Disclaimer: This is a work of fan-fiction, written and meant to be read
strictly for enjoyment. The main characters of Mark, Steve, Amanda, and
Jesse, as well as others (Ron, Cheryl, CJ, Dion) from the series Diagnosis
Murder, are property of CBS/Viacom .
Song lyrics copyright 2001 by Trisha Yearwood.
Steve's conversation with Chief Masters is paraphrased from the episode Retribution (Part II).
Other disclaimers will appear in this space in the chapters where they apply.
Thanks to everyone who gave such a warm welcome to I PROMISE. It was my first effort at fan fiction, and you have encouraged me to do more.
*
*
*
*
*
(Chapter one. Thirty years ago…)
The wedding march started, and May Stephens stood up. Half a beat later, the whole congregation followed suit. Liv came toward him on Jud's arm. She was positively radiant, a beauty for the ages. As she came closer, Steve could see her lovely face smiling softly through the gossamer veil, her eyes aglow with lovelight. Her hair cascaded around her face in wild, unruly curls. It was almost a living thing. True to her word, she had honored his request not to hide her freckles behind makeup. She wore pale lipstick, eye shadow, and mascara, but nothing else covered her flawless skin. Her green-and-gold eyes looked at him with so much love it made him tremble to the core. Such love was a gift, he knew; and he was determined to do everything he could to deserve it.
Steve felt a lump rise in his throat. She was stunning, and she was his.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony…" The minister's opening remarks and welcome were drowned out by the sound of Steve's own pulse pounding in his ears. All Steve knew was he was looking at the most beautiful, wonderful, loving woman he'd ever known, and he was about to marry her, and he wasn't sure he was doing the right thing.
"Therefore if any man can show any just cause, why they may not be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace."
To his own absolute horror, and to gasps of shock and surprise from the whole congregation, Steve heard himself say, "Wait!"
"Steve?"
Turning to Liv, he said, "I need to talk to you, outside, now." He gently took her by the arm, turned her around, and nudged her down the aisle.
Keith was seated in his wheelchair at the back of the sanctuary. When Steve got to him, without even asking, he unlocked the brakes of the wheelchair, turned him around, and wheeled him out behind Liv, saying, "I need to talk to you, too."
As he exited the church with Keith, Liv whirled on him, green-gold eyes snapping fire.
"Steven Michael Sloan, what the hell is going on?"
He locked the brakes on the wheelchair and stepped aside so he could face both Liv and Keith.
"I heard you two talking last night, Liv."
Suddenly the fire was gone. "Oh."
Keith snapped, "How much did you hear?"
"Enough to know I need to ask some questions before I go through with this." Turning to Liv, he said, "You never really answered his question last night. Do you love me more than him?"
"Steve, please," Liv wept.
He shook his head and said softly, "I need to know, Liv."
Keith offered her his handkerchief, and she dabbed at her eyes.
"It's not that easy, Steve. For twelve years, all I wanted was to come home to him. Then I met you, and you filled up the aching emptiness inside me. I was broken…damaged. I was afraid to care. You taught me how to love again. You taught me how to love you, Steve."
Gently, he urged her, "Answer the question, Liv. Who do you love more?"
"I don't know," she wailed.
After some thought, Steve changed the question.
"All things being equal, who would you rather marry?"
She shrugged.
She always shrugged when she didn't want to say what was on her mind.
Steve knew what he had to do. Subtle as it was, he knew that shrug was the sign he'd asked for earlier in the day.
Stepping close to her, he cupped her chin in his hand and tilted her head up so she had to look at him.
"If this is what you really want, I'll marry you, Liv. But I *don't* want you to marry me because I treat you well, or even because we'll be happy together. I want to be the love of your life."
Tears were streaming down his face and hers as Keith watched in total consternation.
"I deserve to be the center of someone's universe, Liv, and I will not settle for less than that. You deserve to be with the man God made for you, and right now, I'm not sure that's me."
"Oh, Steve…"
"I don't want to be just another promise kept," he said in a slightly bitter tone.
"You're much more than that, Steve."
"Maybe, Liv, but can you stand here, in front of him," he gestured to Keith, "and honestly say you love me more than any man in the world?"
