered, "Don't forget, okay?"
She nodded, and saw the smiles from the majority of the club. Mr. Shue looked proud, Lauren and Santana unsurprised and Kurt mouthed something at Mercedes that looked like IPuckleberry 2.0?/I. Finn was the only person looking unhappy, as he seemed to be glaring at Noah, until Quinn, who had seemed happy, elbowed him in the ribs.
Noah seemed to be ignoring Finn and took a seat with her as they got down to the business of their Nationals set list. At the moment, she felt like there was no chance of any outcome but one that found them winning. She grinned at Noah and squeezed his hand.
It was amazing how quickly one's outlook could change, just knowing someone cared.
Comments, pretty please?