Hello! I wasn't planning on starting anything else until I finished Espionage, but I screwed that up and it ended a total opposite way I wanted it to. ^_\\ Oh well. Anyway~! I got this idea for an AU when I was listening to the song 'Prison Sex' by Tool. See, Maynard James Keenan, the vocalist and songwriter for the band (along with A Perfect Circle and Puscifer) was molested by his father I believe, or step-father, when he was around the age of seven maybe, possibly a little bit older. And well, the entire album 'Undertow' by Tool was mainly about the physical and sexual abuse that Maynard suffered through his childhood. And certain parts of the song stood out to me (I was taking a shower at the time. xD That's where I get all of my thinking down. Music is just background noise) and then I actually heard some of the lyrics:

It took so long to remember just what happened.
I was so young and vestal then,
you know it hurt me,
but I'm breathing so I guess I'm still alive
even if signs seem to tell me otherwise.
I've got my hands bound and
my head down and my eyes closed,
half-closed, wide open.

Do unto others, what has been done to me

Oh! And this fanfic takes place a little after "Profiler, Profiled," "The Big Game," and "Revelations."

I guess I should begin!

Reviews are welcome~

"We've removed the ceiling above our dreams. There are no more impossible dreams," –Jesse Louis Jackson.

Spencer Reid stirred his coffee with the end of his spoon, twisting his fingers around the thin metal, zoning out on nothing, and once in a while taking a mindless sip of the sugar packed beverage. He hadn't been this out of it since he could remember. He had those moments in time when he'd look at something and get lost in his own mind, but normally they ended when someone started talking to him. For some reason, he was still sitting there, his name being called from down the hall, not even noticing anything was going on.

"Reid," Morgan said, coming up behind the young agent and shaking his shoulder lightly.

Before he knew what he was doing, the doctor swatted Morgan's hand away after flinching, turning to face the man with a fearful look on his face. Then he came back to reality.

"What the hell was that about, Reid?" Morgan asked, pulling his hand and taking a quick examination of it before looking back to the other agent.

Reid had no idea what had happened. He was stuck in his thoughts, and for some reason reacted to Morgan as if he was the object of his day-mare, as if such a thing existed.

He didn't care what anyone said, daydreaming for him lately was turning into a nightmare in itself. He was almost scared to zone out for the shortest amount of time, afraid that the thoughts of the past would slip past the barrier he had created in his mind and create the lucid presence of terror once again. He already had to live through everything that happened, and work was had enough as it was without all the things going on in the back of his head. He didn't need to be constantly reminded of everything that happened in his sleep or when he was awake. It would happen, though. It's not like he could keep everything that happened in the back of his head for eternity. That was almost impossible. There was no way his team wouldn't start to notice a little awkwardness in him forever. Especially Morgan. The man was his best friend, it's not like he wouldn't catch on to the changes the younger man was going through, if he hadn't already.

Reid threw the thought from his head and decided to come to, leaving the remnants of memories he wished to never relive again in the back of his mind.

His glanced up at the older agent, an apologetic look on his face. "Sorry, Morgan," he muttered, trailing off a little towards the end. "I was zoning out and freaked when you interrupted my thoughts.

"Uh huh," Morgan replied, somewhat believing what Reid was telling him, the other half of him telling him not to fall for something like that. He couldn't help thinking about what was on the young geniuses mind before he barged in his thoughts.

"Morgan, Reid, come on. We don't need to wait all day." Hotch turned his back from the main room and went back to the conference room where the rest of the team was located.

"C'mon, Pretty Boy," Morgan said, turning around just as Hotch had moments before, then threw a glance over his shoulder towards Reid before he continued towards the office.

Reid sighed as his team was all absent from the room, and grabbed his coffee in one hand and used the other to swirl the cups contents with the spoon. The only thing he hoped for was a case that had nothing to do with children. He was sick of dealing with dead kids. It was hard enough dealing with adults.

As Spencer shut the door behind him, JJ turned towards the whiteboard and the rest of the team as she started to go over the newest case. Reid was quite happy to hear that no children were involved in this case whatsoever, but that doesn't mean there never will be. At some point, they might still have to deal with a child that saw the unsub, or a kid of one of the victims. That was the hardest; telling children that their mom or dad was dead, nonetheless murdered. It brought a sick feeling to his stomach.

"So he's a sexual sadist," Gideon said, forcing Reid to leave his thoughts for a moment. Though, deep inside he knew that he would ultimately go back to thinking about them.