She said nothing. She didn't even move.
"Think about the people in the church. There must be five hundred people here, for you, Liv. I have barely more than a dozen guests, the rest are all here for *you*. This is your world, darling. You brought these people together. You *keep* them together. I don't belong here, and I can't take you away from them unless you want to be with me more than anything else in the world."
"I do love you, Steve," she said. Lowering her eyes, she added, "And I made you a promise."
Steve rubbed her shoulders and sighed. "I love you, too, Liv, and I want you; but more than anything, I want you to follow your heart. I'm releasing you from that promise. Do what you want. Do what will make you happiest."
Turning to Keith, he said, "You have five minutes. When I come back, if she still wants to marry me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make her forget you."
Steve walked away stiffly. The cold February wind cut right through the thin jacket of his tuxedo. As he rounded the corner of the church, he stopped, trembling, and prayed.
"Dear God, let this be the right thing, and if she chooses him, let there still be someone out there for me."
He waited at least five minutes before he went back to Liv and Keith.
Looking hopefully at Liv, he said, "Well?"
"I love you, Steve, and I'm so, so sorry, but you're right. You deserve to be the love of some woman's life, and one day you will find her. I promise. But I'm not that woman, and as much as I love you, it will never be enough, because…God always has had someone else in mind for me."
She studied her engagement ring for a moment before taking it off and handing it to him.
He shook his head. "Keep it, it was made for you."
"Steve, I can't. This ring implies a promise, and my conscience will not let me keep one and not the other."
Reluctantly, he accepted the ring. "What should I do with it?"
She shrugged. "Keep it, sell it, throw it into the ocean for all I care. It's just metal and stones and shells. Everything it stands for is in our hearts forever."
Suddenly he got down on one knee and asked, "Make me a new promise to replace the old one?"
"What is it?"
"Promise me that you will live joyfully, laugh often, love passionately, cling to your happiness, and let your sorrows go. Promise to think of me often and fondly, and when you do, know that I am happy for you. Know that you have shown me how to have faith. Know that I will be ok."
"Oh, Steve," she nodded. "I promise."
Keith eyed him warily, and asked, "Why are you doing this?"
"Because I love her."
"You could have had her, beach bum. Why let her go?"
"Because I love her that much."
Keith nodded, accepting the explanation, and said, "You're a better man than I am, Steve."
Steve broke into a grin. Then he started to laugh.
"What's so funny," Keith wanted to know.
"Invite me back for your silver wedding anniversary, and I'll explain."
This time the wedding went off without a hitch. The bewildered congregation readily accepted the strange turn of events when Steve gave away the bride and offered a few words of explanation.
"I love Olivia more than any woman I have ever met," he said, "but she and Keith were made for each other. I am merely an interloper, and it would not be fair for me to come between them. I am pleased and proud to be a part of this special day. I wish them both much happiness in the years to come."
As they filtered out of the church, Steve's family and friends gravitated toward him. He was profoundly grateful for the support. His dad put an arm around him and said, "What do you want to do, son?"
Still in a daze, sheltered from the pain and loss by the shock of what had happened, he said, "I think we ought to go to the reception, Dad. We should show Liv how happy we are for her."
"You sure you're up for that," Jack asked.
"Uh, yeah, I'll be ok. Just, stick close, ok guys?"
Of course, everyone agreed to 'stick close.'
Steve ate very little at the reception. The food was good, but he had no stomach for it. He watched dispassionately as Liv and Keith had their first dance as man and wife. He sat in his chair and held her hands as she danced around him. A while later, Jud danced with her. At some point, they brought around slices of wedding cake, and Steve tried just a bite. He'd heard it was bad luck if every guest didn't have at least a little bit of cake.
As the dancing started again, he went to the DJ and requested a song.
"I'm not sure she'll want to dance with me. If she doesn't, play something else, ok?"
*
*
*
If I had known how this would end,
If I had read the last page first,
If I had had the strength to walk away,
If I had known how this would hurt.
I would have loved you anyway…
*
*
*
Steve and Liv shared one, last, bittersweet dance, never saying a word. They alternately held each other close and stood apart to stare into one another's eyes. The look they shared spoke volumes.
