Borrowing Doesn't Mean Keeping
Disclaimer: Ugh, do you really think that I would keep my TV series like this??? Miss Perfect Lang??? yeah right! So, nope don't own it.
Summary: "Please, just one more chance… I love you," she whispered. He paused at the door as she prayed for him to turn around.
Rating: PG
"I'm all out of faith "Almost made you love me
This is how I feel Almost made you cry
I'm cold and I'm ashamed Almost made you happy baby
Lying naked on the floor Didn't I, didn't I?
Illusion never changed You almost had me thinkin'
Into something real You were turned around
I'm wide awake But everybody knows
And I can see Almost doesn't count."
The perfect sky is torn." ~Brandy
~Natalie Imbruglia "Almost Doesn't Count"
"Torn"
"Clark, please no, don't go!" Chloe clung to his arm, "Please, just give us one more chance! I promise I'll be good! I'll be better! I'll be like Lana, you'll see! It can work!"
"Give it a rest, Miss Sullivan. It. Will. Never. Work. Now, madam, if you will grant me permission, I'll be going." Chloe instinctively pulled back, withdrawing into herself, stung by his words and wounded beyond repair by the distain in his eyes. She sobbed openly, no longer able to battle her emotions.
"Please, just one more chance… I love you," she whispered. He paused at the door as she prayed for him to turn around.
"That is not reason enough, Miss Sullivan, to make me stay," came the cold reply. "It is reason enough to make me leave, and it hurts too much to watch you pretend to be her. I'm not going to stay here with you as I wait for her to be available."
Chloe turned her back on the slamming Torch door and promptly fell to her knees facing the dark sky through the windows. She cried out, "Why God? Why would You lend me something I could never hope to keep?"
Chloe's thoughts turned back to exactly six months ago when she asked Clark out.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey Clark!"
"Oh, hey Chlo."
"Why're you down farm boy?"
"No reason that can't be fixed by my favorite reporter," Clark replied (as she thought now) as he pulled her into a teasing hug.
"Oh really, is it anybody I know?"
"Oh, just maybe… hmmm… well, she's.."
"A she huh?"
"Yep, she's funny, and blonde.."
"Wait, I'm a female reporter, funny-well when I have my daily caffeine fix and I'm as blonde as they get… I think I could like this girl!" Chloe joked.
"Really, huh? Well, I'm not done-she's also smart, cute and right here in my arms!" Clark grinned at her.
"Cute, you think I'm cute? Wait, it is me right?" Chloe asked turning around.
"Exactly how many arms do you think I have, Miss Sullivan?"
"I dunno, you surprise me a lot. I wouldn't put it past you to be hiding…" Chloe circled him in mock surveillance.
"Really! I'm quite shocked! I tell you a whole bunch of compliments and you tell me that I have six arms?! I think I should be hurt!" Clark cried pretending to be indignant.
"Well, Mr. Kent, I guess it would only be fair to say some nice things about you… Would ya like that?" Chloe mercilessly teased the poor farm boy.
"Yes ma'am!!!" Clark looked like a little child on Christmas who has a room of presents to open.
"Okay, well… youarecuteandkindandniceandtallandsweetand-didImentioncute? Andum-wellwouldyaliketag'outwit'me?" Chloe gasped for air after her one breath rant. She looked up at Clark waiting for an answer. She wasn't aware of the love and secret longing for Clark radiating from her eyes. Clark was captivated and felt guilty.
"Yeah Chlo, sure. I'd-I'd like to." Clark mustered a smile to his face to cover his self-hatred.
"Really? Wow, uh cool. I thought that- well never mind that. Uh-we've gotta go to class now, but I'll catch up with you later. Bye!" Chloe hugged Clark tightly before walking out of the Torch office.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chloe's mind ran over this memory several times before skipping to a couple weeks ago. Clark had asked her to Spring Formal. She knew, even at the time, that there were only two reasons he asked her, a) he was dating her, and b) Lana was unavailable. She had known which was the deciding factor, even if she had try to convince herself otherwise. She told herself that he was doing it for them, because he believed in them- for the first time he had asked her to do something. She remembered that night with clarity, that was the night—
She had gotten so dressed up for it all. She had a dress specially designed and sewn- red- Clark liked red. The look he had given her as he laid eyes on her made it all worth it. That night was magical. It had been perfect- He had almost kissed her- he had almost forgotten about Lana. He had almost liked her, Chloe Sullivan- It had almost been more than an illusion. And then he ran- to her.
The last weeks had been agony. It had been hers to touch- she could have tasted it- she would have tasted it- and yet… And yet it had never really been hers. It was on a loan, how could life be so cruel? It was almost her own-almost her own- almost the words resounded in her head… But that night, her night, the night that it had almost been about Clark and herself- not Lana, it had made Chloe see that no matter how much she could wish- could change- Clark would never think of Chloe when he kissed her, when he held her. That night, Chloe's eyes had been opened, and her heart torn in to too many pieces to fix.
After that night Clark had spent more time away-out-gone than he had ever before. In fact today had been the first time she had seen him in three days. Chloe didn't fool herself anymore- she knew where he was- or should she say- who he was with. What Chloe craved with all her being was Miss Princess-Perfect Damsel-in-Distress Langs without question, without it being deserved. The relationship with Chloe was an illusion- a fake. She was just a stand in for the Pretty-Pretty-Princess. Now that Whitney was out of the picture- now that he was dead, all Clark's prayers were answered.
Chloe picked up the framed picture- herself and Clark at the dance- from her desk and held it tight- close to her chest. She sobbed with tears that would never end, with a hopelessness that would stay with her for a lifetime. It would rob her of all joy and feeling.
"Damn it Clark! Damn it! - I loved you!" she cried into the stillness of the night mourning for something that was never her own- something that she had never been able to keep.