A/N: First Bleach oneshot, hope you find it amusing…I wrote it in ten minutes, so excuse me if it's bad…

Disclaimer: All characters and property in Bleach belong to Tite Kubo.

KON'S REVENGE

It was dark. Ichigo was asleep in his bed, worn out from all the Hollows that has been appearing all day. Suddenly he jolted upright.

What was that noise?

He listened hard. Was it a Hollow? No. His badge would be going crazy. It was more of a muffled, whimpering sound. Yuzu? No. Her room was down the hall. What WAS it?

"Neeeee...saaaaaannn..."

Damn!

"RUUUKIAAAA!"

"KON!"

In an instant, Ichigo was out if his bed. He bounded over to his dresser and yanked open the drawer. "Shut UP!"

Kon was lying silently in the drawer, his little arms tucked under his face. Ichigo turned him over. Tears were falling in rivers from his button eyes.

"NEE-SAN!" he wailed.

Ichigo pounced, sinking his hand over Kon's mouth. Kon struggled and moaned under Ichigo's hand, and then fell silent.

"Nee-San..." he murmured after Ichigo had moved his hand.

"Shut it!" Ichigo whisper-yelled. "You'll wake up the girls! Now..." He glanced around until he found what he was looking for. Holding a squealing and wiggling Kon by the head with one hand, he picked up the pentagon-shaped badge.

"No-please-" Kon whined.

"Okay, fine." Ichigo put down the badge. "Open up!" he said, reaching toward Kon's mouth.

"No!" Kon shrieked. But his yell was cut off when Ichigo's hand dug into his mouth. He emitted a gargle until Ichigo's fingers closed around the pill and he withdrew his hand.

"Now listen very carefully," Ichigo told the green mod soul in his hand. "You will be quiet. You will stop thinking about Rukia. You will stop...imagining...things about Rukia. Because," he said, getting right up close to the pill, "Rukia does not like you back. She never has, and she NEVER WILL."

Dropping the pea-like sphere in a bucket on his desk, he said, "There. Now you'll be quiet."

He climbed back into bed and fell asleep.

**!**

"Ah! I can't believe you, Ichigo! I can't believe you left me without a body for a whole day!" Kon fumed.

Ichigo yawned and dropped his backpack in the corner. "Just be glad it wasn't longer, you nutcase."

Kon crossed his arms. "You could have at least put me back in this body!" he whined, picking at the fuzz on his belly. "Then I could have -"

"Scared the neighbors all day with your antics?" Ichigo scoffed. "I don't think so."

"Well-"

HOLLOW! HOLLOW! HOLLOW!

Ichigo sat up and scratched his head. "Damn. Just when I was getting comfortable." He grabbed his badge and pressed it to his chest, his Shinigami form leaping forward while his human form fell backwards. Then he grabbed Kon, pressed the badge to his forehead, and dropped the pill into his human mouth.

"Behave," he warned as Kon sat up, his senses readjusting.

"Don't you worry," Kon told Ichigo as the Shinigami shunpo'ed away.

Kon stood and ran downstairs. "See ya, Dad!" he yelled out the door as he slammed it shut.

Now...for my revenge.

It really was too bad that Nee-San wasn't in the World of the Living. He would gladly take out his revenge on her. But he could do it on someone else, too, right? Yoruichi? No, she wasn't stupid. Chizuiro? No, she didn't bat for his team. Then...

He saw her in front of him then, her auburn hair swaying, the sunlight glinting off the blue hairpins above her ears. He nearly melted into the sidewalk...

So cushy...

Juicy...

Wonderful...

Warm...

Okay, Orhime it was.

"Orihime!" he called, making his voice sound a little deeper and less squeaky, like Ichigo's.

Orhime turned. Her eyes widened. "Kurosaki-kun! Wh-what are you-?"

"I wanted to ask you a question," Kon said, shuffling forward. Jeez, Ichigo was so awkward. With Kon's own lithe and graceful movements, it was hard to imitate him.

Or so Kon told himself.

Orihime blinked. "What is it, Kurosaki-kun?" she asked.

"I just wanted to ask you..." Kon said, blinking rapidly as he drew nearer, "...if..."

Suddenly, he attacked her mouth, his lips crushing hers. He felt her stiffen under him, and then slowly melt into his embrace. His ribs were in heaven! The squishy softness! He slowly slid his hands up her stomach, right to her...

"KON!"

Oh, shit.