*
*
*
Had I known my heart would break,
I'd have loved you anyway.
*
*
*
As the song wound down, Steve swallowed hard and said, "I've got to go now. I can't stay any longer. Be happy and live a good life. You might not hear from me for a long time, Liv. It hurts too much."
She gently caressed his face, wiping his tears away, still heedless of her own.
"Steven Michael Sloan, I will always think of you fondly and treasure the memories of what we had, but I will always love you most for what you have given me today by letting me go."
He kissed her hand and walked away without another word. Halfway out of the room, he heard her call his name.
"Steve!"
He froze, and she walked to him. As she came to stand before him, he looked away, closing his eyes and turning his head.
"Please, Liv, I can't," he nearly sobbed.
"I'll keep my promise," she said softly, and stepped aside to let him escape.
"I'll get the mail, Dad. You open up the house and turn everything back on, ok?"
"All right, son."
Steve got the mail and let himself in by the downstairs door to his apartment.
After the wedding and the reception, it had finally hit Steve what he had done. Liv had sent word that he and his guests could stay at her house until they needed to leave for the airport. She and Keith had found other accommodations. While CJ and Dion slept and the rest of his friends and family sat up in the living room worrying, Jack, Jesse, and Amanda sat through that first night with him in the rumpus room while he got quietly loaded on 'cheap' wine from the green racks in the wine cellar. About five in the morning, they finally hauled him up the stairs and poured him into the bed. As much as it hurt, and as drunk as he was, he was still certain he had done the right thing, but it had been terribly difficult to accept.
He spent most of the next day hung over, resting in bed or throwing up in the master bath. One time, when Jesse came to check on him, he found Steve slumped on the floor in front of the toilet, vomiting and laughing. Thinking Steve had finally snapped, Jess was about to go get Mark when Steve grabbed him by the wrist and said, "No. I was just thinking, this is *exactly* how things got started with Liv. It seems I've come full circle. I'm ok, Jess, I just found it amusing."
A few minutes later, Mark and Jack found the two of them, still in the bathroom, laughing and reminiscing about the Christmas party and other amusing moments they had shared with Liv. Suddenly, Steve wiped away tears of laughter and said in a desolate voice, "Let's go home, Dad."
Knowing Steve needed time to adjust before he went back to work, Mark had rented a car at the airport and he and Steve had driven back home, stopping where they felt like it, and even seeing some of the sights in various states they hadn't visited before. They'd stopped and visited Jack on the way, and spent a day skiing.
Now they were home.
As Steve shuffled through the mail, he separated his from his dad's and threw away the junk. Suddenly, he saw a postcard that made him freeze. In the top left corner of the picture were the words, 'We are…' and in the bottom left, he read, '…Penn State.' He stared at the picture, an aerial view of the campus with the stadium overflowing on a game day, for several minutes before he dared turn it over and read it.
Olivia's handwriting was remarkably clear for a doctor's.
*
*
*
My darling Steve,
I am so glad you could be with me today. Some
of my happiest memories are of this place. I hope
to make others with you. I feel blessed that one
of the best parts of my life is with me now as I
revisit the other.
I'll love you forever.
Liv
*
*
*
He sighed and felt sad for a minute as he chewed his lower lip, trying to decide what to do with the postcard. Making a decision, he got up, found an old shoebox, and put in it the post card, a tattered teddy bear, the letter she'd written him when she disappeared for a week in the mountains, his boutonniere from the wedding (which no one knew he'd kept), and a few other items she'd left around his apartment. Then he put the box on a shelf in his closet, promising himself that he'd decide later what to do about it.
He hurriedly went through the rest of the mail, and bounding up the steps to his dad's part of the house, he nearly ran over Mark as he was headed down to check on him.
"Sorry about that, Dad."
"It's ok, Steve. You were down there so long I was starting to get worried."
"Oh. I, uh…I got a postcard from Liv. It was very sweet. She sent it to me the day we visited Penn State."
"I see."
Steve got a glass and drew himself a drink of water from the faucet. Then he went out on the deck. After a few minutes, Mark joined him.
