Powerless
I see it happen right before my very eyes: limbs entangled, bodies sweating, mouths agape. It is a display of raw, unrestrained lust- no more, no less. They are getting it on right there, on the couch, like there are no witnesses. They only have eyes for each other. Their voices are loud, their moans even louder. Hands are clawing at glistening skin; nails are leaving scratches; teeth are creating bitemarks. There is not a trace of love in it, only an insatiable need for carnal pleasure. I can feel it just by looking.
The air is thick with the musky scent of sex. With the lights turned off, the setting sun is the only source of light as it bathes them in reddish hues. My shadow looms over the floor, but they do not seem to notice. Their mouths smash together urgently and I can hear the clashing of teeth. Saliva spills down their chins.
This is not what I expected to see when I opened the door. Worse still, it is the last thing I expected.
Before long, they break the sloppy kiss and the one on top pushes himself up. I recognize his face immediately. Just the sight of him is enough to make my stomach turn.
A sickening smile plays on his lips.
"So good," I hear him say. He sounds out of breath, but continues nonetheless. "I have been waiting so long for this. It feels like a dream come true."
A dream? More like a nightmare. If only I could pinch myself to get rid of that revolting sight. If only it were that simple, but it is not. As unreal as it feels, it is all very real: the fucking, the kissing, the gasps and moans. I want to block it all out. I do not want to see any of it, but something keeps me from looking away. My body is completely rooted, like my feet are lead weights that are too heavy to lift.
It is too late. There is nothing I can do but watch. Nothing can undo what is happening right now. I never knew what powerlessness felt like, but now I feel it so strongly. It is terrifying.
They say that the first reaction to betrayal is blaming yourself and trying to think of mistakes you have made. It always seemed stupid to me that anyone would react in such a way and yet I catch myself wondering if I have neglected his needs without knowing.
"I'm... close..."
It is a different voice, but a familiar one. He sounds drunk in lust. The pressure in my chest rises, like my heart is being crushed. Does he really not care who it is as long as they give him what he wants?
I thought my love meant something to him. Apparently I was wrong all along.
A sudden noise cuts through the moans, the sound of metal clinking against something hard. It brings the act to a halt as I see them freeze. They both raise their heads, four eyes staring in my direction. I look down and realize that I have dropped my car keys.
My eyes shift to their faces. They both look equally shocked to see me.
"Usagi-san?" says the voice that I know so well. There is a hint of disbelief in it.
I feel a bitter smile tug at my lips.
"I'm home."