JJ nodded. "From the looks of it, that's exactly what he is," she answered, her voice a little uneven but still calm. Spencer noticed JJ got the most upset when working cases involving children, but rape was barely any better. The worst ones for her were when children were getting sexually violated. A shiver was sent up Reid spine at the thought, and he tried to remain out of that state of mind for as long as he could.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Gideon watching him, but made nothing of it. He told himself it might be time to draw attention to someone else and go off on a rant or something. He hated the idea of people watching him theses days.

"Rape is the most popular in New Mexico than any other state in the United States, y'know, with Michigan not far behind," Reid mumbled, giving a little amount of input for the time being. It's not like he could go on forever about the statistics of rape, which was just disgusting and disturbing. Plus, the team might not like that image in their minds as he rambles on about how rape is one of the most reported crimes in the country.

Gideon shot him another look before turning to the rest of the team, leaving Reid a little time to utter a sigh under his breath so no one could hear him.

"Besides the newest victim that showed up this morning, there have been six other murders and rapes in the last three months down there," JJ said, moving on with the meeting. "All of them were brunettes and had blue eyes, white, and slender. They were between the heights of five-four and five-eight. At every crime scene, the bodies were noted to have a piece of jewelry removed, then sent to the mother of the victim later in the day. About six minutes ago is when the mother of Catelyn Cherokee found the silver necklace her daughter was given at high school graduation laying on her doorstep."

"So he's either remorseful," Hotch began.

"Or a very sick person who likes to see people squirm," Reid added. The team didn't look to him this time, which he was thankful for, and looked to Hotch instead.

"Wheels up in ten," the unit chief added, and dismissed the team from the room.

Reid had a slimmer of hope that this case wouldn't be as gruesome as the rest of the murder and rape scenes they saw. It was a fat chance, but every prayer helped, right?

The plane ride out to Clayton, New Mexico was like any other. They discussed the case and exactly what was going to happen when they got to their destination. Prentiss was seated next to Morgan while she was reading a book and the latter was listening to music as it plummeted from the speakers on his headphones on one of the benches and Hotch and JJ were up in front talking about the case some more, Reid guessed, since he could hear them murmuring from his seat on the plane. Spencer was seated across from Gideon with a chess board in front of them.

"Your move," Gideon said, glancing up from the game to get a look at the young genius. The boy was obviously distraught with something, and seemed to be very good at hiding it, but Jason Gideon knew better.

Reid moved his knight forward two and to the left once and then pulled his hand back away from the table. He was anxious to back on ground for some reason. He never had a hard time flying before, but these days he was becoming more and more anxious with everything, not just being off land. He was still trying to fight the thoughts that wouldn't let him think of anything else besides the past couple of cases, the ones which affected him the most. He had just dealt with Hankel and before that was their case in Chicago, which he absolutely hated. He thought it was nice that he got to meet Morgan's family, but under those circumstances, it was a little rough. He could only image what Morgan had felt like, having the team know his deepest and darkest secret. Reid wouldn't be able to handle that. He saw the way the team looked at Morgan now, like he was affected by every case in a whole new way. Reid tried not to give the man looks of sorrow or guilt, but it was hard since he could relate in an odd way, a way that he would never share of. A way that was his to know about and no one elses.

He didn't have to look up; he could feel Gideon watching him.

The older man was a little concerned about the young genius. He wasn't acting like himself lately. Okay, maybe he was acting a little too much like himself. Like he was trying to put on an act and tell himself something that Gideon couldn't read.

"We're not supposed to profile each other," Reid mumbled, looking up at Gideon this time. There was something in the younger man's eyes that was different. Relief? Sadness? Pressure? Gideon couldn't make it out so he simply moved his queen to spaces to the left and glanced back at Reid.

"Check."

The genius glanced back at the board and sighed. "You win," he replied, moving his king one space to the left and letting it become consumed by Gideon's queen once the older man would move his piece and then turnied towards the aisle as the game was declared over. Before he could leave the booth, Gideon stopped him.

"Reid, do you want to talk?" Jason asked him, grasping the boy's hand as lightly as he could. He didn't want to scare him off or freak him out like Morgan did when he touched him earlier.

Not turning back to look at the older man, Reid took back his hand and stood there for a moment until he finally spoke. "Like I said, we're not supposed to profile each other," the young man muttered before going to sit by Morgan, leaning his head back and enjoying the silence from the room, since he knew his mind wouldn't shut up.

I think I'm going to try and make the chapter longer than I have in the past, hopefully breaking 2,000 words with each update. I don't want to forget about Espionage, so this was just kind of something I wanted to post so I could update it easier. Thank you for reading. Please review so I know what you think!