"You ok, son?"
"Yeah, dad. Better every day."
Steve was staring out at the waves, but Mark could tell he was not really seeing them.
"Want to talk?"
Steve was silent a moment longer, then he told his dad about the day he'd discussed his vision of the future with Olivia.
"It was really nothing special, Dad. I just saw us all having a picnic, Jesse and Susan, Amanda and somebody. CJ and Dion were grown. You were there, and there was this redheaded girl walking the beach with a young man. She was your granddaughter. They came over to us and announced their engagement. Then I saw their wedding."
"The girl was your daughter with Olivia." It was not a question.
Closing his eyes, Steve nodded.
"What do you see out there now?"
A slow smile spread across Steve's face.
"Pretty much the same thing. Your granddaughter's still there, but I'm not sure what she looks like anymore; and there's still someone beside me, Dad. I'm not alone. Olivia promised me I'd find *her* someday, and I do believe I will."
Patting his son's back, Mark said, "I'm glad, son. What do you say we go to Antonio's for dinner?"
"Sounds good to me, Dad."
Mark went inside to freshen up a bit before going out, but Steve stayed on the deck, looking out at the ocean.
Closing his eyes, he conjured again his image of the future.
Where the dunes leveled off above the high tide line, was an old man with snowy white hair sitting in a folding chair, a demolished picnic spread out on the blanket at his feet. A group of young people played in the surf, a young woman and her escort, two handsome young black men and their dates, a blonde kid who was considerably younger than the rest. Three couples sat on the edges of the blanket, enjoying one another's company and chattering with the old man. A tall, very elegant black woman sat at the end of the blanket, and a man, obviously her husband put his arm around her. To the old man's left was a small blond guy, just starting to go gray, who was teasing an attractive blonde woman. On the old man's right, was a big guy who looked a lot like the old man. His hair was getting pretty gray, and he was stretched out full length on the blanket. His head rested in a woman's lap.
For one moment, the unknown woman looked directly at Steve and her features resolved into a recognizable face. Smiling, he said, "Don't worry. Whoever you are, wherever you are, you are the love of my life. You were made for me."
Her features blurred and came into focus again briefly.
"I will find you. I promise."
Song lyrics copyright 2001 by Trisha Yearwood.
Steve's conversation with Chief Masters is paraphrased from the episode Retribution (Part II).
Other disclaimers will appear in this space in the chapters where they apply.
Thanks to everyone who gave such a warm welcome to I PROMISE. It was my first effort at fan fiction, and you have encouraged me to do more.
*
*
*
*
*
(Chapter one. Thirty years ago…)
The wedding march started, and May Stephens stood up. Half a beat later, the whole congregation followed suit. Liv came toward him on Jud's arm. She was positively radiant, a beauty for the ages. As she came closer, Steve could see her lovely face smiling softly through the gossamer veil, her eyes aglow with lovelight. Her hair cascaded around her face in wild, unruly curls. It was almost a living thing. True to her word, she had honored his request not to hide her freckles behind makeup. She wore pale lipstick, eye shadow, and mascara, but nothing else covered her flawless skin. Her green-and-gold eyes looked at him with so much love it made him tremble to the core. Such love was a gift, he knew; and he was determined to do everything he could to deserve it.
Steve felt a lump rise in his throat. She was stunning, and she was his.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony…" The minister's opening remarks and welcome were drowned out by the sound of Steve's own pulse pounding in his ears. All Steve knew was he was looking at the most beautiful, wonderful, loving woman he'd ever known, and he was about to marry her, and he wasn't sure he was doing the right thing.
"Therefore if any man can show any just cause, why they may not be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace."
To his own absolute horror, and to gasps of shock and surprise from the whole congregation, Steve heard himself say, "Wait!"
"Steve?"
Turning to Liv, he said, "I need to talk to you, outside, now." He gently took her by the arm, turned her around, and nudged her down the aisle.
Keith was seated in his wheelchair at the back of the sanctuary. When Steve got to him, without even asking, he unlocked the brakes of the wheelchair, turned him around, and wheeled him out behind Liv, saying, "I need to talk to you, too."
