Disclaimer: I don't own D.Gray-Man.

A/N: Hmm, has some references to sex, but there is no sex scene or anything like that.

Komui whistled cheerfully has he walked down the hallway. Not only had he been able to avoid paperwork he had also been gifted with an idea for a new, brilliant (and shiny) machine. Oh ho he loved his mind! He giggled to himself, as he began to skip, coffee in his hand and ideas bubbling in his mind. He stopped when he heard muffled voices from behind a door.

"I'm telling you its size."-pant, pant- Allen? What was he talking about? Wanting to hear more, Komui pressed his ear against the door and shamelessly began to eavesdrop.

"It's not size,"-pant- "its length." Hmm, so Ravi was in there to.

"Isn't" -pant- "it thickness?" Crowley as well? Komui didn't really like where this conversation was going. . .

"What? Thickness has nothing to do with it!" -pant- "Besides, you don't hear it getting admired for thickness, do you?" pant

"That can be said about size as well. What's,"-pant-"the point if its size is too big, hmm? Then what Allen?" -pant- "Thickness is important; but not as much as length!" My, my, Komui thought, our exorcists sure do have dirty minds, then again they are young men. Komui shrugged to himself and continued to listen in.

"Isn't length and size the same thing?"

"No, length is how long it is, size is how big it is. Which brings me to the point of why size isn't all that matters;" -pant- "no point of using it if you can't even lift it." What?! Lift it? Well, somebody in there must have been greatly endowed.

"Size!" -pant-

"Length!" pant-

"Thickness!" -pant, pant-

"...Alright, since we can't decide," -pant-"we'll ask someone else. Miranda! Which one do you think it is?" Komui almost dropped his coffee. Miranda? What on earth as she doing in there? And in such a conversation!

"Umm, I thought it was talent and skill that was most needed." Girl must have been getting more than he thought, funny, he didn't consider Miranda (of all people) would be the type.

"Great, instead of getting an answer we get another variable!"-pant- "Brilliant, just brilliant." Ravi sure was taking this hard.

"Hn, would you idiots shut up! I'm trying to concentrate over here!" Kanda as well?! Strange, Komui was almost certain Kanda as asexual or at least celibate.

"But Yuu!"-pant- "We have to," -pant- "know the answer to this! It's important to history, and to men everywhere!" -pant- "We must figure this out!"

"Isn't it everything?" Now here Komui turned as pale as a ghost. Linalee?! What was his precious little sister doing in the midst of this dirty talk? Surely it would destroy her pure mind! Shocked as he was, he didn't miss what was uttered next.

"She's right you know, you need talent, size, thickness and length. Pity you idiots couldn't figure that out." Komui could literately hear Kanda's smirk. Suddenly, terrible thought assaulted his mind, there was a lot of panting going on, on the other side of that door- what where they- oh, Lord! What if they were having orgies! What if they were defiling his poor little sister and she was too scared to say anything?! Komui quickly changed into B.B.M. (Big Brother Mode) and brought out a giant drill from who-knows-where. With a strength no one would expect from someone as lean as him, he slammed the door open, causing it to ricochet slightly as he stepped into the room, waving his drill wildly in all direction, while he let out a below:

"PREPARE TO DIE, YOU SICK, DISGUSTING, COWARDLY WORMS-" He cut himself off when he actually saw the occupants off the room.

Sweaty, with their clothes and hair rumpled, all looking at him in some degree of shock, but none where unclothed and he didn't smell sex in the air, plus they were all holding-

Swords.

There was silence.

Finally, after what felt like forever, someone spoke.

"Komui," Kanda began, "what the hell is you're problem? Can't you see I'm trying to teach these morons how to wield a sword? Not that it matters, you're all terrible at it."

Several 'what's?!' and a 'well, of course we're terrible, we are beginners.' were uttered before Komui finally came up with an excuse.

"Ah, I was just seeing what your reactions would be; and now that I have seen them I shall be leaving; oh and by the way, DO NOT DEFILE ANY INNOCENTS, FOR I WILLKNOW that is all bye, bye now!" And just like that, he left the room, which as actually the dojo.

Again there was silence in the room, before Kanda snorted.

"That idiot should learn not to eavesdrop."

End.

So? Was it funny? Did make you laugh? Shake your head at the stupidity? Look at the computer screen and say to yourself "So this is what crap looks like!" Whatever your reaction was, I hope it wasn't a waste of your time.