Characters: Sakura, Naruto
Summary: Wake up.
Pairings: onesided SasuSaku, maybe
Author's Note: Yeah, it's a bit AU if you want to quibble about technical details. Just please try to enjoy it regardless.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
I wanted to tell you, you know; I really did. It hadn't been my intent from the get-go to try to feed you the most pathetic lie and expect you to lap it up. I know you, Naruto; you're an idiot but you've never been stupid. I'm still not a very good liar anyway; four years of being a shinobi hasn't cured me of that.
When we found you amidst the snow, I was going to tell you everything, no matter how much it upset you. We had talked it out; Kiba advocated complete honesty from the start, and eventually Lee and Sai supported it too. Akamaru found you so quickly that I had barely had enough time to overcome my nervousness.
Then I saw you. Everything fell apart from there. That's how I ended up where I am right now: alone, the unconscious bodies of my teammates behind me (I had to work long and hard to find something that would knock out three men but wouldn't kill a dog), speeding towards what will either be Sasuke's death or mine.
(There, I've done it. I've said his name without attaching "kun" to the end. Are you happy now?)
When I saw you at the hotel in the Land of Iron, I knew you wouldn't understand. I could tell from the gleam in your eyes; if and when I told you that we were going to kill Sasuke you wouldn't understand. You'd protest, scream and shout, maybe even cry.
More than anything, I was hoping you wouldn't believe me when I told you that I was in love with you. Yes, I was hoping for that. I hoped you'd be able to see straight through me and part of me… Part of me prayed that you'd realize why I was lying.
In the end, you gave me half of what I wanted.
Words can't describe how relieved I was when you didn't buy into the whole "I'm in love with you now so you can forget about Sasuke" thing. I don't know how I would have talked my way out of that one. My skills at lying haven't progressed any since my days at the Academy but you, Naruto, you at least seem to have gotten better at telling when you're being lied to. You're not quite the gullible little twelve-year-old knucklehead you used to be.
Words can't describe how horrified I was when I realized that you actually thought I'd expected you to buy into the lie I told you. Naruto, you are an idiot. Yes, the lie was obscenely easy to see through. Yes, it was obscenely easy to tell that I was lying. What do you expect? My heart wasn't in it and I was drawing from Ino's cheesy romance novels. Of course it sounded forced.
What I honestly can't believe is that you really thought I wanted you to believe that junk about a woman's heart being like an autumn sky or whatever the Hell it is I said; I've already forgotten and those sickening platitudes all sound the same. Do you take me for a fool, Naruto? Do you really? It just came out; it was something I didn't have time to think through. Characters in books talk like that, manage to make all their words poetic; real people don't.
Anyway…
Naruto, I don't know what to say to you.
Well actually, I think I do.
Naruto, you've changed a lot since our days at the Academy and our first days under Kakashi-sensei. You've changed so much, but in the way that really matters right now, you haven't changed at all.
You're still blind when it comes to Sasuke, and you're blind when it comes to me.
Do you know what the biggest difference between us is, Naruto? I woke up. It took me three years too long, but I've finally woken up. I know exactly what Sasuke is, I know exactly what he's not and I know that he won't stop. He's an Avenger and he won't stop killing whatever gets in his way until there's nothing left to kill. If left to his own devices Sasuke will devour everything then fall on his own sword just to complete the cycle.
I will never understand why, but you can't see that. You still see Sasuke as the little genin who called you "dobe" and stood in front of the senbon for you. He isn't that genin anymore; he isn't that person anymore. You still say that you made a promise to bring Sasuke back to Konoha and that you'll keep it no matter what. Naruto, I'm sorry that I ever made you make that promise. I will never be able to look back on that day without the blackest shame, and I'll never regret sobbing in front of you and extracting that promise more than I do now. Maybe if I hadn't, things would have turned out differently.
Maybe I'm still in love with Sasuke, or maybe I'm not; I don't know. I don't know if what I felt for him was ever really "love" to start with; "love" out of a twelve-year-old's mouth is simply the most ridiculous word and the most ridiculous thing. At twelve I didn't know what "love" meant, let alone the impact of the word. Sasuke knew, and I think that was why he insulted me every time "love" left my mouth. The more operative word here would be "infatuation" or "crush". I was infatuated with Sasuke, I had a crush on him, and having only the example of Ino's trashy romance novels to go on, I mistook it for love.
Really, I don't know if I'm still in love with Sasuke, or if I ever was to start with. I still hurt every time I think about him. There still comes a harsh pain in my stomach every time Sasuke's brought up in conversation. But I don't know if I love him or not.
It really doesn't matter.
You know what, Naruto? I'm not beautiful. I'm not even all that pretty. I don't have this hugely developed bust like Shishou, I'm not tall like Shizune-senpai, and I don't have a gorgeous face like Ino. There is really very little at all remarkable about me, unless you want to count the fact that my hair's pink, and most people just think that's hair dye anyway.
I digress. The point is, I've always been told that my best feature are my hands. My long, slender hands with tapered fingers and firm, perfect fingernails. The hands I keep hidden behind black gloves to prevent scarring or calluses because, frankly, I'm like most teenage girls: I am a little vain about what I consider my best feature. Don't I have a right to be?
These hands have always served me well. With these hands, I can summon monstrous strength. And with these hands, I'll shatter the life clean out of Uchiha Sasuke. One well-aimed blow should do it; I summon the chakra, close my fist and aim for his face, his chest or his neck. Either shatter the spine, blow out his brain or punch out his heart. I promise you that much, Naruto; I'll make it quick. For the sake of the friendship the three of us once had, I'll kill him quickly.
Naruto, apart from that man you killed when we were trying to save Gaara-kun, I'm not sure if you've ever killed someone. Well, I want to tell you: I have. I've been on missions before where killing is a must, and let me tell you, it's so easy. It's so much easier than Iruka-sensei tried to make it out to us when we were kids. That's his problem, I think; Iruka-sensei's just too nice for killing. And so are you. You'll maul, maim, pummel, but you don't kill. That's why I know you'll never kill Sasuke.
You can't kill him, but maybe I can.
Naruto, you made that promise saying you would bring Sasuke home, but I'm not sure you can do that anymore. I'm not sure you can bring him "home" anymore. Konohagakure isn't home to Sasuke anymore; it never will be again. He won't let you bring him "home." The only promises shinobi make that ever matter are the ones they make to themselves to live another day. This will only end in your death; you must know that.
This is a real world we live in, Naruto; wake up and live in it. Sasuke has killed Leaf nin; he has sided first with Orochimaru and then with Akatsuki, both of whom tried to destroy our village. The only thing that saved him before was the grace of our Godaime Hokage, and Tsunade-shishou can't shelter him anymore; she shouldn't have tried to start with.
He is a criminal, he's gone completely insane, and he won't let himself be talked down. Someone has to put a stop to this, and who better than me?
You're asleep Naruto. I understand the allure of your dreams when you sleep. I understand why the dream that Sasuke can be saved is so much better than reality. But it's just that, Naruto: It's a dream. It will never meet the light of day. It took me three years to realize that, but I know it now.
You're asleep Naruto.
Wake up.
Time is running low; we can't wait forever.
Wake up.