As he exited the church with Keith, Liv whirled on him, green-gold eyes snapping fire.
"Steven Michael Sloan, what the hell is going on?"
He locked the brakes on the wheelchair and stepped aside so he could face both Liv and Keith.
"I heard you two talking last night, Liv."
Suddenly the fire was gone. "Oh."
Keith snapped, "How much did you hear?"
"Enough to know I need to ask some questions before I go through with this." Turning to Liv, he said, "You never really answered his question last night. Do you love me more than him?"
"Steve, please," Liv wept.
He shook his head and said softly, "I need to know, Liv."
Keith offered her his handkerchief, and she dabbed at her eyes.
"It's not that easy, Steve. For twelve years, all I wanted was to come home to him. Then I met you, and you filled up the aching emptiness inside me. I was broken…damaged. I was afraid to care. You taught me how to love again. You taught me how to love you, Steve."
Gently, he urged her, "Answer the question, Liv. Who do you love more?"
"I don't know," she wailed.
After some thought, Steve changed the question.
"All things being equal, who would you rather marry?"
She shrugged.
She always shrugged when she didn't want to say what was on her mind.
Steve knew what he had to do. Subtle as it was, he knew that shrug was the sign he'd asked for earlier in the day.
Stepping close to her, he cupped her chin in his hand and tilted her head up so she had to look at him.
"If this is what you really want, I'll marry you, Liv. But I *don't* want you to marry me because I treat you well, or even because we'll be happy together. I want to be the love of your life."
Tears were streaming down his face and hers as Keith watched in total consternation.
"I deserve to be the center of someone's universe, Liv, and I will not settle for less than that. You deserve to be with the man God made for you, and right now, I'm not sure that's me."
"Oh, Steve…"
"I don't want to be just another promise kept," he said in a slightly bitter tone.
"You're much more than that, Steve."
"Maybe, Liv, but can you stand here, in front of him," he gestured to Keith, "and honestly say you love me more than any man in the world?"
She said nothing. She didn't even move.
"Think about the people in the church. There must be five hundred people here, for you, Liv. I have barely more than a dozen guests, the rest are all here for *you*. This is your world, darling. You brought these people together. You *keep* them together. I don't belong here, and I can't take you away from them unless you want to be with me more than anything else in the world."
"I do love you, Steve," she said. Lowering her eyes, she added, "And I made you a promise."
Steve rubbed her shoulders and sighed. "I love you, too, Liv, and I want you; but more than anything, I want you to follow your heart. I'm releasing you from that promise. Do what you want. Do what will make you happiest."
Turning to Keith, he said, "You have five minutes. When I come back, if she still wants to marry me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make her forget you."
Steve walked away stiffly. The cold February wind cut right through the thin jacket of his tuxedo. As he rounded the corner of the church, he stopped, trembling, and prayed.
"Dear God, let this be the right thing, and if she chooses him, let there still be someone out there for me."
He waited at least five minutes before he went back to Liv and Keith.
Looking hopefully at Liv, he said, "Well?"
"I love you, Steve, and I'm so, so sorry, but you're right. You deserve to be the love of some woman's life, and one day you will find her. I promise. But I'm not that woman, and as much as I love you, it will never be enough, because…God always has had someone else in mind for me."
She studied her engagement ring for a moment before taking it off and handing it to him.
He shook his head. "Keep it, it was made for you."
"Steve, I can't. This ring implies a promise, and my conscience will not let me keep one and not the other."
Reluctantly, he accepted the ring. "What should I do with it?"
She shrugged. "Keep it, sell it, throw it into the ocean for all I care. It's just metal and stones and shells. Everything it stands for is in our hearts forever."
Suddenly he got down on one knee and asked, "Make me a new promise to replace the old one?"
"What is it?"
"Promise me that you will live joyfully, laugh often, love passionately, cling to your happiness, and let your sorrows go. Promise to think of me often and fondly, and when you do, know that I am happy for you. Know that you have shown me how to have faith. Know that I will be ok."
"Oh, Steve," she nodded. "I promise."
Keith eyed him warily, and asked, "Why are you doing this?"
