Disclaimer: ...Are you even serious? T.T

7 Things by Miley Cyrus -- SasuSaku

And the seventh thing I hate the most that you do

You make me love you

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"Stop it Sasuke! He was undressed because I was treating a huge wound that would take his life if I didn't take care of it this instant!" Haruno Sakura tried to hold back Uchiha Sasuke from pummelling a now trembling Chuunin patient the former was previously treating. "NARUTO!"

"You called, Your Highness?" Uzumaki Naruto rushed into the room, panting just ever so slightly, for he was just flirting with a nurse in the wing opposite the one they were in, and therefore ran in fear of being pounded to death.

"Stop the names, Naruto. Could you take this very well-behaved guest we have outside to cool his very temperamental head off?" the medic-nin asked, using sarcasm as a means of getting it across to both her former teammates that she was infuriated, fuming, irate.

"Aye, aye, Sakura-chan!" Naruto saluted, then proceeded to approach the now prepared-to-kill-with-a-single-glare Uchiha. "Come on, teme, don't get Sakura-chan fired, now. She promised to treat me to ramen when I finish my next mission without a scratch. If she doesn't have a job, how do you think Sakura-chan is going to pay for my ramen?!"

"Hn," the raven-haired man answered, whilst being dragged away by his virtual brother. "This isn't over, punk," Sasuke threatened, glowered at the Chuunin who has now fully recovered from his fear of the Uchiha.

"Who're you calling punk… Duck-butt?" the Chuunin taunted, smirking. Sasuke and Naruto stopped in their tracks, while Sakura merely frowned, already anticipating the outcome of the situation. Her prediction is that this would not be pretty. And by 'this', she meant the Chuunin.

Sasuke turned around, a deep scowl on his face. Naruto gulped. "Oh no, he didn't."

"…. Call me duck-butt… One more time," Sasuke challenged, his scowl turning into a challenging smirk.

The Chuunin opened his mouth to respond, but Naruto was quick to act. "Yo, dude. You might not want to repeat the…Word."

"Why the hell not? And don't call me dude, we're not friends." The Chuunin then turned to Sasuke, his own poor excuse for a smirk on his face. "Duck-butt."

As soon as the offensive word was out of the Chuunin's mouth, Sakura sped forward to stop Sasuke. In two minutes flat, Sakura was thrown gently aside to Naruto, and the Chuunin promptly acquired a reopened gash in his front, a black-eye, a few hundred bruises, and a new, much bigger laceration just above the previous one.

"Sakura-chan! Your teammate just beat me up!" the Chuunin tried to get Sakura on his side, but failed, since the pink-haired woman was red in the face, a glower in place.

"Sakura-chan?! Sakura?! Chan?! Sakura?!" the Haruno seethed, walking rapidly to where the Chuunin was sitting in a pool of his own blood. "How dare you call me just Sakura?! We're not close, dammit, I don't even talk to you unless you're dying of wounds you get through stupid ways, meaning when you're not even training or on a fucking mission!" Sakura then turned her back on the Chuunin and walked towards Sasuke, touching said man's arm lightly. "And just for the record, he's not my teammate anymore, he's my fiancé, you dolt. The three of us have our own ANBU squads, we're barely on each other's teams. Keep breathing, I'm going to call another nurse to tend to the wounds you deserve. Angering an Uchiha, really…. They just promote anyone to a higher rank these days… I'll make sure to reprimand shishou about this tomorrow…"

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"Ero-sennin, Ero-sennin!" Naruto bounded across the rooftops overlooking the hot springs, looking for his perverted mentor, who was at the time peeking at the women bathing, brushing accusations of the deed off as 'research'.

"How many times do I have to tell you Naruto, don't call me that! I'm not peeking, I'm researching!" Jiraiya scolded his latest student, growling when the women he was erm, 'researching' heard Naruto and abruptly left the water. "Now look at what you've done! You made my new inspiration go away. You need to find me new ones."

"Well, how about this? What I'm going to tell you is intense! Plus, I'm not making any of this up. This really happened, and I was an eyewitness!" Naruto cheered, glee in his eyes, a grin spread wide over his features.

Jiraiya raised a sceptical eyebrow, giving his pupil a once-over. "Show me what you got, kid."

"Not show, tell," Naruto replied, giving his teacher a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows.

"Show, tell, show and tell, I don't care, just get to the damn point!"

"If you're going to be like that, then I refuse to tell!" the ramen-loving teen retorted, folding his arms high up over his chest and looking away, a pout visible on his face.

"Tell me already, dammit, or I will Rasengan your ass to Suna."

"…. Sasuke and Sakura."

"….So?"

Naruto's jaw decided to drop just then, and he asked, yelling, "What do you mean 'so'?! This is Sasuke-teme we're talking about here, Ero-sennin!"

"Sasuke and Sakura. What about them? They've been going out for months, heck, years! Who cares what they do?" Jiraiya asked, dubious.

"Well, they got into a fight, then -- "

"Say no more! I'm interested! Wait, let me get into a fresh page…. Alright! Start all over again, Naruto!" Jiraiya exclaimed, two small pink ovals appearing on his cheeks.

"Well, as I was saying, Sasuke-teme got into a fight in the hospital, and when they got home, Sakura-chan got mad at Sasuke-teme, since," Naruto promptly initiated his imitation of his friends' voices, "'He's going to cost Sakura-chan her job, however good she might be at being a medic,' and how 'he shouldn't have beaten up the Chuunin she was treating in the first place,' and -- "

"Okay, okay, I got that part, Naruto. But seriously, there's nothing kinky about a lover's quarrel when all they do is yell at each other," Jiraiya interjected, wanting to get to the …. inspiration he had been looking for for a few weeks now.

"Alright, alright. Anyway, Sasuke-teme retaliated with a 'well, he was hitting on you,' which I totally agree with, and Sakura-chan was all 'I would've been able to defend myself if the occasion ever came up, you know,' and then suddenly Sasuke was kissing Sakura-chan -- "

"That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!" Jiraiya interrupted, but Naruto just continued mimicking his friends' voices, completely ignoring the Sannin's comments.

" -- And then they were all over each other, and the clothes were flying everywhere, and then there were moans and groans and I swear I saw some handcuffs --"

"Wait, wait, backtrack, Naruto. They did it with you watching? They were okay with that?" Jiraiya asked, hoping the answer would be in the affirmative, so he can go ask them if he could watch sometime.

"Who said they knew I was there?"

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A/N: Wow. Okay, so that's the first one in my collection. Just so you know, this is the only one I've finished so far. And since I'm working on three, four, five pieces at the same time -- Don't ask how I do that; I'm magical. -- I won't be updating this in a lot of weeks. But maybe my updates will go faster if you… REVIEW?

...And if anyone can tell me where the 'Call me duck-butt one more time' line came from, I'll update even faster.

P.S. If anyone knows a better title, review me. Or PM me. Review's better. Yeah, do that. If you know a better title, review. Ciao!