"Because I love her."
"You could have had her, beach bum. Why let her go?"
"Because I love her that much."
Keith nodded, accepting the explanation, and said, "You're a better man than I am, Steve."
Steve broke into a grin. Then he started to laugh.
"What's so funny," Keith wanted to know.
"Invite me back for your silver wedding anniversary, and I'll explain."
This time the wedding went off without a hitch. The bewildered congregation readily accepted the strange turn of events when Steve gave away the bride and offered a few words of explanation.
"I love Olivia more than any woman I have ever met," he said, "but she and Keith were made for each other. I am merely an interloper, and it would not be fair for me to come between them. I am pleased and proud to be a part of this special day. I wish them both much happiness in the years to come."
As they filtered out of the church, Steve's family and friends gravitated toward him. He was profoundly grateful for the support. His dad put an arm around him and said, "What do you want to do, son?"
Still in a daze, sheltered from the pain and loss by the shock of what had happened, he said, "I think we ought to go to the reception, Dad. We should show Liv how happy we are for her."
"You sure you're up for that," Jack asked.
"Uh, yeah, I'll be ok. Just, stick close, ok guys?"
Of course, everyone agreed to 'stick close.'
Steve ate very little at the reception. The food was good, but he had no stomach for it. He watched dispassionately as Liv and Keith had their first dance as man and wife. He sat in his chair and held her hands as she danced around him. A while later, Jud danced with her. At some point, they brought around slices of wedding cake, and Steve tried just a bite. He'd heard it was bad luck if every guest didn't have at least a little bit of cake.
As the dancing started again, he went to the DJ and requested a song.
"I'm not sure she'll want to dance with me. If she doesn't, play something else, ok?"
*
*
*
If I had known how this would end,
If I had read the last page first,
If I had had the strength to walk away,
If I had known how this would hurt.
I would have loved you anyway…
*
*
*
Steve and Liv shared one, last, bittersweet dance, never saying a word. They alternately held each other close and stood apart to stare into one another's eyes. The look they shared spoke volumes.
*
*
*
Had I known my heart would break,
I'd have loved you anyway.
*
*
*
As the song wound down, Steve swallowed hard and said, "I've got to go now. I can't stay any longer. Be happy and live a good life. You might not hear from me for a long time, Liv. It hurts too much."
She gently caressed his face, wiping his tears away, still heedless of her own.
"Steven Michael Sloan, I will always think of you fondly and treasure the memories of what we had, but I will always love you most for what you have given me today by letting me go."
He kissed her hand and walked away without another word. Halfway out of the room, he heard her call his name.
"Steve!"
He froze, and she walked to him. As she came to stand before him, he looked away, closing his eyes and turning his head.
"Please, Liv, I can't," he nearly sobbed.
"I'll keep my promise," she said softly, and stepped aside to let him escape.
"I'll get the mail, Dad. You open up the house and turn everything back on, ok?"
"All right, son."
Steve got the mail and let himself in by the downstairs door to his apartment.
After the wedding and the reception, it had finally hit Steve what he had done. Liv had sent word that he and his guests could stay at her house until they needed to leave for the airport. She and Keith had found other accommodations. While CJ and Dion slept and the rest of his friends and family sat up in the living room worrying, Jack, Jesse, and Amanda sat through that first night with him in the rumpus room while he got quietly loaded on 'cheap' wine from the green racks in the wine cellar. About five in the morning, they finally hauled him up the stairs and poured him into the bed. As much as it hurt, and as drunk as he was, he was still certain he had done the right thing, but it had been terribly difficult to accept.
He spent most of the next day hung over, resting in bed or throwing up in the master bath. One time, when Jesse came to check on him, he found Steve slumped on the floor in front of the toilet, vomiting and laughing. Thinking Steve had finally snapped, Jess was about to go get Mark when Steve grabbed him by the wrist and said, "No. I was just thinking, this is *exactly* how things got started with Liv. It seems I've come full circle. I'm ok, Jess, I just found it amusing."
A few minutes later, Mark and Jack found the two of them, still in the bathroom, laughing and reminiscing about the Christmas party and other amusing moments they had shared with Liv. Suddenly, Steve wiped away tears of laughter and said in a desolate voice, "Let's go home, Dad."
Knowing Steve needed time to adjust before he went back to work, Mark had rented a car at the airport and he and Steve had driven back home, stopping where they felt like it, and even seeing some of the sights in various states they hadn't visited before. They'd stopped and visited Jack on the way, and spent a day skiing.
Now they were home.
As Steve shuffled through the mail, he separated his from his dad's and threw away the junk. Suddenly, he saw a postcard that made him freeze. In the top left corner of the picture were the words, 'We are…' and in the bottom left, he read, '…Penn State.' He stared at the picture, an aerial view of the campus with the stadium overflowing on a game day, for several minutes before he dared turn it over and read it.
Olivia's handwriting was remarkably clear for a doctor's.
*
*
*
My darling Steve,
I am so glad you could be with me today. Some
of my happiest memories are of this place. I hope
to make others with you. I feel blessed that one
of the best parts of my life is with me now as I
revisit the other.
I'll love you forever.
Liv
*
*
*
He sighed and felt sad for a minute as he chewed his lower lip, trying to decide what to do with the postcard. Making a decision, he got up, found an old shoebox, and put in it the post card, a tattered teddy bear, the letter she'd written him when she disappeared for a week in the mountains, his boutonniere from the wedding (which no one knew he'd kept), and a few other items she'd left around his apartment. Then he put the box on a shelf in his closet, promising himself that he'd decide later what to do about it.
He hurriedly went through the rest of the mail, and bounding up the steps to his dad's part of the house, he nearly ran over Mark as he was headed down to check on him.
"Sorry about that, Dad."
"It's ok, Steve. You were down there so long I was starting to get worried."
"Oh. I, uh…I got a postcard from Liv. It was very sweet. She sent it to me the day we visited Penn State."
"I see."
Steve got a glass and drew himself a drink of water from the faucet. Then he went out on the deck. After a few minutes, Mark joined him.
"You ok, son?"
"Yeah, dad. Better every day."
Steve was staring out at the waves, but Mark could tell he was not really seeing them.
"Want to talk?"
Steve was silent a moment longer, then he told his dad about the day he'd discussed his vision of the future with Olivia.
"It was really nothing special, Dad. I just saw us all having a picnic, Jesse and Susan, Amanda and somebody. CJ and Dion were grown. You were there, and there was this redheaded girl walking the beach with a young man. She was your granddaughter. They came over to us and announced their engagement. Then I saw their wedding."
"The girl was your daughter with Olivia." It was not a question.
Closing his eyes, Steve nodded.
"What do you see out there now?"
A slow smile spread across Steve's face.
"Pretty much the same thing. Your granddaughter's still there, but I'm not sure what she looks like anymore; and there's still someone beside me, Dad. I'm not alone. Olivia promised me I'd find *her* someday, and I do believe I will."
Patting his son's back, Mark said, "I'm glad, son. What do you say we go to Antonio's for dinner?"
"Sounds good to me, Dad."
Mark went inside to freshen up a bit before going out, but Steve stayed on the deck, looking out at the ocean.
Closing his eyes, he conjured again his image of the future.
Where the dunes leveled off above the high tide line, was an old man with snowy white hair sitting in a folding chair, a demolished picnic spread out on the blanket at his feet. A group of young people played in the surf, a young woman and her escort, two handsome young black men and their dates, a blonde kid who was considerably younger than the rest. Three couples sat on the edges of the blanket, enjoying one another's company and chattering with the old man. A tall, very elegant black woman sat at the end of the blanket, and a man, obviously her husband put his arm around her. To the old man's left was a small blond guy, just starting to go gray, who was teasing an attractive blonde woman. On the old man's right, was a big guy who looked a lot like the old man. His hair was getting pretty gray, and he was stretched out full length on the blanket. His head rested in a woman's lap.
For one moment, the unknown woman looked directly at Steve and her features resolved into a recognizable face. Smiling, he said, "Don't worry. Whoever you are, wherever you are, you are the love of my life. You were made for me."
Her features blurred and came into focus again briefly.
"I will find you. I promise."